Transcript – Episode 10
[Show music begins]
Noah Fried: This is Episode 10 of Alohomora! for August 26th, 2012.
[Show music continues]
Noah: Hey everybody, I’m Noah Fried.
Caleb Graves: I’m Caleb Graves.
Kat Miller: And I’m Kat Miller. And our special guest this week – some of you may recognize him from our live show – it is Michael or lupinpatronus from Audiofictions. So say hi, Michael.
Michael Harle: Hello everybody. How are you doing?
[Noah imitates Michael’s trio voice]
Michael: [laughs] Yes, because they can’t answer that.
Caleb: It would be funny if they could. Just sort of shout and it just shows up on the show somehow.
Michael: Yes, wouldn’t that be nice? Wouldn’t that be nice to have that interaction? But you guys did that last time with…
Caleb: We did, we did.
Michael: So, that was…
Caleb: But thanks for joining us! We’re excited to have you and maybe even treat the view… listeners, not viewers.
[Kat and Michael laugh]
Caleb: The listeners to some good voices.
Michael: Yes, yes, I hope so! I’ve got…
Noah: That is the hope.
Michael: Yes, I’ve got a whole menagerie in here, [laughs] so whenever they are needed… yes, they will.
Noah: Have you voiced Chamber of Secrets characters before? Dobby, Lucius Malfoy, and…
Michael: Oh yes, multiple… yeah, I actually got starting reading the Harry Potter series aloud to my brother, Charlie, who has autism. And we wanted to try chapter books with him, and Harry Potter was pretty much the only one he took to. He loved it so much because I was reading it to him with the voices. I read them… we’ve read the whole series multiple, multiple times.
Noah: Wow.
Michael: Yeah, Chamber of Secrets is his personal favorite.
Noah: Uh-huh.
Michael: He loves the mystery of Chamber of Secrets, so…
Kat: Awesome.
Michael: Yeah.
Kat: That’s cool.
Michael: Yeah.
Noah: Well, thanks for being on the show, Michael…
Michael: Of course.
Noah: …and for being on the live show last week. Now, we’d just like to thank everybody who saw us at LeakyCon because that was awesome.
Kat: Amazing, right?
Caleb: Yeah, we had a blast.
Noah: Yeah. Sold a couple of T-shirts, had some people come up to the table – the MuggleNet table – and just meet us. Great to hear from you guys, your feedback about the show. I got to give a special panel about the controversial theory. Alohomora! people came to that and it was just great to do a little bit of what I do on the show but in person. It was great to see you guys, whatever listeners who came out to see that.
Caleb: Yeah, and thanks to everyone who did the scavenger hunt. That was a really great success. We were a little nervous about it to begin with, but you guys pretty much jumped right into that and sent us some pretty crazy pictures, so that was a lot of fun.
Kat: Pulled it out, right? Yeah.
Caleb: Yeah.
Kat: 1,280 points to the winner. That’s a lot.
Caleb: Yeah, and she did it alone.
Kat: Yup.
Caleb: She was on her own, so that’s pretty incredible.
Noah: What did she win?
Kat: She won a T-shirt.
Caleb: Free T-shirt, yeah.
Kat: Yeah.
Noah: Awesome.
Kat: I don’t remember her name. Does anyone remember her name?
Caleb: Oh gosh, I don’t know.
Noah: I have a feeling that we’ll remember at the end of the episode…
Kat: Yeah, probably.
Caleb: Yeah.
Noah: …and then we’ll just announce it.
Caleb: But she…
Kat: I know that her team name was The Pie.
Caleb: Yeah.
Kat: Or Team Pie, right?
Caleb: Team Pie. Team Pie. [laughs] And when Noah and I were up on stage at the ball of LeakyCon, she was front and center. Yeah, Noah?
Noah: Yeah!
Kat: I remember that! I remember seeing her there. Yeah.
Caleb: Yeah, so dedicated fan out there.
Noah: Which was crazy, by the way.
[Caleb laughs]
Noah: In case you weren’t at LeakyCon, Caleb and I jumped on stage during the ball…
[Kat laughs]
Noah: …and just started dancing, and then all the MuggleNet staff came up as well. Eric, Micah…
Caleb: Even Emerson was up there.
Noah: Emerson was up there. I was dancing with Emerson.
Caleb: Yeah.
Kat: Kat. Yeah.
Noah: Kat. Kat was there.
[Caleb and Kat laugh]
Noah: Rosie, Alison…
Caleb: Oh yeah, she was there.
[Caleb and Noah laugh]
Kat: Yeah. [laughs]
Noah: Really, it was Caleb and I though. It was intense.
Caleb: We just jumped up there and we were dancing with StarKid and the Glee actors…
[Kat laughs]
Noah: Yeah.
Caleb: …and Potter Puppet Pals. It was a lot of fun. Yeah. And got to see Melissa do some pretty crazy dance moves, so…
Noah: Yeah, if anyone has any pictures of us…
[Kat laughs]
Noah: …please send them to…
Caleb: Oh my God.
Noah: …the Alohomora! podcast email.
Caleb: Yes. I want to see them because I don’t have pictures of me up on stage and I’m sure I was looking like a complete fool, so…
[Caleb and Kat laugh]
Kat: It was fun, that’s all that matters.
Caleb: Yeah.
Noah: And we’re going to the next ones.
Caleb: Yeah!
Kat: Hopefully.
Caleb: Exciting.
Kat: Fingers crossed.
Caleb: Exciting.
Michael: I plan to meet you guys there. I’m hopeful to come to the next one, too.
Caleb: Are you looking to… do you know which one you are looking for? Portland or London, I mean.
Michael: [laughs] I wish London. We’ll see.
Caleb: Yeah, I guess who wouldn’t.
Michael: But yeah, Portland is looking a little more realistic at this point, but yeah, possibly London if I can scrounge up the funds for that. We’ll see how my voice acting career goes in the next year.
[Caleb and Noah laugh]
Caleb: There you go.
Noah: I don’t know, my senses tell me the special guests of the London one could be pretty intense.
Kat: Amazing?
Noah: Yeah.
Caleb: It should be exciting.
Kat: Yeah.
Noah: All right, so we’re going to jump into Chamber of Secrets. We’re not going to recap comments from the last episode because we really want to start fresh with the new book, but that doesn’t mean discussion of Philospher’s Stone is over. You should go to our forums and you can do comments right there. And we can keep discussing the first book as we move into the second one, and then as we move into the third one talk about the second one, so we can keep this conversation going wherever you are. If you’re new to the show, feel free to listen back to old episodes and comment in the forums on the older threads. We’d love to keep discussion going on every level with these books.
Kat: Yeah, there’s tons of fans there and I don’t see the conversation stopping any time soon, so definitely join in.
Noah: I mean, we all keep talking about the desk pig, don’t we?
Kat: Oh God.
[Michael laughs]
Caleb: Oh, moving on. I think that’s kind of what’s going to make it interesting. The whole point of this show is to keep the books going and alive, so hopefully you guys can even bring up stuff that relates to previous books that we don’t catch, that weren’t as obvious in the first few reads that you did, but kind of are now.
Noah: Yeah.
Caleb: But should be interesting to kind of tie it all back.
Kat: Mhm.
Caleb: But we are done with Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone/Sorcerer’s Stone, which is really exciting. My gosh, we actually finished the first book and we’re moving on to Book 2. Man, it’s been a couple of months on the show and it’s kind of hard to imagine we’re already moving that quickly.
Noah: We made it last.
Caleb: Yeah. But we are going to jump right into Chamber of Secrets, and… so we thought a good starting point… we didn’t do this with the first book but kind of thought of it on the fly is to take a look at the synopsis because every time I got a new Harry Potter book, and I guess probably most people when they get a book, they read the synopsis. But for some reason, the Harry Potter synopsis is always written so well, I thought. So, real quick, I’m going to read the Chamber of Secrets and we can sort of break that down:
“Ever since Harry Potter had come home for the summer, the Dursleys had been so mean and hideous that all Harry wanted was to get back to the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. But just as he’s packing his bags, Harry receives a warning from a strange, impish creature who says that if Harry returns to Hogwarts, disaster will strike.
And strike it does. For in Harry’s second year at Hogwarts, fresh torments and horrors arise, including an outrageously stuck-up new professor and a spirit who haunts the girl’s bathroom. But then the real trouble begins – something is attacking Hogwarts students, turning them into stone. Could it be Draco Malfoy, a more poisonous rival than ever? Could it possibly be Hagrid, whose mysterious past reveals dark secrets? Or could it be the one everyone at Hogwarts most suspects… Harry Potter himself!”
Dun, dun, dun.
[Michael laughs]
Kat: I wonder who writes those.
Caleb: Do you not think that… I always figured Rowling did it. It just seems so much like her writing, but…
Michael: Is it the same summary for the British, the UK edition? Is it the same?
Noah: That’s interesting. I don’t know.
Michael: Because I can’t imaging Rowling would just write a bunch of different ones for each version that comes out.
Caleb: Yeah.
Kat: Is anyone Googling it? No?
Caleb: No.
Kat: I’ll look it up.
Caleb: La, la, la. But I always thought that… it always jumped out at me like, oh my gosh, Hagrid has a dark past! Is it just his drunken days, back when he was a younger man?
[Michael and Noah laugh]
Caleb: Or are we going to get something really shifty? We already know he’s dealing with dragons and everything else, but…
Noah: You know what’s interesting? What about that point where there’s a creature turning the students into stone? That’s the direct line, instead of petrified.
Caleb: Yeah.
Noah: And I’m not sure if those are the same things. I think maybe that was an editor’s choice to change…
Caleb: Hmm.
Noah: …petrification.
Caleb: Yeah.
Noah: Because maybe that… kids wouldn’t understand that as much as… turning people into stone is pretty understandable.
Caleb: Yeah, and it kind of elicits this Medusa idea, almost.
Michael: Maybe…
Caleb: Thinking about stone.
Noah: Yeah.
Michael: Maybe the UK version says “petrification” and the US version says “stone” because they…
Caleb: Because they just assume Americans are stupid.
Michael: [laughs] Yes, just like they did with Sorcerer’s Stone.
Kat: I couldn’t find any different ones, so I’m going to assume it’s the same. If it’s different, someone correct me please.
Caleb: Yeah.
Noah: But that would be a problem, wouldn’t it? If that were the case, that it was worded differently for the American copy.
Caleb: Yeah, it would.
Noah: Like the spirit who haunts the girl’s bathroom. Before knowing that it’s Moaning Myrtle, that’s actually kind of weird.
Caleb: Yeah, it’s really ominous and much different than what actually happens. Poor Myrtle.
[Kat and Michael laugh]
Kat: Is that what… okay, first book was “Poor Neville,” this one is going to be “Poor Myrtle”?
[Caleb and Michael laugh]
Noah: Nah, nobody cares about Myrtle.
Kat: Ten points for, what, sending it through her head? No, fifty points through her head? What is it?
Michael: I think it’s like fifty points through her stomach.
Kat: Oh, right. I still…
Caleb: [as Myrtle] Ten points if you put it through her head!
[Michael laughs]
Caleb: Or whatever.
Kat: Well, let’s jump into Chapter 1, yeah? Ready to go?
Caleb: Let’s do it!
Kat: Okay.
Noah: Yes!
Kat: Yay! So, Chapter 1: “The Worst Birthday.” And I’m going to apologize ahead of time, guys. I’m still sick from LeakyCon, so my voice probably sounds like crap.
Michael: You sound fine.
Caleb: LeakyFlu.
Kat: Yeah, LeakyFlu. Which is the grossest hashtag ever, can I just say that?
Caleb: It’s so gross, but it’s so real.
Kat: [laughs] Exactly.
Noah: It’s so true.
Kat: So, we start off in the summer, it’s the day of Harry’s birthday, the title of the chapter. And right in the beginning, we’re sitting at the table, having breakfast in Privet Drive, and Vernon is already yelling at Harry about Hedwig hooting. And Harry says, “But she’s bored! Let her fly around and she would stop.” Okay, and Vernon is trying to tell Harry to control his owl, to shut her up, and I was wondering: How much control does Vernon really think that one can have over a hooting owl? I mean, it is a wild animal, after all. What do you expect Harry to do?
Caleb: I don’t really think he necessarily knows what he expects Harry to do. I think this makes Vernon look pretty ignorant, but he just wants it taken care of, even though he doesn’t really know what that would entail. Especially since it’s related to magic.
Kat: Yeah.
Noah: Well, keep in mind he wants Hedwig to stay in because he doesn’t want Hedwig to get out and bring letters to Harry or send letters elsewhere or any kind of magical influence coming into the house. Yeah, he’s the real cause for Hedwig doing this in the first place.
Kat: Well, and that’s funny because that brings me to the next line where he says, “Do I look stupid?” and well, obviously, of course he does.
Noah: He’s got an egg hanging from his mustache.
Kat: [laughs] Right. But really, what did he think was going to happen? Surely he’s just not talking about the letters that Harry is receiving. Does he think Hedwig is going to do something else? Or do you really think it’s just about the letters?
Noah: I think he’s just angry and he just wants to get his… he’s always kind of pissed off, he wants to get his emotions out, and Harry is the nearest target.
Michael: I think that because this chapter interestingly goes into some… goes to lengths to kind of compare Harry and Hedwig, and I think Vernon just views them as one in the same. So, it’s kind of like he’s just putting the same idiotic restrictions on Hedwig that he would on Harry. Later on in the chapter, he…
Noah: [unintelligible]
Michael: Yeah, he literally cages Harry in his room, [laughs] with bars on the windows, later on in Chapter 2. And I think the movie went to that length, too, but the book definitely does, where I think it’s a little subtler. But it’s, yeah, that comparison between Harry and Hedwig, and Vernon just doesn’t see them as any different because they’re all just magic in the end, and that’s something he wants to keep caged shut.
Caleb: Yeah, that’s a really good point. I never thought about the whole caging comparison. And I think it also just sort of relates back to Book 1, where he’s just against anything magic, and he doesn’t want to comprehend it. He just sees it as all bad and wrong and problematic, and he’s trying to shut it all up as best he can.
Kat: Which, I guess, is why he freaks out when Harry says, “You’ve forgotten the magic word.”
[Everyone laughs]
Caleb: Oh my God, I love this line.
Kat: I know, the commotion that one little word causes. Dudley falls off his chair, Petunia screams, and Vernon jumps to his feet, veins throbbing. I kind of picture the “Homer Simpson strangling Bart” type of thing.
[Caleb laughs]
Kat: I foresee that coming.
Caleb: I really wish we could have seen this scene in the movie. I want to see Dudley collapse out of a chair and just fall to the ground.
Kat: [laughs] Yeah.
Noah: It’s a bit of a shock, though. I didn’t… reading it again, it seems a bit over the top. I mean, how much damage has Dudley and these Dursleys had – mental scarring from, I guess, when Hagrid came in that fateful night – that they’re doing this?
Caleb: Well, I was just going to say, he had a tail.
Kat: [laughs] Yeah.
Caleb: Of course he’s psychologically damaged.
Noah: Yeah, let’s not forget that. And they brought that to a hospital, and surgically removed it. What could they even tell Dudley at that point?
Caleb: Yeah.
Michael: Well, and I think it also goes along, too, with that just… because the funny thing is just… actually reading it this morning, I think that was the first time I really laughed at that passage. I’ve always… when I read the Harry Potter books, I tend to just get through the Dursley sections as fast as I can. [laughs] But this time, I actually… since we’re doing a close read, I actually laughed at that line. And I think that just goes along with what you guys looked at in Philosopher’s/Sorcerer’s Stone, where the Dursleys are just so over-the-top cartoonish that they will go crazy at the silliest little things. But the… it’s kind of funny, just because the… you don’t really look at the frightening implications of that because then they just round on Harry and become really… later in Chapter 2, there is some form of aggression towards Harry.
Noah: Oh, yeah.
Michael: [laughs] And it’s a little scary, actually. And that’s, I think, what the movies… it was funny about the movies for me because I didn’t feel that the movies made them cartoonish enough, because like you guys said, they were almost so unbelievable in the books with how they react to things and how ridiculous they are. But in a way, I wonder if the movies couldn’t do that because it was… you actually get to look at real people in the movies.
Noah: What’s interesting, though, is that they are the first people that we see in each of these Harry Potter books. Every single one, they frame the coming story, so this…
Kat: Well, except for Half-Blood Prince.
Noah: No… well, even in Half-Blood Prince, it starts with a Dursley… he’s in the Dursley home and Dumbledore interacts with them.
Kat: No, the first chapter is “The Other Minister.”
Noah: Oh, okay. Good point. But… all right, so…
Caleb: Yeah.
Kat: And Goblet of Fire, right?
Michael: Goblet of Fire, yeah.
Noah: Okay.
Caleb: And Deathly Hallows.
Noah: Okay. All right, well…
Kat: [laughs] And Deathly Hallows. Sorry, Noah.
Michael: But the main point is still there. No, that’s still valid! [laughs]
Noah: All right, well, this…
Michael: Because if you tie it to Harry’s story, it’s valid.
Noah: Yeah.
Kat: Right.
Noah: In the beginning of Harry’s story in every one of these novels…
[Everyone laughs]
Noah: …it starts with the Dursleys. Why? I don’t know why. But I think it’s interesting, and I just wanted to bring it up. But now I’ve lost my train of thought, so let’s just leave it.
[Caleb laughs]
Kat: Okay, but Harry goes on and he actually kind of has a little bit of a backbone, finally. He stands up for himself and says, “I meant please!” He didn’t mean to actually talk about magic, and I thought it was a nice little use of… a glimpse that Harry really is just like a real person. He’s like us, too. Not just all wizard. So, then it goes on to talk about how Harry is missing Hogwarts so much, and then he starts talking about how all his spellbooks, his wand, his robes, his cauldron, and even his broomstick have been locked up in the cupboard under the stairs all summer. So, he begins to worry about losing his place on the house Quidditch team, and there’s a great discussion actually going on on the forums about this, but how do you think Harry would have actually practiced Quidditch if his things weren’t locked away? I mean, he’s not allowed, nor does he know how, to do like a concealment spell to keep the Muggle eyes from seeing him, so what would he do?
Michael: Well, I’ve been very curious about this just because also with the Quidditch, Harry also wants to do schoolwork, and – well, other than writing essays, which he does in Prisoner of Azkaban during the summer – I just don’t know how he’s going to because he can’t practice magic, and wouldn’t… I’m trying to think… I suppose Harry would have to enchant… if he wanted to take a tennis ball like he did when Wood and him were practicing or a golf ball, then he’d have to enchant it to fly around so he could actually practice and…
Noah: Well, I think in terms of homework, they never assign anything that would require them doing magic.
Michael: To do magic.
Caleb: Yeah, it’s a lot of theory. Yeah.
Michael: Yeah.
Noah: It would be essays and theory, but as we know, Harry enjoys reading some of those books, and even some of those would have taken him out of the world of the Dursleys. In terms of the Quidditch, though, that is a good point. I really don’t know what he could have done. Maybe…
Caleb: Do we think that if he was flying on his broom in the backyard at a very low level, does that still breach the Statute of Secrecy because he’s doing it around Muggles?
Michael: They don’t seem to track brooms, do they? They don’t… broomstick use…
Noah: Broom magic doesn’t count.
Caleb: The only other time we really see brooms outside, during the summer, is when he’s at The Burrow, and he’s practicing in a later book with Fred, George, Ron, and Ginny. But I don’t know…
Kat: And they live so far out there, I doubt anyone would see.
Caleb: Yeah.
Michael: It wouldn’t make sense to track brooms anyway because they use them for transportation all the time, so…
Caleb: That’s true.
Noah: It’s too much.
Michael: …it would be pointless to do that.
Caleb: Yeah, that’s true.
Kat: Well, and that’s why they use brooms in the fifth book, right? Because they’re not tracked. So…
Caleb: At least not yet. Well, no I guess they never are. That’s true. That’s the only way that’s not ever really tracked.
Noah: So, in terms of the Statute of Secrecy, it’s probably fine to do it in communities or places where you’re not going to be seen.
Caleb: Yeah.
Noah: But in the Muggle community, if you’re heard doing it you’re going to get in trouble.
Kat: I wonder how that works if you’re Muggle-born because obviously, your family knows you’re a wizard or a witch. How do you never talk about it or never do magic in front of them?
Noah: Oh, I think you can do it in front of people who know you go to Hogwarts. That’s fine.
Caleb: Yeah, yeah, because I think, for instance, Hermione…
Noah: [unintelligible] community.
Caleb: Yeah, because they go to Diagon Alley with her when they shop, so…
Kat: Well, then I guess it wouldn’t have been a problem for him to practice Quidditch in the backyard.
Caleb: If only the Dursleys saw. They probably have some nosy neighbor like Petunia is, so…
Noah: In fact they do, I believe.
Caleb: Yeah.
Michael: Well, that would explain, too, how Lily, as mentioned, could go home and… because people have debated that for… I’ve seen that debated for quite a few years, how Lily came home and did magic in front of her parents, and Petunia would complain about it, and people were saying, “Well, she couldn’t have done that because that was against the law.” But…
[Noah laughs]
Michael: …I guess that… but then you look at the fact… and I know we’ll get to this later, but the fact that the Trace is so badly done, and it can’t actually define who did the magic and what the consequences of that are, if you are just doing magic… if you’re not even doing the magic. So…
Kat: Yeah, but in Lily’s case, she would have been the only witch in the family, so…
Caleb: Yeah.
Kat: …they would have had to know it was her.
Caleb: Which is why they kind of assumed – well, we’ll talk about this later – with Harry and Dobby. So…
Kat: Right.
Caleb: With the Hover Charm.
Noah: Yeah, I’d also love to talk about that when we get to that chapter.
Caleb: Yup.
Noah: All right, so I didn’t see this in your notes, Kat, but remember that scene where Harry is going outside, getting some fresh air, and then he glimpses some eyes peeking at him in the hedge?
Kat: Mhm?
Noah: But, either before or after that, Dudley comes over and tells Harry, “I know what day it is!”
[Kat laughs]
Noah: And Harry is like, “Oh, do you?” He’s like, “It’s your birthday!” [laughs] And I just… when reading this, I just pictured Dudley just kind of wobbling over and just… not really your smartest kid ever, coming over and nagging Harry about his birthday. And at first, when I first read this, I was like, “Damn you, Dudley! Just trying to get in at Harry, telling him he has no friends to celebrate his birthday with him, when you have these amazing birthdays.” But then, reading it this time, I was like, “Wait a second, maybe Dudley in some smallest part of him cares about Harry enough to say, ‘You know what? No one’s thinking about your birthday, but I remember it’s your birthday, and I know how much I love birthdays. And you know what? I just wanted to try and talk to you about it.'” And then, Harry is as heinous as to just come up and start saying, “Hocus pocus, jiggly wiggly,” and Dudley freaks out and runs away.
[Everyone laughs]
Caleb: Yes, that is exactly the way it works.
Michael: This is so playing devil’s advocate. [laughs] I never…
Kat: That’s what Noah does best!
Michael: I know, I love it! I love the idea that Dudley is actually being like, [as Dudley] “Oh Harry, I have a little present for you behind my back!” [laughs]
Caleb: Oh, God!
Noah: [as Dudley] “I have a present for you!”
Michael: [as Dudley] “I have a present for you! My fist in your face!”
[Noah laughs]
Caleb: He can hide a lot behind him, so…
[Kat and Michael laugh]
Michael: [as Dudley] “I’ve got a bike back here!”
Caleb: But I think, Noah, our friend Lev Grossman, who I got to interview at LeakyCon, would agree with you.
Noah: Ooh!
Caleb: If you check out that interview, which is on our app. When we’re talking about his series, he’s talking about how Dudley is misinterpreted by readers to some degree, and he’s not as bad necessarily as we make him out to be, in some cases at least. But…
Noah: Yeah, because think about this. We know how excited he gets about birthdays, right? And how much he cries and screams when he got 36 instead of 37 or 38 presents, right?
Kat: Mhm.
Caleb: Yeah.
Noah: So, he’s had to view Harry and sees Harry not getting even a mention of his birthday, so I think Dudley in a small part feels kind of bad for Harry a little bit, and that comes out in him wanting to go over to Harry and say, “Oh, it’s your birthday. I remember. Now I’m going to joke with you because that’s like…”
Caleb: The only way he knows how, yeah.
Noah: The only way he knows how to do it, which we know is true because Jo has said that the most damage that has ever happened to Dudley and what he fears when he sees the Dementor is how much he has been damaged by his parents and the kind of person he is.
Michael: Well, that could certainly be read that way because I think in Deathly Hallows – spoiler – but Dudley looks back on pretty much all of his years with Harry and thought that they were just having a bit of fun, in his words. [laughs] He just thought the whole time it was just enjoyable – of course he would from his perspective – but he actually thought that they were being genuinely… having a bizarre friendship with each other. I don’t know, I think it’s kind of funny to think that… because the last thing he says to Harry before Harry turns on him is, [as Dudley] “Haven’t you got any friends at that freak place?” [returns to normal voice] And wouldn’t it have been great if he was just like, [as Dudley] “I’ll be your friend.”
[Everyone laughs]
Noah: He didn’t get that chance, did he?
Michael: But he never got to say it because Harry was trying to…
Noah: He never got to say it.
Michael: …set a bush on fire.
Caleb: Aww, Harry is clearly the bad guy in this.
Kat: Yeah, clearly.
Noah: No, I will interpret Dudley saying that as him genuinely curious, like, “Your friends should be giving you some birthdays, right? My parents surely are.” Or…
Kat: Maybe. I don’t know, I think he’s just being the typical bully.
Caleb: Yeah.
Noah: Or there’s that interpretation, too.
Michael: [laughs] Yeah, all those readers. That’s just wrong all these years.
Kat: Oh, you know.
Noah: We’ll see what people say in the comments after.
Kat: Right. So, going backwards just a little bit, there’s a whole section where Harry, reliving his memories so to say, talks about everything that happened in his first year at Hogwarts. Pretend for a minute that you hadn’t read the first book. Would this intrigue you to go back and read it?
Caleb: Hmm.
Noah: I know it didn’t because the second was the first book that I had read, and since I had seen the first movie and then read the second book, I was like, “Oh, I already know that installment,” so I just kept going. But later I read the first one.
Caleb: Oh, really? You read the second book before you read the first one?
Noah: I did.
Michael: Wow.
Caleb: That’s so weird.
Noah: That’s…
Caleb: You’re not a true fan, Noah! You’re off the show! Get out!
Michael: [laughs] We just had a moment of silence in mourning for Noah’s reading experience.
Caleb: Yeah, we’re joking now, but that moment of silence was real.
[Everyone laughs]
Michael: Yeah, that was palpable.
Caleb: Our lives were really concerned there for a second.
Michael: I just need to leave for a minute.
[Caleb and Kat laugh]
Noah: Did you know, because of that, for many years I pictured the movie characters?
[Everyone gasps]
Kat: Noah…
Caleb and Kat: Blasphemy!
Caleb: Jinx, Coke.
Noah: Oh, that’s terrible. Anyway, go on, quick!
[Caleb and Kat laugh]
Kat: No one answered the question!
Michael: You’ve left it open with that horrible thing.
Caleb: No, I don’t think so. I think it was really concise, and she felt she just needed to give a quick review there. I don’t think it’s necessarily enough to go back and want to reread it. It didn’t for me, especially since I read them back to back.
Noah: This whole thing is a popular narrative business for many writers. We call it the “info dump” in literary theory, if you wanted to know, and it’s kind of a prop of fantasy and science fiction series. And it makes sense. She has to back it up for new readers, especially kids. She has to describe a little bit about the magical school and what Harry went through. He fought Voldemort, so it’s setting up a chain of command, and then we instantly get… we’re going to get Dobby who comes in and sets up the new story in the beginning. But I liked reading this over because it’s a cool study of writing, because if you read it, it feels like Harry’s reliving it in his own consciousness, and it’s all in his own words. But really the narrator is coming in and describing it to us because why would Harry have to give all this context to himself? He knows all of this because he did it. So…
Michael: I’m actually…
Noah: …once again…
Michael: Oh, go ahead.
Noah: Go on, Michael.
Michael: Oh, I was going to say I’m just glad that you did say what it was because I’ve been wondering for years what you would term that exactly, because Rowling uses that pretty much up until Deathly Hallows, where she stops.
Noah: Yeah, that…
Michael: And that always set Deathly Hallows apart from me from the other books because Deathly Hallows just jumps right in and does not explain anything.
Caleb: Yeah.
Michael: And the other six books, though, definitely do. And I think it would be most important in Chamber of Secrets because it’s only the second one. I always thought it was kind of weird that she kept that up for so long.
Kat: Yeah.
Noah: Yeah, absolutely.
Kat: I’m…
Noah: And that’s why… sorry, Kat. I just wanted to put in also that the synopsis at the beginning, she also had to do it with that, too. It has to bring in the new story, but also first info dumping a little bit of the old story. And that’s why I think Chamber of Secrets is so important because it picks up on the most notable things that children might have found in the first book, which is Hagrid who is much beloved. And the fact that he has a dark past, I think that’s a great way to segue from the old story into the new one because I think loving Hagrid is one of the greatest things of the first book that she could use. And then as the books go later, she has more stuff, she has more material that people are familiar with, to make the new story with.
Kat: But doesn’t that get annoying after the while? Like I’m reading a sixteen-book series at the moment called Sweep…
Noah: Whoa.
Kat: …and it’s like every book they find the need to recap the books before, and it annoys the hell out of me. I’m just saying.
Noah: Annoying but useful for readers who are picking that series up at Book 7 or Book 8.
Kat: I know, but why would you start at Book 7?
Noah: Because it gives readers the continuity and feels as if they read the whole thing. Otherwise, if you just jump in the story, then you isolate readers and then they don’t want to keep going.
Kat: I know, but as a reader, who starts at Book 7? Well, you started at Book 2, so just saying.
Michael: [laughs] Somebody did. Somebody out there.
Noah: Yeah.
Kat: I don’t know. Maybe it’s just me, but…
Noah: But yeah, it’s interesting to see these and maybe it’ll change as we get to later books, or it will get slightly less and less, and we’ll see what facts Jo needs to keep and which she doesn’t because everyone knows Harry is a boy wizard by Book 3 or 4, so we don’t have to recap the whole his parents died for him, now he has a scar. Then again, the lightning-bolt scar stays for a while. It’ll be interesting to see.
Kat: The eyes are in every one, I’m pretty sure. Every recap, the green eyes.
Noah: Hmm.
Caleb: Yeah, I think probably so.
Michael: At least that has pretty major relevance later on.
Kat: Well, that’s true. That’s true.
[Michael laughs]
Kat: I guess that point is okay to keep there. Okay, so then we move on. The Dursleys are having a dinner party that evening for someone that Vernon is trying to seal a contract with at his drill company.
Noah: Yeah, he builds… I believe, he builds… does he say he builds houses? Or is he just a general…
Caleb: No, no, it’s a drill…
Kat: Drill company. I just said.
Caleb: Yeah, Grunnings makes drills.
Noah: No, the guy he’s selling to.
Michael: Yeah, he builds houses and buildings.
Caleb: Oh. Yeah, Mason.
Caleb and Kat: Yeah.
Kat: So, they’re talking about where everybody is going to be. Petunia is in the lounge, and Dudley will be waiting at the door, and poor little Harry will be sitting in his room pretending he’s not there, making no noise whatsoever. And so, I was thinking, given the fact that Hedwig, all she does is hoot because she’s so bored, wouldn’t Vernon want her to be out of the house for the evening, to keep it more quiet? It seems counterintuitive to me to lock her up and then complain about her.
Caleb: Yeah, I think that Vernon is kind of a logic-free zone, always.
[Kat laughs]
Caleb: I think this is, a) him being stubborn and not letting Harry get what he wants, with something that relates to – in his mind – magic, and him being dumb.
Noah: Yeah, he’s not thinking ahead. He has one formula.
Caleb: Yeah.
Noah: He’s going to threaten Harry. If Harry makes noise, I’m going to scream at him. And then if something bad happens, I’m going to scream at him some more.
[Kat laughs]
Noah: And then bad stuff is going to happen. That’s the formula, the way it goes. But he’s not going to try and take actions beforehand. That’s not how he operates.
Michael: Well, again, it’s that parallel logic: Vernon sees Hedwig as an extension of Harry, that they are the same thing. And so if Harry stays caged in his room, Hedwig stays caged in her cage.
Kat: Hmm.
Michael: I do think, too, Noah’s point that [laughs] the Dursleys are very emotionally scarred from these past experiences.
Noah: Yeah.
Michael: Vernon has not had good experiences with owls, and he continues [laughs] to not have good experiences with owls whenever they are let loose because they tend to drop mail all over him.
[Kat laughs]
Michael: And so, I think he probably had what ends up being a moderately valid fear – although it doesn’t apply to Hedwig – that there’s going to be an owl flying around in the room somehow. Just…
Noah: Which is funny that the owl comes back with a letter, kind of an homage to the great sea of last year.
Kat: Right.
Michael: Mhm. So, it’s just preventing what he sees as the inevitable, if he lets the magic…
Noah: Yeah.
Michael: Vernon’s very basic logic is to just lock everything up that bothers him.
Noah: Yeah. But, Michael, I love your connection to Harry being an owl.
[Michael laughs]
Noah: Hasn’t Jo said that she reflects his innocence, or something to that effect?
Michael: Mhm. I think… and if she didn’t, it’s certainly spelled out very clearly by Deathly Hallows with Hedwig. But yeah, no, I think there’s definitely a connection there.
Kat: Okay, so then I found a really great line here on page 7 of the US edition. They’re talking about he’s signing the deal, and how much money they’re going to make from it, and how they’re going to be shopping for a vacation home. And the line says, “Harry couldn’t feel too excited about this. He didn’t think the Dursleys would like him any better in…” is that Majorca?
Noah: Majorca.
Michael: Majorca?
Kat: Yeah.
Noah: Majorca.
Kat: I was looking it up, trying to make sure I said it right. Sorry to everyone in the UK.
[Kat and Michael laugh]
Kat: “They wouldn’t like him any better than they did on Privet Drive.” And it seemed very sad to me. The sentence just feels very sad. Do we think that he actually wants to feel cared for and maybe even loved by the Dursleys?
Noah: I was kind of surprised because you don’t normally see Harry lamenting the fact that he doesn’t have a better connection with the Dursleys…
Kat: Mhm.
Noah: … throughout these chapters. He’s really lamenting his own situation. It’s just kind of… as we talked about in the first book, remember when Harry would just kind of nonchalantly – or the narrator would – talk about the stuff that was happening to Harry, and we would just get fed it because it was so… there wasn’t so much emotion attached to Harry lamenting it? We felt it even more…
Kat: Mhm.
Noah: …because it was so desolate.
Caleb: Yeah.
Noah: But yeah, he does seem kind of sad, so it’s kind of odd and strange.
Caleb: I think it has a lot to do with… so he doesn’t ever really experience this as much before he ever goes to Hogwarts, but now that he has gone to a place he falls in love with and has friends, I think this is sort of setting up how Harry feels very disconnected and almost left behind by his friends in the summer, which comes up in the next chapter. But he has now found this really deep, human connection with people at Hogwarts, particularly with Ron and Hermione, and now that he’s removed from it, he’s…
Noah: Craves it.
Caleb: …missing it. Yeah, he’s missing it a lot.
Noah: Oh wow, that’s a great point. So, Hogwarts has matured him a little bit, whereas when he was younger it didn’t really matter…
Caleb: Yeah, because…
Noah: …because that’s just the way it was.
Caleb: …he never knew it. He never knew it.
Noah: Oh, wow. Yeah.
Michael: Well, he had to get a taste of the friendship and affection and genuine love from people for about a little less than a year, and then to go home after twelve years of this – eleven years, twelve years? – that’s probably pretty upsetting. And I almost see it that Harry is not necessarily looking for love from the Dursleys. He’s just looking for love in a home setting. The Dursleys just happen to be his home setting, so…
Caleb: Yeah.
Noah: I couldn’t believe, by the way, that Harry… that Ron and Hermione haven’t been sending him any letters. That would have helped him out right now in this tough situation.
Kat: That’s true.
Caleb: I mean…
Noah: What?
Caleb: They do. Well, they…
Noah: No, Caleb. There are no letters.
[Kat and Michael laugh]
Noah: No one sent him any letters.
[Michael laughs]
Caleb: All right.
Noah: So, that’s Chapter 2. [laughs]
Kat: Okay, so after the whole Dudley thing with the jiggery pokery and the bush on fire…
[Michael laughs]
Noah: [in a high-pitched voice] Jiggery pokery!
[Kat laughs]
Caleb: Burning bush, biblical allusion!
Noah: Whoa!
Michael: I totally thought of that while I was reading it.
Noah: Whoa!
Michael: I was like, I’m not going to say that, that’s ridiculous. And I’m glad you did.
[Caleb laughs]
Kat: What? No, let’s talk about it. Go for it.
Caleb: Oh, I don’t think it’s necessarily anything.
Noah: That is amazing, it’s everything!
Caleb: Not even intentional… oh, shut up.
[Michael laughs]
Noah: No! If Harry was saying that he was going to light the bush on fire, then if you want to go through the symbolism, he was going to play God! And now it’s more like magic is God, and… aww, that’s tricky. That’s sorcery right there. Yeah, nothing more than that. We can move on. [laughs]
Kat: Oh, okay. Okay. [laughs] But Petunia… Harry goes back in the house, and Harry is… he knew he was going to get in trouble for it. And, here we go, Petunia, she threw a soapy frying pan at his head, and I just wanted to point out that I was right that Harry gets beat at home, just saying.
Caleb: Yeah, I was a little upset that I was proven wrong. I think I always argued that I didn’t think that they would beat him. But it seems at least they make attempts to because this isn’t the first time it happens in this book and… ugh, stupid Dursleys!
Noah: I was bringing that up too, I believe. I was pretty sure that he… remember, because he could identify “Wood,” he thought that was a rod that he was going to get beaten with.
Kat: [laughs] Yeah.
[Michael laughs]
Caleb: Yeah.
Noah: So, he seems to be familiar with some of this, and I would imagine that he probably wasn’t as agile in earlier years if this was commonplace, the frying pan.
Caleb: Maybe that’s why he became such a good Seeker. He had to learn…
[Everyone laughs]
Caleb: …how to be really agile to avoid Petunia’s… her freakin’ frying pans. What in the world?
Noah: [laughs] That’s some trouble. Something bad could have happened right there. That could have been the end of the series.
Caleb: Well, there’s soap and that can get in your eyes…
[Kat and Michael laugh]
Caleb: …and that’s a whole other problem.
Kat: And who knows? If it’s soapy enough, it could have slipped from her hand and hit her husband or her kid or…
Caleb: Oh my God!
Michael: [laughs] Or…
Caleb: That’s actually what’s wrong with Dudley.
Michael: Or…
Caleb: That’s where the brain damage comes from.
Michael: You could look at it as, “It slipped out of her hand! She wasn’t really throwing it at him! She was just getting really…”
Caleb: That’s what they told the authorities.
Michael: I’m playing devil’s advocate.
[Kat laughs]
Michael: She was really getting excited with her cooking that day and…
Noah: No, Michael.
[Michael laughs]
Noah: She really wanted to hit him. I can tell you.
Michael: [laughs] Just happened to aim at Harry! She just wanted to give him some of the extra bacon she had left over. That’s all.
Caleb: It’s hard to imagine Petunia snapping like that, though. Swinging a frying pan, just think about that.
Noah: Well, that was because of Dudley, right? Because Dudley ran in and told her what he was doing, lighting the bush on fire.
Kat: Yeah.
Caleb: Yeah, but it’s still… I don’t know. It’s still unexpected.
Michael: I actually didn’t see it as unexpected. I was kind of with Kat when I was listening to the older episodes because I remembered this incident when you guys were talking about that. And again, it’s the Dursleys being so cartoonish that they react so insanely to the tiniest things. And the book even says that she knows he wasn’t doing magic.
Kat: Mhm.
Michael: [laughs] So, she’s just very over… frighteningly over-protective of Dudley.
Noah: And Harry’s protective love magic can’t even possibly ignite because Petunia has the same blood. She can really hit him!
Caleb: Right.
Michael: That was a bit of a…
Caleb: Okay.
Michael: …frightening phrase: “The love magic cannot ignite!”
[Kat laughs]
Noah: Which is…
Caleb: Kaboom!
Michael: What’s going on in that kitchen? [laughs] That’s troubling.
Caleb: A lot happens in that kitchen.
Noah: Well, we don’t have to go into that.
[Caleb laughs]
Kat: Yeah, I was going to say, probably more than we know. But anyway…
Caleb: For another episode, exclusively on our app!
Kat: [laughs] That’s right.
Noah: That’s right.
Kat: So then, Harry goes upstairs as the Masons arrive, and he says that he’s about to collapse onto his bed, and it’s the last line of the chapter. It says, “The trouble was, there was already someone sitting on it.” And I noticed that Jo, at this point, says “someone” and not “something.” And I wondered if maybe she was setting up the disservice of the house-elves already. Like SPEW, for the win.
Noah: Well, that line comes from Harry’s consciousness, so it’s through his own words because it’s third person… no. Yeah, it’s third person limited. So…
Caleb: Right.
Noah: …the way that works is it’s going through his consciousness, and the narrator uses his language to describe. So, that’s Harry’s thoughts and he does see Dobby as someone, as opposed to something, because he hasn’t had the same introduction to magical creatures throughout his whole life to know that this is a… obviously he knows it’s a non-humanoid creature, but he doesn’t limit them based on the fact that they’re house-elves.
Kat: Mhm.
Caleb: Right.
Noah: Like Ron does, probably, a little bit.
Kat: Okay, so I guess that’s the end of Chapter 1. It’s a really short chapter, but a lot of really funny stuff happens, so it was good.
Noah: Yes.
Caleb: Yeah, and it transitions right into… I mean, you immediately move on into the second chapter obviously after that. There was already someone sitting on the bed.
Noah: But just about Chapter 1 – that ending to the chapter, that line – we get a similar one at the end of Chapter 2. Isn’t that just a cool narrative move? To just be like, [in a dramatic voice] “There was someone sitting on the bed”? [returns to normal voice] You have to turn the page.
Caleb: Yeah.
Kat: You have to. It’s true.
Caleb: Absolutely.
Noah: I think Jo especially wanted to capture re-readers with the second book because she had no idea… she saw the first book being successful, but how could she know that she would be able to write this entire series? She really needed to grab people with this one, too. So…
Caleb: Definitely.
Noah: …that last line is proof of that eagerness, maybe.
Kat: No, I remember I was in college when this book came out, and I remember being late to class many a times just because I couldn’t stop reading, so…
[Caleb laughs]
Kat: Yeah.
Caleb: So, we meet this creature that is sitting on Harry’s bed, and I feel like I kind of need to read it because it’s just so gripping. “The little creature on the bed had large, bat-like ears and bulging green eyes the size of tennis balls.” I mean, the tennis balls line kind of creeped me out. I was like, oh my God, what is this thing? I thought it was going to lunge and attack Harry.
Kat: [laughs] Like a gremlin?
Caleb: Yeah. That’s exactly… a really good comparison, a gremlin.
Noah: Those are great movies, by the way.
[Kat laughs]
Noah: I was just reminded of Hagrid’s description. Do you guys remember? His feet were the size of baby dolphins, his hands were the size of trash can lids.
Kat: Mhm.
Caleb: Yeah.
Noah: So, I feel like certain characters… I remember when I made that comment. Those images are kind of sweet and nice, and that gives us Hagrid who is this big, huge guy, but also kind of nice. So, other characters don’t get metaphors like this that are as visual, but Dobby does.
Caleb: Mhm.
Noah: And green eyes the size of tennis balls, that’s kind of playful.
Kat: Yeah, I think she uses this type of metaphor for characters that were meant to…
Noah: Characters that are very visual, that are not quite human.
Kat: Well, and positive, too. The positive characters get the nicer metaphors obviously.
Noah: Nicer and often weird.
Caleb: I didn’t really think he was nice in the beginning. I was like, what is this creature thing doing here?
Noah: He’s going to feed on Harry.
[Kat laughs]
Caleb: Yeah, he’s going to suck his blood or something.
Michael: Well, see, this is just a perk of, I guess, the US editions, but the picture that Mary GrandPré drew of Dobby…
Kat: Mhm.
Michael: …I could not see that as evil. [laughs] And when I saw that in accompaniment… because I do think that Mary GrandPré’s drawings are actually pretty close to what I picture.
Caleb: Yeah.
Michael: And so when I saw that, I had no qualms with Dobby before we really knew him. I’ll get into that later.
[Kat and Michael laugh]
Michael: But yeah. No, at first sight, I think Dobby is actually… he seems pretty harmless.
Caleb: Okay, so it’s just me that has these childhood issues apparently that are… something wrong with Dobby.
Kat: Do you like Jar Jar?
[Michael laughs]
Caleb: No, I do not.
Kat: Okay. Well, I guess that makes sense then because a lot of people compare the two. I don’t mind Jar Jar, so…
Caleb: No, there is nothing okay with that creature.
[Caleb and Kat laugh]
Noah: Whoa.
Caleb: Sorry. Anyway…
Noah: I know what you’re getting for Christmas.
[Kat laughs]
Caleb: Ha ha ha. But something I noticed this time that I did not notice in the past is Hedwig is not looking out for Harry. When Rowling describes Hedwig as Harry notices Dobby, Hedwig is just asleep. She’s not observant, she’s just snoozing while Dobby takes over the room. She is clearly over it. She does not care about anything going on because she is still pissed about being locked up. Anyone else noticed this?
Michael: Hedwig holds grudges against Harry for pretty much every single book.
Caleb: Yeah, she’s really sassy. Sheesh!
Michael: Yeah, I know. She’s definitely got attitude to the point that actually she frustrates me a lot, especially Book 5. But in this situation, she’s… I think you’re right. That’s like the first hint of her just being like, “Ahh, you know, whatever.” And she’s lived in a menagerie for how many years before Harry and Hagrid bought her, so she’s probably seen this a lot. [laughs]
Caleb: Yeah.
Michael: She’s been surrounded by magical creatures for a long time, so this isn’t anything new to her.
Kat: But when I read this part I was wondering, how did Dobby find Harry in the first place? Isn’t his location supposed to be fairly secret?
Michael: I was wondering about that, too. And again – spoiler alert – the Malfoys didn’t know where Harry lived, did they? They knew he lived with the Dursleys but they didn’t know the location.
Kat: Right.
Caleb: Yeah, I wouldn’t think so.
Michael: Unless Lucius got that information somehow in Ministry records or something like that, or overheard Dumbledore talking about it or something. I don’t know… because Dobby is again getting his information from the Malfoys, I assume.
Caleb: Yeah.
Michael: But…
Caleb: I think this is just kind of a license Rowling takes and she uses it quite a bit how house-elves… they may not be as great as wizards and witches, but they have some sort of abilities that sort of supersede where witches and wizards are limited.
Noah: That’s probably my best answer to that as well. It’s a different kind of magic and he could really sense stuff, but individuals, it’s really tricky. But maybe the Fidelius Charm just doesn’t work on him because he’s not a wizard and therefore he can find Harry by some more normal means. He could just Apparate there.
Caleb: Yeah.
Michael: Could Voldemort have gotten… well, he wouldn’t have, of course, because he was above that, so that’s why he didn’t do it. I just answered my own question. But technically speaking, Voldemort… couldn’t he have just gotten a house-elf [laughs] to go find Harry and then he could have just come back and been like, [in a squeaky voice] “Harry Potter is at Number Four Privet Drive.” [returns to normal voice] And then Voldemort would have been like…
Noah: [as Voldemort] “You!”
Michael: [as Voldemort] “That’s it!” [laughs]
Noah: [as Voldemort] “Come with me!”
Caleb: Yeah.
Noah: [in a squeaky voice] “Oh my God!”
Michael: [as Voldemort] “Done!” [laughs]
Noah: Can you imagine him transporting himself by house-elf? I don’t think he has enough…
[Michael laughs]
Caleb: Oh no. He is so above that.
Michael: Yeah, I know.
Caleb: It’s like, “Get your icky house-elf hands off me! Don’t touch me!”
[Kat laughs]
Michael: Again…
Noah: He would never…
Michael: …Voldemort’s downfall. If he had just looked to creatures that were – quote, unquote – lower than him, as he would have put it, he actually might have been able to get at Harry much quicker.
Caleb: Definitely.
Noah: There are so many ways that…
Kat: It would have been more boring for us.
Michael: Oh yes, of course. [laughs] Because what kind of story is that? Voldemort gets a house-elf and kills Harry Potter in the end.
[Everyone laughs]
Noah: But on the same point, just what do house-elves know about stuff? We know that Dobby grew up in the Malfoy home, but does he have communication with other house-elves, do we think? Or does he… is his knowledge limited to really just the Malfoy house and… speaking of which, how has he developed such a strong character, having lived in that house his entire life, possibly doing punishments, presumably, throughout his whole life?
Kat: Yeah, because they say it’s the families, right? So, probably his older family members served the Malfoys as well. Am I correct in that?
Caleb: Yeah, I would assume so.
Noah: I would assume, yeah.
Caleb: Kind of like Kreacher’s family with the Black family.
Noah: Yeah.
Kat: Hmm.
Caleb: And I think that he… I mean, house-elves must communicate at least somewhat, if only when they are together, because when we meet Winky in Goblet of Fire they don’t seem to be like complete strangers when they interact, so…
Kat: Right.
Noah: That’s true. Maybe when they’re doing various errands…
Caleb: Mhm. Yeah.
Noah: …in Diagon Alley they meet up and they hang out.
Kat: Have a Butterbeer or two.
[Michael laughs]
Kat: Chat about the news.
Caleb: Yeah.
Noah: Two would be too much. That would be… they would be under the influence…
[Kat laughs]
Noah: …at two.
Kat: That’s true.
Caleb: I mean, Winky is downing them by the dozens, so…
Noah: Winky has a problem.
[Kat laughs]
Caleb: She does, poor gal.
Michael: I do think the house-elves do have a bit of a rumor mill going on because they kind of can only… when they do see each other, they really are the only other beings that they talk to because they’re not really… unless you have a good family as a house-elf, you’re not really permitted to talk, so to speak, and discuss. You’re just…
Noah: But I’m sure there’s a secret community of…
Michael: Yeah.
Noah: Because there has to be… weren’t they not necessarily enslaved by wizards and witches for their whole lives, so they used to be separate communities? I feel like…
Michael: Did she ever go into that, about the… before house-elves…
Noah: I feel like in an interview she’s talked about what it was like. I would assume they have a community structure and it’s based… centered around serving their families. But think about the house-elf community. They’re probably in some turmoil, or they’re obviously in an intense place. They obviously don’t have rights. We’ll get into all this later in the book, but their community is centered around this serving that obviously damages a community or shapes them.
Michael: Well, going back to what else shapes Dobby particularly, as far as how polite he is and what great character he has, he’s been raised pretty much the same way Harry has, under servitude and subjected to punishment. And I guess it comes down somewhat to personal morale.
Noah: Yeah, yeah.
Michael: Dobby would… because any other house-elf like Winky at some point would probably buckle, but Dobby… if you could put house-elves in houses, Dobby would probably be in Gryffindor, [laughs] so I think there’s an element of that.
Noah: Yeah.
Michael: He’s a lot like Harry in how selfless he is, and the movie mentions… the book doesn’t mention it right away. The movie goes right into it, and the book kind of implies it early on that the house-elves remember that as bad as it is for them right now, it was worse for them when Voldemort had power. So, there is kind of like… they know it’s bad now, but if Voldemort comes back and they know he’s back, then that could be much worse off for them.
Noah: So, that sounds like it’s part of the house-elf story. Like when they all get together and they have community functions, which are probably just they are going to hang out in Knockturn Alley or something…
Kat: Like a mixer?
[Everyone laughs]
Noah: You know, like a Butterbeer mixer?
Michael: I just pictured a giant house-elf convention. [laughs]
Kat: Yeah, with music in the background.
Caleb: Oh my gosh.
Kat: Some house music.
[Caleb and Michael laugh]
Noah: It’s probably not so glamorous. They’re probably just in a puddle or something. But…
[Everyone laughs]
Noah: Clearly there is hope. They are constantly talking about making it better, or it is better since Voldemort was gone, so clearly they’re communicating. But that’s interesting, Michael, that you also bring up that his personal morale can bring him through and honestly shape him even though he’s lived with the Malfoys for so long, just like Harry living with the Dursleys is shaped by his personal nature. And just like Voldemort couldn’t do it, or he turned the way he was because of his personal nature…
Kat: Mhm.
Noah: …in a completely different way.
Michael: Yeah, no. Harry just attracts kindred spirits, is what it is.
Noah: And that’s how Dobby found him.
Michael: Yeah, that’s it.
Caleb: Yeah. Well, we also learn that Dobby is certainly a little damaged…
[Michael and Noah laugh]
Caleb: …from his stint with the Malfoys because as we get to know Dobby, we find him quickly bursting out crying, banging his head on the window. I’m just like, my man has some issues. I mean, there’s some problems from his life with the Malfoys.
Noah: Do you think those punishments are based on previous orders from the Malfoys saying, “You do this if you say this”? Or is he just…
Caleb: Oh, yeah.
Noah: …taking it upon himself to do this?
Caleb: I think it started with them punishing him because he even mentions at some point…
Kat: Reminding him to do extra punishments.
Caleb: Yeah, that the Malfoys would remind him to do certain punishments.
Michael: I’m sure they looked to Draco for punishment ideas. They sound like things Draco would come up with.
Caleb: [laughs] That’s probably true.
[Michael laughs]
Kat: Yeah, shutting his ears in the oven door. Yeah, that’s true. It does sound like Draco.
Noah: It’s kind of specific.
Michael: [laughs] Yeah.
Noah: I would hate it if Dobby was just creatively coming up with these on his own.
Caleb: Yeah, Draco didn’t have any siblings to mess with, so Dobby kind of became the default thing – person, whatever – he picks on.
Michael: Draco is to Dobby as Dudley is to Harry.
Caleb: Yup. Another comparison between the two.
Noah: Except Dudley just wants to be Harry’s friend.
Michael: [laughs] Well, maybe Malfoy just wants to be Dobby’s friend.
[Kat and Noah laugh]
Caleb: False.
Noah: Whoa.
[Michael laughs]
Noah: Maybe.
Kat: Now, that’s something I’ve never heard of.
Caleb: Yeah. Well, before that becomes over the top… so we get this line, the… wow, I lost…
Noah: Wait, before you do that…
Caleb: What?
Noah: …why did Dobby start crying in the first place? Because Harry was so polite to him, right?
Caleb: Right, yeah.
Noah: He wasn’t used to this.
Caleb: Exactly.
Noah: So, isn’t it interesting that in this scene, manners are so important? Because we know that Vernon and Petunia and Dudley want to impress the Masons, and they’re having visitors at the same time that Harry is having another visitor and he also is polite to Dobby, but the politeness for Harry completely is true.
Caleb: Yeah.
Noah: He just naturally does it and it’s genuine, and for the Dursleys it’s completely false and it’s just a show and it’s just to get this order of drills down so they can go to Majorca. What about this discourse of manners going on over here?
Michael: Well, I see it just as… well, I think that’s a great… I’ve never even thought of that, that it’s a parallel just to contrast between the two. But for me, when I remember first reading it, I just pretty much continued to fall in love with Harry as I read these descriptions because he’s just so nice and sweet, and he’s like a friend that you would like to have because he is so considerate of perfect strangers.
Noah: Oh, yeah.
Michael: I don’t know. For me, it’s just very relatable, I think, for me just because I… when I was about that age, I kind of had a more quiet group of friends who were very more polite and well-mannered, and then when you pop into high school that’s not really what you find. Harry is pretty, I think, atypical for his age. He’s surprising…
Kat: Mhm.
Michael: …in his behavior and the fact, too, that he’s… because he doesn’t have any preordained prejudice…
Noah: Exactly.
Michael: …he’s just automatically nice to Dobby and he does not make any assumptions about him, even though Dobby is wearing a ratty old pillow case and nothing else. Harry will treat him just as he will treat anybody else.
Noah: Yeah, that’s interesting. We see that multiple times because of Harry’s… his knowledge is kind of limited in terms of the wizarding world. He’s instantly nice, or he acts informally but that works to his advantage. Would he necessarily be as nice if he was raised in a wizarding home? Or even raised by parents who were kind of like the Malfoys? You can’t know.
Caleb: It’s hard to say.
Michael: Well, if… and this comes up much later, in Book 5, but if Sirius had raised him you have to wonder if he would have the same attitude towards house-elves if he had been around Kreacher and Dobby came into his life. I think there would be a slight difference. I think Harry still does… because he does encounter that situation later on when Ron and Hermione first see that Harry is friends with Dobby, and of course Hermione just loves it but Ron doesn’t really get it at first. And Ron really just sees it for the perks of the friendship. He doesn’t really see a true relationship between Harry and Dobby.
Noah: Yeah.
Michael: And so, I think there would be a difference if Harry had been around that for a little longer. I think there is something to be said with how he was raised.
Noah: That’s also probably why Hermione can really go and stand for house-elves because she doesn’t come from these prejudices either, and you…
Caleb: And she… well, she faces a lot of prejudice too, so…
Noah: Oh, exactly. Okay.
Caleb: Yeah. But we finally get to this reason that Dobby is here. He has obviously a purpose for showing up and he doesn’t just want to shack up with Harry for a while. But he comes out with the line…
Noah: [as Dobby] “Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts this year!”
Caleb: Right. And I’m just like, “What?!” first time I read it. That’s such a terrible thing. Harry is gearing up to go to Hogwarts, he’s ready to go back to being all Gryffindor and everything, and then Dobby is like, “Nah playa, you ain’t goin’.” But that’s a problem for his life.
Noah: It’s kind of a dick move by Dobby.
Caleb: It is! Yeah, Dobby is raining on his parade. He’s so excited to go back to school and…
Noah: As readers we hate it, too.
Caleb: Yeah, absolutely.
Kat: Well, we obviously know he goes back at this point because what are the other 300 pages about otherwise?
Caleb: You don’t know. It could be him dealing with life at the Dursleys.
[Overlapping speakers; unintelligible]
Caleb: Yeah, venturing out into the Muggle world. Gosh, how disappointing that would be.
Michael: I… oh, go ahead.
Caleb: No, go ahead.
Michael: Well, I was always kind of miffed by Dobby after that point, pretty much. I love him as a character, but he… I pretty much find anything… since the book is so well written from Harry’s perspective, I find anything that mars Harry’s experience at Hogwarts to be very, very frustrating.
Caleb: Oh, absolutely.
Michael: Because Harry’s experience is all we get. I hate when Harry misses the Sorting for a stupid reason, or he gets cut out of Quidditch for any reason, because then we miss it too.
Caleb: Yeah.
Michael: Yeah, I completely agree that [laughs] if Dobby is there to ruin this experience, I’m mad at him.
Caleb: We’re so invested in Harry’s good experiences that we just… I was angry at Dobby. I had resentment toward him. [laughs] But it made me just think that… where does Dobby get off with thinking that his opinion of it is the best one, that it’s too dangerous for Harry to go back to Hogwarts? Can we trust his judgement? I don’t think he’d be aware of the protection Harry has at the Dursleys’ house, the whole aspect of him being safe there. It’s not like he and Dumbledore would chat about it or something. So…
Noah: They might.
Caleb: I don’t think so, though.
[Noah laughs]
Kat: I don’t think they’ve met yet.
Caleb: Yeah, and… I mean, we know now as readers, we know that danger will be at Hogwarts. But if Voldemort was to return, Harry would be in danger no matter what, so I just don’t know why… I guess it just goes… for me…
Noah: Keep in mind that Dobby… the reason he did all this was because he heard specifically what Lucius Malfoy was saying to people.
Caleb: Yeah, yeah.
Noah: And he thought he was the only one who knew and could causally change destiny. So, he wanted to save…
Caleb: Yeah.
Noah: He really wanted to save Harry, but this is certainly… it motivated him to act like no other house-elf has ever thought to do on his own, certainly. A free agent.
Caleb: Yeah, that’s fair. I guess for me, it just… it kind of shows… it does show that, but it also shows how limited Dobby is but he kind of acts really rashly.
Kat: So…
Noah: It sounds like a Gryffindor, Caleb.
[Kat laughs]
Caleb: I know, that’s kind of where I was going with it. He does, especially as we meet other house-elves.
Kat: Right.
Caleb: I think he kind of… he does embody that sort of Gryffindor-esque nature.
Kat: But I’m curious what Dobby knows exactly because if he knows that there is a basilisk and they’re going to be targeting Mudbloods, why is Dobby so worried about Harry’s life? Because he knows Harry is a wizard.
Caleb: Exactly. Yeah, that’s another thing I was thinking of. So…
Noah: Does he know that the Chamber of Secrets is going to be opened?
Kat: Well, that’s what I’m wondering. What exactly does Dobby know? He knows that there is a plot.
Caleb: Yeah, we don’t ever really get a full disclosure of what Dobby actually knows.
Kat: Right, and I mean… and it’s… Tom Riddle says himself that it’s not until much later that he decides to target Harry and not the Mudbloods. So…
Michael: Well, Harry… or Dobby must have known somehow what the diary was capable of because Lucius did.
Caleb: Wait… well, yeah, and he does know because of… what I was going to bring up in just a second, he knows that it has to do with Tom Riddle.
Michael: Yeah.
Caleb: So…
Michael: So, if it’s a product of Voldemort’s that’s being used in this plot, then I think… because Dobby does mention that he does associate Voldemort’s downfall with Harry as everybody else, he doesn’t want to risk losing Harry at all. And he doesn’t… I don’t think Dobby knows exact details because I don’t think Lucius even did.
Noah: Because don’t we know that? Because Tom… because Voldemort never disclosed exact details about his Horcruxes to Lucius, right? He just sort of gave him the diary.
Kat: Right, yeah. Lucius has…
Caleb: Right.
Kat: …no idea that it’s a Horcrux. Yeah.
Caleb: Right.
Noah: So, I’m pretty sure whatever Lucius intends to do is pretty vague, and Dobby has heard that and drawn out the worst, worst possible scenario. And I think his understanding of it is also pretty vague. However, bearing in mind that line, “‘Not – not He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, sir –’ But Dobby’s eyes were wide and he seemed to be trying to give Harry a hint. Harry, however, was completely lost.” Given that line, it was a popular theory that Dobby knew about Horcruxes, that… because his eyes were getting wide and we know it’s not Voldemort per se, but it’s something close to him, just like when there is a… Harry is like, “He hasn’t got a brother, has he?” But then Dobby freaks out a little bit more. Does Dobby know anything about Horcruxes, possibly separate from Lucius? Because he even says that this is darker magic that no decent wizard should even know, that even Dumbledore would know.
Caleb: Yeah, I don’t really think he knows about Horcruxes. I think it’s more he knows the Tom Riddle portion of it, and I think that’s why he seemed to be trying to give Harry a hint, and I think that’s why it’s such good foreshadowing. I think it’s more he knows about that connection between Voldemort and Tom Riddle than necessarily that the diary is a Horcrux. So…
Noah: Yeah. It’s kind of similar to a line in the first book where Hagrid is talking about Voldemort and he makes mention of the fact that Voldemort knows magic that is kind of similar to Horcruxes. I don’t know if you guys remember that, but it’s almost as if Jo made certain characters hint at it, even though they themselves, logically, shouldn’t know anything about it.
Caleb: Yeah, which is a really skillful and clever literary device she used through it. So…
Noah: Yeah. And maybe just… maybe simply she didn’t know exactly who was going to be a part of the Horcrux hunt later on or who was going to know what…
Caleb: Mhm.
Noah: …so she kept it really vague. But yeah, really cool.
Caleb: Yeah. So, another… [laughs] this was really funny to me reading it back, when Dobby is trying to hint at Harry, and Harry originally theorizes that it’s Voldemort and Harry says, “He hasn’t got a brother, has he?”
[Everyone laughs]
Caleb: I was just like… just imagine that for a moment that he does have a brother, and I’m just thinking of all these possibilities. This inferior brother who never did as great as Tom Riddle. What’s the brother’s name? I came up with Theodore for some reason.
[Kat and Noah laugh]
Caleb: It just jumped out at me. And then I’m like, are they half-brothers? Do they have a different mom or a different dad? And then I’m like, fan fiction. So fans, go for it.
[Kat laughs]
Caleb: Tell us the story of Voldemort’s inferior brother.
[Noah imitates an evil laugh]
Kat: Theodore Riddle.
Michael: And I will read it on Audiofictions.
[Caleb and Michael laugh]
Michael: I will gladly read that.
Caleb: Yes.
Kat: That would be amazing.
Michael: I will come up with the voice for Theodore. Yeah, no, I think we’ve come up with a lot of ideas for fan fiction. I think you guys have a lot of good material for fan fiction on Alohomora!. [laughs]
Noah: That’s great.
Kat: Yeah.
Caleb: Totally.
Noah: Voldemort’s half-brother is like a little Igor character.
[Caleb and Kat laugh]
Noah: Just kind of following him around. [as Igor] “Yes, yes.”
Caleb: And they probably… they were split at birth. Maybe Voldemort doesn’t even know about the brother. So…
Noah: He’s a twin, but he split his soul.
[Kat and Michael laugh]
Noah: And he’s half a soul.
Caleb: I would say it’s more likely that… I think they’re half-brothers and that they have the same dad, so maybe Tom Riddle Sr. had a kid with another lady.
Kat: So, he’s a wizard, the brother?
Caleb: No. I don’t think he would be because Tom Riddle Sr. is a Muggle. So…
Michael: Well, maybe he made the mistake and hooked up with another witch.
Noah: Yeah.
Caleb: Oh, that’s true.
Michael: All of those reasons that were just reviewed are pretty much all the reasons I was glad that JK Rowling got out of the way almost immediately that Voldemort does not in fact have a brother.
[Caleb laughs]
Michael: I think just because that is a very typical… and that comes up later in Deathly Hallows with another character. But that is a very typical fallback for these…
Caleb: Mhm.
Noah: Hey, if the diary Horcrux had completely manifested with Ginny’s life and become another Voldemort, they would’ve been like a tag team.
Michael: I don’t think Voldemort would work in… Voldemort doesn’t play well on teams.
Noah: He’d work with himself.
Caleb: He probably would have killed the brother, honestly.
Noah: I think if he’s going to work with somebody, he’s going to work with himself.
Caleb: Yeah. He would have killed the brother, I think.
Noah: Hmm.
Kat: Theodore?
Caleb: Yes.
Kat: Or Teddy. Are we going to call him Teddy?
Michael: [laughs] Oh, God!
Caleb: We already have a Teddy.
Kat: Oh, that’s true. Oops, sorry. Ted. No, we have a Ted, too.
Caleb: Yeah. So…
[Everyone laughs]
Caleb: Yeah, anyway. So, after we settle on that there is no brother, there’s a lot of noise and commotion because Dobby is beating himself more and making his life more hard. But they make so much noise that they clearly… the people downstairs hear them or hear something, and so Vernon comes up and he tells Harry – after Harry stashes Dobby in the closet – that he has ruined the punchline of his Japanese golfer joke. And I just had to pause there for a second this time around. I’m like, is this a racist joke? I’m not having it. I’m not having Vernon make these racist jokes to his friends over for dinner.
Noah: Guys, you’re going to have it. You are having it, Caleb, because I just found it.
[Jazz music plays]
[Everyone laughs]
Michael: Oh, God!
Caleb: I don’t even know if we could put that on the app.
Kat: Yeah, so to hear Noah read the joke, download our app.
[Noah laughs]
Kat: Because that’s a dirty joke!
Caleb: Warning: it is rather explicit.
Noah: Oh my goodness, what if that’s the joke that Vernon was telling?
Kat: It must be. Oh, but that’s very inappropriate for Dudley.
Noah: Yeah, but…
Caleb: And in front of the ladies in the room. Geez.
Kat: Says the southern gentleman.
Caleb: Exactly.
Noah: But it sounds like the kind of joke he’d say, though.
Michael: No, I think that there’s something to that with the… because later on, Vernon… doesn’t he say something about, “Oh, tell them about the one about the American plumbers.” And so he’s basing this whole evening on racist jokes. [laughs]
Caleb: He has such a crude sense of humor. I’m over it.
Kat: He does. Yeah, he does. It’s bad.
Caleb: But…
Kat: It’s very British, though. I mean, not to knock any of the Brits, but I have quite a few British friends who are all very crass, so maybe that’s just a thing.
Noah: You’re saying the British are crass?
Kat: Some of the ones that I know are, yes. The cab driver I had when I was in London, yes, incredibly crass. Yes.
Caleb: That’s not the way we do it in the south, I’m telling you right now.
Noah: Hey guys, I don’t want to label any cultures here, but I think it’s… I think the Americans have a lot… we’re kind of… we’re very judgmental.
[Everyone laughs]
Michael: Yeah, I think we have our fair share of that.
Kat: We do.
Michael: Rosie is not here, [laughs] so we’re kind of…
Caleb: I’m sure we’re going to get plenty of comments on all of this.
Michael: [laughs] Yeah.
Kat: [laughs] She’ll yell at us next week, I’m sure.
Caleb: But once Vernon goes back to his racist ways downstairs, we find out that Dobby has actually been stashing letters from Ron, Hermione, and even Hagrid, and this just fueled the fire of my rage at Dobby.
[Noah laughs]
Caleb: I’m like, he is interfering way too much in Harry’s life. Harry has been having some emotional issues for the past couple of weeks because he doesn’t think anyone likes him anymore, and then we find out that Dobby has been stealing all the letters. Not okay, Dobby. Not okay.
Noah: Do we think he’s been reading them?
Caleb: No, I don’t think so.
Kat: No, I don’t think so either. Yeah.
Caleb: Because they were unopened, I think, when… well, I guess we don’t know for sure because Harry never actually gets the letters.
Noah: I feel like that’s unclear, yeah.
Kat: I doubt it. I think Dobby respects Harry a little more than that to read his mail.
Caleb: Yeah, he’s not really interested in what it says, he just wants Harry to not… he wants Harry… he says that he wants Harry to think that if his friends forgot him, he wouldn’t want to go back to Hogwarts.
Kat: Mhm.
Noah: [as Dobby] Dobby must know what the Hermione girl thinks.
Caleb: That’s awkward.
[Michael laughs]
Noah: Sitting in that bush.
[Kat and Michael laugh]
Caleb: And we’re going to move on from that.
[Everyone laughs]
Caleb: So, as Michael already brought up, we get another joke about American plumbers. Again, we just… Vernon is hitting on all nationalities at this point. But…
Noah: I was sort of… I’m kind of interested if we track the American references in the books because I feel like Americans aren’t really talked about much at all.
Caleb: Yeah.
Noah: Rarely do we even talk about other countries or anything in the Muggle world, in terms of actual affairs now. So, it’d be interesting to see if they’re mentioned anywhere else in the series and then we can kind of put that all together and see what Jo really thinks about America.
Kat: Well, I feel like Americans are really into themselves…
Caleb: Yeah.
Kat: …so that’s why we talk about each other a lot.
Caleb: We do.
Kat: And Brits just aren’t.
Michael: That’s kind of why I love Harry Potter because it really doesn’t feel the need to do that. Goblet of Fire, I think, is the only other time they’re mentioned…
Caleb: Uh-huh.
Michael: …and for that obvious reason. So yeah, I like that and I think that’s something that, thank God, came across in the movies because of how they decided to do it in the end, was they wanted to make it strictly British and JK Rowling wanted it that way. She was invested in the movies being that way, so clearly she wanted the books to be a distinctly British project.
Noah: Interesting that there aren’t any American wizard schools talked about. There aren’t any… in the Triwizard Tournament, there isn’t an American representative.
Kat: Well, they mentioned it…
Michael: Well, they mention one.
Kat: …in Goblet of Fire.
Michael: That’s the one they mentioned.
Kat: The Salem Witch Institute, I think.
Michael: Mhm.
Noah: Oh, really?
Michael: Yeah.
Kat: Mhm.
Caleb: Right. Yeah.
Kat: It’s just very quickly in passing when the trio are walking through the campsites at the World Cup.
Noah: That’s awesome. Okay.
Kat: Yeah, we’re talking about it in my forum on the forums.
Caleb: So, I should back track a little bit because at this point, this is after Harry… Dobby tries to get Harry to promise that he won’t go to Hogwarts. Harry is like, “No,” and so they… Dobby takes off downstairs and Harry follows him. It’s worth mentioning that Harry says he jumps the last six stairs or something and lands cat-like which I think is really amusing because I’m just imagining Harry landing on the ground floor all perked up like a cat trying to land quietly.
Michael: Oh, really? I’m glad you mentioned it because I don’t… [laughs] I see it the opposite. I see him landing really like an awesome super hero.
[Kat laughs]
Michael: He’s on all fours and he’s just like, “I’m going to get that house-elf!” [laughs] And it’s just… in my head, it was always awesome. I don’t know. [laughs]
Caleb: So, Dobby immediately goes for this pudding that Petunia has made that is clearly very over the top and she has put a lot of work into it, and it’s already spelling disaster all over the place. And I’m just thinking as Dobby is threatening to do damage and bring hell to Harry’s life if he doesn’t swear not to go to Hogwarts, why isn’t Harry just like, “Yeah, Dobby. I won’t go. Now, get down from there,” and still go? Why doesn’t he just think, well, I’ll satisfy him now and say, “I won’t go,” but just deal with that later?
Kat: I think because even pretending to not go to Hogwarts would just…
Noah: Too painful.
Kat: Yeah. Just break his heart. Yeah.
Noah: Because he doesn’t know if Dobby has other means of keeping him away, like magically.
Caleb: That is just so irrational to me, though. My immediate thought would be, okay, what can I do to sort of convince him and then…
Kat: Yeah, me too. I would do the same thing. I would definitely maybe fib a little bit.
Michael: Yeah.
Caleb: Yeah.
Michael: I agree. I would have… I wondered that every time I read it, why Harry didn’t just lie at that point. But I think the thing too is that, again comparing the two, Harry just cannot bring himself to lie.
Caleb: Yeah.
Michael: He does that later, but for a pretty good long time Harry avoids fibbing. And he…
Caleb: Yeah. It’s such a huge Gryffindor moment in the worst of ways for him, though. He is so emotional and rash and isn’t really thinking logically.
Michael: Mhm.
Kat: Mhm, yeah.
Noah: Also, he is twelve and maybe just not incredibly with it.
Caleb: Yeah, that’s true.
Noah: Because at this point, he’s a young guy.
Michael: Yeah.
Caleb: So, Dobby – since he doesn’t really get the response he wants – he lets loose the pudding, it goes everywhere and covers Harry in the pudding, and he is out of there. He is like, “Peace, I ain’t getting in trouble.”
[Kat laughs]
Caleb: So then, I guess… I can’t remember now. Is it Vernon that runs in? Maybe it’s Petunia? I can’t remember off the top of my head now.
Michael: Let me just look that up.
Kat: It’s Uncle Vernon.
Caleb: Okay.
Kat: It says, “He bursts into the kitchen to find Harry.”
Caleb: Right. So, Vernon bursts in. They try… they actually have a pretty good opportunity to cover themselves, the Dursleys. They are like, “Oh, it’s our nephew. He’s really… he’s got a lot of problems. We keep him…”
Noah: He is disturbed.
Caleb: “…locked up like an animal. He is disturbed.”
[Noah laughs]
Caleb: “We don’t like him.” But then it’s done whenever the owl comes in and goes all over Mrs. Mason who is afraid of birds. And when I’m reading this, I’m just like, “What in the world, who is afraid… who has such an irrational fear of birds?”
Kat: I actually…
Noah: Michael…
Kat: What?
Noah: Sorry. I just wanted Michael to try to let us see what that would have sounded like, Mrs. Mason freaking out.
Caleb: Oh my gosh.
Michael: Oh, Mrs. Mason freaking out? [as Mrs. Mason] “Ahh! There’s a bird on my head! Ahh! Ahh! Ahh!”
[Caleb and Noah laugh]
Noah: Then she runs out, she’s out of here, she’s gone.
Kat: Very nice.
Caleb: Deleted scenes from the movie.
Michael: Yeah. [laughs]
Kat: Well, I actually looked it up because I was really curious if there was anybody kind of famous who is afraid of birds. So, it’s called ornithophobia and the three that I found is David Beckham, George W. Bush, and of course Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory.
[Caleb and Michael laugh]
Caleb: What a unique, collective group there we have.
Kat: [laughs] Yeah.
Michael: So, if the Dursleys had gotten in connection with David Beckham, the same thing would have happened.
Kat: [laughs] Yeah, exactly.
Michael: [as David Beckham] “Oh no! This is a bird on my head! Ahh!”
[Caleb and Kat laugh]
Caleb: So, once this is… we actually figure out what happens with the owl, and it’s from the Improper Use of Magic Office. And they clearly… and Michael brought this up earlier, they don’t have the best detection methods if they are only able to judge that it takes place in a vicinity rather than isolated to a single person. And then I started to think more on this. The way it is, is it already too much like this big brother method that they’re using? And it made me think about how some wizards might have argued about privacy rights and oversight when the Statute of Secrecy was first implemented a long, long time ago.
Noah: I’m sure they did.
Caleb: Yeah.
Noah: I mean, it’s just kind of interesting to think about how the Trace actually works. It’s not like they implanted something in Harry at birth. I think it’s more likely that they just do an enchantment and everyone in the area of… everyone in the UK or children when there’s magic being done. I don’t know how it works in wizarding homes though because magic is probably constantly being done, but maybe only the Muggle-borns. They have some way of tracking magic in Muggle communities on a grid somewhere. But…
Kat: Well, isn’t it said that the Trace is only in areas of… in wizarding communities? Or am I remembering incorrectly?
Noah: Well, it should be in places that aren’t wizarding communities because how could… how else could they detect magic that isn’t right? Or that would…
Kat: Hmm.
Michael: Yeah, no, that actually… I think I saw that somewhere else. It’s not on your forums, elsewhere. There is a discussion going on about, is this Trace unfair to Muggle-borns? Because they… you can pretty much pinpoint “whodunit” if…
Kat: Right.
Michael: …they do it. But you can’t do that if say the Weasleys are doing magic over the summer.
Caleb: Right.
Noah: Yeah, how do they even regulate that?
Michael: Yeah. There’s…
Noah: Because they still can’t do magic.
Kat: They obviously don’t. I mean, I feel like it should be something more on the wands instead of on the house or on the area.
Noah: Do you think…
Caleb: Yeah.
Noah: …it’s slightly less in those communities and parents… it’s up to parents to monitor that?
Kat: Yeah. I mean, I think that’s been said in the books even, that it’s the parents’ job to make sure that they don’t do magic underage outside of school.
Noah: Which I’m sure Fred and George probably got around.
Kat: Obviously.
Caleb: I think it just has a lot of interesting parallels to the role of government and how much they should be involved, how much to be removed. Especially when you have these sort of different dynamics with wizarding-born children versus Muggle-born. So…
Michael: Well…
Noah: Absolutely.
Michael: Yeah. No, it’s another subtle hint almost at how inept the Ministry is right now and how badly it is run.
Caleb: Do we think that’s sort of… was Rowling kind of starting off a commentary on the role of government and some things? I’m not as familiar with British government as I am with American government, but I mean, it seems that way to me.
Michael: I do just because she had already done that in Philosopher’s Stone and Sorcerer’s Stone when Hagrid mentions Cornelius Fudge.
Caleb: Mhm.
Michael: Which was always something I missed when I was younger and read the books, but this time I saw it and how he mentions that Cornelius is very bad as a minister and that he looks to Dumbledore for guidance. [laughs]
Noah: Yeah.
Michael: And that is expanded on further later on with the arrest of Hagrid and Lucius Malfoy. There’s… this is just I think a hint of that, how they just don’t… there are failings in magic…
Caleb: Mhm.
Michael: …that wizards are way too proud to admit, but there are failings.
Noah: And we’ll obviously get Azkaban, too, and then the whole question of punishment because it seems like you go to Azkaban for a certain amount of time based on your offense, and that’s just such a terrible place. And that’s kind of their only punishment, which is kind of interesting.
Caleb: Yeah.
Noah: But just on the Trace itself, isn’t elf magic different from wizard magic, and shouldn’t the Ministry have been able to sense that?
Caleb: Yeah.
Noah: That it was a different kind of Hover Charm?
Caleb: That’s what I always thought about after getting farther into the series because obviously house-elves, for example, can Apparate in places where wizards and witches can’t, so it seems a little inconsistent. You wouldn’t think… unless they’re just able to detect any sort of magic going on there, but I would almost think that house-elf magic would kind of be below the radar. I don’t know.
Noah: I mean, it seems to really come easy to them. They don’t use wands, so they obviously had to grow into using magic without them…
Caleb: Mhm.
Noah: …making them even slightly more in tune with their magical abilities.
Kat: Well, maybe the Trace only detects wand magic.
Michael: Well no, it doesn’t because it…
Caleb: There’s no wand here.
Kat: Oh, right.
Noah: Right.
Michael: Well yeah, I think that it’s more that… I would say that the house-elves have… with certain spells, probably, it just comes off very similar to a wizard spell…
Noah: Yeah.
Michael: …and that is probably too specific for a charm to detect by the Ministry.
Noah: It’s like in the realm of Hover Charms…
Michael: Mhm.
Noah: …and therefore it registers as a wizard doing a Hover Charm.
Michael: Mhm.
Noah: Even though it is slightly different.
Caleb: Yeah.
Michael: Yeah.
Noah: That’s pretty cool. We’ll have a lot of discussions about house-elves throughout this entire book.
Caleb: Yeah.
Noah: Like, can they be sorted? Can they use wands? Cool stuff like that. We don’t necessarily have to get into that now, but…
Caleb: Yeah. So, this owl comes from – we see this person come up a lot – Mafalda Hopkirk, and I always…
Noah: Mafalda Hopkirk!
Caleb: I wanted to mention that I always liked that name. I thought it was such a… it rolled off really well. But…
Kat: It’s peppy!
Michael: Yeah, I know.
Caleb: Yeah, it is. And she’s always so cheerful in her closing. She’s always sending an owl that’s sort of disciplinary of some sort. I think even when later in… whatever book it is. Is it Order of the Phoenix?
Michael: Yeah, it’s Order of the Phoenix.
Caleb: Yeah, when Harry gets… has to go to a hearing. She always has these really pleasant closings, so this one is, “Enjoy your holidays!”
[Everyone laughs]
Caleb: And then she signs off. I thought that was really amusing, always, in the face of this…
Kat: I feel like these are form letters.
Noah: Yeah.
Kat: I don’t think she actually sits down to write them. It’s kind of like a charm…
Caleb: Yeah, that’s true.
Kat: …that automatically fills everything in and then sends it.
Caleb: That’s true. But it still makes me envision Mafalda as a very pleasant lady for some reason.
Kat: Yeah, I agree.
Michael: Yeah, no, and it goes along with the theme of the Ministry being just somewhat inept…
[Caleb laughs]
Michael: …and they’re just like, [as Mafalda Hopkirk] “Oh well, you’re going to be suspended. All right, have a good summer!” [returns to normal voice] And I think they did that fantastic in the fifth movie [laughs] when he gets another letter. It’s like…
Caleb: Mhm.
Michael: Mafalda is a great character even though [laughs] you really don’t see her that much.
Caleb: Yeah.
Michael: She is a fantastic side character.
Caleb: So, once this letter comes in and the Masons, in terror, storm out of the house, and Vernon has lost his chance at a deal, he goes mad and insane again. And it kind of parallels what he did when the letters kept coming in Philosopher’s Stone. Clearly he has… he does not have good experiences with owls. So, I just really like that Rowling was able to sort of relate back to that and keep that theme going.
[Prolonged silence]
Caleb: All right…
Michael: Oh, sorry!
[Everyone laughs]
Michael: Well, I guess because I already had mentioned, too, that it’s the same… it’s that thing of the Dursleys still not having gotten over everything that they’ve gone through, and their very basic way of dealing with it is, “Let’s lock up Harry!” even though that’s just been proven to not work. But yeah, it’s that again with the emotional scars.
Noah: And I just wanted to add something after this point. Thinking larger about the fact that this big business deal is going on, I don’t know if we’ve talked about it enough, just the fact that the whole point of this dinner for the Dursleys was to get this order of drills from Mr. Mason. What if this was… what if this whole scene was a metaphor for commonplace, free-trade capitalism and Harry, magic, and Dobby just come in and they revolt against it. So, what if this whole thing is about revolting against capitalism and fake manners, and just… and business versus childhood, imagination and fun, and real stuff? Because we know Harry is so genuine with everything going on, and the way that they worked this out with the Masons, it was so fake. They had to make dinner a certain way, they had to open the door, and they were wearing suits but it’s all… underneath, it is so fake. So, what do you think about this in terms of capitalism? Is there anything being said there?
Michael: I think it’s totally… that is a completely and totally valid interpretation because Harry is somewhat of a champion for the underdogs and the not-so-well-off. I mean, look. He’s friends with the Weasleys and that’s made very clear in all the books that Harry would much prefer to hang out with the Weasleys than the Malfoys because he just sees them as… he sees people who don’t have as much in life like him as… I do believe he sees them as having better values…
Noah: Yeah.
Michael: …and he always talks about how he hates how fake the Dursleys are, and he thinks that in their attempts to be successful, they’re awfully silly, and they can’t even see past their own noses. And yeah, I do think there is… I do think that’s… I’ve never thought of it in those particular terms, but I do think that is something that stays throughout all the books.
Noah: Yeah, I don’t really know what to make of it, but we talked about these similar scenes – two visitors, one probably the poorest creature we have in the books, and Mr. Mason who is obviously pretty rich. At the same time, both parties trying to be polite to the visitor but one is fake and one is perfectly genuine. Interesting that the Dursleys frame this book this way, which is cool.
Caleb: Yeah, definitely. And the Dursleys, after this mask, pretty much put Harry in a prison which we’ve talked about already, the comparison between he and Hagrid… Hagrid? [laughs] He and Hedwig…
[Michael laughs]
Noah: [as Hagrid] Get me out of this cage!
[Everyone laughs]
Caleb: I don’t know…
Kat: That’s one big cage!
Caleb: Hagrid would never fit in the cage. And it’s almost kind of glossed over that Harry is put in this cage – like a cage, I should say – and he’s only let out to use the bathroom morning and evening. This is clearly not okay, but…
Noah: Is this child abuse, Caleb?
Caleb: I think so.
Kat: Absolutely.
Michael: Yes.
[Michael and Noah laugh]
Caleb: I mean, they make a cat slit for him to get some food. I mean, come on. That’s not proper guar… ugh, I cannot talk today. Guardianship. Whatever.
Kat: And then it’s only cold soup.
Caleb: Yeah.
Noah: And then he has to feed the vegetables to Hedwig, making them even closer.
Caleb: The sassy, picky owl is not having it, so…
Kat: Right.
[Michael laughs]
Noah: She better deal.
Caleb: Yeah. So, times are hard for Harry in his cage…
[Kat and Michael laugh]
Caleb: …and he’s sleeping and he’s having these nightmares, or whatever, but he’s woken up by a bright light and all of a sudden, Ron is there to the rescue.
Michael: Da, da da!
Noah: And it’s worth noting that the way the last chapter ended is kind of similar to this one because it’s another page turner.
Caleb: Yup.
Noah: It’s like, that’s ridiculous, Ron at his window?
Caleb: It’s also similar…
Noah: He lives on the second floor.
Caleb: Yeah, and it’s similar to Hagrid booming in at the hut on the rock…
Noah: Yeah.
Caleb: …to sort of rescue Harry from the Dursleys.
Noah: Later chapters of these books don’t have that, but these definitely do because she wants readers, she wants people, to keep staying with it…
Caleb: Mhm.
Noah: …until they get to the nitty-gritty of the book.
Caleb: Yeah, definitely.
Michael: Well, and I don’t know if you guys were going to mention it, but… and it’s pretty self explanatory, I guess, the way certain… Harry’s dream that he has there is fantastic. I think that…
Caleb: Yeah.
Michael: Like a great conglomeration of all the… to previous chapters…
Noah: Yeah, that’s what I was talking about.
Michael: …coming together. That’s just great.
Noah: Isn’t he in a zoo?
Michael: Yeah, he’s…
Noah: And Dudley is rattling the bars?
Michael: Yeah. He’s an animal in a zoo. Yeah, and…
Caleb: Which, again, harkens back to the first book when they went to the zoo. So…
Noah: Yeah.
Michael: And Dobby won’t help him get out because he thinks that he’s safer in there. So… [laughs]
Caleb: Yeah.
Noah: Dobby is crazy.
Caleb: At this point, I want to punch Dobby in the face.
[Michael laughs]
Noah: Woah.
Kat: Well, it’s funny because that dream that we’re talking about is a really good segue into our special feature this week.
Caleb: Yeah.
Noah: Noah’s Close Read. Is it a good segue?
Kat: Well yeah, because they’re talking about him being trapped in a zoo and…
Noah: That has nothing to do with my close read.
Michael: Take it, Noah. It’s good.
Noah: But anyway, we’re going to go to…
Kat: Noah, that was so… [sighs]
[Michael and Noah laugh]
Caleb: Wait, one thing I want to quickly mention before moving to the close read. So, some people in the comments wanted us to talk more about Pottermore, and so I thought about it for this week. There’s not really any new content for the first and second chapters of Chamber of Secrets, but there is a part where you get to or try to keep Petunia’s pudding afloat in the air before you can move on to the next scene. Did you guys get past that part? Did you try it yet?
Kat: Oh, yeah. Piece of cake.
Michael: Yeah, I… ah, ha, ha! Punny.
Kat: [laughs] Actually, pun not intended, but…
[Michael and Noah laugh]
Caleb: Oh, I didn’t catch that.
Michael: Oh, I was wondering why I was the only one laughing.
[Kat and Michael laugh]
Caleb: No, I’m just really slow. But I thought that was kind of funny, but even if you keep it afloat it doesn’t change the end result. It still crashes and goes everywhere.
Kat: Right.
Noah: Even more frustrating. Damn you, Dobby.
[Everyone laughs]
Noah: Oh, man. But yeah, I think we’ll get into the Malfoy story…
Caleb: Oh, yeah. Definitely.
Noah: …in a few chapters time?
Caleb: Yeah, it would be… yeah, it should be… well, it has to be the next chapter, right?
Kat: Probably the next episode, yup.
Caleb: Yeah, because we only have three chapters, 3 and 4, of Chamber of Secrets. Good gosh. Come on, get us more chapters. It’s been a while since we’ve had only four chapters of the second book. Come on, Pottermore.
Noah: She’s… they’re working on a lot of stuff. You need total patience.
Caleb: I don’t. I have none of the patience.
Kat: It was a lot better this time around though, I have to say.
Michael: Yeah, it was.
Caleb: Yeah, I guess.
Michael: Yeah, I thought it was. [laughs]
Caleb: Caleb is not impressed.
Noah: Well, we’ll get in-depth next week…
Kat: Yup.
Noah: …for sure. Okay, so now we’re going to move on to Noah’s Close Read section. If you guys remember this, I’m going to take a section from the books, or just kind of really look at the language and we’re going to kind of… by close read, I mean look at the stuff and look at the words specifically and see what kind of interpretations we can draw from that. It’s not quite reading through the lines, it’s really looking at the lines and figuring out what it’s all about. And I wanted to kind of mention, again, the panel I did at LeakyCon where we look over the controversial theories and we talk about stuff that you wouldn’t normally talk about in terms of Harry Potter. It’s when you take the story and you compare it to real-world events or you compare it to the author’s life, their history. It’s kind of like looking for the deeper meaning, but not to say that it is deeper than the words themselves. These deep meanings are, in fact, embedded in the words, and that’s kind of our going philosophy when doing all this. So, actually, we are going to spin-off a lot of what people have been talking about in the forums on our website, Alohomora.MuggleNet.com. We’re going to talk about the animal references when talking about the Dursleys. As we know, the description of the Dursleys, they’re often kind of these uglier descriptions because they are cartoonish characters, they are not our friends, they’re kind of the smallish villains. Especially in Chamber of Secrets. There was a lot of mentions of animal words with them. So, for Uncle Vernon we had… he roars at Harry over using the word “magic” and having been overexcited he sits down, breathing like a winded rhinoceros, and watching Harry closely out of the corners of his small, sharp eyes. Then later after the owl lands on Mrs. Mason’s head, he’s bearing down on Harry like a great bulldog, all his teeth barred. Or is that bared?
Kat: Bared.
Noah: I think it’s barred.
Michael: Bared, I think. Or…
Caleb: It’s definitely bared.
Kat: Yup.
Noah: Teeth bared! Yes. And then we have Aunt Petunia, who has that horse-face and bony horse-face. Dudley, pink, blond, and porky, waddling towards Harry while outside, and we know he’s compared to a pig in the earlier book.
[Kat laughs]
Noah: In fact, he’s kind of transformed into one. At least with the tail…
Kat: Halfway at least, right?
Noah: Yeah. So, Petunia the horse, Dudley the pig, and Uncle Vernon the any mixture of wild, crazy animals that will kill you. So, we have a great comment in the forums from… Faemelwen?
Kat: Faemelwen?
Noah: Faemelwen!
Kat: Yup. Close enough.
Noah: [continues]
“The animal type of imagery that’s used for the Dursleys makes me think of ‘Animal Farm’ – ‘The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.'”
So, that’s one of the ending lines of Animal Farm. Great book by George Orwell, if you ever read it.
Caleb: Yeah. It’s one of my favorites. I love it.
Michael: Fantastic, yes. It’s a fantastic book.
Kat: Agreed, yeah.
Noah: Everybody should read it.
“It shows, in my opinion, that the Dursleys of these early books are really here just to fill a role. They’re paper-thin caricatures, even dehumanized to make us empathize more with Harry’s situation, much like the animals in the Animal Farm who stand for some bigger idea than themselves.”
Okay. So, if I could just unpack that comment a little bit, he’s talking about the fact that the animals in Animal Farm kind of… I don’t know if you guys are familiar with the plot. I mean, you’ve all read it, but the pigs end up leading the farm. Well, first it’s led by humans, but then the humans leave, and then the animals start running the farm themselves. And then quickly it turns out that the pigs who are leading it start to develop into humans or they start having the values of humans, and it’s all about money, and at the end of the day the animals of the Animal Farm come to represent the human workers population, the one who leads that, therefore the animals come to reflect ideals and stuff. And that’s at least what George Orwell is into that and a lot of people look into that, but… so Faemelwen is saying that the Dursleys also do a kind of similar thing. They represent these nasty characters. But I really like the thing that he was talking about, dehumanization, because they are kind of dehumanized, and we’ve got to remember as this is all filtered through Harry’s consciousness, Harry is the one who is viewing these characters as animals in a way, as is the narrator, and so are we. And that lets us not kind of care about Dudley, in a way, because we’ve been trained possibly, almost hypnotically, to think of him just as an animal, not as really an important character. Would you…
Kat: Yeah, this is kind of Harry’s… I feel like it’s the only time that he is judgmental in a way, by the way he feels about the Dursleys.
Noah: Maybe it’s his way of coping.
Michael: I’d say that it’s almost sadly one of the few things that Harry picked up from the Dursleys.
Kat: Mmm.
Michael: Because, as we talked about earlier, they do this to him.
Noah: Yeah.
Michael: You mentioned, Noah, I think here that they compare Harry to a dog that rolled in something smelly, and I think that’s just… there’s a back and forth between all of them of just dehumanizing. Harry actually says when he’s talking to Dobby something about… where is it? Dobby tells him how he’s stuck with his family until he dies and it says, “Harry stared. ‘And I thought I had it bad staying here for another four weeks,’ he said. ‘This makes the Dursleys sound almost human.'” It’s another thing where the Dursleys don’t see Harry as human, and Harry picked that up from them and doesn’t see them the same way. I think granted for somewhat valid reasons because they are so cartoonish. But yeah, there’s a back and forth there. It’s not just Harry doing this to the Dursleys.
Noah: Yeah. If I can just talk about what you mentioned before, that comment, there is a line about Harry being treated like a dog that has rolled in something smelly. So, it’s really interesting throughout these whole chapters the connections between animals and humans. It’s just interesting to see the way that Jo plays with metaphors. Humans are animals, and if you’re a creature that is different from human, like a house-elf or even Hagrid, you’re compared to not so much animals but you’re compared to stuff, objects, like tennis balls or with Hagrid, the baby dolphins and the trash can lids. So…
Kat: And it’s funny thinking about this, too, with all the parallels we made between Harry and Hedwig before as well.
Michael: Mhm.
Noah: Right.
Kat: There does seem to be a lot of comparison in the books from people to animals.
Michael: Well…
Noah: Yeah, and then you have [pronounces “A-nee-mag-eye”] Animagi who can turn into animals. Anima… did I say that right?
Michael: [pronounces “A-nee-maj-eye”] Animagi.
Caleb: [pronounces “A-nee-maj-eye”] Animagi.
Michael: I say [pronounces “A-nee-maj-eye”] Animagi.
Caleb: Yeah. I really love… so I think thinking more about this Animal Farm relation that this user came up with, I think it’s interesting because it’s almost like Orwell and Rowling are using them similarly but in reverse fashions.
Kat: Mhm.
Caleb: So, in Animal Farm Napolean and Snowball, the pigs, are… they’re made more… they’re related to humans to…
Noah: Yeah.
Caleb: I’m trying to think of a good word. To sort of critique the characters of them, to… it’s a bad thing that they’re being more human, whereas Rowling is making the Dursleys more like animals to do the same thing, to obviously dehumanize them. So, I think it’s interesting they’re using… they’re trying to do the same end game, but in a reverse fashion.
Noah: And at least with the Dursleys, animal connections are negative, aren’t they?
Caleb: Mhm. Whereas in Animal Farm you empathize with those creatures that, for the whole book, remain very – quote – animal. So, the ones that the pigs subvert through their own… to make their own gain.
Noah: And you come to detest the human aspects.
Caleb: Yeah. Right.
Noah: Ooh. So, that’s very interesting. I’d love it if people in the comments going to Noah’s Nook, or going in the forums anywhere, keep talking about this because this is something we want to talk about as we get more animal connections as we go through the books. And I’ll just bring it up again because I tend to do it, but environmental concerns, animal… we can look at all these scenes and ask the question, “Are these scenes where Jo is making us think about nature in certain ways?” Or, “Do characters suddenly become more naturalized if they’re compared to animals? And what implications does that have for nature, or for our reading of nature in the series?” That’s just my ending thought to that discussion.
Caleb: Yeah, it raises a lot of good points, and I think it’s a good way for a lot of new fans out there to sort of jump into the debate because it can go in so many directions.
Noah: Yeah.
Kat: What would that family portrait look like?
[Michael laughs]
Caleb: Oh, God.
Noah: Of animals.
Kat: What would Harry be? Would he…
Caleb: He would be awkwardly standing to the side.
Kat: Yeah.
Caleb: If they included him.
Kat: We’d have Dudley the pig, Petunia the horse… what do you guys see Vernon as?
Michael: Isn’t he usually compared to a walrus?
Caleb: Oh my God. Yes.
Noah: I can see him as a walrus.
Michael: [laughs] Yeah. He’s this big…
Kat: Well, there’s so many different… he roars like a lion, breathes…
Noah: Rhinoceros.
Kat: …like a rhinoceros. He has small, sharp eyes. I see that as some kind of bird.
Caleb: Yeah.
Kat: And then the great bulldog. But I could see walrus. I see that. Someone draw that for me, please.
[Everyone laughs]
Caleb: Yeah.
Kat: The walrus, the horse, and the pig. With a little Harry sitting on the side.
Noah: He’s taking the picture. He’s not even in the photograph.
Kat: Why would he take the picture?
Noah: He’s not even in the thing, though. That’s what I’m saying.
Kat: What if I want him to be?
Noah: Okay.
[Everyone laughs]
Noah: All right, so somebody draw this for Kat. She really wants it.
Kat: I do.
Caleb: It’s really important.
[Everyone laughs]
Kat: Very. Very.
Noah: So, now we move on to our posed question of the week. All right, so guys, listen up.
[Kat laughs]
Noah: And then, what you’re going to do is you’re going to comment on this question on our main page of Alohomora! and we’re going to read those comments on the next episode. We’re going to pick a few and read them. So, here’s the question. Considering house-elves, considering Dobby and the way house-elf magic works, we know that it’s kind of different from wizard magic because Jo has released that in various interviews. But just how does it work? Did it really help Dobby to find Harry, even though the Fidelius Charm was working? Was it really able to fool the Trace? Because it’s a different kind of magic, so it was a different kind of Hover Charm? The basic form of our question is, how does house-elf magic work? How do you think it’s different? And, most of all, did Dobby use it to find Harry, or by some other means? Because this is a potentially big plot hole in the entire series. And what do you think are the potential limitations of house-elf magic? Could a house-elf use a wand? Would that make it more powerful? Or is it something completely different than what wizards use? Really, just anything you think of house-elf magic, just throw it in a comment, and we’d love to read it on the next show.
Kat: Great! Yeah, absolutely. And we want to thank Michael for being here, again. You were a very great special guest. Thank you so much.
Michael: Oh yes, of course. Anytime. Thank you very much. And I hope your listeners will be interested in – after listening to Alohomora!, of course – to head over to Audiofictions. And we have a very extensive library of episodes right now. I have a whole team of readers with me, and we release alternate weekends to you guys. We usually do two stories a week, sometimes we have three. And we also hold special contests. We’ll have a Halloween contest coming up in October, where we will read fictions that people sumbit. Even if you aren’t established writers, you can just sign up to be on the MuggleNet Fan Fiction Beta Boards. And you can also go there, to the Black Lake section, to recommend fictions for us to read, and we’ll do some voices for you.
Kat: Why don’t you give them a taste of one of your voices?
Michael: [imitating characters] What do we think of Alohomora!? Three words: Open the Dumbledore! [laughs]
Kat: Well, great. Yeah, I really hope that the fans decide to check out Audiofictions. I personally love it. You guys are great. You do a good job.
Michael: Thank you very much.
Caleb: Definitely.
Noah: It sounds like a lot of fun.
Michael: Well, and I should note too that you guys are… as long as you send us an audition, your team is welcome to read for us anytime you like. Just putting that out there.
Kat: Maybe when I can actually breathe properly.
Michael: Yes. Preferably.
Caleb: Yeah. Get over the Leaky Flu.
[Everyone laughs]
Noah: Sounds good.
Caleb: Well, if you guys, if any of you, want to join us on the show just like Michael has, you certainly have that opportunity. There are a couple of ways for you to be featured on the show. The first is to submit really great content, either on the website or on our forums. And now that we’re getting more into Chamber of Secrets, we’ll go back to recapping and using all of your great comments, questions, and theories. So, definitely get those out there so that we can give you a shout-out and feature your ideas on the show. Or, if you’re interested in joining us as a guest host, you can email a clip to alohomorapodcast at gmail dot com. What we’re looking for here is for you to give a very quick analysis that you would do on a show, so maybe pick a chapter from Chamber of Secrets. It doesn’t have to be really long, but you do need to have some analysis, and it’s definitely important that you have appropriate audio and recording equipment. So, make sure you have that before you send something our way.
Kat: And in the meantime, if you just want to keep in touch with us, be sure you’re following us on Twitter at @AlohomoraMN and also on Facebook at Facebook.com/OpenTheDumbledore. And for those of you on Tumblr, we also have a Tumblr, it’s MNAlohomora.Tumblr.com. And don’t forget our phone number. We get so many amazing voicemails from you guys. Please keep them coming, we love hearing them. And that phone number is 206-GO-ALBUS, 206-462-5287. And as was just mentioned, you can check out our website at Alohomora.MuggleNet.com. And if you just want to send us a good old-fashioned email, it’s alohomorapodcast at gmail dot com.
Caleb: Yeah, and if you guys have been following either our page or the MuggleNet homepage, you’ve noticed that we have just released our smartphone app. So, this smartphone app is available in the US for iPhone or Android users, and then our friends over across the pond in the UK can get it on the iPhone. So, it’s $1.99 for US users and 99 pence for our UK users, so you should definitely check it out. We have directions on our app page, which you can find on the podcast page or there is also a link in our latest news… or this time it may not be the latest news post. There is a news post on our Alohomora! homepage about how to get it. If you have any questions about how to get it, feel free to shoot us an email, but there is a lot of awesome stuff on this app. We have some interviews that a few of us did at LeakyCon in Chicago, like Mark Oshiro, Hank Green, Lev Grossman, and MinaLima. So, there is some really great discussion for you to check out there, along with, of course, the actual episodes for the show. Then we have some other stuff like transcripts, some bloopers, we have an alternate ending for our episode prior to this one, and we’re also going to have things like Vlogs from our hosts and this is just another way for us to connect with you guys and give you guys that have the app a few extra perks. So, make sure you check out our promotional video. Give a big shout-out to Laura, our executive producer, who worked really hard on these videos. It’s super cheesy, but we’re pretty proud of this promo.
Kat: It’s amazing, yeah.
Caleb: It’s pretty awesome, so we’ll have a link in the show notes for you to check that out.
Noah: Don’t forget to also subscribe to our iTunes feed where you can rate and review us. We love to hear your feedback over there and we love to see all your comments. I believe that ends our show. Thank you, Michael, for being on.
[Show music begins]
Noah: I’m Noah.
Caleb: I’m Caleb.
Kat: And I’m Kat. Thank you for listening to Episode 10 of Alohomora!.
Noah: Open the Dumbledore!
[Show music continues]
Noah: Ooh.
Kat: I forget what my forum is called now. How sad is that? Kat something.
Noah: That’s really sad.
Michael: Isn’t it Kat’s Corner or something like that?
Kat: Maybe.
[Everyone laughs]
Kat: I know what everyone else’s is called.
Michael: I have it right here. Let’s go see what Kat’s section is called here.
Noah: Everyone, head over to Noah’s Nook. Noah remembers the title of that.
[Michael laughs]
Kat: Well, and then it’s Rosie’s Roundtable and Caleb’s Cupboard, right?
Caleb: Caleb’s Cupboard is a little lacking. I apologize. I need to do a better job of that. [laughs]
Noah: Everybody, into the Nook!
[Kat laughs]
Michael: Oh, Kat’s Keep. Kat’s Keep.
Kat: Oh, there you go.
Caleb: Oh yeah, it had to be alliterative, alliterate… whatever, I’m not trying anymore.
[Everyone laughs]
Kat: Okay, anyway…
