Transcripts

Transcript – Episode 135

[Show music begins]

Noah Fried: This is Episode 135 of Alohomora! for May 2, 2015.

[Show music continues]

Noah: Hey, everybody. Welcome to Alohomora! I’m Noah Fried.

Kat Miller: Oh my God, guys! It’s Noah Fried! I’m Kat Miller.

Alison Siggard: I’m Alison Siggard. And our guest this week is Christina, also known as PuffNProud. Welcome, Christina! Tell us a little bit about yourself.

Christina: Thanks so much. I’m so excited to be here. My name is Christina. I live in Center Valley, Pennsylvania. I got into the Harry Potter books when I was reading them to my kids. We’d get into bed at night and read a chapter or two. And then I ended up reading ahead and loving the books more than they do.

Kat: Naturally.

Christina: Yeah, of course. My username, PuffNProud, came from the fact that I’m a Hufflepuff, obviously. Initially had a hard time being Sorted into Hufflepuff because of it being the last House and not a lot of strong characteristics. But I came to embrace it for two reasons: The first was, I can definitely identify with loyalty and hard work, and the second is that viral video that came out a couple years ago that was narrated by that guy Randall about the honey badger and it being a crazy badass who eats snakes – right? – so you can’t not love a Hufflepuff who’s just crazy and eats snakes…

Kat: Wow, this is a very puffy episode.

Alison: It is.

Noah: Oh, Alison, you’re a Hufflepuff, too?

Alison: Half Hufflepuff, half Gryffindor, so… that’s me.

Noah: You have to chose, then.

Alison: I can’t, though. It’s been my identity crisis.

Kat: She’s a Gryffinpuff, so I think Gryffindor comes first, but truly, honestly, I think you’re 90% Hufflepuff.

Noah: There’s a Sorting Hat twitter that I did recently, just because I was curious what it would give me. And it took a couple days, so I wonder if it’s even a bot or just a person.

Kat: It’s a bot for sure because I followed it two months ago, and it hasn’t done me yet.

Noah: It was a bot, then, I guess, and it said [that] I was a Slytherin in a funny poem. And then it says, “Because [I am] immense.” And then Eric tweeted and was like, “I think the Sorting Hat just called you fat, dude.”

Alison: [laughs] I saw that one.

Noah: Pardon me, I don’t understand. Unless immense is because maybe my personality is immense. But I don’t even think it’s that immense. I think I have a normal-sized personality.

Kat: I don’t know, it’s pretty immense, but I know you pretty well, so…

Noah: I’m not a Slytherin. I don’t think.

Kat: No, definitely not a Slytherin.

Alison: But is your personality alive?

Noah: Oh, well, I have enough to be immense.

[Alison laughs]

Kat: And you’ve got enough to be immense. Okay, speaking of immense Slytherins, we’re going to be discussing Chapter 17 of Half-Blood Prince this week, which is “A Sluggish Memory.” Get it? Immense Slytherins.

Alison: That was a really great segue, sorry, that was fabulous.

Kat: So definitely be sure to read that chapter before you listen to this episode for your maximum listening pleasure.

Alison: But before we go into Chapter 17, we’re going to do a little bit of recap from Chapter 16. And our first comment comes from Minerva’s tartan biscuit tin, talking about Celestina Warbeck’s music. We had a good discussion about that last week. And this user says,

“All three songs show different approaches to one of the most common topic of songs: Love (happy, desperate & unrequited). The first song, ‘A [C]auldron [F]ull of [H]ot, [S]trong [L]ove,’ is brought into context with Molly & Arthur. It’s a fluffy, energetic song that I think fits those two quite well (I can practically see them dancing to that). The text speaks of a strong love that is meant to last – just like Molly & Arthur, who represent the only happy, lasting love we see in the books. What caught my eye and made me consider this in the first place was that all of the three excerpts are put in the text after Lupin is mentioned or talking. The second song, ‘You [C]harmed the [H]eart [R]ight out of [M]e,’ seemed to me to represent Lupin [and] Tonks. It starts slowly and talks of a love that leaves you without control, which fit[s] well into the part of their story we know of. […] The third is tricky, though. ‘You [S]tole [M]y [C]auldron, [B]ut [Y]ou [C]an’t [H]ave [M]y [H]eart’ is mentioned after the Snape discussion, and the song is about changing perspectives. The part ‘but now I see you’re wicked as He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named’ reminded me of a part of the Prince’s Tale. That (and the numerous mentions of potion utensils) make me believe that it might refer to Lily’s perspective of Snape.”

Kat: Boom! That’s my mind being blown.

Alison: I thought that was fabulous. Yeah, I think I read that comment about three times in a row, just to kind of take it all in.

Kat: Wait, is this J.K. Rowling? Is she commenting again? Jo…

[Alison laughs]

Noah: She’s all over the show. She’s always commenting and…

Alison: She has 12 different usernames so that it’s not the same.

Kat: It’s all the ones that are seven different words, like this one, like Minerva’s tartan biscuit tin. Which is a great username.

Alison: [laughs] I love it.

Kat: Wow… this it just…

Noah: I’m struck by one aspect, though. Are Molly and Arthur really the only example of true love in the books? I don’t know about that.

Kat: I think in…

Christina: I would disagree with it, but…

Noah: What about Andromeda and her husband?

Kat: We know so little about them.

Noah: I know, but they just seem so nice.

Kat: They do seem very nice, that’s true.

Noah: I would expect them to love each other.

Kat: But we never see affection between the two of them. So I feel…

Alison: But we do see them only once.

Kat: You could say that about anything, though, because for all we know, Bellatrix and Rodolphus are all over each other 24/7/365, but we don’t see it, so…

Noah: Yeah, but she’s kind of hitting on Voldemort, sort of.

Christina: Yeah, I think she’s into Lord Voldemort.

Kat: I mean, not kind of.

[Alison laughs]

Noah: So maybe that’s not [just] her interest in Voldemort but also her lack of interest in – what’s his name? – Rodolphus? Who wants to marry Rodolphus?

[Alison and Kat laugh]

Kat: Somebody named Bellatrix.

[Alison laughs]

Noah: Yeah, you got me there.

Alison: Our next comment refers to our discussion about what Lupin is doing among the werewolves. And it was a back and forth discussion between a couple [of] people. It was brought up that something Dumbledore could have offered these werewolves was access to the Wolfsbane Potion. So this comment in that conversation, from HowAmIGoingToTranslateThis, says,

“Wolfsbane [P]otion allows a werewolf to keep his human mind during the transformation. Lupin uses this increased control to curl up in his office and sleep. A werewolf who is intending to find victims and bite them during his transformation would benefit from having his human mind because he would be able to control his actions better. So a werewolf who has taken [W]olfsbane [P]otion is still able to hurt and infect others if he wants to, maybe even better. That means giving the potion to any werewolf who requests it would carry the risk of enabling some of them to do even more damage. And how would you check who is coming to find help and who wants to abuse the free potion? If you combine giving out potion with providing safe places where anyone who wants the potion is required to stay during the full moon, that might work to protect the werewolves from their curse and the public from the werewolves – but somehow that arrangement makes me feel uneasy.”

I thought this was an interesting, almost ethical dilemma, and it goes back to the question of, “Could this have been something Dumbledore, via Lupin, could have been offering these werewolves?”

Kat: This reminded me of – and the name is blanking on me – those… is it a methadone clinic where you can go…?

Alison and Christina: Yeah.

Kat: I never fully understood exactly what that is, and it’s my own ignorance I haven’t googled it to read up about it, but I always assumed and thought I understood it as a type of situation like that, where you go, and you get the methadone, but then you have to stay there for a while. Again, it’s my own ignorance, but any of you know anything about that?

Christina: That’s for heroin addicts, and they go on methadone to try to get off of the heroin. I don’t know anything about staying in that location for a period of time, but this comment definitely talks about almost a segmented part of society having to go get their medicine and yeah, does bring up some ethical things: Do people who are hiding their [were]wolf status come out into the open to get the Wolfsbane Potion? Would they? Would they reveal themselves?

Kat: That’s true.

Christina: And then you’ve got this other idea of people staying in this clinic, so to speak. That’s pretty wild.

Noah: I think it’s scary to consider that a human brain inside a werewolf body can be even scarier, more destructive than just a werewolf with a wolf brain.

Christina: Absolutely.

Kat: A different kind of destructive, I would say. Obviously, because…

Noah: Methodical.

Kat: Yeah. More like a serial killer, almost.

Alison: But if you think about it, that almost already describes Greyback. I mean, he very much calculates what he’s going to do before he does it, so…

Kat: But in a different… yeah, but in a different way because he transforms not during the full moon.

Alison: Oh, that’s true. I forgot.

Kat: So it’s a different… since he can’t…

Noah: He doesn’t fully transform, though, right? He just has a wolfish thing in between, right?

Kat: Yeah, I’m forgetting the specifics of it, but I know that he can infect people but they won’t turn if he bites them when it’s not a full moon.

Alison: But how does he do that?

Christina: I thought they… I thought it mentions that he places himself close to children right before he transforms so that he can attack the children. You can definitely see Greyback trying to use this potion to – in a more calculated way – infect more people or do more damage.

Kat: Yeah. If anyone had thought of this, it was probably him.

Alison: Yeah, it’s pretty scary.

Kat: He’s so creepy.

Alison: Yeah, no, he is creepy. All right, and then our last comment comes about our discussion on Percy last week, and this is from SnapesManyButtons, who says,

“I never really thought much about Percy, but with all this Percy [l]ove, I finally did. First, I think his story is important to show that every family can have its internal struggles, people who don’t understand each other and don’t fit in even if they love each other. Percy is a middle [child;] he has two older brothers who work with dragons and break curses, really cool stuff. He has three younger brothers who are popular class clowns and the best friend of the Chosen One. And who is he? He’s the organized, stuffy one in a family of free spirits. He’s not interested in the wild adventures and danger that the others seem to thrive on. Even Molly and Arthur face that in their work with the Order. He is made fun of for the things he cares about, and when he has successes that he thinks will bring him approval, he gets none. His interests are discounted, and his ambitions, not appreciated. I think he becomes enamored with Crouch Sr. because he thinks he’s getting the approval for his talents that his own parents never show. We see that he’s fooling himself because Crouch Sr. doesn’t even know his name, but he is so desperate for acceptance that he convinces himself that he’s found it. Plus, I think it makes him feel better to flaunt someone who does appreciate him in front of his family. I think he leaves because he has to choose between the job where he finally feels fulfilled and the family where he never seemed to fit in. Luckily for him he finally realized after a while that he was really nobody to the Ministry, just a cog in the machine, but to his family, he was loved and irreplaceable. I think Percy is hated in the fandom because he wasn’t fun and cool like the other Weasley children. His ambition was to work a desk job where he felt he would make a difference, not chasing dragons or [D]ark wizards. He was the anti-Weasley, and loving them means not loving Percy. When he left he really hurt Molly, and that’s unforgivable to many. I can see wishing he’d been killed over Fred. I don’t see him as bad now, just misunderstood and a bit of an outsider in his own family.”

That one was a little long, but I loved the way they described him. I think I said last week, “I think Percy gets a little too much hate.”

Christina: But that’s me.

Kat: The anti-Weasley. Ahh, that’s funny.

Noah: I mean, we ran a story years ago thinking that maybe he was a Slytherin or that he should’ve been [put] in Slytherin, but…

Kat: I can see that. Yeah, I mean, he doesn’t show a whole lot of Gryffindor tendencies, really, until the end when he’s defending his brother, really. Unsuccessfully.

Christina: Yeah. I think Percy just had to learn it for himself, where his values were. We learn more from our mistakes than we do our successes, and I think Percy’s choice of the Ministry over his family was a mistake he obviously came to regret, and I think he learned from that.

Kat: Do we think he regretted it, though?

Alison: Oh, I definitely do!

Kat: But 100%? I don’t know.

Alison: Yeah. I think he 100% regrets leaving his family.

Kat: Hmm. I don’t know if I buy that.

Noah: Yeah, maybe, I mean, it’s all part of his evolution toward the end. Where he just feels like, “I had to do that,” so that he could come into a better place. I can see him thinking that. I mean, it was obviously by hurting Molly.

Kat: Right. Yeah, I think that if anything, that’s probably his attitude, like, “Well, I was kind of a jerk, and I did that, but I needed to go through that to get to where I am. No regrets,” is how I feel.

[Alison and Christina laugh]

Noah: Percy: “No regrets” tattooed on his chest.

[Alison, Christina, and Kat laugh]

Kat: No, and you know it would be spelled correctly because it’s Percy.

Christina: Percy Weatherby.

Noah: Call me Weatherby.

[Christina laughs]

Kat: Call me Weatherby. There’s this great tattoo that keeps floating around on the Internet that says “no regerts.”

[Alison, Christina, and Kat laugh]

Noah: That was actually in, I think, We Are the Millers.

Kat: Oh, no, this is… well, I don’t think it’s from that movie. I forget where I saw it. I saw it years ago.

Noah: The name of that movie.

Alison: That’s floating around on the Internet somewhere.

Noah: Cops to Jo.

Kat: Yeah, and just “no regerts”… that poor person.

[Alison and Christina laugh]

Kat: How ironic. I mean, that’s the definition of ironic. right?

Noah: Unless they don’t regert it.

[Alison and Kat laugh]

Kat: Unless they don’t regert it, yeah. I don’t know, but our anti-Weasley here, no regerts.

Alison: [laughs] All right.

Noah: That’s pretty bad ass.

[Alison and Kat laugh]

Alison: Well, those are our recap comments, so if you want to read more of them, there are a lot of good ones this week. It was really difficult to choose. So head on over alohomora.mugglenet.com and check them all out.

Noah: And now we’re going to move on to our Podcast Question of the Week from last week and all of your wonderful responses. Here it is: Given the circumstances that are surrounding the wizarding world at the moment, is Rufus Scrimgeour doing a good job as Minister of Magic? When he approaches Harry, is he really trying to do the right thing for morale? In comparison to previous ministers we learn about on Pottermore, will he be remembered as a good minister? SpinnersEnd writes,

“I don’t think Scrimgeour will be remembered as a ‘good’ [m]inister. In order to be remembered in a positive way, he must outshine Harry in the battle against Voldemort. And honestly, I don’t think that’s possible. Scrimgeour could get rid of Harry, by killing him, but that would make Harry a martyr, which would be no good. Scrimgeour could try to discredit Harry and defame him, but Fudge already tried that, and the backlash made the public think that much better of Harry. And we see Scrimgeour trying to recruit Harry. And I think that would have been the worst possible outcome. That would have damaged Harry’s credibility and not helped the Ministry much at all. I think people would have seen Harry as a sell-out. So really, I think Scrimgeour is in a no-win situation. I don’t think he has much hope of being remembered fondly by the public.”

So that was an answer to the question on two fronts, but off the top of my head, I think that, actually, people’s minds would be changed if Harry supported the Ministry. I mean, I don’t think Scrimgeour would go to Harry unless he thought Harry’s vote of approval carried a lot of weight.

Kat: See, I think it’s interesting that this question is about Scrimgeour because we know for sure – and we learn this in the very first chapter of this book – that the wizarding world is begging for a change and that Scrimgeour is automatically better than Fudge just by default. Just by being a different person than Fudge, he is better.

Noah: His face looks like a lion face, right?

Kat: Yeah, I mean, come on. That’s freaking cool. So it’s like – and I do not want to offend anybody – when we went from Bush to… anyway.

Noah: It’s a new face, yeah.

Kat: Yeah. So I don’t see a reason why Scrimgeour would not be remembered as a good minister. The entire public does not know what’s going on with Harry. They don’t know the reasons why Dumbledore and Scrimgeour fought, which we find out in this next chapter. So there’s really nothing out in the public that would discredit him as a good minister, so I actually do think that he would be remembered as a great minister, if for no other reason than he’s not Fudge.

Alison: But further in the future, I think this is the reason why Scrimgeour goes to Harry in the first place is the first part of this comment. Where he knows that, whatever happens, he’s going to be overshadowed by Harry because Harry is going to come actually do something productive. So I think that’s why he comes to Harry, but I think he fades into the background, and he’s not… yeah. That made no sense.

Kat: I understand what you’re trying to say, but I don’t think that Scrimgeour is that worried about himself. I think that he’s trying to save the face of the Ministry and the government for the greater good. Not to use Dumbledore’s words here, but I’m not sure it’s about him. I think it’s about the overall arc. I don’t know, despite what he has tried to do by manipulating Harry, which I think has good at its core, I think that he is a pretty just guy. I think he’s pretty fair and honest and puts it right out there, so I think it’s okay. I think it’s okay. I think he’s good. I… that’s…

Noah: I think it’s probably a little bit of both. Maybe he feels like he killed two birds with one stone because if he has Harry behind him, then he’s got a lot of the public as he views it, which I think any politician wants. And I’m not sure how funding and money work behind the scenes in the wizard[ing] world but maybe he’s getting some extra donations – some Galleons and stuff – if Harry suddenly had a change of heart.

Kat: Right. No, I mean, I’m sure that that’s true. I’m sure that’s a thing that would happen.

Noah: Cool comment, SpinnersEnd. Thank you very much. Next we go on to harpiesno1fan.

[Alison and Kat laugh]

Kat: Cute.

Noah: [continues]

“I do believe that Scrimgeour is doing what he believes is best for the wizarding community at the time. It is seen often throughout history that during times of trouble, people often look to strong government to take over and set things right, which is what I believe is happening while Scrimgeour is in office. Though his methods may seem extreme, I think it’s exactly what the wizarding community needs – someone to look up to [-] and by making it seem as though ‘[t]he Chosen One’ is helping the Ministry out would really help raise moral[e] and make people feel safer. I do, however, think that it is naive for Scrimgeour to expect Harry to work with the Ministry after the [previous] year. Though most of that was Fudge’s doing, Scrimgeour should have tried another way to get Harry to his side, firstly [by] perhaps asking his opinion on what was happening. I think what Scrimgeour forgets or doesn’t realize is that, [though] Harry is only sixteen, he has faced Voldemort and other such evils more times than most Aurors. I do think Scrimgeour will be remembered as a decent minister because, as we can recall from [B]ook 7, he dies protecting Harry’s location. While his methods may not have always been the best, his intentions were always good.”

So this commenter would probably agree with you, Kat.

Kat: Yep. Nail. Head. Good job.

[Christina laughs]

Noah: And the next comment from SwuishAndFlick27:

“I think that Scrimgeour fell into the same trap as Fudge. Although Scrimgeour acknowledges Voldemort’s return to power, unlike his predecessor, both ministers try to play down the threat of the war in order to keep the wizarding community calm. This in turn means that the community was lulled into a false sense of security and were therefore less prepared to defend themselves against dark forces. By making false arrests to show the public that the Ministry is doing something, Scrimgeour’s government is just as bad as Fudge’s, who, for example, covered up the mass breakout of Azkaban by blaming it on Sirius Black. I also expect that Scrimgeour, being the previous Head of the Auror Department, also led the wizarding community to believe that he would have the know-how to protect the public from Voldemort and his Death Eaters. In regards [sic] to Scrimgeour’s attempt to recruit Harry as a Ministry ‘mascot’, I think this, again, is another mistake. If Scrimgeour had succeeded and Harry was seen to support the Ministry’s actions, then the wizarding community would see this as another reason to let their guard down. If they saw that the ‘Chosen One’ was actively supporting the Ministry, then they would feel safer. After all, isn’t the Daily Prophet putting across the idea that Harry is destined to defeat Voldemort? In comparison to the other Ministers for Magic on Pottermore, all Rowling had to say about Scrimgeour was ‘The third ex-Auror to gain office, Scrimgeour died in office at the hands of Lord Voldemort.’ Perhaps there is so little information on him because we got to know him as Minister through reading the books, but even Fudge has some indication of his personality in his description, [which is as follows:] ‘A career politician overly fond of the old guard.’ My guess is that Scrimgeour’s final act of sacrificing himself in order to protect Harry was lost on the wizarding community, both during the war when the Ministry was taken over by Voldemort (who said that Scrimgeour ‘resigned’) and after the war when efforts were being made to round up any remaining Death Eaters and Voldemort sympathise[r]s like Umbridge. Overall, I think Scrimgeour believed that he was doing the right thing to protect the people under his care and died to ensure that the so[-]called ‘Chosen One’ could finish the job and defeat Voldemort. But I do not believe that the wizarding community will remember Scrimgeour kindly due to the way he went [about] protecting them and their ignorance to the truth behind his ‘resignation.'”

What do you say to that?

Kat: I say I need to rewind the podcast to listen to it again.

[Alison and Christina laugh]

Christina: There’s a lot there.

Noah: Everybody rewind their podcast and listen to the comment over again.

Kat: Wow. [makes a tape rewinding sound] Okay.

Christina: [laughs] Yeah, I mean, there’s no doubt Scrimgeour was dealt a bad hand. He came into his job when Voldemort was active for – what? – almost a year, and things were spiraling out of control. All the things that Voldemort had done in the past, with regard to getting giants engaged and putting people under the Imperius Curse, I think Scrimgeour as an ex-Auror probably deserves some culpability for not getting out ahead of that, teaching people to fight off the Imperius Curse, graduating more Aurors, doing things to readjust his resources within the Ministry to better protect himself against the known things that Voldemort had done before, but he probably came in so late to the game that it was just all he could do to hold it together, and maybe in that way people would see him as a decent minister. And if they found out that he died protecting Harry, then he could probably get some more props for that.

Noah: Yeah, I mean, imagine if Dumbledore and Scrimgeour had been more aligned or if just Dumbledore and the Ministry… Their combined forces probably would have done a lot more to head off Voldemort’s growth. But that was part of Voldemort’s rise because the Ministry was so unstable.

Kat: Yeah, we can blame Fudge for that. Yeah.

Alison: But I also think that Scrimgeour didn’t necessarily make up for that. I definitely agree with keeping people who weren’t Death Eaters in custody is a bad idea, just to make it look like they’re doing something. I think that definitely could have some backlash at the end of everything.

Noah: I wonder also if Scrimgeour really believed in Harry.

Kat: You don’t think so?

Noah: I don’t know. I think he maybe thought on some level, it was a lot of hype, maybe something for the tabloids to an extent, that it really riles people up that Harry is this Chosen One, but I don’t think he actually believed that he could beat Harry, though his sacrifice at the end might have just been because he was a good man, not because he thought Harry was going to actually defeat Voldemort.

Kat: Yeah, and I guess, I mean – I was thinking about trying to put myself in his position – it would be hard to think, “What is this 16-year-old kid going to to do against Lord Voldemort? What’s he going to do that I can’t do, Head of the Auror office?”

Alison: Yeah, because if you think about it, no one really outside of Hogwarts knows about what Harry has done, right?

Kat: Well, I mean, Rita Skeeter has reported quite a bit about it.

Alison: They don’t know the extent, maybe.

Noah: No, I sort of hear what you’re saying. They don’t know that he’s actually very skilled, and they obviously don’t know about the Horcruxes.

Alison: That he’s gone up against Voldemort when he was 11, when he was 12, when he was 14, when he was 15… I feel like the greater public doesn’t know that.

Noah: They would know sort of what happened in Goblet of Fire.

Kat: No, they would definitely know what happened then, yeah. And Chamber of Secrets.

Alison: Yeah. Chamber, Philosopher’s Stone. Maybe even to some extent… Well, I think they even say that the general public doesn’t really know what went down in the Ministry at the end of Order, so I mean, maybe they don’t know that Harry was fighting Death Eaters, he was fighting Voldemort for a little bit. Maybe they don’t quite know.

Noah: They probably want to cover up every ounce of that, just because they’re the Ministry, and they control the Prophet, and they don’t want the public to know about the Department. I mean, they must know about the Department of Mysteries, or maybe it’s sort of a mystery or a myth, but…

[Christina and Kat laugh]

Noah: … they don’t want it being talked about. Then that about wraps up this week’s Question. We’ll see you later for next week’s, which we will discuss at the end of the show [and] that I will say.

Kat: Ooh.

[Alison laughs]

Christina: Can’t wait.

[Christina and Noah laugh]

Kat: But of course, before we get there, let’s jump into our chapter discussion for this week.

[Half-Blood Prince Chapter 17 intro begins]

Tom Riddle: Sir, I wanted to ask you something.

Professor Slughorn: Ask away, then, my boy. Ask away.

Dumbledore: Chapter 17.

Tom Riddle: Sir, I wondered what you know about…

[Sound of distortion]

Dumbledore: “A Sluggish Memory.”

Professor Slughorn: I don’t anything about [distorted], and I wouldn’t tell you if I did.

[Half-Blood Prince Chapter 17 intro ends]

Kat: Okay, so this chapter is actually quite a lengthy one, and quite a bit happens. We learn a lot of stuff. There’s a lot of stuff. It starts off… We learn that Percy is a prat. I mean, we already knew that.

[Alison laughs]

Kat: Ron and Hermione are still fighting. Again, we already knew that. Harry has another lesson with Dumbledore, which is very exciting. We’re very excited about that. The Fat Lady gets drunk with her friend Violet…

[Christina laughs]

Kat: … which… That we’re going to talk about for sure.

[Alison and Christina laugh]

Kat: Apparition lessons are coming up, which is super exciting. Ron… Is he starting to get a little indifferent about Lav-Lav?

[Alison laughs]

Kat: It’s exciting. We learn that Harry is Dumbledore’s man through and through, and we go through two memories of Tom Riddle. So “A Sluggish Memory.” This chapter is a pretty exciting one. I’m really excited to jump into this.

Noah: It moves at a fast pace even though it is called “A Sluggish Memory.”

Christina: This is true.

Alison: We get a lot in this chapter.

Kat: Ah! Yeah, there is a lot, isn’t there? So we start off here, and we are headed back to Hogwarts because we just had Christmas and the New Year, and we’re at the Burrow.

Christina: [sings] “Gotta get back to Hogwarts…”

Kat: They were headed back to Hogwarts, and this jumped out at me, which had never jumped out at me before. I don’t know why. So they take the Floo Network back, and they had this special connection set up so that the students could take the Floo Network back, and Harry is going and it says that he’s spinning fast and he catches a blurred glimpse of other wizarding rooms. Like, what?!

Noah: Yeah. That’s always been the case, though.

Alison: That’s how it works, isn’t it? Like they’re all connected and…

Kat: I know, but how did I never notice that… so Harry could see anything happening in that room? Like, that seems a little…

Alison: Well…

Kat: … not private.

Noah: It’s like a living room, though. It’s not like the bedroom. Well, it’s probably not the bedroom.

Kat: How do you know? What if that’s the only fireplace in the house?

Noah: That’s a good point.

Christina: Okay, that would be totally weird.

[Everyone laughs]

Kat: Right! That’s my point!

Noah: It’s only a glimpse, and it’s only a flash.

Christina: Harry the creeper.

[Alison laughs]

Kat: A lot of things could be seen in a glimpse.

[Christina laughs]

Noah: Have you guys seen Fight Club?

Christina: Yes.

Alison: [laughs] No.

Kat: Yeah.

Noah: It’s kind of like when they splice that image of porn in a kids movie.

Kat: The first rule about Fight Club, Noah.

[Everyone laughs]

Noah: Remember that?

Kat: I’m just kidding. Sorry, you have to say that again. I interrupted you.

Noah: It’s that scene where… what’s the guy? Who’s Brad Pitt’s character?

Kat: Brad Pitt? I don’t know.

Noah: Brad Pitt’s character, he works in a movie theatre and he splices a picture of porn in a family movie, just for a second. That’s kind of what it’s like.

Kat: Yeah, exactly! [laughs] That’s what I’m saying, a lot can be seen in a glimpse. Just saying it’s a litle, you know, risky.

Noah: But what’s weird about this is didn’t the Ministry set up like a private network between McGonagall and… oh! McGonagall and the Weasleys. So what if these are other rooms that McGonagall had on her line?

Alison: No!

Noah: So she’s secretly watching couples in these different rooms.

Kat: Oh, God.

Alison: [laughs] Okay, no.

Christina: No, no, no.

Alison: It’s probably just like… it’s a line for all students to get back to Hogwarts, so it’s probably just like…

Kat: Yes.

Alison: … other students’ houses that are… they’re coming back from school, you know? It’s probably in their living room, and their moms are kissing them goodbye too. [laughs]

Noah: Wait, so…

Christina: Yeah, that’s the only kissing going on!

Noah: How many students are coming through McGonagall’s fireplace? And isn’t that weird for her? Like…

Kat: Probably any… I think… I always assumed that they arrived back in their headmaster’s office.

Alison: Yeah, so…

Noah: Right, so it’s going to be split between the heads then? Okay.

Christina: So two-hundred…

Alison: The way she reacts I would assume there’s a lot of them, if she doesn’t even look up when Harry arrives. She’s just like, “Don’t get ash on my carpet.”

Kat: Ash on the carpet.

Alison: [laughs] “I’m going to keep writing. Just don’t spill.”

Kat: I mean, there’s a real chance that the whole school went through her office, but I doubt it.

Alison: Yeah.

Noah: Yeah, I think it’s probably split up. But how many people do we think it is?

Kat: Well, Jo says that there’s a thousand people at Hogwarts, which is BS.

[Alison and Christina laugh]

Noah: Total BS. There are only five Gryffindor guys in Harry’s year or something.

Kat: [laughs] I know.

Christina: The math never works.

Alison: [laughs] Yes.

Noah: Unless there are kids in the corner that nobody talks to or cares about.

[Everyone laughs]

Kat: I mean, we know that wizards never learn math, so it’s clear that Jo is a wizard and just never learned math. It’s fine.

[Alison and Christina laugh]

Christina: Maybe there are semi-Squibs or something like that, so they don’t really count.

[Everyone laughs]

Alison: Oh, gosh.

Kat: Semi-Squib. Love it.

Alison: Anyway… but getting back, maybe just some of them have come back on the train and stuff, but maybe just… or through some other means and so they kind of…

Noah: So let’s throw out a number, though. Maybe… would you guys say 50?

Kat: 250!

[Alison and Christina laugh]

Kat: According to Jo, it’s 250.

Noah: I think it was 50.

Christina: Why is this so important?

[Alison and Christina laugh]

Noah: I have this image of 50 different kids just coming through McGonagall’s fireplace.

Kat: 50 is not that many.

Christina: That’s a lot of ash on her rug.

Kat: [laughs] Whoa.

Noah: What?

Kat: Good thing you have good pronunciation.

[Everyone laughs]

Noah: Seamus comes in and lands on his ash.

Alison: Yes.

[Everyone laughs]

Noah: “Sorry, McGonagall!” “Keep your ash off the carpet, son!”

Alison: I was going to say, are they falling out of the fireplace?

[Everyone laughs]

Noah: What if they’re shooting out of the fireplace? “McGonagall, look out!”

[Everyone laughs]

Kat: Oh lord.

Noah: Just, like, butt first coming for McGonagall’s head. “Oh no!”

[Everyone laughs]

Kat: Speaking of that, who teaches them how to use the Floo Network?

Noah: It’s like riding a bike, isn’t it? You’re just going to learn.

Christina: The parents, I guess.

Alison: Yeah.

Kat: I mean, how do you not just go flying butt first out of the Floo Network?

[Alison and Noah laugh]

Alison: Maybe it’s nice to you and it tries to keep you going face forward. [laughs]

Noah: You know what the first lesson probably is?

Kat: What?

Noah: “Son, just… I know your neighbor friend is a Muggle. Don’t step in his fireplace!”

[Alison and Kat laugh]

Kat: Yeah, exactly.

Noah: A bit too hot?

Christina: I don’t know. Maybe it pulls you out by your center of gravity, and if you have a big butt, maybe that goes out first.

[Alison laughs]

Kat: Oh, boy. I’m doomed. Lovely. Okay, so speaking of big butts, we get back to the Gryffindor common room, and Ron is there, and Hermione is there, and they’re still not talking. Big surprise. Okay? And Harry starts to tell Hermione about what happened over the holidays, and Hermione is still finding excuse after excuse after excuse as to why Harry can simply not be right about Draco.

Alison: But these ones are more legit.

Kat: She says, “Yeah, you can’t really deny that.”

Noah: I mean, sorry. She’s not even listening to him in this scene, though.

Kat: I know!

Noah: She’s just throwing out these comments and biting her lip and looking over at Ron.

Kat: Right, exactly. So do you think that at some point she ever goes back to Harry and is like, “Man, I’m so sorry that I was such a tool and that I didn’t believe you about Draco. I feel really guilty”?

Noah: I think she’s too headstrong. She’s not going to say anything.

Alison: Yeah, I don’t think she’d feel guilty. Because I mean, she admitted she was wrong. She’s like, “Oh, yeah, maybe he is doing something. I guess you’re right.”

Kat: That’s not admitting. Because what they’re talking about at that point is Harry just says, “But this definitely proves Malfoy’s planning something. You can’t deny that.” And she goes, “No, I can’t.” That is not her saying that she’s wrong. That is her agreeing with Harry that she can’t deny something.

Noah: Wait, I fail to see the connection.

Kat: What do you mean?

Noah: I fail to see how that’s not admitting that she’s wrong.

Kat: Because it’s not! She didn’t say, “I’m wrong.” There’s a big difference between, Noah, if I said to you, “Oh, man. You know what? You can’t deny that that door is red.” You can be like, “No, you’re right. I can’t.” That’s not admitting that, when you said it was blue, you were wrong.

Noah: Well, it kind of is.

Kat: It’s not, though! It’s not. It’s very different. It’s very different.

Noah: I don’t know. I think it’s still saying that she’s wrong in a more passive way.

Alison: She’s being very passive in this chapter.

Kat: Maybe, but she’s still not admitting that she’s wrong.

Noah: Right, she’s not coming forth on her knees and saying, “I’m so sorry, Harry. I was wrong,” but she’s admitting that a part or aspect of what Harry is saying is true.

Kat: That part of what he’s saying is true, but that’s not her saying that she was wrong.

Noah: So what would be the part that she would have to say would be true for her to be saying that she was wrong?

[Alison, Christina, and Kat laugh]

Kat: Oh, God, this is so crazy. My whole was, do you think she ever apologizes for not believing Harry?

Noah: So by “apology,” you mean “offer some kind of emotional…?”

Kat: See, I think she does.

Christina: No, I don’t think she does.

Kat: Yes, after the fact, after Dumbledore dies, she goes up to Harry and is like, “Man, I’m so sorry that I didn’t believe you about Draco.”

Alison: No, because I don’t think anyone knew it was going to be that extreme, and so they honestly have no reason to… the things that Harry is coming up with as proof that Draco is up to something don’t indicate that anything huge is going to happen, and so having Harry be so amped up on “Malfoy is up to something, Malfoy is up to something!” is weird in a lot of ways.

Kat: Spoken like a true Hermione.

Alison: I know. [laughs]

Kat: Everything he’s saying is true! Everything he’s saying in here is true.

Noah: Malfoy is completely up to something.

Alison: Well, yeah, yeah, yeah, but I don’t think even Harry knew to what extent it was going to go.

Kat: No, obviously not, but still… I don’t know.

Christina: Harry is being a Gryffindor. He hears something’s about to happen, and he’s jumping on it and wanting to prevent it, and especially because it’s Malfoy.

Noah: He’s either being a Gryffindor or a paranoid schizophrenic. [laughs]

Kat: It’s funny how often those two are the same.

[Alison and Christina laugh]

Noah: I’ve never made that connection before, but clearly, all Gryffindors are paranoid schizophrenics.

Christina: I think it’s just been so frustrating for Harry because he’s been telling the truth this whole time, and no one’s been believing him. No one. And now he finally has some evidence that Malfoy is, in fact, up to something, and they’re still not believing him.

Noah: And let’s all keep in mind: This is while a Dark wizard wants to kill him. He’s the most evil wizard of all time. He has to just keep it in the back of his head all the time. Actually, in the front of his head.

Kat: Right, because it’s not Quirrell.

[Christina laughs]

Noah: No, because he has a scar that hurts…

Kat: No, but you said “the back of his head,” so I made a Quirrell joke, get it?

Christina: I got it.

Kat: Yeah. Nobody laughed.

Noah: Good one, Kat.

Christina: I did!

Alison: I did! It was cute.

Noah: Good one, Kat!

[Kat laughs]

Kat: Badum bum. Thanks, guys.

[Sound of a thud and a cat yowling]

Kat: Okay. So, moving on to another good one here, in this chapter, we get some more private lessons from Dumbledore.

Noah: Wait! Kat…

Kat: What?

Noah: Are we going to talk about the Fat Lady?

Christina: We have to.

Kat: Sure! Let’s talk about her right now.

Noah: So how about the Fat Lady’s…? The password is “abstinence,” and I know we’re learning about this in…

Alison: I was going to say, are we going to talk about the password?

Noah: We’re talking about this in context of “Oh, she drank too much wine…” But that’s only one way to think about abstinence.

Christina: Are you thinking that she got drunk and went wild with the monks?

[Alison and Kat laugh]

Noah: That’s exactly what I’m thinking!

Christina: Oh my God!

Alison: Okay! [laughs] That is not what I was thinking.

Noah: That’s exactly what I’m thinking. I mean, or it could have been the wine.

Christina: Oh my gosh.

Noah: But the thing is, they’re a bunch of monks, so…

Alison: Oh my gosh!

Noah: But I mean, if they’re drinking wine… I’m just throwing it out there as a theory.

Christina: Oh my gosh. I guess while no one was in the castle, they can do whatever they want.

Kat: Oh, boy.

Alison: See, I always thought it was referring to the students and their sudden interest this year in other people and relationships, all of a sudden.

Christina: That’s a good one, too.

Noah: Because there’s lots of sort of suggestive stuff all around that scene with Ron and Hermione and Lavender – what’s the line – making out with Ron in some kind of vertical wrestling match?

Kat: Yeah, we don’t know that they’re making out, but yeah, I think it’s assumed.

Noah: What else could they be doing?

Kat: I don’t know. I mean, this is a very sexy book, so it’s very possible that Violet and the Fat Lady and the monks had a good time.

[Alison laughs]

Noah: You admit it!

Kat: We don’t know.

Alison: Oh, gosh!

Noah: We admit it’s a possibility!

Kat: I can’t deny that that might be a possibility.

Christina: Oh my gosh.

Kat: See what I did there?

Alison: Everyone, Noah is back. [laughs]

Noah: How many monks were there?

Kat: We’re not going to get into how many monks were there.

Noah: Playing a numbers game. How many monks?

[Alison and Christina laughs]

Kat: One for every student at Hogwarts.

Noah: You think there are 1,000 monks? 50 monks. 50 is my number.

Alison: Oh my gosh! [laughs]

Noah: I’m sticking with it.

Christina: I just want to know what happens to the wine after they all drink it. Is it totally gone, or does it somehow regenerate?

Kat: Because it’s the portrait world, so I don’t know. That’s a very, very good question.

Alison: Someone has to go back through after every Christmas and repaint all the wine in all of the pictures and make sure everything is fine.

Kat: And also, if they can consume, that must mean it must go somewhere, so then what?

Noah: But where? Yeah.

Kat: Right. Right. But where?

Noah: Oh, you know where it goes? It goes into a redder color of paint that goes on her cheek.

Kat: Maybe.

Noah: I just blew your guys’ mind.

Kat: Yeah. This is the sound of my mind being blown.

[Sound of crickets chirping]

Kat: Those crickets, you hear that?

Noah: You’re welcome.

Christina: And I guess that the portraits are kind of hosed because unless someone draws some Tylenol on their picture, they have no hangover remedies.

Noah: I mean, maybe they could go into a pharmaceutical painting and talk to the doctor.

Christina: Oh! They could go to…

Noah: … Madam Pomfrey’s paintings.

Christina: Or Dilys Derwent – right? – who’s the one who has the portrait in St. Mungo’s.

Kat: Oh, yeah. But then that assumes that they have unlimited resources in the portrait world.

Noah: I think they must. Think about all the things they painted.

Kat: Again… but it’s like the ghost world. So then they would have to have those things in the painting with them, and once they run out, then what?

Alison: Do they need them, though?

Kat: Clearly they do, because the Fat Lady is drunk.

Christina: Yeah, she’s hurting.

Kat: And she says, “Don’t shout.” She has a hangover.

Noah: Well, she probably eats a lot too.

Kat: Well, she is called “the Fat Lady,” so… hmm.

Noah: Well, this has been eye-opening.

[Alison and Christina laugh]

Kat: Yeah. Let’s move on to something else that is eye-opening, which is private lessons with Dumbledore. We get another one in this chapter, and we get to see two really cool memories, which we’re going to touch on in a little bit, but the first thing I wanted to really discuss is, since we’re talking about portraits, the portraits in Dumbledore’s office. So obviously, a lot of stuff goes down [in] Dumbledores office, but these lessons are specifically for Harry, to help him learn information to defeat Lord Voldemort, okay? Dumbledore is giving this very privileged information to Harry, very privately. The only other people [who] know about it – probably not even in 100% detail – [are] Ron and Hermione, but of course, the portraits… they’re listening, they’re hearing, stupid Phineas Nigellus is always mer-mer-mer-mer-mer.

[Alison laughs]

Christina: Yeah, he rocks.

Kat: Making snide comments. Yeah. So do you think that the information… because we know portraits have to learn things before the person portrayed in the portrait dies, and they can’t “learn” anything else after that. They can’t retain… well, they can learn…

Noah: Well, they can send messages, so I think they can…

Kat: Right, they can send messages. Right. So can the portraits…? This long-winded question that I’m trying to get to is, could the portraits reveal the information that they are learning, from Dumbledore to Harry, to anybody else?

Alison and Christina: I don’t think so.

Noah: I like that a lot. I don’t think so either.

Alison: I think she… somewhere I’m pretty sure it says that it’s some time-honored oath that all the portraits are bound to keep the secrets of the current Headmaster. They can’t…

Christina: Yeah, I think you’re right.

Alison: There’s something about it that they can’t discuss what the current Headmaster has been doing with anyone else. There’s a confidentiality thing somewhere.

Noah: Maybe it’s even a spell.

Kat: Maybe. Okay, let’s just pretend that… I guess I wasn’t thinking about the confidentiality aspect. I meant, could they actually, physically pass on that information to somebody else?

Alison: I think so. Because Phineas does it in the next book, right? He hears Hermione say where they are, and so he comes back and tells Snape about the Forest of Dean.

Kat: Right, right. Right, Phineas Nigellus.

Noah: But I think, again, it’s very much rooted in if the Headmaster would think it was okay to do it. Even when Snape was the Headmaster, maybe Phineas knew Snape’s true intentions and therefore thought it was okay to talk to Harry and Hermione in Book 7.

Alison: Well, they were all Headmasters at one point, so I mean, it’s probably the same thing. “The old portraits didn’t say anything about what I was doing when I was Headmaster, so I’m not going to say anything about the current one,” and then…

Kat: So then my question to you is this: So if all the portraits know all of that information about the Horcruxes and everything that Dumbledore and Harry were talking about, and Dumbledore trusted Snape and the portraits know that, how does Snape not know more about the Horcruxes after Dumbledore dies?

Christina: Oh. I guess they don’t tell him.

Alison: Do we know that he doesn’t?

Noah: Yes, I think he knows.

Christina: No.

Kat: No, I think it’s pretty clear that he doesn’t know.

Noah: He doesn’t know, really? I thought…

Christina: I don’t think he does.

Alison: It still could be that confidentiality thing. Maybe they just don’t… or maybe Dumbledore explicitly told them “Don’t tell anyone about this.”

Noah: “Hey guys, guys, don’t tell anyone about those Horcruxes.” “Got it, sir.” “Got it.” “Got it.” “Got it.” “Got it.” “Got it.”

Kat: “Got it.”

[Alison laughs]

Noah:[snores] Woah, woah.” Wakes up.

[Kat laughs]

Noah: “Got it.”

[Christina and Kat laugh]

Alison: Okay, Phineas.

Kat: Okay, I mean, but that brings up [a] trust issue, like so many things concerning Dumbledore do.

Noah: He had some winning quotes in this chapter, didn’t you notice?

Kat: Dumbledore did?

Noah: Yeah.

Kat: He has some great quotes in this chapter. He has some great quotes of life.

Noah: He has these weird quotes of life. He just throws it out when he’s talking about how Scrimgeour doesn’t like him or Harry. He’s just like, “We mustn’t sink beneath our anguish. We must try to…”

Alison: [laughs] Yeah, what is that line?

Noah: That came out of nowhere.

Kat: And it’s funny because I actually really love Dumbledore and Harry’s relationship in this book, and as they get to actually spend time together, they form a cute little bromance. I don’t know. It’s really cute.

Noah: Yeah, this scene is ridiculously intimate.

Kat: Yeah.

Noah: I mean, even when Harry says that he’s Dumbledore’s man through and through, then there’s a silence and then Fawkes just goes… [imitates Fawkes’s cry]

[Alison and Kat laugh]

Noah: Which is basically Dumbledore’s soul singing out, so that’s pretty intimate.

Kat: Yeah, I mean, the whole thing is very candid, very honest, and they clearly trust each other a lot. And it’s very sweet. I like it. I want more of this.

Noah: No, but with that closeness, though, you have emotional disparity because then Harry gets almost offended when Dumbledore won’t listen to his thoughts about Draco. Harry becomes kind of catty.

Kat: That’s true. The first memory that we go through, which is the Morfin memory… it’s Morfin time!

Christina: Mighty Morfin.

Kat: That’s right.

Noah: [laughs] Mighty Morfin…

Kat: So we pop back into the Gaunt house and Tom Riddle is standing there in the door, and he’s like, “Where’s Marvolo?” “Dead.” And so they go through this whole discussion… Tom has this whole discussion with Morfin and eventually the memory stops because Morfin stopped remembering something. But I read it over a couple times going through this time and I wondered if this was what Voldemort had planned because he does go to the house for Marvolo, not for Morfin, so…

Noah: I think he came up with it sort of in process as he was talking to Morfin.

Kat: Decided to kill him?

Noah: Decided that he was going to frame him to kill his father’s family.

Kat: Okay, so once Morfin started talking about the filthy Muggle…

Christina: Mhm.

Kat: … or the handsome Muggle and his filthy sister…

Noah: Yep.

Kat: … that’s when the plan formed?

Noah: I think there’s even a line if we want to find the exact line where his attitude changes, and we could perhaps pinpoint where he’s contemplating.

Kat: I think it might be… Morfin says, “I thought you was that Muggle. You look mighty like that Muggle.” And Riddle says sharply, “What Muggle?” I feel like that might be the moment where he starts to hate Morfin no matter what; if he’s related to him or what…

Noah: Yeah.

Kat: … because I think that he went to Marvolo for information…

Alison: Oh, definitely.

Christina: Yes.

Kat: I am not… I have a two percent… I don’t think he went there to kill him at all.

Alison: Oh, no. Not at all. No, no, no.

Kat: I think he went there to find information.

Alison: I think he would have just left him alone. As soon as he got what information he wanted, he would have just walked away. But I think the anger comes from… he didn’t know that his father was still alive and that he was around, and I think that’s where that surge of anger comes from.

Kat: Yeah.

Christina: We know he used killing his father and his grandparents to make a Horcrux. So did he come up with that plan when he saw the ring? That’s a lot to come up with on the spot.

Kat: Yeah, see, this is where the whole Horcrux-making thing becomes a little fuzzy because…

Christina: Yeah.

Noah: Oh, I found the line.

Kat: You found the line?

Noah: Yeah.

Kat: What’s the line?

Noah: “Voldemort was gazing at Morfin as though appraising his possibilities.”

Kat: Wait, wait, where is that?

Christina: Whoa!

Alison: Page 365, in the middle.

Kat: Okay, I don’t know if I agree with that.

Noah: Well, I mean…

Kat: Do you want to argue it?

Noah: … I think just that part of his thinking is there. It started with “What Muggle?” There was an emotional response that happened before the contemplated response, which was the second line. So that’s when he’s formulating a plot.

Christina: Mhm.

Alison: Okay.

Noah: And he thinks very fast.

Kat: I’ll give you that.

Christina: Yeah. I definitely think he went there for information. And this whole memory, I feel like… Voldemort being such a good Legilimens, I think he went into Morfin’s memory more than we actually know to try to get more information about his lineage or his family.

Alison: Oh, he definitely probably did.

Christina: Yeah.

Kat: Right, that’s what I was saying. This is where it gets messy. Okay, because supposedly he made a Horcrux when he killed Morfin…

Christina: Yes.

Kat: … no, when he killed his father. Okay? And supposedly the ring is the Horcrux.

Alison: Mhm.

Kat: However, in the next memory we see, he is asking Slughorn about Horcruxes. So either he definitely has already done it and is just looking for more information about making more of them or…

Noah: Oh my God.

Alison: Yep. Yep.

Noah: J.K. Rowling made a mistake.

Kat: … or the very real possibility is that Jo maybe fudged up her timeline.

Noah: Ooh, snap!

Alison: Or possibility three: What’s the deadline to making a Horcrux? Is there…?

Kat: I think it’s immediate.

Noah: I always thought it was immediate.

Christina: Yeah, I always thought that, too.

Alison: She’s never said what the process was, so I wonder if you can wait and maybe if you go back enough and contemplate what you’ve… maybe it’s like the Thestral thing where maybe if you go back and contemplate what you’ve done, that’s when…

Kat: Yeah, but that would imply remorse of some kind to think about it again.

Alison: Remorse or excitement in reliving it?

Christina: Yeah.

Alison: Because you really have to want to do that.

Kat: Maybe, but I always thought that… I mean, killing somebody is a release of energy. Doing that spell is a release of energy.

Noah: Yeah.

Alison: Sure.

Kat: And I feel like you have to harness that energy in that moment or it dissipates like a cloud.

Noah: But the thing is… another interesting aspect is the Ministry got its hands on the wand that was used to kill the Riddles, so wouldn’t they have been able to see Horcrux-making spells or magic when they regurgitated it?

Alison: Not if Voldemort used his own for that part, which I can definitely see him doing.

Noah: I think he did.

Kat and Noah: He double wanded.

Christina: Double wanded, yeah.

Noah: He double wanded.

Kat: Yeah.

Alison: But I definitely think that… I think it’s even been said somewhere that Voldemort went to talk to Slughorn about making multiple Horcruxes, not… he already knew how to do one.

Kat: Right.

Alison: So it wouldn’t surprise me if he went to talk to Slughorn about making multiple because he had found out he was Slytherin’s lineage and he had the idea for the diary, and so he was making sure he could do that, and then he went to go take care of that.

Kat: I was going to say I’m glad you brought up the diary because we always assume that this year… we don’t know exactly… or maybe we do know exactly what year this memory takes place in. Do we?

Alison: Sixth year, I’m pretty sure…

Christina: He’s sixteen. He’s underage.

Alison: Yeah, Dumbledore says when he went to go find the Gaunts and I believe it’s the summer before his sixth year.

Christina: He says he’s sixteen, yeah.

Kat: Okay, so in that case, the diary has already been made.

Alison: No, the diary gets made in sixth year because sixteen-year-old Riddle comes out and he is a sixth year.

Kat: Right, but how do you know that it hasn’t already been made?

Alison: Isn’t it at the end of the year? This feels like the beginning of the year to me, and then I feel like Myrtle is at the end of the year, or near to the end of the year.

Christina: I think the list is on the Wiki.

Kat: Yeah, I don’t trust Jo’s math or timelining.

Alison: Yeah.

Christina: Well, I mean, the other big gaping hole in this is the Trace. So even if Voldemort used Morfin’s wand, why didn’t he still get caught for doing magic?

Alison: Because if they detected magic at the Riddle House and they came and they arrested Morfin, they would think it was him because he had admitted to murdering them.

Kat: Well, and that’s also answered in this chapter. It’s just like the whole Dobby thing. They can detect underage magic but if you’re in the presence of a full blown wizard – an adult wizard – they don’t know who did the magic.

Alison and Christina: Yeah.

Christina: And they’re so far apart. I mean, Morfin is in the Gaunt shack and then Voldemort is over the hill at the big house and… I look back to Order of the Phoenix, where Mafalda Hopkirk’s little letter says, “We received intelligence that you performed the Patronus Charm.” So that is very specific to Harry.

Alison: Hmm, but…

Kat: But that’s because Harry is the only one who lives at Privet Drive that’s a wizard.

Alison: Yeah. I believe they also said that in Chamber of Secrets with Dobby.

Kat: Yeah. So I think that they assumed that because Morfin is the only one in that neighborhood that it was him at the house.

Noah: Yeah.

Alison: Because then he admits to the murder, so I mean…

Kat: No, you know what, though? The more I think about it, that is kind of sketchy because…

Noah: If underage magic should have its own tag…

Christina: Yes, that’s right.

Alison: Yeah, the Trace has always been sketchy to me. [laughs]

Kat: Yeah.

Noah: But if he used Morfin’s wand, does it not become underage magic because the wand is registered with Morfin?

Kat: Right, that would depend on whether the magic comes from the wand or from the wizard.

Noah: “The wand merely channels the magic,” perhaps.

Kat: Well, I mean the…

Christina: But then how do they find Muggle-borns who have magic if they don’t have a wand?

Alison: The list. The Hogwarts list.

Christina: But where does the list come from?

Kat: Magic.

Alison: The Magical Quill at Hogwarts.

[Everyone laughs]

Noah: That’s sort of how all conversations end.

[Everyone laughs]

Kat: Right, exactly.

Christina: Magic. It’s magic.

Alison: It just all boils down to magic. [laughs]

Noah: One other curious element I found here, though, was we still don’t know exactly how a Horcrux is made. But now I’m thinking about it in terms of… what if this was the first time Riddle made a Horcrux and it was almost accidental and that’s why he wants to ask about it?

[Alison gasps]

Noah: Because we know he made an accidental Horcrux with Harry.

Kat: Right.

Alison: Ooh.

Noah: So maybe making a Horcrux is as simple as not only killing with the intent to kill but killing with such a hatred or such a passion that it just rips your soul in two. And maybe it’s not even detectable.

Alison: I think she said that there’s a complicated process, and the one with Harry was a fluke; it wasn’t supposed to happen but Voldemort’s soul was so disabled…

Noah: Unstable, maybe.

Alison: … unstable, thank you, that’s the word I was looking for… that it just broke apart and latched onto the only living thing in the house.

Kat: Right. It’s like a vase with a bunch of cracks.

Alison: Yeah.

Kat: You just tap it and it falls apart.

Alison: But I think for the most part – especially for this first one – it was very intentional.

Christina and Noah: Mhm.

Kat: Hmm. I’m going to indulge you for a moment, Noah…

Noah: Okay.

Kat: … and say that it’s very possible that he didn’t go there with the intention to make a Horcrux.

Alison: [gasps] Ooh.

Kat: Because I truly feel like he went to that house with a very different goal.

Alison: Yeah.

Kat: Not to kill, to get information.

Alison and Noah: Yeah.

Kat: Mhm, I’m going to indulge you for a moment and say that I might quite possibly agree with you.

Noah: All right.

Alison: Maybe it wasn’t accidental, but maybe it was just spontaneous. Maybe he… I definitely think he’d been studying up and figuring out how to make a Horcrux at this point, and so maybe just that sudden surge of anger and hate that came from finding out his father was actually alive made him just spontaneously decide, “Today is the day. We’re going to do it. The big one, here we go.”

Noah: Well, and he probably doesn’t want to Horcrux-ify just any soul.

Alison: Yeah.

Noah: It’s probably a very personal thing.

Kat: Well, we know it is.

Alison: Yeah.

Noah: Except for… yeah, with Myrtle. I don’t know why she had to be the second one. I don’t think he really knew her or cared about her.

Alison: There’s probably a fan fiction.

Noah: At that point, he just wanted an extra one.

Kat: When does he learn about his mom?

Alison: I believe Dumbledore says in this chapter that he went looking for his father, couldn’t find him, so he finally backed up and found the Gaunts. Well, obviously. But yeah, I don’t know. How much does he know about her?

Kat: Yeah. See, I was just thinking about where and when the motivation to never die came into him.

Alison: Oh, I think that was way early. From a child, I think.

Kat: Really?

Alison: Yeah. I think I’ve mentioned this before that… I think on the episode where we were discussing the first memory when Dumbledore goes to the orphanage…

Kat: Yep.

Alison: … that I think he was already scared of dying as a child and he believed if he had magic, he could make that not happen. He could make himself immortal. I definitely think from a very young age, he was scared of it.

Kat: Yeah, scared is one thing. But to actually finally decide that you’re going to make it happen…

Noah: Well, he probably did that when he went to Hogwarts and he saw all the magic that was possible and that activated…

Alison and Kat: Yeah.

Alison: … that desire to find a way to not have to go through his worst fear.

Noah: But he totally did.

Alison: Yeah, he does. And it’s great.

Kat: Boom!

[Alison and Noah laugh]

Kat: Anyway, okay. So the next memory that we delve into in this chapter is, of course, the Slughorn memory, the title memory of this chapter, “A Sluggish Memory.” So we find ourself in a very much younger Slughorn’s office. And it’s Tom. Tom-Tom.

[Alison laughs]

Kat: That’s funny. In here it says “Tom, Tom, if I knew I couldn’t tell you.” [laughs] I know he doesn’t say it like Tom… anyway.

[Everyone laughs]

Kat: Yeah, it’s like Tom-Tom and Mer-Mer. I’m just saying. He knew the nicknames before they were…

[Everyone laughs]

Christina: [unintelligible]

Kat: Yeah. So they’re sitting around and they’re discussing Professor Merrythought – ha ha, funny – and crystallized pineapple, and then everybody leaves. And Tom Riddle just drops the bomb, “Yo! What do you know about Horcruxes?”

[Alison laughs]

Kat: And Slughorn is like, “I don’t know anything about Horcruxes and I wouldn’t tell you if I did! Now get out of here at once and don’t let me catch you mentioning them again!” Okay? Obviously tampered. I know, that was a very good Slughorn. I’ve blown all your minds.

Alison: [laughs] It was great, it was great. [applauds] You can replace Michael. [laughs]

Noah: How did Dumbledore get this memory in the first place?

Kat: Well, I think he just asked Slughorn for it and Slughorn was like, “Oh crap, I don’t want him to know what this is.”

Alison: [laughs] Yeah.

Kat: So he… [unintelligible] and then gave it to Dumbledore – the really crappy spell.

Noah: But how did he do that? Did he think really hard in his head as Dumbledore was extracting it? Did he already extract it for him and was like, “Here Dumbledore, I’ve done this behind the old shed.”

Kat: I don’t know.

[Alison laughs]

Kat: See… I’ve thought about that a lot because Slughorn’s a very accomplished wizard and this is a crap cover-up. It’s really bad; it’s very shoddy spellwork.

Alison: Raising hand, raising hand!

Noah: Yeah. [laughs]

Alison: I think it’s definitely not spellwork. It’s trying to convince yourself that something happened that didn’t happen, which everyone kind of does. Everyone records different versions of your memories.

Kat: Right.

Noah: Whoa.

Alison: And your brain just works that way and sometimes you forget parts, or your brain changes parts to deal with what’s going on. So I think that’s why…

Noah: Even to this extent?

Alison: Yeah, I definitely think so.

Kat: Yeah.

Alison: I think he’s covering himself up, or inside he’s thinking, “I wish I had actually said this.” So he has changed this memory in his head to be, “This is what I actually meant,” and that’s why it’s so easy to see through because Pensieves will pull out the actual true memory. And so it’s so bad because this is what Slughorn was trying to present in the memory, but the Pensieve can see through what he wants it to be to what it really is.

Noah: So you’re saying his mind has done this unconsciously then because he’s been traumatized by the event?

Christina: I think he feels guilty about it.

Alison: Yeah, I think it’s both unconscious and conscious.

Christina: Mhm.

Alison: I think it’s a little bit of both.

Noah: Huh.

Alison: I think he’s convinced himself that “This is what I said,” and so he’s kind of shoving away the guilt.

Noah: I always thought it was conscious.

Alison: Yeah. No, I definitely think some of it is.

Noah: Just the clouding and the altering of it.

Kat: Yeah, I think it’s just crappy spellwork. I mean, I get what you’re saying, that he’s convinced himself so much in his mind, but personally… again, I know what you’re saying, but while you were talking I was thinking about … memories in my head, and even if I tried to overwrite them, I feel like the memory I would have given to Dumbledore would be the pure one. Because you can’t just change a memory in your head – that’s why it’s a memory. And I feel like you would have to physically alter that to change it.

Alison: But I don’t know if he changed it for Dumbledore necessarily or if he changed it for himself.

Kat: I think that in Slughorn’s mind, that is a door that is locked and you never go there.

Noah: But that’s an interesting thought: was he so burdened by it that he magically changed the thought in his head to make himself feel better?

Kat: No, because if that was the case, Dumbledore would never get the true memory.

Noah: Or maybe he’d get just what this is.

Kat: Right, but he couldn’t have changed it permanently in his mind because then the true memory would be gone.

Noah: Right, right.

Alison: Maybe, yeah. Maybe he has told himself so often that that’s what he believes. But there at the back of his mind – like you were saying – locked away is what actually happened and Harry is able to unlock that later on and get him to actually…

Kat: Oh, does he use Alohomora?

[Alison laughs]

Christina: What do we think it is that makes the actual memory cloudy and hard to pour into the Pensieve?

Kat: Ooh, I think that is the deception that Slughorn has put into the memory.

Alison: Yep. I would agree with that.

Christina: So does that mean true memories are clearer and flow freely?

Alison: Yeah.

Kat: Yeah, because look at the one from Morfin. It just pours into the… [unintelligible] It’s lovely.

[Alison laughs]

Christina: So you can tell by looking at a memory in a vial how good it is.

Kat: I would assume so. Because Harry even questions, do memories go bad?

Christina: Yeah.

Kat: And yeah, they kind of do.

[Christina laughs]

Noah: Well, what happens if you drink a memory?

[Alison gasps]

Christina: Is that like a zombie eating a brain? Do you get the memories?

Alison: [whispers] Weird.

Christina: Can you drink a memory? Because it’s not …

Noah: Then it’s your memory. Then it’s yours.

Kat: Well, Snape’s memories come out of his eyeballs.

Alison: [laughs] His tear ducts.

Kat: So that’s technically a fluid from inside your body that’s not a memory. So, I think…

Christina: So you can sweat them out, too? [laughs]

Alison: [whispers] Oh, gosh.

Noah: So if Harry… instead of collecting those in a vial, if Harry had licked Snape’s tears…

Alison: Oh, gosh!

[Everyone laughs]

Alison: No! [laughs] I am scarred for life with that image.

Kat: Wait, I’m sure there’s a fan fiction somewhere where Harry kisses the tears.

Alison: No!

Noah: [as Harry] “Snape, I never understood you, but now I do. I do now!”

Kat: I feel like those would go into Harry’s memory bank. Yes.

Alison: Well… but it’s not really liquid. It’s described as being in between a liquid and a gas. So I don’t know, could you like …

Noah: Well, no one said it was going to nourish you, but you could probably still eat it or… I don’t know.

[Christina laughs]

Alison: Well, I think the tear thing is a movie-ism. I definitely think that’s a movie-ism because in the book it says it’s just coming out of him and Harry’s like, “Oh crap! Hermione, you’re the only one prepared for the end of the world here.” [laughs]

Kat: No, I know. Yeah, it’s like oozing out of his ear or something.

Alison: Yeah.

Kat: I mean, it’s not, but it pretty much…

Noah: When wizards and witches die there should be somebody collecting their memories, because that’s some valuable stuff.

Kat: See, that’s a good… that’s something I thought about again when I was reading this chapter, [because] Voldemort obviously eventually dies. How… I want those memories out of his head.

Alison: Ooh.

Kat: I know that he is an f-ed up guy…

[Christina laughs]

Kat: … but imagine…

Alison: You could get the whole truth.

Christina: Could you really?

Kat: Yeah, imagine the things that he has seen and done and experienced. I’m sounding a little Ollivander-y here…

Noah: He’s evil, Kat. He’s evil.

[Christina laughs]

Noah: He’s great but he’s evil. [laughs]

Kat: No, “terrible but great.”

Noah: Oh.

Kat: But yes, it’s kind of like looking into Hitler’s head. It’s the same type of situation. It’s fascinating, even if it’s terrifying.

Noah: Kat, you’re scaring me.

Kat: I’m sorry.

Alison: No, I understand what you’re saying because it’s interesting to know how someone’s brain goes that far.

Kat: Yeah, if we never dissected the brains of those people who were mentally disturbed then we wouldn’t know anything about… mentally disturbed things.

Noah: Has brain science advanced though that we can… is there an actual psychological change in the brain when somebody’s insane like a Hitler? I don’t know.

Alison and Kat: I don’t know.

Kat: I don’t like science.

[Christina, Kat, and Noah laugh]

Kat: That’s why I prefer magic.

[Alison laughs]

Noah: Yeah, me too.

Alison: The answer to all.

Noah: So I think it’s time for the Podcast Question of the Week now. So here it is – this is leaving off of the very last section of the chapter where Dumbledore convinces Harry to go to Slughorn and try to get this memory from him. And Dumbledore has an interesting line where he’s saying that he thinks Harry can do it, unlike anybody else or even better than Dumbledore himself can. And then as Harry is leaving, he overhears Phineas talking from the portrait to Dumbledore, “Do you really think that this kid can do it better than you?” And Dumbledore says, basically to the extent, “Yes,” or that, “I shouldn’t expect you to understand how.” And I as a reader don’t quite understand how because as we know, Harry is sometimes all over the place, so I’m sort of putting it to you guys. Why does Dumbledore believe Harry has a special knack for getting Slughorn’s memory? Now I have a couple of ideas how this is possible right off the bat, and feel free to use these or expand on them. Does Dumbledore know Harry has the Felix Felicis and will possibly use it? Does Dumbledore just trust in the magic of Hogwarts – I have Wizard God in here, but I don’t think Dumbledore believes in Wizard God – does Dumbledore believe that somehow the magical forces of Hogwarts will unite to help Harry in this effort to get the memory? Or does Dumbledore trust in Harry’s cunning, his perhaps most Slytherin quality, and just Harry’s ability to sway people and get them to do things or convince them of things? Which is something I never really thought about Harry, but I think he definitely has this quality. So what do you guys think?

Kat: I think we’re going to answer it next week.

Noah: And I look forward to reading all the responses.

Alison: And we just want to go ahead and thank Christina again for coming on and being a great guest.

Christina: Thanks so much. It was a lot of fun, and it was like getting my Hogwarts letter.

[Alison and Christina laugh]

Kat: Aww. That’s too nice. That’s sweet of you.

Noah: And if you would like to be on the show, you can simply go to alohomora.mugglenet.com, and you can find all the answers there for how to get onto our podcast here. And don’t worry about recording. As long as you have Apple headphones, or any kind of headphones connected to your computer, you’re all set. No fancy equipment is needed. And while you’re on our site, you should download one of our ringtones, because you can’t forget that catchy Alohomora! sound.

[Alison laughs]

Kat: And they’re free, so why not, right? And in the meantime, if you want to keep in touch with us, you can find us on Twitter at @AlohomoraMN, facebook.com/openthedumbledore, on Tumblr at mnalohomorapodcast. Of course, our phone number is 206-GO-ALBUS (206-462-5287). And don’t forget to leave us an audioBoom…

[Alison laughs]

Kat: … over at alohomora.mugglenet.com. It’s free – all you need is an Internet connection and a microphone. There’s a little green button on the right-hand menu. Just click it, keep your message under 60 seconds, and you just might hear yourself on the show. You can leave a question, a comment, a sonnet, a song, a poem, yourself doing a tap dance…

[Alison laughs]

Kat: … anything, we like to hear it all. So send it in and maybe you’ll end up in the bloopers – which, let’s be honest, is kind of more fun than the show sometimes anyways.

[Alison laughs]

Kat; So there you go.

Alison: And while you’re on the site, make sure you check out our store. We have our house shirts and other shirts and merchandise of a variety of designs, including Desk!Pig, Mandrake Liberation Front, Minerva – because her name is Minerva – Is My Homegirl, and so many more.

Kat: And don’t forget about our smartphone app. It’s available all over the world, on this side of the pond and the other, seemingly everywhere. Prices vary depending on your location. It includes things – obviously the episode – and things like transcripts, bloopers, alternate endings, host vlogs, and more. The smartphone app has gone through a recent transformation. More details are going to be available about that on the website very, very soon, so stay tuned. But I think that wraps up our episode, yeah?

Alison: Yeah. Wow.

Noah: It was great being on. It was great talking to everybody again and doing this. It’s been a while.

Kat: Yeah, tell the listeners what you’ve been up to.

Noah: Yeah, so I started a business for a little while that didn’t really go anywhere, but it was really fun to experiment with and I’m still kind of thinking about it. But now I’ve been working in the advertising world doing a lot of social media for off-Broadway shows – and actually one Broadway show, Amazing Grace the Musical, which is coming to Broadway this summer. So find me on Twitter doing some tweets. It’s pretty cool.

Kat: Yeah, you haven’t had any conversations with yourself on Twitter recently, so…

[Alison laughs]

Kat: … I was beginning to worry about you.

Noah: I’ve been having conversations with random people from very, very professional accounts, so I have to be very, very careful.

Alison: Oh.

Kat: Oh, okay.

Christina: I think J.K. Rowling has been doing more tweeting to herself.

[Alison and Kat laugh]

Kat: She has.

[Christina laughs]

Alison: Yeah. She definitely has.

Noah: She tweets to herself?

Christina: I was getting scared.

Kat: Yeah, between her account and the Robert Galbraith account.

Noah: Oh, they do that?

Alison: Yes.

Kat: Yeah.

Alison: It was quite entertaining.

Noah: Clearly she’s listening to the show because she found out I was doing that.

Alison: Oh.

Kat: Yeah, she’s just a silly little copycat.

Noah: Yeah.

Christina: Copying the master.

Kat: Yeah. Well, good. Thank you again, Noah, so much for joining us. It was great to have you.

Noah: I’d love to come on again.

Alison: All right, well… all right. Sorry.

Noah: [unintelligible]

Alison: Sorry. [laughs] I guess we are on our way out then to go figure out our own memories.

[Show music begins]

Alison: I’m Alison Siggard.

Noah: I’m Noah Fried.

Kat: And I’m Kat Miller. Thank you for listening to Episode 135 of Alohomora!

Noah: Open the Dumbledore!

[Show music continues]

Noah: Well, listeners, if you have any thoughts in regard to this debate, please leave your thoughts in the forum.

Kat: The forums? Yeah, nobody uses those anymore.

Alison: No, they’ve been coming back!

Noah: Leave your thoughts on the Alohomora! main page or in Noah’s Nook in the forum.

Christina and Kat: [laughs] Noah’s Nook.

[Alison and Christina laugh]

Noah: I went to the old Nook today. It’s kind of…

Kat: Did you go to the Nook today?

Noah: I went to the Nook. It was looking kind of… there were some cobwebs and…

[Christina laughs]

Kat: Did you clean it up?

Noah: Yep.

Kat: It’s like all he wanted was to sit down and have dinner with his partner, and he just wants to watch television.

[Christina and Noah laugh]

Noah: You’re going there, Kat? They’ve got a 60-year… no, no, a 160-year difference in age.

Kat: Dumbledore is not 100… okay, he’s not 180-something.

Noah: [laughs] Yeah.

Kat: Like I said, I was just punting the ball to you. You can take it to the end zone.

[Christina and Noah laugh]

Noah: Exactly.

Kat: [laughs] Okay.

Noah: Yeah, they’re totally… I’m there with you, Kat.

Kat: [laughs] Okay, Noah. I’m not there, but I’m going to pretend for your behalf.