Transcript – Episode 54
[Show music begins]
Eric Scull: This is Episode 54 of Alohomora! for October 26, 2013.
[Show music continues]
Eric: Hello everybody, and welcome to Alohomora! I’m Eric Scull.
Kat Miller: I’m Kat Miller.
Michael Harle: And I’m Michael Harle. And our guest on this episode is Brizzy – Brizzy Voices as you may know her – from YouTube. Hi, Brizzy.
Brizzy Voices: Hey, Michael.
[Brizzy and Michael laugh]
Michael: Thank you for coming on the show. We know you’re a huge Harry Potter fan.
Brizzy: Oh, incredibly huge. I listen to MuggleCast more than any of you know, so…
[Everyone laughs]
Brizzy: Big fan of MuggleNet for quite some time.
Michael: And you’re…
Eric: I wanted to ask Brizzy, is this your real voice?
[Michael laughs]
Brizzy: Umm… you’ll never know. [sings theme song from The Twilight Zone]
Michael: You’ll never know if it’s Brizzy speaking or me.
[Everyone laughs]
Brizzy: Exactly.
Michael: We could be impersonating each other. So, tell us a little about yourself, Brizzy.
Brizzy: Okay. Hi, I’m Brizzy – also known as Brizzy Voices on YouTube. I have a channel mostly focused on doing impressions of cartoon characters or YouTubers. Recently I did Harry Potter characters and a cover of Nightmare Before Christmas – this song “Kidnap the Santa Claus” – on one of my most recent videos. I’m a theater major at NYU, I want to be a voice actor and screen actor, and I used to play Quidditch for NYU. I’ve recently retired, but I still love Quidditch. I am on my way to the Midwestern Regional Championships right now. Yeah, that’s me.
Michael: That’s fantastic.
Kat: Yippee!
Michael: And what House is she? What House are you?
Brizzy: Ravenclaw. Hardcore Ravenclaw.
Kat: Yes!
Brizzy: I’ve been sorted three times on Pottermore into Ravenclaw.
Kat: Yes, yes, yes! I like to hear that. That’s good.
[Brizzy and Michael laugh]
Kat: Two Eagles and two ‘Puffs tonight.
Eric: Oh, yeah!
Kat: Not so bad.
Michael: Wow.
Kat: And I wanted to say it real quick to you, Michael – and for the fans that don’t yet know – welcome. You are now officially a host of Alohomora!
Brizzy: Yay!
Michael: [laughs] Thank you. Yes, I’m very excited. To those of you out there listening, I am so glad to join the show. And to those of you who think I’m annoying, I’m sorry.
[Everyone laughs]
Kat: Oh!
Eric: [imitating Dumbledore from the Goblet of Fire film] Eternal glory awaits you, Michael.
Michael: [laughs] So… but this is… yes, this is very exciting. Kat and the rest of the team had asked if I would join and I was like, “You know, I’m awfully busy,” but at the same time, I can never turn down an opportunity to talk about Harry Potter on a regular basis.
Brizzy: [in a mystic voice] You can make time.
[Michael laughs]
Kat: Exactly. Exactly. So, welcome.
Brizzy: [unintelligible] good Time-Turner.
Kat: Oh, Time-Turner…
Michael: Oh, I wish I had a Time-Turner… oh, God!
Kat: Let’s not get back into Time-Turner rage, okay.
[Brizzy laughs]
Kat: We left that behind us last week.
Brizzy: Moving on…
Kat: Yeah, moving on…
Michael: Moving on, we do want to remind all of our listeners and fans, before you listen to this episode make sure that you have read Chapter 16 of Goblet of Fire, “The Goblet of Fire.”
Kat: The self-titled chapter this week.
Michael: Oh-ho-ho!
Kat: Whoa!
Brizzy: So, obviously the most important.
Kat: Obviously.
Michael: Yeah, don’t skip this one.
Kat: But as usual, before we move on to our chapter for this week, we are going to read some discussion points from our chapter last week. So this one comes from our Audioboo channel, the Owlery, and it comes from Pidwidgeon on the forums. Have a listen.
[Audio]: Hi guys, this is Pigwidgeon from the forums. I want to make a comment about the Imperius Curse and Harry fending off the Imperius Curse in the Defense Against the Dark Arts class. Instead of saying that just because Harry is the hero he’s able to push away the Imperius Curse so quickly, maybe it’s because of the Horcrux of Voldemort inside of him that’s able to push away the Imperius Curse. Because Voldemort is such a powerful wizard that perhaps it was that that pushed it away, not just because Harry is a great wizard. He’s kind of an average wizard for a while. [laughs] So yeah, that’s just what I wanted to say. Not trying to support the whole “Harry can do anything… ” or whatever, but just giving him an excuse. The Horcrux is kind of an excuse for just about anything that he can do, unfortunately. For the most part, he’s still brave and a great Gryffindor and everything, but… yeah. [laughs] Thank you.
Brizzy: I think that would make sense if it were Voldemort who were casting the spell, but since it’s Moody I don’t know if it’s relevant.
Eric: Hmm. Okay, I can see that. Maybe it is though because Voldemort as a master manipulator, master Legilimens or whatever, that any part of him when attacked by the Imperius is like, “Pfff, please! This is ridiculous. Really?”
[Kat laughs]
Brizzy: Yeah, perhaps it is like a curse immunity shot sort of thing. [laughs]
Eric: Yes! Yes.
Kat: Do you think it’s like… because we know that the Horcruxes are really hard to destroy, so do you think it’s a defense mechanism of the Horcrux?
Eric: It could be.
Brizzy: Hmm.
Michael: That could be it.
Eric: I mean, the way that Brizzy just put it, too – the fact that it’s defense for the soul – that is what a Horcrux is anyway.
Kat: Oh, that’s true.
Eric: A curse… it’s against curses and if somebody were to cast the Death Curse on Voldemort’s body, he’d still live and all that stuff. So yeah, it does kind of have a thing against curses, doesn’t it?
Michael: I think it at least… I’m glad somebody thought to explain this, just because when I was reading that segment, I remember thinking, “Gee, he learned this awfully fast… “
[Brizzy, Eric, and Kat laugh]
Michael As compared to Prisoner of Azkaban…
Brizzy: [laughs] That’s true.
Michael: … where it took him forever to learn the Patronus Charm.
Brizzy: Yeah, because that’s a happy thing!
[Brizzy and Eric laugh]
Michael: Yeah! Yeah, right? That should come easier, instead of the first class he’s learning to throw off an Unforgivable Curse, and his head’s just like, “No, no. I don’t want to jump on the desk.” But oh, that was quick! [laughs] Of course he didn’t do it completely successfully – he fractured his kneecap.
[Everyone laughs]
Kat: I know! Poor Harry.
Michael: Just another day at Hogwarts.
Brizzy: It’s okay. It’s the wizarding world. It doesn’t matter.
Michael: It doesn’t matter. [laughs]
Brizzy: Fix it in two seconds.
Eric: It just grows right back.
Kat: That had to hurt, though. Let’s be honest.
Eric: Yeah.
Michael: Reparo your kneecaps.
[Brizzy laughs]
Kat: [laughs] Oh my God. You think they use that in the ‘hood?
[Michael laughs]
Brizzy: That would have been convenient at the Quidditch World Cup.
Kat: Yeah, it would. [laughs] That’s so true.
Brizzy: I broke my collar bone. [laughs] Just to throw that out there.
Kat: For the collarbone, that’s true.
Michael: Oh, wow.
Eric: My gosh.
Kat: Quidditch is rough, folks. It’s rough.
Eric: You have another one, right?
Brizzy: [laughs] I do have another one.
Eric: They do give you two.
[Brizzy and Eric laugh]
Kat: All right, so our next comment here comes from Spectacularly Hypothetical – which is a great name, just for the record.
Michael: Yes, it is.
Brizzy It’s beautiful.
Kat: It says,
“I am a teacher, and one of the biggest challenges is working with pupils with English as an Additional Language (EAL) and making sure that they are comprehending the work as well as the kids with English as their first language. I really LOVE the idea that the Hogwarts teachers have got an extra challenge this year with teaching the bunch of kids who have additional needs. Can you imagine a Potions class with Snape having to contend with the French students?”
Eric: [laughs] I can see a male French Beauxbatons student showing up Snape in cooking or something.
[Brizzy and Eric laugh]
Eric: What’s the non-offensive way of saying this? A very prim cook, chef, getting into it with Snape.
[Brizzy laughs in French accent]
Eric: But maybe that isn’t funny at all.
[Michael laughs sarcastically]
[Brizzy and Kat laugh]
Kat: Ooh. Michael didn’t like it.
[Michael laughs]
Kat: No, I just thought this comment was really funny, because I guess I hadn’t thought about the fact that maybe not all of them speak English.
Michael: Mhm.
Brizzy To be honest, I haven’t even thought about the fact that they would be taking classes there. [laughs] But yeah, they’re there all year. Of course they’re taking classes. [laughs]
Eric: It’s interesting. There’s ten of them, I guess, from each school and they must be educated somehow.
Brizzy: Yeah. I had never put it together.
Michael: Because I had just assumed that they stayed in their… the Beauxbatons stayed in their carriage…
Brizzy: [laughs] Yeah.
Michael: … and the Durmstrangs stayed on the ship and then… yeah.
Brizzy: Maxime teaches and Karkaroff teaches all of their courses.
Michael: [laughs] Yeah. That may be an unreasonable explanation considering that’s one teacher teaching lots of different courses. [laughs] But…
[Everyone laughs]
Brizzy: But they’re headmasters. They know their stuff.
Michael: They know everything.
[Everyone laughs]
Kat: That would be like getting private lessons from Dumbledore.
Brizzy and Michael: Yeah.
Michael: That’s later.
Brizzy: We’re not there. Spoiler alert.
[Michael laughs]
Kat: Different book. Sorry. All right, so our last recap comment today comes from James Healey… and this is a really interesting theory. I want to see what you guys think. He says,
“I was just listening to the latest podcast and had an interesting thought. The four house-elves mentioned seem to fit into the four houses of Hogwarts. I see Dobby as a Gryffindor because of the fact that even though he was in a Slytherin house, he was brave enough to warn Harry about the upcoming threat as well as go against his race. Hokey is obviously Hufflepuff, not only because of being a servant of a Hufflepuff descendant, but is very loyal to her as well (which could be said of most house-elves, but still). Kreacher is definitely a Slytherin, being both in a Slytherin house, but very power hungry and evil and thinking only of himself and the Mudblood cause. He, like Snape, changes at the end of the story, but for the most part is a Slytherin. Winky is the only one I am having a hard time placing in Ravenclaw, but I think the only way would be to say that she was wise enough to be able to hide the secret of the Crouches for so long and try and cover it up to stay loyal to her master (which I know is Hufflepuff, but still. :))”
Brizzy: [laughs] I think the first three obviously make lots of sense, but I think it’s funny that it seems like they… most of them seem to… it makes sense that they’d be sorted into the House of the humans that they’re most… that they get on best terms with.
Kat: That’s true.
Michael: Mhm.
Eric: Yeah. The concept of sorting house-elves, I don’t quite get it. But this email – which James was kind enough to send in – basically speaks for… I think the case is made in it that you’re sorting house-elves based on the families that they lived [with], essentially… or it just so happens to coincide that Kreacher is a Slytherin because he grew up with Slytherins. It’s just that house-elves were raised to share the values that their owners had, be it the Most Noble and Ancient House of Black with the Mudblood craze and all that other stuff, or whether it’s… what was the other example?
Brizzy: Hokey.
Eric: Hokey. I guess you could see Dobby – because he was raised [by] the Malfoys – as being a dissenting factor. But to be honest, Dobby’s uniqueness…
Brizzy: Oh yeah, he’s an oddball in general. That’s a question…
[Michael laughs]
Eric: His uniqueness is brought into question time and time again in the entire series, namely – even in this chapter – by Hagrid…
Brizzy: Yeah.
Eric: … which we’re about to get to. But I think for the most part, it’s just not applicable. You can’t sort a house-elf because we just don’t know enough about them, and we’re always going to end up sorting them with their owners.
Michael: I think…
Eric: Simply because they’re all very loyal, which I guess is a Hufflepuff trait.
Michael: Yeah.
[Brizzy coughs]
Eric: Which is why I liked the email. Maybe it’s to say, “Oh, they’re all Hufflepuff…”
[Brizzy laughs]
Eric: Or maybe another reason you could say that all house-elves are Hufflepuff is because they work near the kitchens.
[Kat and Michael laugh]
Eric: They’re nearest to the Hufflepuff common room, so it’s meant to be.
Brizzy: [laughs] That’s true.
Eric: But I don’t know.
Michael: I think that’s an issue with pretty much any character in the series, though. Really – just like you were saying, Eric – you could say they’re all loyal to their masters, so they’re all Hufflepuffs. But there’s aspects of all of the Houses in a lot of the other characters in the series, too. So I think you could just as easily look at a lot of these other characters and say, “Oh yeah, I think they belong in this House, or this House.” At LeakyCon there was a big discussion in the Hufflepuff panel about what other characters could be Hufflepuffs, and there were a lot of different names that were thrown around.
Eric: I’m sorry I missed that. [laughs]
Brizzy: The thing is, it’s really easy to sort anyone who is a nice person into Hufflepuff. It’s hard to say, “Oh, you couldn’t be a Hufflepuff,” as long as the person is a nice, good friend.
Eric: Then again, think about what Ernie McMillian and they did to Harry in Chamber of Secrets.
Michael: Yeah.
Brizzy: What a sass-pot.
Eric: They were a piece of work, is the only nice…
[Brizzy laughs]
Eric: From one ‘Puff to another, that’s a mean comment.
[Brizzy and Kat laugh]
Michael: Well, yeah, Zachariah Smith in Book 5…
Eric: Oh, jerk face!
Michael: He’s a jerk. Come on, guys.
[Brizzy laughs]
Eric: I have to clarify, Brizzy, I am a Pottermore ‘Puff.
Brizzy: Yes. [laughs] Two ‘Puffs and two Eagles in here.
Kat: That’s right.
Eric: Yes, Eagles. I’m glad you didn’t say Ravens. I heard that WB got it mixed up a long time ago.
Brizzy: Oh, yeah. Sad.
Michael: Even though Eric wears his Gryffindor robes to all the conventions.
[Brizzy laughs]
Eric: I’m wearing… I’m secretly wearing Hufflepuff undies, don’t worry.
[Everyone laughs]
Brizzy: No, I have Gryffindor robes and scarves and ties as well, but I’m hardcore Ravenclaw. [laughs]
Eric: Well, for the longest time you could really only get Gryffindor. In fact, when the theme park [opened]…
Brizzy: Yeah, that’s true.
Michael: Mhm.
Eric: … it was Gryffindor and Slytherin and that was it.
Brizzy: Exactly.
Kat: Which is really, really annoying.
Brizzy: It’s supremely annoying.
Kat: I know.
Eric: Gryffindors are where it’s at, sorry.
Kat: Oh, mmm-mmm. When I went to the Studio Tour, they have a whole wall that has a section for each House, and I bought everything Ravenclaw they had on the shelf.
Brizzy: Ah!
Kat: This is the only place I’ll ever be able to buy it. I’m taking it all home with me!
[Brizzy, Kat, and Michael laugh]
Eric: I think – continuing the discussion on house-elves, too – they’re such a not-free people that we just don’t know them well enough as individuals. This gentlemen, James mentioned the four Houses that we happened to know more than people. But we know far more human characters.
Kat: That’s true.
Eric: Enough to say that they have personalties. House-elves are not free and therefore, they’re not allowed to have personalities.
Kat: Dobby is free!
Brizzy: But for the most part, they enjoy being not free – unless they’re Dobby – so they’re very go-with-the-flow creatures. So pretty much their personalities would go with their owners.
Kat: Still, good theory, James. Good job.
Brizzy: Yeah, really interesting.
Kat: Mhm.
Michael: All right, so now we’re going to move on to the Podcast Question of the Week responses that we got. Our question from the last episode was in that chapter, we saw Durmstrang and Beauxbatons – Beauxbatons? Beauxbatons? Either wayÖ
Brizzy: [in a French accent] “Beauxbatons!”
Michael: [in a French accent] Ö”Beauxbatons” – travel to Hogwarts in their magical transportation. But if the Tournament were held somewhere else, how would Hogwarts travel to the other schools? What would we – we being everybody because everybody reads Harry Potter novels…
Kat: Wizard.
Michael: What would the Hogwarts students do to show off, and what would represent the school as well as an impressive method of transport? So I looked through all the responses on the Alohomora! main site – this is where they all come from – and the winning one, the one that was mentioned the most, was the traditional Hogwarts Express.
Eric: It’s so obvious. It’s so… when this question was asked last week, all of us were speechless!
[Brizzy laughs]
Eric: We were like…
[Brizzy laughs]
Eric: Caleb came up with it. We were like, “This is the most amazing question ever.”
[Brizzy and Michael laugh]
Eric: We have no idea. Would they take Thestrals? Would they… they just don’t travel.
[Brizzy and Michael laugh]
Eric: What do they just… they don’t do it!
Kat: I know. [laughs]
Eric: What would they do?
Michael: They’re so sheltered.
Eric: And to see that…
Michael: Yeah.
Eric: … these answers were collated like this… by the way, nice job, Michael.
Michael: Oh, thank you. [laughs]
Eric: But that “Hogwarts Express” is listed first, I was like, “Oh.”
Kat and Michael: Yeah.
Eric: Right.
Michael: But a lot of the fans tried to come up with some creative ways to get the Hogwarts Express there although some of them explained, like Pig-desk, and this was also suggested by StoneHallows, but Pig-desk said,
“Hogwarts is not about being grand, it’s humble. I do not think Dumbledore would care to make a grand entrance. He would rather have an honest display of his students’ talents to express their prowess and grandness. There is nothing more Hogwarts than the train and no better way to travel with underaged Witches and Wizards than by Portkey, so why not combine the two?”
So they basically suggest… Pig-desk suggested turning the Hogwarts Express into a giant Portkey.
Kat: [laughs] That’s insanity.
Brizzy: At first I thought they were suggesting you take the [Desk!Pig] to the other school.
[Everyone laughs]
Kat: Yes! Yes!
Michael: That was actually… there was a suggestion that did involve pigs.
[Brizzy laughs]
Michael: Cassandra Vablatsky suggested,
“Might it be appropriate to arrive in a coach or chariot pulled by flying hogs?”
[Kat laughs]
Michael: She was inspired by the description of the Hogwarts gates, which are mentioned in Half-Blood Prince…
Eric: Winged boars.
Michael: … as each topped with the winged boar. She also mentioned [that] “dislike or fear of pigs,” as mentioned on Pottermore…
“… was at one time considered to be a sign of Pureblood status, so arriving in a pig-drawn vehicle might conceivably be a way of demonstrating Dumbledore’s rejection of Pureblood ideology.”
Kat: My gosh.
Brizzy: That girl is a Ravenclaw.
[Michael laughs]
Kat: Right!
Brizzy: I can feel it.
Eric: Hey now! Don’t judge.
Michael: I thought that was a pretty cool idea.
Kat: That’s brilliant.
Michael: Some people did point out that that might be cruelty to pigs. To transfigured pigs.
[Everyone laughs]
Michael: So… which we continue to have discussions on.
Eric: What about the flying horses? I mean, come on.
Brizzy: Yeah, true.
Kat: That’s true.
Eric: Are they mistreated?
Michael: No. They get all the mead they want.
[Brizzy and Eric laugh]
Kat: Isn’t it double barrel whiskey or something?
Brizzy: [in a French accent] Single-malt whiskey.
Kat: Single malt.
Eric: Single malt whiskey. Yes.
Michael: Oh.
Eric: [as Madame Maxime] Only the finest, Hagrid. Single-malt.
[Michael laughs]
Kat: [as Madame Maxime] Hagrid.
Michael: [as Madame Maxime] I protest!
[Eric, Kat, and Michael laugh]
Michael: There were a few other mentions of the Hogwarts Express, including Maureen, who mentioned that…
“The Hogwarts Express could travel through the Channel Tunnel from England to France! And Wikipedia says the tunnel opened in 1994… “
[laughs] … so it’s perfect timing for the book.
Kat: Oh my God.
[Brizzy, Eric, and Kat laugh]
Michael: So there’s a way! There’s a way. So…
Eric: In fact, Hogwarts could have created the tunnel.
[Everyone laughs]
Kat: Maybe.
Brizzy: Oh! Plot twist!
Michael: So there were a lot of different ways to get the train there. The second most popular suggestion was actually Thestrals. This was suggested by iProudHufflePuff1, Amanda Curry, and hpfirebolt7, but iProudHufflePuff1 said,
“I think they would rely on Thestrals. Thestrals are already used to pull the carriages. That itself would be flashy enough. You think seeing a carriage being pulled by horses is cool? Imagine a carriage being pulled by nothing.”
I don’t know if the… now I was wondering because the Thestrals… they can fly, but do you think they can carry a carriage and fly? They’re not giant horses. They’re just horses.
Kat: I think they’re pretty magical. I think they could pull that off.
Michael: Do you think they could fly with the carriages?
Kat: Yeah, I think they could pull it off.
Eric: Yeah, they aren’t that giant. Well, it kind of brings into question for me the size of the Beauxbatons carriage because we do learn… it is stated [that] there’s actually only a handful… less than a dozen people from each school at Hogwarts.
Brizzy: Yeah.
Eric: It’s not, by any means, the entire congregation of the school.
Michael: Yeah.
Eric: So the fact that they would need this huge carriage pulled by giant winged horses is kind of excessive, actually.
Brizzy: Well, they’re fancy! They’re French!
Eric: It’s really not green, though.
[Brizzy and Michael laugh]
Eric: The carbon emissions of those horses has just got to be through the roof.
[Brizzy and Kat laugh]
Kat: Oh my God, I don’t want to think about where their emissions go.
Michael: Yeah. That’s horrifying. Well, speaking of giant creatures pulling things along, there’s some…
[Kat laughs]
Eric: Giant footprints!
Michael: Well, because some of our fans suggested, of all things – this was the third most popular idea – dragons.
[Eric and Michael laugh]
Kat: Wow.
Brizzy: Cool.
Michael: This was suggested by both FredWeasleysGhost and Kaitlyn K. Kaitlyn said,
“It seems like every year dragons are mentioned in passing or involved somehow (even in Hogwarts’s Motto), so let’s let them ride dragons!”
[laughs]
Kat: Yay!
[Brizzy laughs]
Kat: Brizzy would like that.
Michael: Of course, a lot of people on the forum were pointing out that that probably would not be legal.
[Brizzy and Michael laugh]
Michael: But it still sounds pretty awesome. A lot of people…
Eric: Well, if one of the… how cool would it… how upstaging would it be for – because the first task is to ride dragons – Hogwarts to have shown up…
Michael: On a dragon.
Brizzy: [laughs] Yeah.
Kat: That would be so awesome.
Brizzy: We’ve got this.
Michael: Ten points.
Kat: Piece of cake. Like a boss.
[Michael laughs]
Eric: Done that, been there, thanks very much.
[Brizzy laughs]
Michael: But there were a lot of other fantastic ideas. Most of them were inspired by the fact that Hagrid works at Hogwarts, so a lot of people thought that creatures – “fantastic creatures,” you might even say – would be involved.
[Kat laughs]
Michael: Let’s see. One of them was – oh! – FeatherSickle7662. This was also suggested by Marge Miller, but I liked what FeatherSickle said about this. She said,
“… I think that a flock of hippogriffs would be used as transportation. We see how proud these animals are, so being used like a form of transportation would be degrading to them. So being able to train them to do this would be extraordinary in itself.”
Brizzy: Whoa, that sounds so mean.
Michael: I know. [laughs] It does have that mean spirit.
Brizzy: Degrade and show our dominance.
Michael: Other suggestions…
Eric: We would end up having to have – what was I going to say? – courtship of the hippogriffs in order…
[Brizzy laughs]
Eric: People would be walking away with – what’s the word? – marriage contracts, so it’s honorable enough for the hippogriffs…
[Brizzy laughs]
Eric: … to take them.
Kat: Right.
Brizzy: Yeah.
[Michael laughs]
Eric: Life partnerships and those sorts of things.
Kat: There’d be a high divorce rate between wizards and hippogriffs.
[Eric laughs]
Michael: There were a lot of other fantastic suggestions, including owl flocks, riding bareback on Acromantulas…
Brizzy: [laughs] Oh, dear.
Michael: … riding on the giant squid. [laughs]
[Brizzy and Kat laugh]
Kat: Oh my God.
Brizzy: Oh my goodness.
Eric: Oh, the squid!
Brizzy: It just bursts out like a whale or a shark in water.
Michael: Of course they’d have to… this is assuming that all the schools have a lake by them.
Kat: Mhm.
Brizzy: Yeah.
Michael: [laughs] That would be unfortunate.
Kat: Right.
Michael: I liked the suggestion that they use the toilet flush system from the Ministry of Magic. [laughs]
Kat: [laughs] Oh my God.
[Eric and Michael laugh]
Eric: That’s the opposite of an answer. Somebody was trolling the forums.
[Brizzy, Kat, and Michael laugh]
Eric: Hogwarts isn’t going to be like, “Surely they have toilets; let’s go via toilet.”
[Brizzy and Kat laugh]
Michael: So yes, there were a lot of fantastic, very creative… which one would you guys take if you had to choose one of these?
Kat: The toilets. I mean, come on.
[Michael laughs]
Kat: No, I… no.
Michael: Oh, yeah.
Eric: I love the idea of an owl flock like maybe in the movie Up with balloons except with owls.
[Kat gasps]
[Brizzy laughs]
Kat: Yes.
Eric: That’s all I can think of.
Brizzy: Oh, but the droppings, though.
Eric: Oh, man, but it… you had to ruin that.
[Brizzy laughs]
Eric: But a turret of Hogwarts that detaches – perhaps it’s the owlery itself – tethered to large owls. [laughs]
Brizzy: That would be beautiful.
Eric: And smelly.
[Brizzy laughs]
Kat: Yes.
Michael: I think I’ll just go…
Kat: All of these options are smelly options.
Michael: Yeah, they are.
[Eric laughs]
Brizzy: It’s because they’re all fantastic beasts.
Kat: Right.
[Michael laughs]
Eric: Yeah, we’ve got Fantastic Beasts on the brain.
Brizzy and Kat: Nice.
Michael: I like, Eric, that you said “Up.” I’ll just take balloons. I’ll just enchant some balloons.
[Brizzy and Eric laugh]
Eric: Yeah. Yeah. Good. Pretty much.
Kat: I mean, you could probably make it to France, but I don’t know if you’d make it to Bulgaria.
[Eric laughs]
Michael: Is there a good grip charm so [that] I don’t let go just spontaneously? [laughs] That would be bad.
Eric: Well, if you are the crËme de la crËme of Hogwarts – so ten students – you pretty much have to be hardened enough to not let go.
[Everyone laughs]
Kat: That’s true.
Eric: That’s part of the training process. “Well, there were thirty of them, you see, but…”
[Brizzy and Kat laugh]
Eric: “… they let go…”
[Michael laughs]
Eric: … or what can we say?
Kat: And that’s right. I keep forgetting that it’s not just one person holding the balloons; it would be twelve people with a huge thing of balloons flocking toward the school. That would be incredible.
[Eric and Michael laugh]
Brizzy: Oh, wait, there’s another thing to consider, though. Remember that Beauxbatons and Durmstrang incorporated where they would sleep into how they transported, so…
Kat: Oh.
Eric: Oh. Okay, so it had to be a form of…
Brizzy: If you use the toilets, where are you going to sleep at night?
[Eric and Michael laugh]
Kat: Hmm. That’s a good point.
[Brizzy laughs]
Michael: So we’ll go with the train. We’ll go with the train.
[Brizzy and Kat laugh]
Kat: Yeah, Hogwarts Express it is!
Eric: Let’s just go with the train! It seems to be the best suited.
Michael: Suddenly that seems like a great idea.
Brizzy: I’ll be snuggling up with hippogriffs.
Eric: That sounds so comfy.
Brizzy: Doesn’t it?
Eric: Yeah.
Kat: Until they bite your face off.
Michael: [laughs] Yeah, right.
Brizzy: Aww.
[Everyone laughs]
Michael: Until their talons scratch you in the middle of the night.
Eric: At least with Thestrals you wouldn’t even see it coming.
[Brizzy and Kat laugh]
Kat: Bada bing.
Michael: Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. Ho.
Kat: We are on it tonight, kids. We are on it tonight.
[Brizzy and Michael laugh]
Eric: Yes, we are. Now, normally we would go to a pre-recorded clip [that] introduces this upcoming chapter of the series, but I have a feeling that with this episode we will not be doing that.
Michael: Oh, why not?
[Brizzy and Kat laugh]
Eric: Because why do it pre-recorded when we can get the real deal live?
Brizzy: Whoa!
[Michael laughs]
Eric: Ladies and gentlemen, Michael and Brizzy present Chapter 16 of Goblet of Fire. Let’s go.
[Sound of snapping]
Brizzy: [as Fleur] Chapter 16.
[Sound of whooshing]
Michael: [as Krum] “The Goblet of Fire.”
Brizzy: [as students] Ooh, ahh. Ooh, ahh.
[Sound of snapping]
Eric: Umm, that was a wonderful way to transition into the sixteenth chapter of this book. Of course, the chapter starts right where the last one left off with Viktor Krum walking up the grounds of Hogwarts, and Ron is just wetting himself with pride and joy…
[Michael laughs]
Eric: … but we’re familiar with Viktor Krum, said to be one of the best Seekers in the world. Hmm, wish that came into play later in the book. So I won’t spend too much time on him – there is plenty much else in this chapter – but essentially the students are all entering the Great Hall, and there is a moment when we’re not sure where they’re going to sit. It’s interesting because Harry… of course Ron wants Viktor to be sitting right by them so [that] he can get maybe his autograph and stuff. In fact, many people have the same thought in their heads. There'[re] these girls who are apparently fighting over lipstick…
[Brizzy laughs]
Eric: … which they want Krum to use to sign their – whatever it is – book.
Kat: Their hat, I think.
Eric: Let’s just say book… oh, hat! Yes.
Kat: Which makes even less sense.
[Eric laughs]
Kat: Right?
Eric: But yes, and so everybody’s scrambling here, and it turns out that the Beauxbatons [students] have made their decision prior to Harry’s arrival in the Great Hall. The Beauxbatons [students] are sitting with Ravenclaw.
[Kat caws]
[Michael laughs]
Eric: Are we meant… do you guys think we’re meant to equate that somehow? You can’t help but to… “Oh, okay. They’re like Ravenclaw.” Right?
Kat: Yeah, I think…
Brizzy: It’s obviously because their uniforms are blue. That’s the only reason.
[Eric and Michael laugh]
Kat: Right.
Eric: It’s the most like home, I guess. Right?
[Brizzy laughs]
Kat: Probably.
Michael: Maybe the Ravenclaws have just the prettiest people in the Great Hall.
Kat: I would have to agree with that.
Brizzy: Obvi.
[Eric and Michael laugh]
Eric: Well, the Ravenclaws are prompt, right? Because they’re obviously early enough for Beauxbatons to sit with them, so…
[Brizzy laughs]
Kat: Right.
Eric: There you go. But the Durmstrang [students] haven’t sat, yet, and they’re still… it’s a very fleeting moment where Ron thinks that Viktor is going to sit with the Gryffindors, and they don’t.
Brizzy: [as Ron] Harry, make room!
Eric: The Durmstrang [students] go and sit with the Slytherins, and Malfoy looks very smug about it.
Michael: Can I just say…
Eric: I’m starting to like these new… I’m starting to like these Bulgarians less and less.
Michael: [laughs] Can I just say [that] when I was reading this, and then when I found out that Brizzy was going to be the guest and is a voice actor, I was just like, “Oh, Ron is behaving like I do. Like I am going to do tonight.”
Eric: That’s the same with me.
[Brizzy laughs]
Michael: Brizzy! Brizzy, be my friend. Brizzy. Come on. Let’s talk about voice acting. Oh my God. This is going to be so much fun.
Brizzy: That’s adorable.
Michael: That’s how I am. Kat can testify to this. Because she commented on it at LeakyCon, but this is how I am around any person with any modicum of fame, so…
[Brizzy laughs]
Michael: I totally understood Ron at this point. I love that we get it all through Harry’s perspective. Harry is just like, “Mhm.” [laughs]
Kat: Would you sleep on a camp bed for these people? Because Ron is willing to.
Michael: Yes.
[Eric laughs]
Kat: Which I think is the best part.
Michael: Yes.
Kat: He’s like, “There’s space!”
Eric: He’s like, “There’s a space in our bedroom, Harry. He can have my bed.”
Kat: Yeah.
[Michael laughs]
Eric: “I’ll just kip a pitch!” Or kip a rug…
Kat: Kip on a camp bed.
Eric: … or whatever he says.
[Michael laughs]
Eric: Oh, gosh. Also, this was the book where Scholastic stopped Americanizing words, so there'[re]…
Kat: Thank God.
Eric: … a few… I don’t know if he says he was going to “pit a kip” or “pick a kit.”
Kat: “Kip on a camp bed.”
Brizzy: Yeah.
Eric: “Kip a,” yeah.
Brizzy: Yeah, “kip on a camp bed” or something.
Eric: He was talking about a cot, so yeah. Ron was willing to go the distance for Krum.
Kat: [sings] I can go the distance.
[Eric laughs]
Kat: Sorry I couldn’t help it. [laughs]
Eric: So speaking of unrequited love… oh, we’ll get to that in a moment.
[Brizzy laughs]
Eric: But there is a few empty… there are vacancies – casual vacancies…
Brizzy: Oh!
[Michael laughs]
Eric: … at the table.
Brizzy: Oh!
Eric: There are four just very casual vacancies.
[Brizzy laughs]
Eric: He notices some vacancies that have befallen the High Table of the Great Hall. Have you guys read that? Okay, anyway…
[Brizzy and Michael laugh]
Brizzy: I have.
Kat: Actually, no.
Eric: They don’t know who’s going to sit in them.
Michael: Yeah. Kat is the weird one.
Eric: The vacancies will be filled very shortly, but first the food. The moment everybody’s waiting for. And the thing of it is [that] this is the first of two feasts that will be taking place because the chapter spans 24 hours. This actually feels like… I wouldn’t say it “feels like,” but you could make the comparison in the aftermath to a season of 24, right? [laughs]
Brizzy: Yeah.
Eric: Every hour counts. It takes place in a 24-hour period, and I can see that it can be maybe translated to a TV show, but it is pretty smooth and without fail, but this is the first of two feasts and so this is the one that people like the most. [laughs] By the time they get to the second one, Harry’s like, “We just ate all of this yesterday.”
Kat: Mhm.
Eric: “Just food, okay, big deal.” But the cool thing and the marking feature of this feast is that it features a larger variety. The house-elves, they must have imported the foreign house-elves for this feast because there are multi-cultured dishes. We’re talking bouillabaisse – I believe that’s not how that’s said.
Kat: No, you said it very great. That’s good.
Michael: That’s right.
Kat: Bouillabaisse. Mhm.
Eric: Oh! Look at that! And a number of just other things that are eaten in the lands in which our foreign visitors who have arrived are familiar with and so I thought that was a nice touch.
Kat: Got it.
Eric: But also, it speaks to the larger international magical community where you’re eating another culture’s food. You should try. In fact, I’m a little disappointed in the trio that they didn’t try a little bit more to try the fish stew, the bouillabaisse. They pretty much dumped it off on Fleur.
Brizzy: Well, Hermione had had it before. She said it was quite good.
Michael: Yeah.
Eric: Oh, there you go!
Michael: Hermione was being all cultured about it.
[Brizzy laughs]
Eric: I stand corrected.
Kat: And you know what, guys? There’s a murder in this scene. There’s a murder.
Eric: A murder?
Kat: Because…
Eric: Oh, I think… yeah.
Kat: … Ron says that he passes on the bouillabaisse and he helps himself to black pudding and you know what black pudding is made with? Pig’s blood. They murdered the Desk!Pig to make the black pudding.
[Brizzy and Eric laugh]
Brizzy: Oh!
Kat: I am so angry at those house-elves.
Eric: There are other desks, Kat. Don’t you worry about the shortage of desks. [laughs]
Brizzy: That you know of.
Eric: There could be more. Maybe it had a family, which is sadder that they killed it. [laughs] Oh, God! But there are other ones. There are little tiny Desk!Pigs now. So Fleur comes over. We don’t know it’s Fleur just yet, but a gorgeous blond with hair down to her waist comes over – I think at this point she’s still wearing her scarf – asks for the bouillabaisse, and Ron loses his voice a little bit. He loses… words stop coming to him and when they do return, he has my favorite line in this chapter. He says, “They just don’t make them like that at Hogwarts.”
Michael: [laughs] Oh! That is so awful.
Eric: Hermione, of course, replies – or no, Harry, actually – I expected Hermione to get offended…
Brizzy Voices: So did I.
Eric: … but, of course, Harry has a retort instead. And this is just goofy. This whole thing is just goofy. Who wants to reply in what Harry said?
Michael: [as Harry] “They make them okay at Hogwarts.”
[Michael and Eric laugh]
Eric: And he says that while he’s looking over at Cho. Okay? Super funny moment. Of course, we aren’t really… it’s not been confirmed yet what we find out later regarding Fleur herself and why she seems to have that effect on men, but Harry is quick to note that it isn’t just Ron. A bunch of other people across the Great Hall, as Fleur returns, they follow her with their eyes. I mentioned before the vacancy in chairs. It is taken up or the chairs are filled by Madame Maxime, Igor Karkaroff, and Barty Crouch Sr., the head of the International Magical Cooperation Department, and Ludo Bagman, the Department of Games and Sports, everybody! Yay!
Michael: Yay!
Brizzy: I have a question. Who do you guys picture Ludo Bagman as? Because I… the only picture I have for him is the image they made for him in the Quidditch game for GameCube.
Michael: That’s the same picture I have. [laughs]
Brizzy: That’s the only one I can imagine.
Eric: Wait, which Quidditch game is this? This is not Quidditch World Cup, is it?
Michael: No, yeah.
Brizzy: I think it’s just Quidditch? Is it called Quidditch World Cup?
Michael: I think so, yeah. He’s in Quidditch World Cup…
Brizzy: Yeah, probably Quidditch World Cup.
Michael: …and he’s got… he looks exactly like how he’s described in the book. He’s very plump and boyish and he’s got short blond hair and he’s wonderfully obnoxious.
Brizzy: Yeah, yellow.
Michael: Yeah, so, and he wears his Wasp uniform still.
Eric: Once everybody is seated, Dumbledore takes the stage. He just stands up…
[Brizzy laughs]
Eric: … and with the assistance of Filch, he reveals the Goblet of Fire, everybody. This is it!
Brizzy: It’s not as grand as in the movie.
Michael: [as Dumbledore] The Chalice of Champions!
[Eric laughs]
Michael: Epic point.
Kat: And it lives in a casket.
Eric: Would you guys remember, I think one of the alternative titles J.K. Rowling revealed was Harry Potter and the Doom Spell Tournament?
Kat: Really?
Eric: Yeah.
Brizzy: [laughs] Confirmed.
Eric: That was one of the old possible names. Doom Spell instead of Triwizard Tournament. I personally think it would of been much cooler…
[Kat laughs]
Eric: … as the Doom Spell, but I, of course, see where she was going with Triwizard.
Michael: Yeah. I would of…
Brizzy: The irony is beautiful.
Michael: Yeah.
[Brizzy laughs]
Kat: It is. It is.
[Eric laughs]
Michael: I would of preferred Triwizard Tournament as the title almost just because…
Eric: To The Goblet of Fire?
Michael: The Goblet of Fire and I know she frequently names the books after the MacGuffin thing that’s just there, like an object or something that doesn’t really…
Eric: Like Order of the Phoenix?
Michael: Yeah, well, The Order of the Phoenix…
Brizzy: [laughs] “And the something of something”.
Michael: Yes, so I…
[Eric laughs]
Michael: Because Chamber of Secrets and Prisoner of Azkaban, those titles are pretty… what’s in the title is pretty important. The rest are objects that happen to be there or organizations in one particular respect. So I… The Goblet of Fire really… and we’re going to talk about it quite a bit in this chapter, I suppose, but The Goblet of Fire…
Eric: Yeah, I mean, being that this is called The Goblet of Fire, I hoped to get more info on what exactly the Goblet is. It’s basically an impartial judge and this is Dumbledore’s summary of it is essentially they’re going to walk up, they are going to have to put their name in – we all know how this works – and basically it will decide who will be the champion from each school, one champion from each participating school. Now, new this year it seems and certainly separate from the Goblet itself, is Dumbledore’s age line, which he introduces. Nobody under 17 may cross the age line and put their name in the Goblet of Fire, it will not work. Don’t try it. So Fred and George, of course, immediately as this is being announced are like, “Hmm, reckon a bit of Aging Potion should take care of that, don’t you, George?” And George is like, “Yeah!” So they resolve to cheat it, all righty, and there will always be those people, but essentially, just everybody is caught in the moment and how glorious this is going to be to witness this. And surprise, there’s only 24 hrs. The next 24 hours, they will be back in the Great Hall and find out who the champions are. How cool is that? The next morning, they rise to find that all of the Durmstrangs have already been in. They’ve entered their names. Everything is good on that front. And Harry, Ron, and Hermione get down to the Entrance Hall. Pretty much the whole castle is up a little bit earlier then they normally would be for a Saturday. And Fred and George… they arrive just in time to see Fred and George whip out an Aging Potion, just a drop will do it because they’re actually… it turns out they’re only a few… is it months? Weeks?
Kat: Months.
Eric: Away from being 17. So they’re very close to 17 as it is. They just made the age cut off, so with an Aging Potion, they take a drop, suddenly they’re 17. We should cross, we should go put our names in. Well, it doesn’t work.
Kat: Michael?
Michael: Hmm?
Eric: Do you think that if you were at Hogwarts…
Michael: If I was at Hogwarts?
Kat: Because I just learned about your birthdays.
Michael: Oh, yes.
[Everyone laughs]
Kat: What… do you think it would work for you? So…
Michael: Ah.
Kat: I don’t know if you want to fill the readers in?
Michael: Oh, yes everybody can know about that. I’m sure the government is watching my Facebook and getting really angry right now. But yes, because I was adopted from India, when my parents came to… when my mother came to get me, I wasn’t old enough to leave the country. So my doctor lied on my birth certificate. So the day that we are recording this, October 24, is my legal birthday, but March 9 is my real birthday.
Brizzy: That’s fascinating!
Michael: [laughs] “That’s great. You should tell that at parties.”
[Everyone laughs]
Michael: Which I do.
Eric: This is a party of sorts.
Michael: This is a party! It’s our little Harry Potter party. [laughs]
Brizzy: Potter party!
Michael: But yes. I don’t know. I mean, I suppose because it’s magic, the magic would probably detect my actual… because the magic seems to detect just inherently what it is about you. So I think it would know that if I tried it on October 24 that that wouldn’t work.
Eric: I don’t know.
Michael: But then I’d just ask Dumbledore and be like, “It’s on my legal documents. Let me…” I wouldn’t… what am I talking about? I’m not going to enter the Triwizard Tournament!
[Kat and Michael laugh]
Brizzy: But what if Fred and George had taken Time-Turners back a few months and then gone?
Michael: Whoa!
Eric: Hmm. That is smart.
Michael: Whoa, step back, step back.
[Brizzy and Michael laugh]
Eric: Well, then they would have aged up properly, wouldn’t they? I don’t know. They’d have fun pulling pranks for three months.
[Brizzy laughs]
Eric: Or whatever it is, but that…
Brizzy: Or maybe it’s based on birthday. I don’t know.
Eric: That is really the question. I’m inclined to think that it’s more like the government.
Brizzy: Yeah.
Eric: That Michael, for instance, would be able to enter because my big question coming out of this chapter – and it’s not so pressing as to be a Podcast Question of the Week – but ultimately, I don’t know why the age line is not fooled by an Aging Potion because…
Michael: Yeah.
Eric: … if an Aging Potion works as advertised, Fred and George actually should be 17 or all of the outward manifestations of 17 that an Aging Potion would cause. I mean, it strikes me as being something that’s irreversible, right? I mean, unless you have a… I guess Shrinking Solutions are what cause the Death Eater to…
Brizzy: They can go in the baby jar, the time jar.
Eric: The baby jar, yeah.
[Michael laughs]
Kat: See, I…
Eric: But ultimately, why doesn’t this work? The age line is somehow more intelligent than it could possibly be. Same with the Goblet almost. The idea that we not only have this impartial judge, it’s a goblet – come on – and it knows your innermost worthiness or worth, but also we have this age line that Dumbledore comes up with and it’s not fooled by Fred and George or a Hufflepuff boy or a Ravenclaw girl who both tried also and got beards because of it.
Kat: I’m assuming that the Aging Potion works like Polyjuice, where it wears off after a while.
Brizzy: Oh.
Eric: But ultimately, why doesn’t it work at the moment where they jump in?
Kat: Because I think it’s just a facade.
Michael: Yeah, I think you’re saying it’s just aesthetic.
Kat: Oh.
Michael: Like if you did use an Aging Potion, quite a…
Brizzy: Put on makeup.
Michael: Yeah. It’s not really… it doesn’t, I suppose, change your genetics?
Brizzy: Yeah. [laughs]
Kat: That’s what I’m saying. Right.
Eric: Well, why does an Aging Potion exist at all? Why does it age you if it doesn’t age you? You know what I’m saying?
Michael: Because then you can walk into a…
Eric: Why aren’t they actually seventeen?
Michael: Because then you can walk into a pub, a wizarding pub, that you’re not allowed to walk into…
[Brizzy laughs]
Michael: … and be like, “I’m 24,” and you look 24 and that’s how it works. That is my lazy explanation for that. [laughs]
Eric: Well, so clearly it doesn’t change time and space to make your birthday earlier or whatever.
Michael: No.
Kat: It does not.
Eric: It’s not your doctor, after all, to make you older.
[Michael laughs]
Eric: But I do think that Fred and George… frankly, I think the Aging Potion should have worked. The fact that Dumbledore was on to them… who’s to say it really would have called their name anyway, if they had entered?
Brizzy: Yeah.
Eric: Come on!
Kat: Yeah, it’s Fred and George, after all.
Michael: I always…
Eric: But it’s humorous.
Michael: See, when I read these parts of the books and that kind of stuff happens, I always just assume that because Dumbledore is all-powerful awesome magic kind of magic, I’m just like, “That’s just because Dumbledore drew a really, really good age line. That was some exceptional chalk he used.” So…
[Brizzy and Michael laugh]
Brizzy: It’s Dumbledore. Short answer. [laughs]
Michael: It’s Dumbledore. That’s Dumbledore!
[Brizzy and Michael laugh]
Eric: Oh, ho, ho!
Michael: Ho, ho, ho!
Brizzy: No, that’s Santa.
Kat: That’s Ludo Bagman.
[Brizzy and Michael laugh]
Eric: Yeah. Well, even though Fred and George are not able to enter, they have a good laugh because Fred and George both spout very white, long beards, but the Gryffindors this years do have somebody to back. It’s Angelina Johnson who comes through the Great Hall!
Brizzy: Woo-hoo!
Eric: And she’s like, “Yeah! My birthday was just a couple of weeks ago! I’m 17 and I’m going to do it!”
[Brizzy laughs]
Eric: And they’re like, “Do it!” And she’s like, “I’m going to do it!” And she puts it in. But yes, Angelina Johnson for Gryffindor, everybody, for Gryffindor. And the Gryffindors are just so happy in this fleeting moment to have somebody to get behind because that looker Cedric Diggory…
Brizzy: Pretty boy.
Eric: … everybody seems to not like him except the Puffs, just saying. So just… we’re nearing the end of the chapter. Essentially, they have the whole day ahead of them. It’s Saturday. The feast is not until this evening. They haven’t been to visit Hagrid yet this whole term. He was beginning to feel like they forgot where he lived.
[Eric and Michael laugh]
Eric: They decide to visit Hagrid. Of course, Ron is very [pronounces apprehen-shish] apprehensive?
[Brizzy laughs]
Michael: That’s not the right word for that.
Eric: But it’s because the Blast-Ended Skrewts and it turns out that they are growing. They’re killing each other and they’re fortunately, off site. How cool is that, right? They can actually visit Hagrid without having to deal with another one of his stupid beasts.
[Kat laughs]
Eric: Really the only thing of note when they visit Hagrid in my estimation is the fact that Hermione was thrilled to go there because she wants to recruit him to spew – or S-P-E-W, sorry. The Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare.
Michael: [as Hermione] That’s correct.
Eric: But Hagrid doesn’t buy it, guys!
Kat: Shuts her down!
Eric: Ooh! Just like that.
Michael: That made me a little sad because Hagrid is usually very supportive of Hermione especially when Ron and Harry are jerks to her.
Kat: But I think sometimes too much so. I think that Hermione needed this, somebody that she trusted, that she knows is… okay, he may be questionable sometimes, but his heart is always in the right place. So, I think this was important for her to be told no in this instance.
Eric: Yeah. I mean, it’s a shame it doesn’t do her more good.
Kat: Exactly.
Eric: But yet again, you have somebody who says… and look, this is not the first time. George, I believe, said this too. He says it’s their nature to serve and it’s not something we can really question. Oh, closed-minded, yes. She’s… I guess, Hermione is a little bit discouraged, but ultimately, he doesn’t buy it and I don’t know. I mean, we’ve talked about elfish welfare before on the show and how we really feel, but that’s how Hagrid feels and he refers to Dobby – Brizzy, just as you did – the odd one of the bunch.
[Brizzy laughs]
Eric: If you give freedom to these elves, there [are] going to be a few who would choose to take it, sure. But the vast majority are simply happy where they are, and would actually be doing a disservice to take them away from what they feel is their life’s calling. Essentially, after Hagrid’s… well, of course, we forgot to mention Hagrid is dressed up very nicely.
[Brizzy and Kat laugh]
Eric: And by nicely I mean not very nicely at all whatsoever. [laughs] This is a mystery that gets wrapped up pretty quickly. Essentially, he is wooing Madame Maxime.
Michael: Yeah, I love…
Brizzy: I like how he just ditches them.
Michael: Yeah, I was going to say he just walked off.
[Eric laughs]
Brizzy: He doesn’t even say bye.
Kat: He’s like, “See ya, but not see ya.” “Sorry, not sorry.”
Michael: [as Hagrid] Go wash my face. Oh! Look at the pretty lady.
[Everyone laughs]
Michael: Just leaves them in his house.
Eric: [singing] Lovely ladies.
Michael: Oho!
Kat: Oh, nice! Good reference.
Michael: You just “Les Mis’d.”
Eric: Once they go up to the castle, Harry and Hermione and – who’s the third guy? – Ron …
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: … close up Hagrid’s hut. They don’t pet Fang goodbye, which… Fang could have walked away by now and totally started a new life.
[Kat laughs]
Eric: Because nobody gives him any love. They go up to the castle, and here’s the interesting thing, again, about the Goblet of Fire having a mind of its own. Dumbledore predicts when the Goblet of Fire is going to be ready.
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: Here’s a quote. He says, “The goblet is ready to make its decision. I estimate that it needs one more minute.”
[Kat laughs]
Eric: That man’s got it down!
Brizzy: It’s a goblet.
Eric: 60 seconds! Is it a bomb? Is there a timer on it when it’s ready to spew out some of these champion names?
Michael: You don’t know. Maybe Dumbledore has a really great relationship with the Goblet of Fire. He goes up close and he’s like, “Are you ready yet?” And the goblet’s like, “I need another minute.” [laughs] And that’s how it goes. You don’t know.
[Dinging sound]
Michael: Oh!
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: That’s a brilliant idea. That’s the brilliant idea sound.
[Kat and Michael laugh]
Eric: It just happens to be a text message received sound that sounds like, “Brilliant idea, Michael!”
Kat: That’s the OGM moment! Ding!
Michael: That was amazing. Gosh.
Eric: I like your idea, actually. I think perhaps the goblet is where Dumbledore sleeps.
[Kat and Michael laugh]
Eric: At night, when it’s not on fire, obviously.
Brizzy: In a casket?
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: Vampire Dumbledore.
Kat: Oh! Too true, too true.
Eric: He’s probably still alive. Although you’ve seen the casket in the movie, that this thing is kept in.
Brizzy: Yeah.
Eric: Much cooler than the gravestone that they have over Dumbledore’s grave in the later movie.
[Brizzy laughs]
Eric: Can we all agree? Let’s all agree.
Kat: I actually kind of like his tomb, but we’ll get there in four years.
Eric: Oh, okay. The Ikea tomb. Kat is a fan.
Brizzy: Oh!
Michael: Oh! [laughs]
Eric: Well, regardless, the champions are named: for Durmstrang, Viktor Krum; for Beauxbatons, Fleur Delacour; and for Hogwarts, Cedric Diggory.
Kat: Whoo!
Michael and Eric: Yay!
Brizzy: Hufflepuffs go crazy.
Michael: [in a high-pitched voice] He’s so pretty!
Brizzy: Everyone else’s just like, “Eh, no.”
Eric: Dumbledore begins his speech about how glorious it is.
Michael: But he can’t get through it because the Beauxbatons girls are crying too loudly.
[Everyone laughs]
Michael: [as a Beauxbatons girl] She’s not even pretty!
Brizzy: [as a Beauxbatons girl] She’s half-Veela. She cheated!
Michael: [as a Beauxbatons girl] It’s not fair!
Eric: Do you think the goblet is affected by Fleur’s charms?
Kat: Ooh! That’s such a good question!
[Michael laughs]
Brizzy: Goblet likes pretty girl.
Eric: It wasn’t meant to be such a good question. I would take it back if I knew how much you were going to praise and give credence to that question.
Kat: That implies that the goblet is male.
Michael: No! No!
Kat: Or is a lesbian and likes girls.
Michael: Yes. Or maybe the goblet is just very open-minded.
[Everyone laughs]
Kat: A swinger.
Eric: It’s a swinger! [laughs]
Michael: Maybe. So with the piece of paper with her name on it, she also plucked one of her hairs and wrapped it up in there.
Kat: Oh my God, she might have.
Eric: She drew a heart. What’s that thing that girls do? Little hearts. Or like an “XOXO” at the end of her name.
Brizzy: XOXO.
Michael: That does… it is somewhat fair to question. As much as Fleur does prove herself later on in the series, she is horrible at this tournament.
Kat: Oh, yeah. True.
Eric: Well, not to prognosticate. She pretty much breaks down and falls out and isn’t really made of the stuff that you think a tournament person should be made of. Yeah, I think it does [unintelligible]. But since we are short on time we should perhaps revisit that later. And except to say there is a fourth champion nobody expects… pfft, yeah, right… the goblet turns red again – after going from blue to red to blue to red to blue to red – turns red and spits out one further name. It is read off as the closing words of this chapter. “Harry Potter.”
Michael: Or… [as Dumbledore in the movie] “Harry Potter… Harry Potter! Harry Potter. Harry Potter. Harry Potter.”
[Everyone laughs]
Brizzy: “I protest! I protest!”
[Everyone laughs]
Kat: Oh my God. I love this.
Michael: [laughs] This is sad. This has to end.
Kat: This episode is everything!
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: That concludes our chapter discussion for Chapter 16. [makes sound effect noises for fireworks]
Michael and Eric: Ooh! Aah!
Brizzy: Yay!
Michael: So for the Podcast Question of the Week, I was pondering how the Goblet of Fire works because it’s a strange little device that we get absolutely no explanation on in the book and, so far, on Pottermore, which I am crossing my fingers that will eventually happen.
Kat: Well, you’re asking the question, so they’ll answer it.
Michael: Yes.
Kat: Brizzy, we’re positive that they listen to the show, because when we ask a question, the next time they release chapters they answer it.
[Brizzy laughs]
Eric: Yes.
Kat: So if you have a question for Jo…
Eric: Let’s always just follow Pottermore. Let’s never get ahead of them.
[Brizzy and Michael laugh]
Michael: So, Pottermore, listen carefully. ‘Cause I got a few questions about the goblet. And Eric, actually your part of the question is tied in with what I was asking, because I was interested in that part as well.
Eric: Okay.
Michael: But the full question for this week: The Goblet of Fire, though seen only briefly, is the plot device that sets the main story in motion, and, of course, is what the book is named after. Based on its description, it’s clearly a very old artifact. So what is the story behind the Goblet of Fire? How was it created? What is the magic that makes it function? And was it always intended to be utilized for the Triwizard Tournament, or did it have other uses before that? Because the tournament is notably called “The Triwizard Tournament,” but the goblet is very easily tricked into spewing out four names, so it clearly doesn’t understand what this tournament is about.
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: You know what? You know what it is?
Brizzy: And picking half-Veela girls who don’t know how to do a tournament.
Eric: Oh, gosh.
Michael: Because it is specifically stated that the goblet was tricked by Harry’s name being put under a fourth school. Which, again, is not a thing that’s really questioned. But…
Brizzy: He was put under Pigfarts.
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: I wanted to ask what the fourth school is. I think we’ll have to ask that as our Podcast Question of the Week when that becomes ready.
Michael: And we also do want to know more about this binding magical contract that the goblet puts you under. It certainly sounds like a bit of Unbreakable Vow-type stuff.
Eric: Yeah.
Michael: But it’s all just instilled into the goblet because then Harry has to enter, otherwise there’s a lot of strong implications that if he doesn’t, he’ll just drop over dead. [laughs]
[Brizzy laughs]
Eric: Yeah. pretty much.
Michael: So yes, please, listeners. Explore the Goblet of Fire first and tell us how you think it works.
Kat: Absolutely. And we want to thank you, Brizzy, again for coming on.
Brizzy: Meow.
Kat: This has been an exceptionally lovely episode.
Brizzy: Oh, it’s been so fun being here. Thank you, thank you so much for having me. I was into podcasts all the time and I’ve never actually recorded a proper one, so this has been amazing.
Kat: Oh, your first!
Brizzy: Yeah.
Eric: Something to add to your voice acting resume.
Kat: Right. Remind our listeners where they can find you on YouTube.
Brizzy: Yes! I’m at youtube.com/brizzy. That’s B-R-I-Z-Z-Y. And I’m on Twitter at @BrizzyVoices. Yeah!
Michael: And I’m sitting here being just like Ron. I’m like, [as Ron] “Brizzy and I, we’re going to do a joint video together! We’re going to do five joint videos together! We’re going to have so much fun because we’re going to be best friends forever!”
Brizzy: Let’s make our very own cartoon!
Michael: Let’s do it! That’s sounds so fun!
Eric: I would watch that cartoon. Did I just say that?
[Brizzy and Michael laugh]
Kat: Yeah, legitimately.
Eric: Although, although my actual favorite voice actor in the whole world – besides you guys – will have to also be on it. You guys need to rope in Clancy Brown.
Brizzy: I’ve totally heard of this person. Who is he?
Michael: Yeah, I’ve never heard.
Eric: He has voiced a ton of stuff. I’m sure…
Brizzy: Oh, he’s Mr. Krabs, isn’t he?
Eric: He’s Mr. Krabs.
Michael: Oh.
Eric: But before he was Mr. Krabs, he was Doctor Neo Cortex in Crash Bandicoot 2: Cortex Strikes Back.
[Brizzy and Michael laugh]
Brizzy: Brilliant. [laughs]
Eric: Yes. Anyway, if you, the listener, would like to be on our show, the way that Brizzy was. Or perhaps in your very own unique and special way, showcasing your unique talent, head over to our website and check out the “Be on the Show” page. That Web address is alohomora.mugglenet.com. Now, there are some requirements. [in Genie’s voice] “Master, there are a few provisos in here. I don’t bring people back from the dead! It’s not pretty picture. I don’t like doing it!”
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: The provisos are to please have appropriate audio equipment before you submit a request to be on the show. Simple microphone, lack of fan background noise, and recording software is necessary. In the meantime, or if you just are more interested in listening, please don’t forget to subscribe to us on iTunes and leave us a review, which is a wonderful way to tell others how you feel about us. And also how great we are because it will encourage others to subscribe and listen as well.
Brizzy: Yay!
Michael: And there’s so many ways to contact us so I’ll have Harry, Ron, and Hermione help me with this. So let’s see that they have to say about this. [as Harry] Well, you could go to Twitter. Our Twittle handle… Twittle handle? Twittle handle! Twittle-little-little-do. Our twittle Twitter handle is @AlohomoraMN. So that’s how you can tweet us with your thoughts. [as Hermione} You can also join us at Facebook at facebook.com/openthedumbledore. Oh, I’ve always wanted to say that!
Brizzy: Oh my God! [laughs]
Michael: [as Ron] And you can call us, we actually have a number on the fellytone. It’s 206-GO-ALBUS! The real number is 206-462-5287. [as Hermione] And we now have Audioboo so you can left us messages directly on alohomora.mugglenet.com, which is the main website, and it could be played on the show just like Pigwidgeon’s message was played tonight. [as Ron] Yeah, it’s pretty weird that my owl can actually call in to the show. [as Hermione] It’s free, Ronald, and all you need is a microphone and an internet connection, but if you’re listening you probably already have one of those.
Kat: Wow, bravo Michael.
[Everyone laughs]
Kat: I’m sorry.
Michael: I’m not showing off at all! [laughs]
Kat: And of course as always, don’t forget to check out our store. Over 75 really awesome products to choose from: T-shirts, tote bags, sweatshirts, super expensive flip-flops but they’re worth it, water bottles, travel mugs, and so much more coming soon. And don’t forget about the ringtones on our site too. They are free. There’s eight of them… six of them… eight of them. Whatever. Download them. They are awesome. We love them.
Eric: Yes, we do. And also there is Alohomora! application! Yay! I suppose we just call it an app. It’s short because it goes on your phone. It is available seemingly worldwide.
[Brizzy laughs]
Eric: We put that at the end of every doc, and I just have to laugh.
[Kat laughs]
Eric: Prices do vary. I believe, correct me if I’m wrong, it’s $1.99 in the US and 1 pound 29 p in Great Britain?
Kat: Uh-huh. That is correct.
Michael: [as Hermione] That means “pence.”
Brizzy: Pence.
Eric: Pence.
Michael: Pants. Ha!
Brizzy: Pants?
Michael: Sounds like pants.
Eric: Pants?
Kat: Pantalons?
Eric: Pantaloons? [laughs]
Kat: Sneakers?
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: Of course our app features transcripts, bloopers, alternate endings, host vlogs, and much more. And all of the information on how to get our app can be found on our website, alohomora.mugglenet.com.
Michael: So with that, I think we’ll wrap up tonight’s show. I am Michael Harle.
[Show music begins]
Eric: I am Eric Scull.
Kat: And I am Kat Miller. Thank you for listening to Episode 54 of Alohomora!
Michael: [as Dumbledore] Open the Dumbledore! Did you put your name in the Goblet of Fire?
[Show music continues]
Kat: Rawr!
[Eric and Kat laugh]
Kat: That’s my Blast-Ended Skrewt. Pow!
Eric: Pow!
Kat: Pow!
Eric: That’s awesome.
[Someone does a strange imitation of a Blast-Ended Skrewt]
[Everyone laughs]
Brizzy: When it’s dying.
Eric: It’s gnawing on Hagrid’s fingers. Some of Hagrid’s fingers are missing. [laughs] Well, not missing.
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: Maybe that explains why his beef casserole sucked.
[Everyone groans]
Eric: Does he need a reason to not be a good cook? Come on.
Kat: The Hagrid. Yuck.
Eric: He’s clumsy in the kitchen. And…
[Prolonged silence]
Eric: I think that sorting as an establishment is kind of a humans only thing.
Brizzy: Excuse me? House-elves are people too.
Michael: [as Hermione] SPEW! SPEW!
Brizzy: [as Hermione] Honestly, Ronald.
[Michael laughs]
Eric: The…
[Sound of a train in the background]
Eric: Pardon me while a train goes by. And apologies to all house-elves out there who may be listening.
[Brizzy and Michael laugh]
Kat: Yes, we don’t want to alienate…
Eric: Come and be in my split house!
Kat: Right.
Michael: [laughs] Come and be a guest on Alohomora!, all you house-elves.
[Brizzy and Michael laugh]
Kat: Oh my God, I would love it.
[Michael laughs]
Eric: Hey, what would a house-elf sound like if he were on the show?
Michael: Brizzy?
[Brizzy and Michael laugh]
Michael: I’ll let the guest go first.
Brizzy: [as Dobby] Dobby, sir. [back to normal voice] Nope, I can’t do Dobby.
[Michael laughs]
Brizzy: I wish Winky [was] in the films. I would love to do her voice.
Michael: Just do what you think Winky would sound like.
Eric: [as Dobby] Please, sir.
Brizzy: [as Winky] Winky. Please, sir. [pretends to sob]
Kat: That sounds like Cho.
[Michael laughs]
Eric: Well, I get a Moaning Myrtle aspect…
Michael: Yeah, I got Moaning Myrtle…
Kat: Oh, yeah.
Brizzy: The crying definitely sounded like Myrtle.
Michael: Moaning Myrtle is on the show. [laughs]
Brizzy: Oh, but she’s drunk, isn’t she?
[Everyone laughs]
Brizzy: In the main scene that we meet her.
Eric: Oh, I need… pardon me. Lubrication.
Michael: Oh my.
Eric: Just a glass of water. Come on.
[Kat and Michael laugh]
Kat: Hey, hey.
Michael: You use that word.
Kat: Yeah, you said it. Yup.
Eric: What else are you going to call it?
Michael: Water.
[Everyone laughs]
