Transcript – Episode 20
[Show music begins]
Noah Fried: This is Episode 20 of Alohomora! for January 13th, 2013.
[Show music continues]
Noah: Everybody, welcome to our first show of 2013. We’re starting Prisoner of Azkaban. I’m Noah Fried.
Kat Miller: I’m Kat Miller.
Caleb Graves: I’m Caleb Graves.
Rosie Morris: And I’m Rosie Morris.
Noah: And guess what? We don’t have any comments from last week because that was our live show and we’re just starting with a new book. So yay, we’ve finished with two books. We’re restarting with the four main hosts on the show.
Caleb: Yeah! I’m really excited about Prisoner of Azkaban.
Rosie: Me too.
Kat: Yeah. Absolutely, me too. Psyched.
Rosie: My favorite book.
Caleb: We just also want to first say a huge thank you to everyone who joined us for our live show recently. It was really awesome – [laughs] so much better than our first live show – and we of course want to send another huge thank you to Warwick Davis for joining us for the movie chat. It was really great having him onboard. Just a quick reminder to everyone out there to download and listen to the live show episode. There’s a lot of great stuff on there, and in the archive section for the podcast on our website there is a chat transcript that we had with Warwick – some of the questions we asked him and his answers. Some really cool questions, so be sure to check it out.
Kat: Including a fun picture that he sent us – kind of just for us – of him sitting at his computer. So, you should check that out.
Caleb: Yeah.
Noah: So, that was definitely Warwick Davis on the call.
Kat: It definitely was.
Noah: Because he showed his proof.
Kat: Yup.
Noah: Great.
[Rosie laughs]
Caleb: Right.
[2013 MuggleNet Fandom Calendar promo begins]
Ron: Hey, Harry. Working on that Potions essay for Monday?
Harry: Uhh, it’s due Friday, Ron.
Ron: What? No, you’re pulling my leg.
Seamus: Hey, Harry. Doing that essay quite early, aren’t you?
Ron: See? It’s not due until next Monday. Right, Seamus?
Seamus: Erm, I thought it wasn’t due until the Monday after next.
Parvati: Well, I already did mine because it’s due Thursday.
Ron: What are you talking about, Parvati?
[Harry, Parvati, Ron, and Seamus argue]
Hermione: What is going on here? I’m trying to do my Charms homework.
Ron: Hermione, when’s that Potions essay due?
[Harry, Parvati, Ron, and Seamus argue]
Hermione: Hold on! Let me check my calendar from MuggleNet. It has all kinds of important dates, such as future conventions, birthdays, and important events in the wizarding world.
Ron: Yeah, but what about homework?
Hermione: Ahh, here we are. Yes, I thought so. That essay is due… tomorrow.
[Harry, Parvati, Ron, and Seamus groan]
Michael: Start 2013 off right with the new MuggleNet Fandom calendar. Each month features photos and drawings from various corners of the Harry Potter fan base, as well as historical dates from all seven Harry Potter novels and Harry Potter birthdays for characters, actors, and your favorite MuggleNet staff members. Visit MuggleNet.com to preview the calendar and get your own copy today.
[2013 MuggleNet Fandom Calendar promo ends]
Noah: Okay, so I have one last question for you all before we embark on the next book.
Kat: Sure.
Noah: Are you ready to open the Dumbledore?
Kat: Yes.
Caleb: I guess so.
[Kat laughs]
Noah: Everybody say it with me. All the fans out there…
Rosie: I’m not going to say that.
Noah: …just get ready.
[Kat and Rosie laugh]
Noah: Get pumped. Okay, without further ado: Prisoner of Azkaban. I’ve got to say, guys, I read the first two chapters. I thought it was okay. I think it’s an okay book, but I don’t know if I want to keep going.
[Rosie laughs]
Caleb: What?
Noah: [laughs] No.
Kat: Psych?
Noah: Psych. In truth, this book is awesome. This is one of my favorite books. Also one of my favorite movies, but we’ll get to that at the end of the reread when we do our live show. But I’d just like to give you guys my first impressions. We’re going to cover the synopsis of the British edition and the American edition, and also look at the book dedication. So, just starting with the synopsis, we have the US synopsis. Let me read it to you.
“For twelve long years, the dread fortress of Azkaban held an infamous prisoner named Sirius Black. Convicted of killing thirteen people with a single curse, he was said to be the heir apparent to the Dark Lord, Voldemort. Now he has escaped, leaving only two clues as to where he might be headed: Harry Potter’s defeat of You-Know-Who was Black’s downfall as well. And the Azkaban guards heard Black muttering in his sleep, ‘He’s at Hogwarts… he’s at Hogwarts.’ Harry Potter isn’t safe, not even within the walls of his magical school, surrounded by his friends. Because on top of it all, there may be a traitor in their midst.”
Wow. So, my first impression of that synopsis is it’s this very epic story with a lot of… maybe it was just my reading voice, but it had a lot of power in it. What do you guys think?
[Kat and Rosie laugh]
Kat: Yeah, it’s totally just your reading voice.
Caleb: I mean, you read…
Kat: Yeah.
Caleb: Yeah.
[Kat and Noah laugh]
Rosie: It’s so much more dramatic than the British synopsis, though.
Noah: Rosie, you should read…
Rosie: It makes it sound a lot more gripping.
Noah: Do you have the British synopsis with you? I think you should read that one.
Rosie: I do. Shall I read it?
Kat: Mhm.
Rosie: Okay.
“Harry Potter, along with his best friends, Ron and Hermione, is about to start his third year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Harry can’t wait to get back to school after the summer holidays (who wouldn’t if they lived with the horrible Dursleys?). But when Harry gets to Hogwarts, the atmosphere is tense. There’s an escaped mass murderer on the loose, and the sinister prison guards of Azkaban have been called to guard the school… A fantastic new story featuring Harry and his friends from the spellbinding JK Rowling.”
And that’s it.
Caleb and Kat: Wow.
[Rosie laughs]
Caleb: That’s so different. [laughs]
Noah: I think those different… well, one of course is from Bloomsbury, the publisher in England, and the other one is from Scholastic. So, this actually again gives us a sort of look into what the different cultures are and what appeals to readers – or children – in the different countries. It seems…
Kat: But I mean…
Noah: …to me that the US one is ridiculously intense and the other one is not.
Kat: Right.
Rosie: I think it’s also a time thing. When was Prisoner of Azkaban released in the US for you guys?
Kat: October 1999.
Rosie: Okay. Well, I think it’s… that was the same year as the UK for the first time I think. You guys had the other books later.
Kat: Right. Right, yup.
Rosie: So, maybe just the hype around the series had gotten a lot bigger by the time you guys were getting the books published. So, that kind of lives up with the blurb on the back, whereas ours it was kind of still slowly building. It was still kind of people who have read the previous books rather than people coming to this one straight away. So, that might explain why there’s a difference.
Noah: That makes all the sense.
Kat: Well, and we know that Jo wrote them both, right? So, I mean, I… didn’t we kind of come to the conclusion last time that Americans need more…
Noah: Wait, did she write them or did a publisher write them?
Kat: No, I think it’s been said that she definitely writes them.
Noah: Ooh, we’ve got to fact-check on that.
[Rosie laughs]
Kat: I think we did for Chamber if I remember correctly.
Noah: Who’s going to be your fact-checker?
Kat: I don’t know. Someone should look it up.
Caleb: Hold on…
Kat: But didn’t we come to the conclusion that Americans need more of a…
Rosie: Need more reason to read. [laughs]
Kat: Yeah, exactly. [laughs] Pretty much.
Noah: We always come to that conclusion, but it’s very disheartening for me, an American reader.
Rosie: Yeah.
Kat: Well, obviously, but the four of us love books, and most of the people I would assume that are listening to this love books and don’t need a reason to read. But the average person who doesn’t probably read all that often would need something like this to pick up a Harry Potter book. Especially if they’ve heard that they’re for kids and they’re an adult.
Noah: Yeah. I just feel like the American synopsis has so much more action to it and that’s what really draws kids – or American kids – more so. And the way the synopsis in England reads is like, this is a work of brilliant fiction, and maybe that brings kids but also brings older generations of people. Maybe they thought that at this point – at least in the United States – older generations of Americans weren’t going to pick up these books. It was going to be just kids.
Kat: Well, and that holds true for the covers as well. I mean, we’ll get to that after we finish the book, but we, again for the last couple of books, have figured out that the American covers give more away, they have to look more epic in order to get people to pick it up.
Noah: Yup.
Rosie: I have to say that the British covers of Prisoner of Azkaban is one of my favorite covers of the series – the back cover especially – which, if you want kind of the drama and the gripping nature of it, we’ve got kind of a…
Noah: It’s Sirius.
Rosie: …creepy black dog looking like The Grim on the back. So, I think that’s intriguing enough to get people to read.
Kat: Right.
Noah: Oh, yeah. All right, and there’s the book dedication at the very beginning which I want to briefly talk about. It is, “To Jill Prewett and Aine [pronounces “kye-lee”] Kiely…” Is that the pronunciation? Rosie, you might know better.
Rosie: I don’t, I’m afraid. I’m guessing [pronounces “kee-lee”] Kiely for the surname, but I don’t know about the first.
Noah: “To Jill Prewett and Aine Kiely, the Godmothers of Swing.” And if you just read that without the information behind it, you probably are a little lost, but you can find that on MuggleNet. And actually, we found that Jill Prewett and Aine Kiely were JK Rowling’s flatmates when she lived in Portugal. They used to visit a club-restaurant called Swing regularly. Because they spent so much time there, Jo called themselves its godmothers. Thank you… and that’s a random fact on MuggleNet that we have.
Kat: Yeah. Where can they find those if someone wanted to read all those?
Noah: They can find those in The Little Things section on MuggleNet, and big things are going to happen to The Little Things when I get my hands on them…
[Kat and Rosie laugh]
Noah: …in a couple of months. [laughs] So…
Caleb: Eww. Noah.
Noah: Whoa. [laughs] Caleb.
Kat: I think he’s been fact-checking.
[Rosie laughs]
Noah: Caleb, have you dug up any facts?
Caleb: No, I can’t find it. Someone else is going to have to.
Kat: Oh.
Noah: Well, if you need facts, head over to MuggleNet’s Little Things section.
[Kat and Rosie laugh]
Kat: Someone…
Caleb: I’ll be sure to do that.
Kat: Yeah, I’m sure someone will write into us and tell us we’re either right or wrong. Per the ushe.
Caleb: Yeah.
Rosie: But going back to the dedication, it’s a really appropriate phrase for this book where we discover Harry’s godfather for the first time. So, here Jo…
Caleb: That’s true.
Rosie: …is thanking godmothers.
Noah: Oh! Excellent connection.
Kat: Oh.
Noah: I was just about to say, can anyone find any connections to swing dance and Prisoner of Azkaban?
[Kat and Rosie laugh]
Caleb: So, do we think this club called Swing is called Swing because there’s a lot of swing dancing, or is there another reason?
Kat: Oh, the other definition of swing.
Noah: You think Jo was a swinger?
[Kat laughs]
Caleb: Oh, no. I wasn’t even going there. You did that, Noah.
Noah: You totally set me up.
[Rosie laughs]
Caleb: Oh, no. I was just thinking… I was more thinking if Jo’s a really good swing dancer or not.
Kat: Oh. That would be a question to ask her when she comes on the show.
Caleb: Right.
Kat: Never, right? [laughs]
Noah: There’s got to be video somewhere.
Kat: [laughs] Maybe.
Noah: Anyway…
[Noah and Rosie laugh]
Kat: Anyway. Yeah.
Noah: That about wraps up my synopsis, but I’m really excited to get into this book because, as Rosie said, it is one of my favorites.
Kat: Yeah.
Caleb: Yup.
Kat: That really psychs me up, that synopsis. Woo! Great. Okay.
[Kat, Noah, and Rosie laugh]
Kat: So, let’s jump right into the chapters this week.
[Prisoner of Azkaban Chapter 1 intro begins]
[Sound of owl hooting]
Michael: Chapter 1: Owl Post.
[Prisoner of Azkaban Chapter 1 intro ends]
Rosie: So, to start off with Owl Post, we’ve obviously discussed owl post so many times throughout all of our episodes, but this is the first time we’ve got a whole chapter named after it. So, yay! [laughs]
Noah: All right.
Rosie: We start off with Harry stuck at the Dursleys almost at midnight trying to do his homework under his blankets in his bed. And it says that Harry really wants to do his homework, which is a little bit strange seeing as when he’s at school he never wants to do his homework. But as soon as you’re away from Hogwarts, obviously the only bit of magic you’re allowed to do is the bits that you’re reading about. So, it makes it a little bit more important, I guess.
Noah: Well, Rosie, how much… do you happen to know how much magic you can actually do with your homework? I’m not… I’m a little fuzzy on that myself.
Rosie: [laughs] I just mean that you’re not allowed to perform any magic.
[Kat laughs]
Rosie: So, to study it you would have to read the books.
Noah: Oh, okay.
Kat: She’s not going to tell us all the secrets of the wizarding world, Noah.
Rosie: Of course not. International Statute of Secrecy, after all.
Noah: She is from England.
Rosie: [laughs] But yeah, anyway, Harry wants to do his homework, so he builds a little blanket fort out of his bedding, which is obviously the best place to study magic.
Kat: Obviously.
[Kat and Rosie laugh]
Rosie: And the essay he’s actually focusing on at the moment is called, “Witch Burning in the 14th Century Was Completely Pointless. Discuss.” And I think it’s quite a nice little bit of contextualization, bringing the Potter world and our world back into kind of synchronicity where he’s looking at our very own history.
Caleb: Yeah, I’ve always thought Jo’s done a really good job of that.
Noah: And the way she…
Kat: Yeah, blending the two worlds. Yeah.
Caleb: Yeah.
Noah: And she’s going to connect to the Egyptian tombs later and talk about the curses on the old tombs and stuff.
Rosie: Yeah.
Caleb: Right.
Rosie: But right now she’s talking about a witch named Wendelin the Weird who was caught forty-seven times during the witch trials and was burned all of these times so that she could enjoy the tickling sensation that she gets when putting a Flame-Freezing Charm.
[Kat laughs]
Noah: Okay.
Rosie: Isn’t that strange?
Noah: She has a problem.
Rosie: Yeah.
Kat: Yeah, she seems a little odd, right?
Caleb: Hey, let’s not judge. We don’t know.
[Noah and Rosie laugh]
Kat: Oh, that’s true. [laughs]
Noah: I’m totally judging her.
Rosie: It just seems a little excessive, you know? Why not just go and stand in your own fire with a Flame-Freezing Charm? Why do you have to get caught all the time?
Kat: And what type of disguises do we think she was using? Was she…
Caleb: So, the disguises…
Kat: Yeah.
Caleb: Well, the disguises are the reason why she wants to get caught so many times. She enjoys being tickled by the fire just as much as dressing up.
Kat: [laughs] Oh, is that what it is?
[Rosie laughs]
Caleb: That’s your answer, Rosie.
Kat: Was she a drag queen?
Rosie: Was she a Metamorphmagus?
Kat: Yeah, that’s I guess more what I was thinking.
[Kat and Rosie laugh]
Noah: Was she burned because she was a drag queen?
Caleb: Because those are the same thing.
[Everyone laughs]
Rosie: Okay, so Harry is doing his homework [laughs] and he’s actually still writing with a quill despite being at home at Privet Drive in a Muggle world. And it just makes me think, why is he still trying to use ink and quill when he could be using a Biro or a fountain pen? Surely it would be easier?
Kat: Yeah, I wondered that too. I wonder if they’re required to use a quill for some silly reason.
Caleb: He just wants to be as close to the setting of Hogwarts as possible.
Kat: But why does Hogwarts use quills?
Rosie: I’m guessing it’s meant to be some kind of mechanical thing is not working with the ink pens, but it’s a bit strange. Quills are so hard to use.
Noah: Well, there’s something special about this quill it seems because, Rosie – at least in my edition – there’s this one line that says, “The quill paused at the top of a likely-looking paragraph.”
[Rosie laughs]
Noah: Isn’t that… so does that mean that the… let’s play the game.
Rosie: I don’t think the quill itself pauses. I think Harry pauses with the quill in his hand. [laughs]
Kat: It is not alive, Noah. Don’t go there.
Noah: [in a dramatic voice] Is it alive?
Caleb: Oh, God.
[Kat laughs]
Noah: Is it alive?
Caleb: Oh, brother.
Rosie: It’s not like a Quick-Quotes Quill. That’s later.
Noah: But it said it paused at the top of a likely-looking paragraph. Did Harry pause that quill, or did it pause in his hand because it knew that that’s what Harry needed for his essay? And is it alive?
Rosie: Do you guys… no, when you’re studying do you…
[Kat laughs]
Rosie: …hold a pen or a pencil and scan the words with your pen and then pause when you get to something that you read that’s interesting?
Noah: I do.
Rosie: Because that’s what he’s doing.
Caleb and Kat: Yeah.
Kat: I mean, I was an art student so I didn’t read books really. But yeah.
[Kat and Rosie laugh]
Noah: All right, so that ends a special featured section that I’ve just created, “Is it alive?” in which…
[Kat and Rosie laugh]
Noah: …I pose, “Is it alive?” and then you guys… we decide, and we’ve decided that it was not.
Rosie: No.
Noah: It was not. That was just a trick of the words.
Kat: Yes.
Caleb: Really glad we were able to work through that.
Kat: Yeah.
Rosie: [laughs] So, a lot of this chapter is actually kind of a recap of stuff that anyone who has read the other Potter books would already know, but if you’re coming to Prisoner of Azkaban for the first time, you get just a little recap of Harry’s past and his history. So, you get a little bit of information about his parents and how he came to be with the Dursleys and the relationship between the two families. And we learned that the Dursleys have actually forbidden him to talk to the neighbors and locked all of his spellbooks and broomsticks and things away in the cupboard under the stairs for the summer holidays. And it just makes me think, Harry really doesn’t like Privet Drive. He has no friends there. Why would he bother trying to talk to the neighbors? Why bother forbidding it?
Kat: Just to make him unhappy?
Rosie: There’s a lot of excessive nature around the Dursleys. They do things they really don’t need to just to make his life unpleasant.
Noah: And they beat him, of course.
Rosie: I really don’t think they do and we will get to that later on…
[Kat laughs]
Rosie: …because there’s a little bit in this chapter that I wanted to point out to you. [laughs]
Kat: But they’re excessive people anyway. I mean, look at all the things that they have, the food that they eat, the way they treat their son… it’s just… that’s part of their personality.
Rosie: That’s true.
Caleb: Yeah.
Rosie: And we see that in great detail now as the Dursleys actually go outside to look at their new company car and talk about it in loud voices so that their neighbors will hear. Meanwhile…
Caleb: These are the people I want to punch whenever I pass.
Kat: Yeah.
Rosie: [laughs] Definitely.
Caleb: Like in everyday life.
Kat: Yeah.
Rosie: Meanwhile, Harry has become a lock-picking extraordinaire.
[Kat laughs]
Rosie: I’m guessing that these are tricks that he’s picked up from the Weasley twins.
Noah: Yes.
Rosie: And he manages to unlock the cupboard under the stairs and get all of his spellbooks that he needs. So…
Kat: But…
Rosie: …you know, who needs Alohomora?
Kat: But when did he practice that?
Rosie: I have no idea.
Kat: That is hard. Picking a lock is hard.
Caleb: Yeah.
Rosie: Especially if it was like a padlock.
Caleb: It’s just sort of like all of a sudden he’s a lock-picking expert. Boom, he’s got his books. Done.
[Rosie laughs]
Kat: Right.
Noah: No, I…
Caleb: It’s a little too quick.
Noah: …do think Fred and George taught him, and he’s probably picked the locks around the Dursley home many times. I mean, how many times have they locked him in a cupboard or just locked food away or something, you know?
Rosie: But that’s the point.
Caleb: Yeah.
Rosie: Because when they did used to lock him in cupboards, he would never be able to get out.
Kat: Right.
Noah: That’s so sad.
Rosie: So, he’s learned things in the last couple of years.
Noah: Not all magic.
Rosie: Hogwarts isn’t just a school for magic.
Caleb: Aww, our little boy is growing up!
Kat: Mhm.
[Noah, Kat, and Rosie laugh]
Caleb: Getting into mischief.
[Noah and Kat laugh]
Rosie: So, next we find out that Harry had actually given Ron and Hermione his phone number when he left Hogwarts this year. So, over the summer Ron has attempted to phone him. Why would Harry ever consider this as a good idea? Because surely he would know that the Dursleys wouldn’t be happy with Harry getting calls from anyone, let alone wizards. And it also kind of…
Noah: He was twelve.
Rosie: …dates the story slightly because now all little kids would have a mobile phone, surely.
Caleb: Would they?
Rosie: Quite a lot of kids – at least in England – at the age of 13 would be getting a mobile themselves.
Caleb: But at this point in the year? Because, what, Harry is 13? So, it’s 1993.
Rosie: Yeah, that’s what I said. It dates the story slightly.
Caleb: Yeah.
[Rosie laughs]
Caleb: Gotcha.
Kat: I just think I wish we had seen this part in the movie, and this was one of the one things that I really wanted to see in the movie. I just think it would have been hilarious.
Rosie: Yeah. It is a shame how much of the interaction with the Dursleys gets cut out throughout the films.
Noah: [as Ron Weasley] “‘IT’S – ME – RON – WEASLEY! I’M – A – FRIEND – OF – HARRY’S – FROM –
SCHOOL!’ [as Vernon Dursley] ‘THERE IS NO HARRY POTTER HERE!’ he roared.” [back to normal voice] That’s Vernon Dursley. It’s great.
[Kat and Rosie laugh]
Kat: Very…
Caleb: I think it’s even more bombastic than that.
Noah: It’s way more bombastic, but I have a slight cough.
Caleb: Yeah.
Noah: I don’t want to get more bombastic. I would…
Rosie: And we don’t want to be shouting at people who are listening to this podcast.
[Kat and Rosie laugh]
Caleb: That’s true.
Noah: Although we do often.
[Kat and Noah laugh]
Kat: Well, they shout back at us, so…
Rosie: That’s true.
[Caleb, Kat, and Rosie laugh]
Rosie: So, we then get the little bit of description that says that the row following this phone call was one of the worst rows ever between Harry and Vernon. But all we see is Vernon yelling, and Harry doesn’t seem too upset afterwards. So, it just makes me point out that if this is one of the worst rows that they’ve ever had, he’s not been beaten! If the worst thing that’s ever happened in this house is Vernon yelling at him after this phone call, then he’s had a better life than you guys seem to think.
Kat: Where does it say that it was one of the worst? Hold on.
Rosie: It’s in the little description after the phone call. Let me find it.
Noah: “The [pronounces “roh”] row that followed had been one of the worst ever.”
Rosie: Yeah. That’s [pronounces “rao”] row, not [pronounces “roh”] row.
Noah: I think it’s [pronounces “roh”] “row,” Rosie. It’s a hard “w.”
[Noah and Rosie laugh]
Noah: But I believe you. [as Vernon Dursley] ““HOW DARE YOU GIVE THIS NUMBER TO PEOPLE LIKE – PEOPLE LIKE YOU!”
Rosie: So yeah, if it was the worst that followed then…
Noah: Yeah.
Rosie: …previous arguments hadn’t been too bad.
Kat: Didn’t we come to the conclusion, though, that Petunia was most likely the one that generally hits Harry? Not Vernon?
Caleb: With her cooking utensils, slapping him with the spatula!
Kat: Exactly.
Noah: I mean, honestly, corporal punishment is all over these chapters.
Caleb: Yeah, it’s…
Noah: The idea that they don’t actually physically abuse him to some degree is ludicrous in my opinion. There is even the line on page 8: “They were Muggles, and they had a very medieval attitude towards magic.” This is after we were talking about medieval people burning witches and wizards. So, the reason that she used that word “medieval” there is because… to illuminate the fact that it’s a violent interaction between them and not only violence as we’ve talked about with many people on the forums. It’s also this psychological torment, in fact, in the sense of them not speaking to Harry at meal times and different things and just completely ignoring him. Which is a different kind of torment which some people on the forums were saying is even worse than actually beating someone.
Kat: Yeah.
Noah: So there. Another thought – this is when Vernon Dursley has the phone – “And he threw the receiver back onto the telephone as if dropping a poisonous spider.” That’s Vernon Dursley talking to Ron. Ron hates spiders.
Caleb: Mmm.
Kat: Oh, good one. Good connection.
Noah: Good connection, Noah.
Kat: Yeah, very good.
Caleb: I almost wonder if Jo doesn’t even realize that she does that because she’s so brilliant that line just came subconsciously…
Kat: Oh…
Caleb: …as she wrote it.
Kat: …probably. Yeah.
Noah: I’m sure because she aligns spiders with Ron at least in terms of his not liking them.
Kat: Right.
Caleb: Yeah.
Noah: Also weasels, of course.
Kat: Right.
Noah: Basically what I was saying was that the idea that on page 8 – connection of… there is one line that says, “They were Muggles, and they had a very medieval attitude towards magic.”
Rosie: Yes.
Noah: And this is… when previously Jo had written about how during medieval times – Harry is writing this essay – witches and wizards were burned, and there’s also corporal punishment throughout these chapters, making me think that…
[Rosie laughs]
Noah: …Harry was beat to some degree. Definitely.
Rosie: That’s not what they mean.
Noah: But then again, was also psychologically damaged.
Rosie: I completely disagree. I think the medieval attitude-ness means that they are afraid of magic, and they think it should be stamped out but not necessarily through violence towards children.
Noah: Well, they do keep saying “squash the magic out of him,” and how do you squash unless you…
Rosie: It’s a metaphor, Noah! [laughs]
Noah: A metaphor. Well, my college taught me to take metaphors literally, so…
[Kat and Rosie laugh]
Caleb: What college do you go to?!
Kat: [laughs] Right.
[Rosie laughs]
Caleb: Please give me the email addresses of your professors.
[Kat laughs]
Noah: No, they’re geniuses. But the idea is that metaphors – even with their wild connections – there is more of a reason for that choice of the metaphor besides the connection. Sure, to get that meaning across, but it also has different effects that go along with it.
Rosie: This is true.
Noah: And those are interesting.
Rosie: But I still think they want to get rid of his magic, not necessarily him. They don’t want to kill their nephew. [laughs]
Noah: I know they don’t want to kill him. They care about him. Or at least Petunia.
Rosie: Yeah. Okay, so we have seen that Harry has now gone five long weeks without any contact with the wizarding world, but luckily he is allowed to let Hedwig out at night for the first time because she has made such a racket being kept in her cage that Vernon has finally allowed her to be flying free like owls normally do at nighttime. And we discover that the time is now one o’clock, which mean that Harry has turned thirteen, and yet again we are seeing him for the first time on his birthday in this book. So warning: Teenage angst imminent. Harry is now a teenager. We get a quick recap of Harry’s appearance – [in which] he has jet black hair, green eyes, all of the usual stuff – before it focuses in on Harry’s scar. And we get a nice little recap of the events of Voldemort’s fall, which are extremely interesting in the context of this book. For the first time, really – because if we’ve had that information before, it’s not really mattered too much within what’s going on at that very moment – but with this book we get a lot more detail about what happened on that night thanks to the story of how Sirius got arrested. So to get that much detail in this tiny little recap, I think, is quite important. What do you guys think?
Noah: Yeah. In general, though, how do these recaps fall on you? Just various sentences. We know the story so well – we read the books – but did you find yourself wanting to skip through, or…
Kat: No, I thought that this one was actually short enough, and it was well written, and it was a good synopsis of what had happened in the first two books. I mean, obviously the major details aren’t there, but it’s enough to get somebody through reading this book knowing very little, so…
Caleb: Yeah, I agree.
Noah: Yeah, I mean there’s some form of recap in every one of the books, I believe.
Kat: Yeah, no, there definitely is, but this is first one that’s been kind of…
Noah: Shortened deeply.
Kat: Yeah.
Caleb: Well yeah, just compared to Chamber. It’s very succinct compared to it.
Kat: Right, exactly.
Noah: Well, then we have the scene with the three owls coming. We have Errol, Hedwig, and an unknown tawny owl. But poor Errol. He has been forced to… he has a large package attached to his little leg, and Hedwig and this unknown owl who are coming to Harry anyway to give him mail – they had to, I guess, rescue him because they were both on either side of him, carrying him, and all that Harry could see was this lopsided thing coming straight from the moon. But my thought is, if you strap a huge package on an owl, do they literally have to take it? Because at least for Errol’s sake, it looks like this package was too much for him, and I just have to call animal abuse on this one.
[Kat laughs]
Noah: Or at least owl abuse.
Kat: Well, that’s his job. I mean, thank goodness that Hedwig and the other tawny owl were there to save him, but that’s his job.
Noah: But my question is, if you’re a bad owl owner and you give this massive package to your owl and just tie it to their leg, do they have to just fly that across?
Kat: Well, how do we know it was a massive package?
Noah: It says that it was too big. Let me show you the line.
Kat: No, it doesn’t.
Noah: It does. “There was a large package tied to its legs.”
Kat: [laughs] Okay. That doesn’t…
Caleb: [laughs] That was so anticlimactic.
Kat: [laughs] Right, that doesn’t say that it was too big or too heavy for Errol.
Noah: “Through the window soared three owls, two of them holding up the third, which appeared to be unconscious. They landed with a soft flump on Harry’s bed, and the middle owl, which was large and gray, keeled right over and lay motionless.”
Caleb: I mean, that happens when Errol tries to stretch his wings.
Kat: [laughs] I know.
Caleb: So…
Rosie: Poor Errol.
Kat: He’s just an old dude. That’s all. It’s cool.
Noah: Yeah, but for whatever… but let’s… do you think that Errol would have been able to make this package trip without the help of the other owls?
Kat: No.
Caleb: No.
Rosie: No.
Noah: What do you think would have happened to Errol if Hedwig and the other owl weren’t coming to rescue him and go to Harry’s place anyway?
[Kat imitates plane crashing sound]
Noah: Errol would have died, Kat. That’s right.
[Kat laughs]
Noah: And that…
Rosie: He might have had to stop a few times, maybe?
Kat: Yeah! That’s it. Maybe…
Caleb: Just imagine him stopping and huffing and puffing for thirty minutes, trying to get it back together.
Kat: Right, right.
[Rosie laughs]
Noah: Well…
Kat: It’s like the post office. He just took his time.
Rosie: Yeah.
Caleb: Yeah.
Noah: He’s unconscious anyway.
Rosie: Especially the English post office. It takes a while.
Noah: Well…
Kat: Oh, the US post office isn’t any better. Trust me.
Caleb: Yeah.
[Kat laughs]
Rosie: That’s all right. [laughs]
Noah: You know what? You guys are making light of a very, very serious issue. So…
Kat: Yes, Noah.
Caleb: Okay.
Noah: …I’m going to hand it off to Rosie again.
Rosie: So, yeah. So, Errol and the owls are delivering Harry’s first ever birthday cards, which struck me as a bit odd because didn’t we see him get some last year even if he never actually got given them because Dobby stole all of his letters the summer before?
Caleb: Yeah.
Rosie: It makes me think, “What has Dobby done with his post?”
Kat: Well, he gave it to him, didn’t he?
Noah: I thought he had, but…
Rosie: That’s what I thought, but if he never got those birthday cards then perhaps not.
Noah: You think Dobby just…
Caleb: I guess maybe it’s just that technically these are his first birthday cards he got on his birthday, correctly.
Noah: Right.
Kat: Yeah.
Rosie: Maybe.
Kat: That’s probably it.
Rosie: Yeah.
Noah: And Dobby just…
Rosie: Otherwise Dobby might have put them in a little Harry Potter shrine.
Caleb: Yeah.
Noah: I was just thinking that. He’s got a little shrine with all of the little correspondences back and forth.
[Rosie laughs]
Kat: Wait, can you imagine he’s got a little altar in his room with a little picture of Harry, and…
Rosie: That’s so sweet. [laughs]
Noah: He’s got the used chewing gum, the hair…
Caleb: Eww!
Noah: …he pulled out of Harry’s head…
Kat: That’s a little crazy.
Rosie: A bit too far.
Kat: Yeah, a little too far, Noah.
[Rosie laughs]
Noah: Too far? Okay. [laughs]
Kat: Per the usual with you. That’s okay.
Noah: All right, well…
Caleb: I know some girls like that. God.
[Noah laughs]
Kat: Eww.
Rosie: That’s creepy.
Noah: Anyway, Rosie, what if… in these sections, I thought each one of them showed a different unique attribute to the owls. I don’t know if you’re already going to talk about this, but these owls have tons of personality, and the tawny owl, we learn, comes from Hogwarts, and it shuffles its feathers with this authority. The exact line is…
Rosie: Yeah.
Noah: …”It ruffled its feathers importantly.” Hedwig gives Harry an affectionate nip, and Errol is unconscious, but it just seems like…
[Kat and Rosie laugh]
Noah: …all of these owls are characters, in a way, as if they’ve almost…
Rosie: Yeah!
Noah: …become humanoid figures because they have…
Rosie: Well, we definitely see that with Harry’s relationship with Hedwig throughout the books. And the movies, in fact. I mean, there’s a line in this chapter that says when Hedwig has been missing for two weeks, I think it is, that she’s the only thing in the house that… only living creature in the house that doesn’t flinch at the sight of him. I mean, these owls are… they have human personalities almost, and they’ve often been called the wisest bird.
Noah: Rosie, though, to your point, how much… do you think it’s just these magical creatures, or do you think all owls in the wizard world, Muggle world, have this ability to connect with wizards and witches, or do you think maybe because Harry is a wizard he’s more sensitive to owls or he can even talk to animals?
Kat: We went over this last time, Noah. Owls are dumb. This… they’re only this brilliant in the wizarding world.
Noah: So…
Rosie: Yeah, in our world, owls and creatures might not be [laughs] as clever as…
Kat: Yeah.
Rosie: …in Harry’s world, but within…
Noah: No, no, of course, of course. Of course owls are… I’m talking about owls in the book, not owls in real life.
Rosie: Yeah. Within the book, we see so many creatures that are given more intelligence than we would necessarily attribute to them within our own world.
Noah: Right.
Rosie: I mean, cats and dogs and all sorts of creatures have these personalities that allow them to become good friends with wizards.
Noah: But my question is, very specifically, is because Harry is magic, does he have some affinity or ability to communicate or… yeah, yeah, to better communicate with animals than a Muggle could in JK [pronounces “Raouling”] Rowling’s universe?
Kat: JK what?
Rosie: Yes, but not…
Noah: JK [pronounces “Rolling”] Rowling’s universe.
[Rosie laughs]
Noah: Just focus on the question, Kat.
[Kat laughs]
Rosie: Yes, but not because of his magic, necessarily. I think the Muggle community within Jo’s world is very introfocused. It doesn’t like to see what’s really there. So it ignores magic, it ignores intelligence in creatures other than humans. Whereas, within the wizarding world, it pays a lot more attention to a lot more of the natural world around it, in a very kind of Pagan way. So it gives more attention to the personalities of individual animals, and therefore we see them more. Does that make sense?
Noah: Yeah, but I wonder if there are certain…
Rosie: He’s not Dr. Dolittle.
Noah: I’m wondering if certain…
Caleb: So you’re saying if I focus on the natural world, I can’t talk to my dog?
Kat: Bummer.
Rosie: I think… well, do you talk to your dog as a normal person anyway?
Caleb: Always. [laughs]
Rosie: Exactly. And your dog kind of responds to you in some way, doesn’t it?
Caleb: Yeah.
Kat: Mhm.
Rosie: I mean, people who have pets build this relationship, and it’s the same way that these wizards do.
Noah: Yeah, but my specific theory that I’m trying to push us [toward] is that if you’re a witch or wizard in this world, you have some innate ability to connect with animals better than everybody else who is not magic. That’s my sense…
Kat: Well, I think she just answered you by saying that yes, the type of magic in Harry’s world is very Pagan-like, and that yes…
Rosie: So yeah, in terms of his magic being connected with the world around it – I mean, we see a lot of water spells, fire spells, elements… it’s a lot… it’s very naturally connected, so we would get that connection, and he does pay more attention to the birds, and he has that closer correspondence with them, so naturally, we get to see more of their personalities. Does that make sense? [laughs] So, we see more of Hedwig’s personality because we see Hedwig more than we do any other owls in the world around us.
Noah: Well, true, true.
[Rosie laughs]
Noah: This is just a complex question. I think I might form it into a Posed Question of the Week. We’ll see.
Rosie: Why don’t you start a discussion on the forums?
Kat: There you go.
Noah: Or I could do that. Yeah.
Rosie: [laughs] So in Harry’s birthday cards, the first one he opens is from Ron and the rest of the Weasleys, and within it he sees that there is a little newspaper cutting which Ron has cut out and sent to him – which is quite sweet – where it shows that the Weasleys have gone to Egypt to see the oldest of the Weasley sons, Bill, who works as a… what is it, a spell breaker?
Kat: Curse-Breaker, I think.
Caleb: Curse-Breaker.
Rosie: Curse-Breaker for Gringotts. And it just… it strikes me that they’ve gone to this trip to Egypt because they’ve won this annual prizegiving from the Ministry, I think it is, where they’ve won seven hundred Galleons, but most of this money is spent on this one holiday.
[Noah laughs]
Rosie: Which [laughs] is brilliant, and I think it’s a really nice thing to do. It brings all the family together. But wouldn’t you want to put some of that money aside to improve your home life or put some money aside for your kids’ futures?
Kat: Well, I’m…
Rosie: Maybe create a little fund to repair all the things that Fred and George break?
Kat: [laughs] I’m wondering what exactly costs money because you can travel…
Caleb: Yeah.
Kat: …for free. Maybe if they bring a tent, then they can sleep for free.
Rosie: That’s true.
Kat: What are they having to pay for?
Caleb: Well, also I think it’s just… I think I understand the parents’ wish to… yeah, they get all this money, and they could set it all to the side, but they probably don’t get the opportunity to do something like this for their kids very often…
Kat: Yeah.
Noah: Right.
Caleb: … and then presented that opportunity to really just enjoy it.
Rosie: And can they actually travel for free? I mean, there are so many of the Weasley kids, five of them currently in Hogwarts, and they’re all underage apart from Percy. None of them have learned how to Apparate yet.
Caleb: Yeah.
Rosie: So…
Caleb: And we know that Floo Powder costs a little bit of money, so at least…
Rosie: Yeah.
Kat: Right, but they can do Side-Along Apparition. I mean, there’s…
Caleb: True.
Rosie: Is that allowed, though, with underage wizards? Other than when Dumbledore takes Harry?
Noah: Ooh, I don’t know.
Kat: Of course it is.
Rosie: Are you sure?
Kat: Yeah. Almost positive.
Caleb: What if countries have regulations about Apparating cross-country borders.
Noah: International borders.
Caleb: Yeah.
Kat: Perhaps. Hmm.
Noah: That’s interesting.
Rosie: There’s so much that we don’t know!
Caleb: Yeah.
[Rosie laughs]
Caleb: But yeah, I think it comes down to the fact that you get this money, you get an opportunity to do something for your kids that you don’t often get to, and they do that. Plus, they still set aside some money at least, too. Ron says that he is going to get a new wand, so…
Kat: Right.
Rosie: Yeah.
Caleb: …they still have some expense money.
Noah: I think they…
Kat: I mean, that’s what I would do.
Rosie: It seems that it’s quite a large amount to spend on one trip.
Noah: It is, but I think they care about family so much that they really wanted to spend the time with Bill. And this was their prime opportunity.
Rosie: That’s true.
Caleb: Yeah.
Noah: I would have used some of that money to put more food on the table, but…
[Rosie laughs]
Noah: …I think they might be okay with food.
Caleb: Right.
Kat: I mean, it is kind of a lot. If you go 700 Galleons, that’s approximately 7,000 US dollars, approximately 3,500 pounds. So…
Noah: A Galleon is a US dollar?
Kat: No, one Galleon…
Noah: One Galleon.
Kat: One Galleon…
Noah: Yes.
Kat: Or 700 Galleons, in other words, is…
Noah: 7,000 dollars.
Kat:. ..7,049 US dollars. Or 3,500 pounds.
Noah: Woah.
Caleb: So, it’s roughly one Galleon to 10 dollars.
Kat: Approximately, yeah. And since the… yeah.
Noah: That was cool.
Rosie: That’s a big exchange rate. [laughs]
Caleb: Yeah.
Kat: Yeah.
Noah: I didn’t know there was an exchange rate.
[Noah and Rosie laugh]
Kat: Of course there is. It’s on the Lexicon, of course. So…
Noah: [laughs] Wow.
Kat: Wait, I wonder… no, they don’t have it.
Rosie: It’s probably changed in the last ten years, you know. [laughs]
Kat: Yeah, probably.
Noah: Yup.
Rosie: It’s probably more like 50 dollars now.
Kat: Oh wow, it’s 48,601 Swedish krona. That’s a lot.
Rosie: Wow.
Noah: Well, now we know.
Caleb: I like that word, krona.
Kat: Yeah. Oh wait, let’s see how many rupees it is. Holy crap, 290,199 rupees. Anyway, sorry.
[Rosie laughs]
Noah: See, we can take the Galleons and change them in India. You’ll be doing fine.
Kat: Yeah.
Noah: If they take them.
Rosie: Proof that we are an international podcast. [laughs]
Kat: That’s right. [laughs]
Rosie: Within Ron’s letter that he sent to Harry, he also reveals that Percy is Head Boy…
Caleb: Ugh.
[Kat laughs]
Rosie: …for the school year approaching and we see a little picture of Percy where he’s wearing a fez – because, you know, fezzes are cool – and his little horn-rimmed glasses, and he’s looking very proud of himself.
Noah: Rosie, what is a fez?
Rosie: And he just… what is a fez?
Noah: Yeah.
Kat: Have you never seen Aladdin?
Noah: I have, yeah.
Caleb: I have because I was Aladdin for Halloween. [laughs]
Rosie: Have you seen Doctor Who? [laughs]
Noah: No. Should I watch that show?
Rosie: Okay. You should watch that show.
Noah: Everyone is telling me to watch that show. Fans of Alohomora!, if you think I should watch this show…
[Rosie laughs]
Noah: …let me know because I will do it. Everyone has been saying…
Kat: The little monkey, what, Apu? Wears a fez.
Caleb: Abu.
Rosie: Yeah. There’s a joke in Doctor Who where the Doctor puts on a fez and his catchphrase is, “Fezzes are cool.”
Noah: Oh, was that the little red hat thing?
Kat: Yes. Mhm.
Rosie: Yeah, that’s a fez.
Noah: Oh, I love that. Okay.
[Kat and Rosie laugh]
Rosie: So, that’s what Percy is wearing in this photo. And Ron has also sent Harry a birthday present, which turns out to be a Sneakoscope, which is a fun little wizard gadget which tells people when something mischievous is going on in the area. And while Bill says it will never work, it’s just a bit of tourist gadgetry, Ron says that Bill didn’t know that Fred and George were putting beetles in his soup at the time, so it’s proof that it works.
Kat: And I love… this… everyone should remember this moment because it comes up later.
Rosie: It does. There’s a lot in this chapter that while it appears kind of introductory and a lot of recapping, there are little details that prove to be extremely important later on.
Kat: Mhm.
Noah: But I have one question for you, Rosie.
Rosie: Yes?
Kat: That’s a surprise.
Noah: Is it alive?
Kat: Oh my God, Noah!
Rosie: [laughs] Is it alive? No, it’s magic.
Kat: Wait, we already finished that special feature. Done.
[Rosie laughs]
Noah: Oh, that special feature just came back in a big way. [laughs]
Rosie: Why does it have to be alive, Noah? Why can’t it be mechanical or magic?
Noah: Oh, I don’t know. I was just asking you. I hadn’t really thought it through.
[Rosie laughs]
Noah: I just wanted to put that question out there.
Kat: Because he’s a Muggle.
[Noah laughs]
Rosie: Anyway, something that is alive is Hedwig, and she…
[Kat laughs]
Noah: [imitating an owl] Caw!
Rosie: …had tracked down… did you like that little segue?
Kat: Caw?
Rosie: She has tracked down Hermione, who is currently on holiday in France with her parents. And Hermione writes in her letter that she was worried that she didn’t know how she was going to send Harry his present until Hedwig turned up, and Hedwig wanted to make sure that Harry got something for his birthday this year, which is just so sweet. Hedwig is like a little mother figure in an owl. It’s really sweet.
Kat: But you know what stood out to me in this is that Hermione says she was worried about how she was going to send it, what if they opened it at customs? And…
Rosie: Yes.
Kat: …this girl, common sense I feel like sometimes totally escapes her.
[Kat and Rosie laugh]
Kat: Like she’s so book-smart that she doesn’t think about the normal solution, like in the first book with the whole fire.
Rosie: Yeah.
Kat: She’s like, “I don’t have any wood.” He’s like, “What?!”
[Rosie laughs]
Kat: So, it’s just another instance of…
Noah: That’s why she’s a Gryffindor and not a Ravenclaw.
Kat: Perhaps, perhaps.
Rosie: Perhaps. But she could have sent it before she went to France so it would never go through customs.
Kat: True.
Rosie: She does actually live in England. [laughs]
Kat: That’s true.
Rosie: There’s a lot of common sense things that she…
Noah: Do you guys think that owls have magical lifting abilities such that they can lift more than their weight? A little bit?
Rosie: I would hope that the wizards that were sending things would be able to put a spell on the item that makes it lighter.
Noah: Oh.
Rosie: Because we’ve seen that spell a couple of times.
Caleb: Yeah.
Noah: That’s so much easier.
Rosie: Yeah. [laughs]
Noah: Or do they enchant the owl with super strength?
Caleb and Kat: No.
Rosie: No. [laughs]
Noah: Okay.
Rosie: I’m guessing it’s harder to enchant an animate object or person or animal than it is to enchant an inanimate object, like a broom care kit, which is what Hermione has given Harry for his birthday.
Caleb: Which is a really cool gift.
Noah: Mhm.
Rosie: It is.
Kat: Totally.
Rosie: I think… especially seeing as Harry was expecting it to be a book. I think it’s quite nice as a little bit of proof that she’s feeling… she’s more relaxed, she’s more… she’s less into the books right now. She’s more into friendship and into Harry’s interests, such as Quidditch.
Kat: Right.
Caleb: Yeah, it is good.
Rosie: And so we go on to see a little bit of a Quidditch recap for all of those who haven’t read the first two books and don’t know what Quidditch is. And then Harry turns to his third present delivered by the third owl, which we know is a Hogwarts owl because it delivered the Hogwarts letter. And Harry tries to open this present which he knows to be from Hagrid, and it turns out to be The Monster Book of Monsters, which I just… I love this idea of a book that bites back.
Kat: [laughs] Yeah, it’s awesome.
[Rosie laughs]
Noah: But, of course, I have one question with that Monster Book of Monsters.
Rosie: Yes, this one is alive.
Noah: Oh, that one is actually alive?
[Rosie laughs]
Noah: Oh, really?
Rosie: In a way.
Kat: Partially, yup.
Noah: Partially alive? [laughs] What?
Rosie: It’s a monster.
Noah: Like Schrödinger’s cat. Schrödinger? Schrödinger’s?
Kat: Schrödinger’s.
Rosie: Schrödinger. [laughs]
Noah: It’s kind of half dead. You don’t really know. Half dead, half alive.
Rosie: Half monster, half book.
Noah: Half deskpig?
Caleb: Ugh.
[Rosie laughs]
Kat: Oh, God.
Rosie: Maybe this is the answer to the deskpig thing. Maybe it’s a book that’s been transfigured into a monster. So, would you eat The Monster Book of Monsters?
[Kat laughs]
Caleb: I mean, I don’t eat monsters or books. So…
Kat: [laughs] Right.
Noah: [laughs] That’s an easier question.
[Kat and Rosie laugh]
Noah: I wouldn’t eat that. Fans, if you’re listening and you would eat The Monster Book of Monsters, please email us.
Kat: Wait, let’s not even go there.
[Noah and Rosie laugh]
Rosie: But I just think it’s a brilliant idea that Hagrid, we later find out, will be a teacher. And just the idea that even his books would try to eat you, is just… it’s brilliant in terms of Hagrid’s character.
Noah: You’ve got to eat it before it eats you.
Rosie: Yeah.
Caleb: What?
Rosie: And I had another point, but I’m going to leave that for a later chapter because we see these books again. And then we turn to the actual Hogwarts letter, which starts off as it has done every single time, by saying what day term starts on and when the train is leaving from Platform Nine and Three-Quarters. And surely they know by now. Why does it have to be in every single letter? [laughs]
Kat: Well, because someone like Hermione with no common sense would forget. [laughs]
Rosie: [laughs] That’s true. She would just think, “Oh, it’s time to go to Hogwarts,” and…
Kat: No, I’m sure that’s not true. But…
[Rosie laughs]
Kat: Who knows.
Noah: Wait, Kat, are you saying…
Rosie: I just thought that maybe it was McGonagall trying to remind them not to be late after last year, when they completely missed the train.
Kat: That’s possible.
Noah: Kat, are you saying Hermione has no common sense? You’ve said this.
Kat: I believe that’s what I’m saying.
Noah: Because I think some fans might take issue with that.
Kat: Let them.
[Caleb laughs]
Kat: Bring ’em on.
Rosie: Let them discuss it in the forums.
Noah: Is that a challenge? Oh. [laughs]
Kat: Yes.
Noah: I believe it is. Okay.
[Kat and Rosie laugh]
Rosie: Included with the Hogwarts letter this year is actually a Hogsmeade permission slip, and we find out that Hogsmeade is the only entirely wizarding village in the whole of Great Britain, and it’s available for third years and above to go and visit during certain weekends during the Hogwarts term. And Harry wonders how he’s ever going to get the Dursleys to sign his permission slip to let him go and see this village, but he decides that it’s 2:00 AM, it’s time for bed, and that for the first time in his life he is a normal boy who is glad that it is his birthday. Aww.
Kat: Does forging not exist in the wizarding world? [laughs]
Rosie: You’d think so, but maybe there’s some magical spell that can see if it’s been forged.
Kat: Oh, that’s probably true. Touché.
Rosie: I’m sure Filch would have some way of detecting it.
Kat: Perhaps.
Rosie: Though not magical, if being Filch.
Kat: Right. That Secrecy Sensor or whatever. That probing thing.
Rosie: Yeah. Probity Po… Probe. [laughs]
Noah: Excuse me?
Rosie: Whatever it was called.
[Everyone laughs]
Caleb: All right, so on that note…
[Everyone laughs]
Caleb: …we’re going to move to…
[Prisoner of Azkaban Chapter 2 intro begins]
[Sounds of popping and Aunt Marge being terrified]
Michael: Chapter 2: Aunt Marge’s Big Mistake.
[Prisoner of Azkaban Chapter 2 intro ends]
Caleb: I noticed that earlier, Kat, you said, “Ahnt.”
Kat: I did.
Caleb: I think it’s because I’m from the south, I say it “Ant.”
Kat: Yeah, it must be. Yeah.
Caleb: But most people say “Ahnt.” I think I’m the weird one with that. Anyway…
[Rosie laughs]
Caleb: So, the chapter starts out with the Dursleys and Harry, eventually, around the kitchen table. And the news report is about someone who has escaped, and we hear the name “Sirius Black.” And we don’t really know that this is going to be anything important to Harry yet. It just sort of seems like a Muggle news story. It’s also interesting because Vernon knows he’s a bad dude because of his messy hair…
Kat: [laughs] Yeah.
Caleb: …which is funny because then he sort of makes a note to look at Harry’s wild hair. So, we get this connection between Sirius and Harry really early on, actually.
Noah: Mhm.
Kat: Yeah, just how bad Vernon thinks Harry is, truly.
Caleb: Right. But Vernon… so the news report finishes up, but Vernon points out that the news reporter doesn’t really give enough information on Black’s escape. And he has a really good point. It doesn’t really talk about where the prisoner escaped from, where he might be, things like that. And it made me wonder, for these wizarding world stories that have to be reported to Muggles because of their nature, is it similar to where they don’t really get all the information that they need? And why is that not further looked into by the Muggles?
Kat: Hmm. Because they don’t care, maybe? I don’t know. That’s tough.
Caleb: I guess that’s what’s so funny, is Vernon does care a lot about this.
Kat: Right.
Caleb: And it makes sense that he would. It’s this escaped convict, and you don’t have any idea where he is or where he escaped from.
Rosie: I would think that they’re trying not to draw attention to it at the same time as actually drawing attention to it.
Caleb: Yeah.
Rosie: So, they’re trying to say it’s all under control and that you don’t need to be afraid by not telling people enough detail to get into panic.
Kat: I mean, I don’t know if that’s how it works in the UK, but in the US we blow it up all over the place and make it twenty times worse than it needs to be.
Caleb: Yeah, and that’s all that’s…
Rosie: Yeah.
Caleb: …talked about for a week.
Kat: Right. So…
Rosie: We don’t tend to do that, especially seeing as… we don’t have the same kind of… I don’t want to say like vigilante culture, almost. You guys, your whole gun law thing, is so that you can protect yourselves…
Kat: Right.
Rosie: …whereas we’re happy to let others protect us. [laughs]
Kat: Yeah.
Rosie: That’s what we have our police force for.
Caleb: [laughs] Oh, yeah.
Rosie: We don’t think that we need to be protecting ourselves in the same kind of way.
Caleb: Right. Vernon also brings up his proclivity for the death penalty.
Noah: Yeah.
Caleb: He thinks that people like this Black character should be hanged, which is really interesting. It makes me think about his certain violent nature.
Noah: Caleb, I don’t know about you, but I found this chapter intensely political with all of its different views from Marge and from Vernon.
Caleb: Mhm. Yeah, definitely. There’s a lot of woven in…
Noah: They even get into… what about when they get into unemployment, too?
Caleb: Yeah, that comes out a little later.
Kat: What exactly… I don’t know the history of the death penalty in the UK… I mean, we don’t have to go into detail about it, but what is the history with that over there?
Rosie: As far as I know, it was ruled out a lot earlier than a lot of other places. I don’t know a lot of it myself, unfortunately, but…
Caleb: But it is illegal… not illegal.
Rosie: Yeah.
Caleb: It’s outlawed across the UK, right?
Rosie: Yeah, yeah. It doesn’t happen here at all.
Caleb: Yeah, because in certain states in the US it still does.
Rosie: Wow, okay.
Kat: Right, different methods are allowed in different states.
Caleb: Right.
Rosie: Yeah, that’s not allowed here at all. [laughs]
Noah: Were you guys surprised when Vernon talked about it? That he thinks this? And do you think it reveals anything about his character?
Rosie: I think it’s another example of Vernon saying something that he wouldn’t necessarily support if it actually came to it.
Kat: Yeah.
Rosie: It’s easy to talk about something that’s not connected to you…
Caleb: Yeah.
Rosie: …but if it actually happened within a close circle to Vernon, I don’t think he would ever agree with the death penalty.
Caleb: Yeah, it does seem very hollow when he says it. So…
Rosie: Yeah, it’s just one of those things that you say.
Kat: It is a little bit deep for this book, though. It’s a little…
Caleb: Mhm.
Kat: I was surprised. I remember being like, whoa.
Caleb: Yeah.
Noah: A little Casual Vacancy.
Rosie: But this is the first book that does start to turn a bit darker.
Kat: That’s true.
Rosie: I mean, the whole of the idea of Azkaban and the prison which is guarded by your fears, it’s horrific.
Kat: Right.
Noah: Torture.
Rosie: It’s worse than the death penalty.
Noah: Yeah. I mean, in a way, the death penalty parallels the Dementor’s Kiss in the wizarding world.
Rosie: Yeah.
Kat: In a way, yeah.
Noah: So, lots of politics in this book. We’ll definitely bring it up again, I’m sure.
Kat: Mhm.
Caleb: Yeah.
Rosie: Definitely.
Caleb: And then Vernon mentions that his sister, Marge, is coming to visit, and Harry is obviously very bummed about this because he’s not a big fan of Marge. And he recollects some of the experiences with Marge, and the one that stood out to me the most was her dog – one of her bulldogs – chasing Harry up a tree, and he stayed there past midnight, which is when Marge decided to finally call the dog off. I think this is pretty messed up. I didn’t ever really paid much attention to this, but the fact that Marge and the Dursleys were willing to make Harry stay up in a tree past midnight because of a dog is pretty outlandish actually. Also, how did the neighbors not notice?
Kat: Yeah.
Noah: That’s true.
Kat: It’s definitely a form of abuse.
Noah: What did you say, Kat? [laughs]
Caleb: Yeah, for me that’s even…
[Rosie laughs]
Caleb: This actually is…
Rosie: This is the one example of, yeah…
[Kat laughs]
Caleb: This does make me think more and more…
Rosie: But this is Marge rather than the Dursleys.
Caleb: This does make me think more and more that he is subject to some forms of abuse.
Kat: Absolutely, if not physical. I mean, although, I agree that he is physically abused. Definitely mentally and emotionally and psychologically. Absolutely.
Caleb: Mhm.
Noah: Yes. I mean, that’s terrible. I’m just saying that for me…
Kat: I was on your side all along, buddy.
Noah: All right. [laughs]
Rosie: I think this is one example of this kind of abuse, yes. Definitely I would agree that this is abuse. But I do want to point out that this is Marge rather than the Dursleys themselves. Even if they don’t do anything, and it’s the dog. Yeah, it’s a horrible situation. Poor Harry.
Kat: Well, they are still… I mean, they are still his guardians and they…
Rosie: Yeah, they should care about him more than they do. But I don’t think they would…
Kat: Right.
Rosie: …personally do something like this if Marge hadn’t…
Kat: Well, they wouldn’t stand up to Marge about it either, so…
Rosie: No.
Kat: Because they are wussies.
Noah: Even with all my bullying and beating talk, I still pictured in my head that they would be looking off in the sidelines thinking that this was a little much. This was a little too much.
Caleb: Probably.
Rosie: Yeah.
Caleb: Yeah.
Rosie: But they’re too busy watching six o’clock news or something.
Kat: Yeah. [laughs]
Caleb: Then it mentions that Dudley…
[Kat laughs]
Caleb: …has suddenly gotten a new bow tie, bringing shame to men’s fashion worldwide.
Rosie: Bow ties are cool!
[Kat laughs]
Caleb: No, I agree. And the fact that Dudley is the one sporting it ruins men’s fashion.
Kat: I don’t think you can see it under his chins though, so it’s okay.
Noah: His five chins.
Rosie: That’s true. [laughs]
Caleb: Yeah.
Kat: Does it say five?
Noah: It says five twice. I counted.
Caleb: Wow.
Kat: Oh.
Caleb: He’s catching up with Vernon.
[Kat laughs]
Caleb: So, Harry brings back in the Hogsmeade permission slip. He gets the idea to sort of blackmail Vernon into signing the form, threatening that if Vernon does not sign it he will spill all about Hogwarts and go all out when Marge comes. And there’s this little battle between he and Vernon for a little bit. But Vernon eventually sort of goes back and says that he will not sign it until after if Harry is, quote, “good.” And, of course, readers are just knowing that this is not going to end well because for some reason these things always go wrong for Harry.
Kat: Yeah, but good for him for finally having some cojones and standing up to the guy.
Caleb: Right.
Rosie: Yeah, he tried.
Caleb: That’s true. He does seem much more defiant all of a sudden…
Kat: Mhm.
Caleb: …in this conversation that carries out through this chapter, especially at the end.
Kat: It’s the confidence, I think.
Rosie: Because he’s a teenager now! He’s thirteen. [laughs]
Caleb: Just now, though. It’s his birthday today. [laughs]
Rosie: [laughs] Exactly.
Kat: Right. And wait, I wanted to bring this up earlier but didn’t get a chance – do we know when Harry was born? Because I love the line says he’d been…
Caleb: July 31st, 1980?
Kat: No, I know. Like the time. Because…
Caleb: Oh.
Kat: …he says that he’s been thirteen for an hour and it’s one o’clock in the morning.
Rosie: Oh, yeah.
Caleb: Oh.
Kat: Obviously he wasn’t born at midnight, so I just…
Caleb: Oh, yeah. No, we…
Rosie: But it’s the day.
Caleb: Yeah.
Rosie: It’s his birthday.
Kat: I’m a stickler for that stuff. What can I say?
[Rosie laughs]
Noah: He might have been born at midnight.
Kat: Maybe.
Caleb: We never know, yeah.
Noah: He probably doesn’t know though because for eleven years of his life, he didn’t even know how his parents died. So, he probably doesn’t know…
Rosie: That’s true.
Kat: True, true.
Caleb: Yeah.
Noah: …what time he was born.
Caleb: I mean, Vernon and Petunia probably don’t know either. So…
Kat: That’s true.
Noah: They probably wouldn’t want to know.
Kat: It’s one of those lost tidbits.
Caleb: Yeah. So, Harry decides to go off on this plan. He’s going to be good for the week that Marge is here so he can get that permission slip. It’s the only thing in his mind. He knows that he needs to sort of get rid of Hedwig because of the distractions she may cause and attention she may call to herself and Harry being weird, so Harry sends off Hedwig with Errol off to Ron’s. And it made me kind of think, by this point are Hedwig and Errol BFFs?
[Kat laughs]
Caleb: They are spending a lot of time together. I mean, Hedwig makes sure Errol makes it along okay. And I kind of like to think that they are just BFFs always.
[Kat laughs]
Noah: Wait, is Errol a guy owl?
Kat: Yes.
Caleb: Yeah.
Rosie: Yes.
Caleb: But there’s too big of an age difference for that, Noah.
Kat: Yeah.
[Rosie laughs]
Noah: Are you sure?
Kat: I was going to say, they are not together.
Caleb: Yeah, they’re just…
Noah: Are you sure?
Kat: I am sure.
Caleb: Yes, I am sure.
Noah: I don’t know about that.
Caleb: When I talked to Errol last week, he told me that that was not going on.
[Kat and Rosie laugh]
Kat: And that he missed Hedwig very much, right?
Caleb: He does. It was a really hard subject, actually.
Kat: Yeah.
Noah: Guys, I don’t know about this. I think there might be something going on here.
Kat: Doubtful.
Noah: If I see more hints of it in the series, I’m going to bring it up.
Kat: Okay, you do that. You keep an eye on that.
Noah: All right.
Kat: That is your mission.
Noah: Oh, that’s the best mission ever.
Kat: Yeah.
Caleb: Yeah.
[Rosie laughs]
Caleb: So, Marge finally shows up and from the description we suddenly realize that Marge is Vernon’s twin sister/brother.
[Kat and Noah laugh]
Caleb: And I say brother because of the description, and I’m going to try to find this…
Kat: I’ve got it. It says: “She was very like Uncle Vernon: large, beefy, and purple-faced. She even had a moustache, though not as bushy as his. In one hand she held an enormous suitcase, and tucked under the other was an old and evil-tempered bulldog.”
Caleb: Yes, that.
Kat: Yeah, the moustache part.
Caleb: Yes.
Noah: I know we talked about the description so much, but again, what’s up with all these ugly, terrible, gross, huge, masculine, whatever characters? Now, look here. She makes… Jo makes Aunt Marge a kind of masculine figure with the bigness and the moustache, and then makes her evil. As if saying cross-gendered people or characters are bad again. She did it with Lockhart and now she’s doing it with Marge.
Caleb: I don’t think that’s it.
Kat: No.
Rosie: No, Noah.
Caleb: I think that is showing that Marge is more of a… I mean, she is playing somewhat on gender stereotypes and that the more masculine, more aggressive…
Kat: Right.
Caleb: …personality because she certainly is more so than definitely Petunia and even Vernon.
Kat: Right.
Rosie: She is playing into a big role in a lot of children’s literature books in the UK. You guys have Roald Dahl over there, yeah?
Kat: Mhm.
Caleb: Yeah.
Noah: Yeah.
Rosie: You have The Witches and The Twits and all of that.
Caleb: Right.
Rosie: So if you think about all of the horrible villains in Roald Dahl, you’ve got Mrs. Twit, you’ve got the head witch of The Witches, you’ve got Mrs. Trunchbull in Matilda…
Noah: Yeah.
Rosie: …and Aunt Marge is definitely that kind of character. She is that kind of grotesque family member who you just hate because she’s always going to be the one that is either big, sloppy kiss on the cheek or just completely kind of rips you down every single time you see her.
Kat: Right.
Rosie: It’s playing into that big kind of difference between how you see the world as a kid.
Noah: But Rosie, doesn’t that all speak to a larger institution at work that’s saying, if you are a girl and you want to be liked and you want to be good, you should be pretty?
Kat: No.
Rosie: Not necessarily.
Caleb: No, because Petunia is more petite, feminine, and she is not.
Noah: She also has a horse face, Caleb.
Rosie: Hermione is never described as pretty before the fourth book, as far as I’m aware. She is described as fairly ugly, she has got big bushy hair that is uncontrollable…
Kat: Mhm.
Caleb: Yeah.
Rosie: And yet, she is a character to like.
Noah: Right, I’m just noting a pattern of different characters that we… that Jo definitely wants us to see in a negative light, and she also adds a gender stereotype of some kind to these characters of the reverse gender that is all…
Rosie: Okay, then Umbridge. Later on, we see a very, very feminine evil character who is female and she wears pink all the time and she…
Kat: But pink is evil.
Rosie: …has a wall decorated in cats.
Noah: All right, that is good. That is a very good point with Umbridge.
Kat: See, I think what makes her evil out of the description is the fact that she’s immediately aligned with Uncle Vernon.
Caleb: Hmm.
Rosie: Yeah.
Kat: I don’t think it has anything to do with her sex. I think it has to do with the fact that she looks just like Uncle Vernon, and therefore we equate the two, and she is evil.
Rosie: They are as bad as each other, yeah.
Kat: Exactly.
Caleb: Yeah.
Noah: That’s true that it also has that effect.
Rosie: Except Marge is worse.
Caleb: I also just realized that, in a way, Marge sort of reminds me of Madame Defarge from A Tale of Two Cities.
Kat: Mmm. Yeah, I see that.
Caleb: But that’s just… I love that book and it just made me think of it. Also, kind of in that line of characters that Rosie was describing.
Kat: Right.
Rosie: Yeah. She’s definitely a grotesque caricature character.
Caleb: Right. So, when they’re sitting down for tea – I really love this part – Vernon asks Marge what the dog will take and she just says the dog will take some tea out of her saucer, and whenever the dog does start slurping up the tea and it starts to get on the floor, you see Petunia react to it, not very happy and it describes that Petunia is not a fan of Marge’s dogs – well, she doesn’t like pets in general – and it makes me kind of wonder if, maybe, Petunia and Vernon actually have some arguments behind the scenes about something like this, like Marge coming over and her dogs all over the place.
Rosie: Oh, definitely. I don’t think Petunia would approve of Marge at all.
Caleb: Yeah.
Rosie: She is really… she is not of Petunia’s standards.
Caleb: But does she just sort of stand it, or does she actually argue with Vernon about it?
Rosie: She’d probably put little digs in after Marge has disappeared.
Kat: Yeah, she seems very much like the passive-aggressive type.
Caleb and Rosie: Yeah.
Noah: Also, throughout all this she’s probably… doesn’t she of all of them care a little bit more about Harry? And is probably silent to a lot of the stuff that Marge is doing, but is also probably caring in the smallest part, a little bit?
Caleb: Yeah, I mean, she deals with a lot of turmoil. I mean, she has Vernon and she’s also… she has to feel some sort of something for Harry, but she’s also still very bitter about everything that Lily got that she did not. So…
Kat: Right.
Rosie: Mhm.
Caleb: She has a lot to deal with. She needs some counseling. But Marge goes on and on about how generous the Dursleys were for taking Harry in and how she personally would have just dumped Harry at an orphanage. I’m just wondering, by describing this, does she actually manage to make Petunia and Vernon seem caring because they actually did take Harry in?
Rosie: Yes.
Caleb: Or is it just because Marge gets the benefit of not being blood related to him and so she can say that as she’s far removed?
Rosie: No, Marge is worse than Petunia and Vernon. They are more caring than she is, definitely.
Caleb and Kat: Yeah.
Caleb: Even though Vernon beats Harry.
[Noah laughs]
Rosie: Which he doesn’t do!
[Caleb laughs]
Noah: He totally does.
Kat: No, Petunia does.
Caleb: But that’s actually a transition… that takes us to the next point because Marge asks about St. Brutus’s, the school that they are telling Marge that Harry is actually attending. And she brings up the topic of whether or not they use the cane at St. Brutus’s, and Harry’s like, “Oh, yeah. They use it a lot.”
Rosie: All the time. [laughs]
Kat: Loads of times.
Caleb: All the time. So…
Noah: Well, that’s in the movie. That’s in the movie canon, guys…
Rosie: Yeah.
Noah: …but in the book it’s totally different. He actually says…
Caleb: No.
Kat: No, it’s not.
Caleb: It’s in the book too.
Rosie: “Loads of times.”
Caleb: It’s in the book.
Noah: Not in my version. Let me…
Caleb: Did you rewrite it?
Rosie: I think Noah is trying to say that in the book he says, “Loads of times,” instead of, “All the time.”
Caleb: Oh, well that’s the same thing.
Kat: No, he says, “Loads of times,” in the movie. He goes, “Oh, yeah, loads of times.”
Noah: He says, “Loads of times,” in the movie.
Rosie: Oh, okay. Well, yeah, that’s exactly in the book then.
Noah: He says… listen to this, guys: “Uncle Vernon nodded curtly behind Aunt Marge’s back. ‘Yes,’ said Harry. Then, feeling he might as well do the thing properly, he added, ‘All the time.'”
So, it’s not as funny as in the movie and…
Caleb: Okay, but the point is…
Kat: Okay, and then two paragraphs later, Noah, why don’t you read that?
[Caleb laughs]
Rosie: “‘Have you been beaten often?’ ‘Oh, yeah, loads of times.'”
Noah: Oh.
Caleb: The point I was trying to make was that…
[Everyone laughs]
Caleb: …it’s brought up, the expectation that Harry is supposed to be beat. And so it’s just another topic in discussion of Harry being abused in some way.
Kat: Right.
Caleb: Not necessarily…
Rosie: Yeah, but if Harry had actually been beaten by Vernon or the Dursleys…
Caleb: Yeah, I’m not…
Rosie: …he wouldn’t be as blasé. [laughs]
Caleb: Yeah, I’m not saying necessarily this proves that the Dursleys do. I mean, I think Petunia does in some way, but it’s just another mention of this abuse that Harry goes through.
Noah: Well, here is another, yet another example of the potential beating. I mean, look at page 21, Rosie, in the British edition. Harry is threatening Vernon: “I’ll have to make it sound convincing, won’t I? What if I accidentally let something slip.” What does Vernon say, Rosie?
Rosie: He says: “You’ll get the stuffing knocked out of you, won’t you?”
Noah: Roared Uncle Vernon.
Rosie: With his fist raised. Yeah.
Noah: “Advancing on Harry with his fist raised. But Harry stood his ground.” Yeah.
Rosie: But I believe that’s a threat that he would not carry through with. I don’t think… I think Dursley is full of air, he’s full of hot air, he’s full of all of these threats and things, but he would never actually…
Kat: I agree that that’s true about Vernon, but I think Petunia would beat the crap out of him.
[Caleb laughs]
Kat: I just do! I mean…
Noah: Well, you’ve been saying that a lot, Kat. You really… well, I remember the frying pan incident in Chamber of Secrets.
Kat: I have always thought that. Always. Yup.
[Rosie laughs]
Noah: But she also loves him a little bit more, so maybe it’s kind of like aggression towards Lily.
Caleb: Sometimes love hurts, so…
[Kat and Rosie laugh]
Kat: I think that she does it sometimes out of jealousy, very much.
Noah: Out of jealously for Lily.
Rosie: I think she would deny him food, she would do a lot more kind of emotional torture. I don’t think it would ever actually be physical.
Kat: But she’s thrown frying pans at the guy!
Noah: Oh, guys, Petunia is suddenly evolving into this much more complex character.
[Rosie laughs]
Noah: I never really even thought about it, the psychological torment.
Kat: She’s an awful, awful person.
Noah: No, no, she’s misunderstood!
Rosie: They all are, that’s the point!
Kat: No, she’s heartbroken and she’s so jealous and…
Noah: But that’s not an awful person. She’s just misunderstood. She wants somebody to… she wants a shoulder to cry on, Kat.
Kat: Well, no, because when something happens to you, you can either lash out at it or you can accept it and move on. And she has chosen to lash out and become an awful person. So, she’s an awful person.
Noah: And yet her very name evokes flower. A flower beautiful sort of…
Caleb: I think that’s just supposed to contrast to Lily, which is also a flower.
Kat: Yeah. Right.
Noah: Whatever, guys.
[Everyone laughs]
Caleb: Anyway, so Marge goes on another tear about Lily. She talks about why it’s… there’s just bad blood if it’s in the breed. She relates it to dogs, uses some colorful language, and then all of a sudden her wine glass shatters. There is not really a full… it’s pretty much intuitive to assume that Harry is the one that causes this, but there is not as much of an explanation. But Petunia waves… excuse me, Marge waves it off and says that this has happened before, so apparently she’s been gripping her wine glasses a little too hard.
[Kat and Rosie laugh]
Caleb: It happened at Fubster’s the other day, she said.
Kat: Which is the best name, I’m just saying.
[Caleb laughs]
Kat: Fubster is the coolest name ever.
Caleb: Yeah.
Noah: Colonel Fubster.
Rosie: Not even just Fubster, but Colonel Fubster.
Caleb: Colonel Fubster, yeah.
Kat: Yeah. That’s great.
Caleb: But then eventually it gets to the final dinner and Harry thinks he’s finally made it. It’s Marge’s last night, they’re having dinner. All of a sudden I noticed… didn’t really ever notice this before, but there is a lot of alcohol with the Dursley family.
[Kat laughs]
Caleb: And maybe it’s just when Marge is there, but it mentions that they opened several, several bottles of wine.
[Rosie laughs]
Caleb: And then, Vernon asks Marge if she would like some of his bottle of brandy. And this is also the scene in the movie where she keeps wanting… she asks for just a little bit, but really she just wants a full glass full.
Noah: Mhm.
Rosie: Mhm.
Kat: Alchies.
Caleb: Yup.
[Kat laughs]
Caleb: Totes.
Caleb: She also… so Marge decides to, again, bring up the conversation about relating Harry’s family to weak dogs. She brings up how she got Colonel Fubster to drown one of her weak dogs, which I just… that’s an awful line. As someone who loves dogs…
Rosie: Yeah, it’s horrible.
Kat: Yeah.
Caleb: …it just makes me want to cry inside.
Kat: She’s an awful woman, right?
Caleb: Yeah.
Rosie: She really is.
Noah: She’s not that bad.
Caleb: Umm…
[Kat and Noah laugh]
Caleb: Yeah.
Noah: She’s pretty bad.
Caleb: So…
Kat: No comment.
Caleb: But then the rant just continues. Of course, she’s intoxicated at this point so she’s not going to stop. She goes too far insulting the Potters, as Noah brought up. Vernon discusses how James was unemployed and Marge makes a remark about that. Harry…
Noah: Which is interesting because Jo was unemployed.
Caleb: Right. That’s true.
Noah: I feel like these chapters were intensely like Casual Vacancy. Or just this one maybe.
Caleb: Hmm.
Kat: How so? Just because of the political undertones?
Noah: In terms of the political discussion, the dinner conversations.
Caleb: But I don’t think this is something very profound.
Kat: Yeah.
Caleb: People who are super judgy like this assume that people who are unemployed are lazy and good-for-nothing.
Rosie: Mhm.
Caleb: And so, I think she sort of characterizes that stereotype. So, from saying that James was unemployed, Harry explodes because he has hit the breaking point with the insults. And Marge then… because then he shouts that they didn’t die in a car crash and Marge remarks that they were probably drunk in the, quote, car crash, which is really ironic because I’m pretty convinced at this point that Marge is an alcoholic.
Noah and Rosie: Yeah.
Caleb: So, the fact that she’s talking about people being drunk in a car crash. And then Harry really hits the ceiling and she starts to explode into a balloon, which is…
[Kat laughs]
Caleb: …just absolutely perfect. I love everything about this. She blows up. I think it describes her fingers like… is it salami? Or something?
Noah: Salami.
Caleb and Kat: Yeah.
Caleb: Such a good description. And she starts to fly out. Vernon tries to hold on to her. Then the dog latches on to Vernon, but of course she goes off. And then Vernon starts screaming at Harry, “Come back and put her right!” but Harry is very angry. This is after he’s already gone to get his books and everything because he knows he’s going to have to make a break for it. But instead of shouting back at Vernon, he just very… I don’t even know how to describe how he says this, but very resolved and determined says, “She deserved it,” and he’s not in any mood to fight or argue. He just says, “She deserved it.” Pretty much at this point, Harry’s a BAMF. He’s not having any of it and then he leaves. He just takes out – takes off, I should say. Deuces to the Dursleys.
Noah: No, I have one last question to that, about how that was done. It’s been said that that was Harry’s wandless magic that was doing that, just his emotion.
Caleb, Kat, and Rosie: Mhm.
Noah: But do you guys think it was fully that? Or was it also possibly the magical world reacting to Harry’s pain and doing it? Or was it Harry himself?
Kat: Isn’t that one in the same?
Noah: Is it?
Caleb: It’s all Harry being all Gryffindor roar and not having it anymore.
Kat: Yeah.
Caleb: I totally understand this. I would react the same way, as a Gryffindor. I’d want to blow her up, too, to a balloon.
Noah: But it was unconscious, right? He did this unconsciously.
Kat: Right.
Rosie: Yeah, in the same way that when he was running from bullies at school, he found himself in the roof. It’s the same kind of thing.
Noah: So, here’s a more technical question. How is it that his thought or feelings resulted in the exact magic that it did, of her puffing up into a big balloon?
Rosie: Because he wanted her gone…
Caleb: Yup.
Rosie: …in some way. So, she became a balloon and floated away.
Caleb: She’s lucky she didn’t blow up completely.
Rosie: Yeah.
Caleb: Imagine if that were…
Noah: Oh, my pepperoni pizza! [unintelligible]
[Rosie laughs]
Caleb: Just think about what if that would have happened. What if Harry would have killed Marge?
Kat: Oh my God, that would have been awful.
Rosie: Do you think that’s possible with wandless magic?
Kat: I hope not.
Caleb: I don’t know. Harry is a pretty powerful wizard, so…
Noah: My question just was, how did it become a balloon in any case? You know, I want her gone. Did the magical world just hear Harry’s cry?
Kat: Because she was… I don’t know. She was talking nonsense, blowing hot air.
Rosie: Yeah, like I said with Vernon, she’s full of hot air.
Kat: Yeah.
Rosie: Yeah.
Noah: Well, there you go. Like I was saying with metaphors, they have a way of doing it. It wasn’t this sort of metaphoric…
Rosie: [laughs] This is a metaphor that came true. Yeah, okay.
[Noah laughs]
Caleb: But that does not mean that all metaphors are literal.
Kat: True. Right.
Rosie: No.
Noah: Of course not. English major here guys. I’m crazy.
Kat: Yeah.
[Rosie laughs]
Kat: This is totally, well, kind of non sequitur. I remember going to the theater – I don’t think I was seeing this movie, I think it was before the movie came out – and my theater had a giant Aunt Marge hanging from the ceiling.
[Caleb and Rosie laugh]
Rosie: Brilliant.
Kat: And it was just amazing. I was like, that is the best promotion for a movie I have ever seen.
[Rosie laughs]
Caleb: I want to hang that.
Kat: Yeah, it just had “Harry Potter: Year 3” hanging underneath it.
Caleb: That’s so awesome.
Kat: Yeah. I wanted it so bad, but they said they had to return it to Warner Bros.
Caleb: Huh.
Rosie: Aww, sad times.
Kat: Bummer, bummer.
Caleb: So, that wraps up the second chapter of Prisoner of Azkaban and yeah, it ends on somewhat of a cliffhanger. We’re not used to cliffhangers this early.
Kat: Right. That’s true, we aren’t. That’s true. Right after Chapter 2.
Caleb: Yeah.
Noah: She did that in Chamber of Secrets as well. I think it’s because even though she imagined she has captured readers of the first two books, you need to grab them with the first two chapters as well so that they keep going.
Rosie: I think this book is quite different in the way it’s written. I think there are a lot more cliffhangers at the end of chapters in this book than we’ve seen before.
Caleb: Definitely.
Rosie: It’s quite a different style.
Caleb: Which is why I love it. So thrilling.
Rosie: Yeah.
Noah: It also… maybe this is a huge stretch, but maybe it also reflects a kind of hesitancy on her part or her desire to have people reading, so she needs to put that cliffhanger in and make it bigger and bigger so that she won’t lose the audience. It almost reflects a fear on the author’s side.
Rosie: I don’t think it’s…
Caleb: I think it’s just the nature of this plot.
Rosie: I think it’s more of a writing skill than a fear.
Caleb: Yeah. I don’t think it’s a fear at all. I think it’s the nature of the plot and I do… yeah, I think it’s a lot of her skill.
Noah: Okay. I’m just being… because as a writer myself, I’m also working on a book, and I try to… I’m always wondering, is the reader still with me or are they kind of bored and annoyed right now? So, I sometimes put…
Rosie: If you’re worried about that, then you should make your book more thrilling. [laughs]
Noah: Yeah. Well… [laughs]
Kat: All right, so let’s move on to the special feature this week, which is of course…
[“Pottermore, In Depth” intro begins]
Michael: Pottermore, In Depth.
[Sound of quill writing]
Rita: Well, Harry, the Daily Prophet readers want to hear the in-depth scoop on you.
Harry: Umm, well, I…
Rita: Absolutely brilliant – ignore the quill – tell me more, Mr. Potter.
[“Pottermore, In Depth” intro ends]
Kat: Have you guys gone through Prisoner of Azkaban yet?
Caleb: I have.
Rosie: I haven’t. I’ve been trying to catch up.
Caleb: I have and I can honestly say this… I mean, obviously it’s nice to have new information, new content, but this is the biggest disappointment of Pottermore thus far for me.
Noah: Oh.
Kat: Yeah, I completely agree. There were no games, nothing fun. Information that we got was lackluster at best.
Caleb: Some of the chapters only had one or two Moments to them, when I think everything before this had three.
Kat: Yeah, yeah.
Rosie: It did seem a bit rushed.
Caleb: Yeah.
Kat: It did, didn’t it?
Noah: That’s the thing with Pottermore. They really should be taking their time. They should be holding out for genius nuggets of information that are newsworthy things to excite the fandom about.
Caleb: Mhm.
Noah: They just kind of have to do right by it, but I feel like it’s being rushed because they want to make sure it stays relevant to big audiences.
Caleb: Yeah.
Kat: Well, it’s because they are following along with the show and they want to make sure that they stay in line with what we’re doing.
[Rosie laughs]
Caleb: That’s actually really uncanny how that happens, for right now.
Kat: I know.
[Rosie laughs]
Noah: Well, clearly they are following. Pottermore people, listen to me, listen to me. You got to get on it. I have nothing more to say.
Kat: I’m sure that they’re going to jump right on that, Noah. Okay.
[Kat and Noah laugh]
Kat: So, Chapter 1 there was only one Moment in this chapter, as we were just saying. Unfortunately, there’s nothing of real interest here. I mean, we get to look at Harry’s school letter, his letter from Hermione, birthday card from Hagrid, the clipping about the Weasleys visiting Egypt, but there was no photo which I thought was really sad. That was a good opportunity to have a nice moving photo.
Noah: Mmm.
Kat: The letter that Ron sent with it and the short note with the Sneakoscope, and that was really it.
Rosie: But to be fair, there wasn’t really much in that chapter anyway, so it’s okay.
Kat: Well, that’s true. But, you know, it could have been a slightly more interesting… you could have seen the owls fly in or…
Rosie: Or you could have had more information on international wizardry or something about Egypt.
Kat: Something.
Rosie: Yeah.
Kat: Yeah, yeah. So, then we move on to Chapter 2, which I believe only had one Moment as well and this Moment was… it’s great. It shows Vernon with the dog latched onto his leg.
[Caleb and Rosie laugh]
Kat: And it was actually kind of funny because when you scroll over the bulldog he growls and Vernon – [imitates Vernon’s screaming]. He screams. I am not a good… I can’t do a good Vernon impression. Sorry.
Caleb: Yeah.
[Kat and Rosie laugh]
Kat: But the only new information we get in this chapter – which, I guess, is better than nothing – is about Aunt Marge, and it’s really only marginally exciting because we already know most of it. So, it goes on to tell us that, obviously, Aunt Marge is not actually Harry’s aunt, but he’s forced to call her that anyway. We also already knew that she was a bulldog breeder and is a rude woman that clearly enjoys when people are punished or put down. The only new bit of information that is truly new is that she is in love with that neighbor called Colonel Fubster, who looks after her dogs when she is away. He will never marry her due to her truly horrible personality.
[Rosie laughs]
Kat: This unrequited passion fuels a lot of her nasty behavior to other people.
Rosie: Aww.
Kat: I know.
Caleb: It makes me wonder. He… it’s because of her personality…
Kat: Right.
Caleb: …this rudeness, that turns him away. Not her looks or anything. So, he would consider her if she wasn’t such a bad person.
Kat: Right, but…
Rosie: But she becomes more rude because he never shows her any love…
Caleb: Right.
Rosie: …in return.
Kat: Right, and…
Caleb: So, it’s like a circle.
Kat: Right, and I feel like that’s kind of a running theme, I’ve noticed, when I was thinking about this, that there’s a lot of unrequited love in the series.
Rosie: Mhm.
Kat: Like with Snape and Lily, and Tonks and Lupin – even though that eventually changes – and now Marge and Fubster. So, why… I know that love is a big theme throughout these books…
Caleb: Do we know if Dumbledore and Grindelwald… if Dumbledore’s love for Grindelwald was unrequited?
Kat: Oh, it must have been. I mean…
Noah: What do you mean? Weren’t they in something of a relationship?
Caleb: It never really says that.
Rosie: We never get any details about it.
Kat: Right.
Rosie: But I think it was meant to be unrequited, yeah.
Kat: Yeah.
Caleb: Yeah.
Kat: But…
Noah: Hmm.
Kat: …do we think that Jo’s just trying to show us all sides of the love spectrum?
Caleb: Absolutely, yeah.
Rosie: Definitely.
Caleb: How powerful it can work in so many ways.
Rosie: Mhm.
Kat: Yeah, because it definitely motivates different people to do different things. Like, Marge becomes an awful, awful witch with a B. [laughs]
Noah: But she has this sweetness inside and she just wants Colonel Fubster’s love. Clearly.
Kat: Hmm, maybe.
Rosie: So, it’s the denial of love that creates the horrible person in her case.
Kat: Right. And…
Noah: Potentially, yeah.
Kat: I mean, it almost does the same things to Tonks because it sends her into that deep, deep depression.
Rosie: Mhm.
Caleb: And it also does it to Voldemort. I mean, he claims he never wants it, but his lack of love is what sort of…
Kat: Right.
Caleb: …perpetuates the…
Kat: But then there’s…
Rosie: [singing] “All you need is love.”
[Kat laughs]
Noah and Rosie: [singing] “Doo doo-doo doo-doo.”
Kat: But then there’s Snape who takes that and, yes, is outwardly an awful person, but I feel like is so still full of…
Caleb: Yeah.
Kat: …good and happy feelings…
Rosie: Mhm.
Kat: …in a way.
Caleb: Right.
Kat: It’s just weird.
Caleb: Constant turmoil.
Kat: Yeah, absolutely. So, we also learn that Marge doesn’t know Harry is a wizard, which I think we knew, but… and that the Dursleys are terrified that she would find out the truth. So, they allow her misconception of the Potters being two unemployed layabouts who dumped their son on their hard working relatives, to avoid her finding out the truth. So, I’m curious, what exactly do we think Marge would do if she indeed did find out Harry was a wizard?
Rosie: I don’t think she’d believe it. She’s too much of who she is to believe in anything as frivolous as magic.
Caleb: Hmm, yeah.
Noah: I mean, she doesn’t remember anything that happened, right?
Kat: No, they erased her memory. Yeah, modified.
Noah: But if she had remembered, would she believe it?
Kat: That’s what I’m asking.
Noah: Oh.
[Kat laughs]
Noah: Well then, yes. I think…
Caleb: Yeah, she would probably just think it’s some weird medical anomaly.
Rosie: Yeah, she’d try to explain it away.
Caleb: Right.
Rosie: And even if she did remember it, she would…
Caleb: Just like she did with the goblet.
Rosie: …never go and visit them again. She would avoid it all.
Caleb: Yeah.
Noah: What do you think she and Vernon were like growing up?
Kat: Oh, boy. Much like they are now?
Noah: Yeah.
Caleb: Yeah, not very close in a way, but it’s not like they probably disliked each other. Just probably they’re…
Rosie: Something quite like Dudley.
Noah: Marge is the older sister, right?
Kat: I believe so.
Rosie: I think so.
Caleb: Yeah.
Kat: Mhm.
Noah: If that’s possible, then maybe Vernon… that really informed who Vernon became.
Kat: It’s possible.
Caleb: Yeah.
Kat: Although, I don’t see him as as vindictive and awful as Marge.
Noah: Exactly. He was probably tormented by her growing up and leading to his later anger.
Caleb: Probably depends on their age difference.
Kat: Right.
Noah: If only Pottermore had brought us that information.
Kat: Yeah, well, unfortunately, it didn’t.
[Kat and Noah laugh]
Noah: Slammed, slammed. But we will be… that said, we love Pottermore and we’ll be doing analysis on all the chapters on our show, that they give us. All the content.
Caleb: Love is a strong word, so…
Kat: Yeah. [laughs]
Noah: Well, I love. I love Pottermore. I love what it represents.
Kat: I enjoy Pottermore. I just wish it was more, that’s all.
Noah: Could we say that we love what it represents? This idea of bringing tidbits to the fandom?
Kat: You can say that.
Noah: Okay.
[Kat, Noah, and Rosie laugh]
Kat: All right. So, the next bit that we see – and I’m going to quote it directly – it says:
“When Harry becomes angry with Aunt Marge, who has been insulting his parents, and loses control over his magical abilities, she is blown up like a barrage balloon. Two members of the Accidental Magic Reversal Squad must be dispatched from the Ministry of Magic to deal with this incident and modify Aunt Marge’s memory. From that time forward, the Dursleys do not invite Marge to stay while Harry is in the residence and he never sees her again.”
So, I’m curious that… obviously, Harry never sees her again and he’s probably fine with that. Do you think Marge ever asks about Harry again? Is he still alive? Is he still being beaten on a regular basis? [laughs]
Caleb: Probably, but very much in passing since it seems to… it implies that she visits while term is going, so…
Kat: Right.
Caleb: And she doesn’t remember, exactly, being blown up to a balloon. So…
Rosie: Maybe they remove Harry entirely from her memory.
Kat: Hmm. That would be interesting.
Caleb: Ah, hmm.
Kat: Right, because it’s not like he’s represented anywhere in their home.
Caleb: Right. That’s actually very possible.
Rosie: So, to her, he just doesn’t exist.
Caleb: Yeah.
Kat: That would actually be smarter, wouldn’t it?
Rosie: It would stop triggering as well.
Kat: Right.
Rosie: If that is actually a problem with magical memories.
Caleb: Yeah.
Kat: Right.
Caleb: Hmm.
Kat: Noah, are you eating and not talking?
Noah: No.
[Noah and Rosie laugh]
Kat: You better not be.
Noah: [laughs] No, I wouldn’t do that.
Kat: Liar.
Noah: What were we saying?
Caleb: Oh my God.
Kat: Yeah, that’s what I thought. Okay.
[Noah and Rosie laugh]
Kat: So, the last little bit of info we get is in the little section that’s from JKR. So, she says:
“I regret making Aunt Marge a breeder of bulldogs, as I now know them to be a non-aggressive breed. My sister owns one and he’s the most loveable, affectionate dog you could hope to meet. On the other hand, they do look grumpy, and on appearance alone seemed to suit Aunt Marge.”
So, that’s fine. That’s true. Bulldogs are pretty freaking adorable.
Caleb: I love bulldogs.
Kat: [laughs] Yeah, they’re adorable. So, what type of dog would we see Marge breeding?
Caleb: I say Doberman.
Rosie: Pit bull.
Kat: Dobermans? What’d you say, Rosie?
Rosie: I think… I said pit bull, which is a violent breed.
Kat: Oh!
Caleb: See, that is also the same as bulldogs.
Kat: Misconception. Yeah.
Caleb: I own a pit bull…
Rosie: Is it? Okay.
Caleb: …and my pit bull is one of the most loving, adorable dogs ever.
Kat: Yeah.
Caleb: It’s just how they’re raised, really.
Rosie: Yeah, but I think there are lots of cases, in England at least, of pit bull baiting and things that create animals that are as violent as Aunt Marge’s dogs…
Kat: Right.
Rosie: …would appear. So, I think that’s what she was thinking of at the time.
Kat: As Cesar Millan would say, it’s the human that makes the dog.
Rosie: Yeah.
Caleb: Yeah.
Kat: Just saying.
Caleb: Definitely.
Kat: So, yeah. Unfortunately that is literally all of the information we got from Pottermore for these two chapters, so…
Caleb: Big ol’ winner. [laughs]
Kat: Yup. Shortest special feature ever.
[Rosie laughs]
Noah: But we’ll get all that Pottermore information next time, when we get to the next chapters.
Kat: That’s very true, we will.
[Noah laughs]
Kat: All three paragraphs of it.
Caleb: [laughs] Yeah.
[Kat laughs]
Noah: Well, someone has to be positive throughout all this and I’ve decided I’m going to be.
Kat: Oh, good for you! Good.
Noah: Yes.
Kat: Good for you.
Noah: And that, ladies and gentlemen, will get us to the Podcast…
Caleb: Wait, hold on. Can we pause for a second? Noah, did you create this Twitter account called @Deskpiglet?
Kat: He did not, believe it or not.
Noah: I didn’t. Wait, there’s a @Deskpiglet?
Rosie: Really?
Caleb: Yeah, there’s an account called @Deskpiglet that’s following me on Twitter.
Kat: Yeah, they’re…
[Rosie laughs]
Noah: How big is it? How many followers?
Rosie: They’re on the forums now too, yeah.
Caleb: Oh.
Rosie: Oh, that’s awesome.
Noah: What have I spawned?
[Rosie laughs]
Noah: What have I generated?
Caleb: Looks like they’re following all of it – or they’re just following Kat and I, it looks like.
Kat: Yeah.
Noah: How many followers does @Deskpiglet have on Twitter?
Kat: Because we’re the only two that tweet, Noah.
Caleb: Oh no, they’re following everyone. Just kidding.
Kat: Oh, are they?
Noah: How big of a following on Twitter?
Caleb: They are following two people. Or no, two people are following them. They are following 34.
Noah: Okay, @Deskpiglet. Whoever you are…
Rosie: We approve of your name. [laughs]
Caleb: They’re following all the famous people in the Harry Potter fandom. [laughs] I say that, but… they’re following @Pottermore, @MuggleNet, things like that.
Noah: I was thinking about making a deskpig account, but if I did it would just be the deskpig tweeting…
Kat: Don’t.
Noah: …”Ugh, this is terrible!”
Caleb: Yeah.
Kat: And we talked about that. No.
Noah: “Oink!”
Caleb: [laughs] And we said…
Kat: No.
Noah: “Desk, change me back!”
[Rosie laughs]
Noah: All right, everybody, here’s the Question of the Week for this week. As we know, there was some controversy… not controversy, but we were discussing in great detail about how the Weasley family went to Egypt for their vacation. They spent their seven hundred Galleons on that. But we had a brief discussion about wizard travel in general and our question for you all today is, how did the Weasleys get there? How much… how expensive do you think it is to use whatever travel system they used, and what was it? Was it Apparition? Was it Floo Powder?
Caleb: Are there international… do we want to…
Noah: What do you guys think?
Caleb: What about international guidelines traveling?
Noah: Oh, true. And as to Caleb’s point, what are the international rules of wizard travel? We really haven’t touched on it. But you know what? In any case, the Question of the Week is pretty clear. I think you guys have heard it. So, just leave your responses on the Alohomora! main page and we’ll read your responses on the next episode.
Rosie: So, that’s about it for this episode of Alohomora!. If you would like to be on the show yourself, remember that you can email a clip of yourself to alohomorapodcast at gmail dot com, and you need to have appropriate audio and recording equipment. You can also submit content on the Alohomora! website.
Caleb: Absolutely. And make sure you’re following us everywhere we are on the web. Twitter, @AlohomoraMN. Over on Facebook, Facebook.com/OpenTheDumbldore. To call and leave us a voicemail, 206-GO-ALBUS. That’s 206-462-5287. Our main webpage, Alohomora.MuggleNet.com. Our email, alohomorapodcast at gmail dot com. And don’t forget to subscribe to us on iTunes and leave us some comments and feedback because we love to read that from you guys.
Kat: Yeah, and also – I know we brought this up on the last show, but I wanted to remind everybody about our new store. So, it’s the Alohomora! store. It’s where you can go and get all sorts of merchandise like sweatshirts and T-shirts and tank tops and iPhone cases and tote bags and water bottles, and pretty much anything you dream of you can have an Alohomora! logo on it. We’re also going to be putting some new logos up in the future, like deskpig merchandise and things like that. So, be sure to check that out. The link is directly on the Alohomora.MuggleNet.com page.
Caleb: How do they get the… they can already get the things like iPhone cases and tote bags?
Kat: Yup. They’ll be available by the time this episode is released. Mhm.
Caleb: Awesome. That’s great.
Kat: Yeah. And, as always, just one more time I want to mention that we do have an app. It’s available in the US for iPhone and Android, and in the UK for iPhone only. We are working on that for all the people in the UK asking about the Android stuff. So, again, head over to Alohomora.MuggleNet.com to download that as well.
Noah: All right. And I believe that’s the end of our episode, our first episode of Prisoner of Azkaban.
Caleb: And in 2013.
Kat: Yeah.
Noah: Yeah. That’s true, too.
Kat: Yeah, Happy…
Caleb: Happy New Year to everyone!
Kat: I was just going to say that.
Kat and Rosie: Happy New Year! [laugh]
Noah: And I hope it’s been… I hope we’re all gearing up for an Alohomora!-filled next year of 2013.
Kat: Oh, it’s going to be a busy year, right? We are all over the place.
Noah: Yeah.
Caleb: It’s like four months until we’ll be at MISTI-Con.
Kat: I know. Crazy. Crazy.
Noah: Yup.
Kat: I hope you all are coming to see us. We want to meet you, so you should come.
Noah: We do.
Caleb: Yeah.
[Show music begins]
Noah: All right, that’s it, everybody. I’m Noah Fried.
Caleb: I’m Caleb Graves.
Rosie: I’m Rosie Morris.
Kat: And I’m Kat Miller. Thank you for listening to Episode 20 of Alohomora!.
Noah: Open the Dumbledore!
[Show music continues]
[Rosie laughs]
Noah: There is a dog outside my window. I hate that dog.
Caleb: I hear it. It’s probably Sirius Black, so…
Noah: Whoa.
Kat: Sure. [laughs]
Caleb: Start singing Taylor Swift or something.
Kat: Well, Jon likes heavy rock, so let’s find a…
Caleb: I cannot sing that.
Kat: Oh. But you can do a Gollum voice. You should be able to sing it.
Caleb: Uhh…
Noah: Wait, do a Taylor Swift song in a Gollum voice.
[Kat laughs]
Caleb: Hell no.
[Noah laughs]
Kat: That would end up at the end of the episode. You know it.
Noah: I’m trying to think. I was singing Taylor Swift to my buddy last night.
Kat: Why?
Noah: Why not?
Caleb: Is there something you need to tell us, Noah?
Noah: That I’m a T-Swizzy fan? No.
Kat: Wait, T-Swizzy?
Caleb: Oh, the fact that you… I don’t think that’s what her fans call her, but…
[Kat and Noah laugh]
Noah: That’s what my friends…
Caleb: You said you were singing Taylor Swift to your buddy. Is that what you said?
Noah: I did say that. I mean, it was after the bar, but I did do it.
Caleb: Well, you know what? Never mind. We’re not even going to go there.
