Transcript – Episode 45

[Show music begins]

Caleb Graves: This is Episode 45 of Alohomora! for August 24, 2013.

[Show music continues]

Caleb: Hey everyone, welcome to another episode of Alohomora! now that we’re off of our LeakyCon summer of live shows. I’m Caleb Graves.

Laura Reilly: I’m Laura Reilly.

Kat Miller: And I’m Kat Miller. And our special fan guest today is Dana Lamb from Australia. Hey Dana, how are you?

Dana Lamb: Hi, I’m good.

Kat: Good. Tell our listeners a little bit about yourself, what house you’re in, all that jazz.

Dana: I am in Gryffindor, I was before I got sorted on Pottermore. And I’m… my wand is an aspen and phoenix core, and I’m very happy about that. [laughs]

Kat: An aspen, that’s one we’ve never come across before.

Caleb: Hmm. Yeah.

Kat: Do you know anything about it?

Dana: It says it’s for… attracted to quests, the wand is attracted to quests and stuff like that and new orders.

Kat: Is that… and that fits you?

Dana: Yeah, I think so. I’m attracted… people often ask me to do a lot of things and attract me to new things, so I guess that fits.

Kat: Awesome. Well, thanks for being here. I hope this lives up to your expectations.

Dana: Pleasure to be here. [laughs]

Laura: Okay, so we’re going to talk about some of the comments from last week, which – as Caleb said – our first week coming off of the live shows, where we discussed Chapter 6 of Goblet of Fire. So this first comment comes from our forums from clare, and it says,

“On the topic of the crazy Muggle clothes that the wizards wear, I thought it could be compared to tourists in our world or even Halloween. If you think about tourists visiting another land, they try to blend in, but end up wearing some crazy outfits. Even though we see people from other countries all of the time, we struggle trying to blend in with them. Also, the wizards could have been excited to dress up like Muggles (like children are excited to dress up like something else on Halloween). Because of this, they choose some of the most outrageous Muggle clothes.”

So basically, where this comment came from, we were discussing, more in joke than seriousness, of just that the fact that they got these really crazy, bizarre outfits that are probably more difficult to obtain than just the standard T-shirt and jeans would be to buy. But…

Kat: Well, my favorite crazy Muggle outfit is in the next chapter, Chapter 7.

Laura: Mhm.

Kat: So we’ll give some claps when we get to that. [laughs]

Laura: Slow clap, yeah. [laughs]

Kat: Yeah, exactly.

Laura: Okay, this next comment comes from ladygimbal. It says,

“One thing no one really mentioned when talking about Apparition and the Weasleys was the fact that Percy only just received his Apparition license. Why was this? I checked his birthday (Aug 22, 1976), which means at the beginning of GoF he was turning/just turned 18. Students at Hogwarts learn Apparition during their sixth year (or Harry and his classmates do). Percy would have turned 17 the summer after Book 2, which means he should have taken his test then. Why doesn’t he take it for another year? The Weasley twins pass their Apparition test the next year when they are 17.”

Kat: Am I remembering incorrectly, but – maybe I am – is the class that Harry and Ron and… does Hermione take it? I don’t remember.

Laura: Yes.

Caleb: Ron and Hermione do. Harry…

Kat: That’s right, Harry doesn’t.

Caleb: He takes the class, but he can’t take his test yet.

Kat: Right. Is that a special class? Because I feel like there was a special something that they said, “Oh, they’re going to have them at Hogwarts this year.” I feel like that’s something that doesn’t normally happen.

Caleb: I can’t remember.

Kat: I don’t either.

Laura: Yeah, I really… that… I don’t remember that so much.

Kat: But regardless, they’re not required to get their license. So…

Laura: Right. I didn’t get my driving license… I’m able to get my permit when I was 16, but that cost a lot of money, but if you just waited until you were 17, it was free, which was the worst mistake.

Kat: Free?

Laura: Well, yeah.

Kat: Welcome to Jersey.

Laura: I didn’t have to take driving classes, whereas my sister paid several hundred dollars to take driving classes. Worst mistake I ever made in my life, but I was like, “Yeah, this’ll be great, and then my mom will teach me and everything will be fine.”

Kat: Yeah.

Laura: But point is that, yeah, it’s not mandatory.

Kat: Yeah, it does seem out of character for Percy not to do something as soon as he can, but I don’t – I think this is…

Caleb: He was probably writing more about cauldrons and it tied him up, so…

Kat: [laughs] Probably. I think it’s probably just a mathematical error on Jo’s part…

Laura: Yeah.

Kat: … per the usual. Not a big deal.

Dana: Continuity error, Jo.

Kat: Yeah, exactly. There’s a lot of those.

Dana: Yeah.

Kat: But we love her anyway.

Dana: Yeah.

Laura: All right, so this next comment comes from suprememugwump, on the… their theory on splinching. It says,

“Splinching only results in immobility when there would be major consequences for losing the part you leave behind – an arm or a leg, for example. My evidence? In ‘Half-Blood Prince’, Ron fails his Apparition test because he leaves half an eyebrow behind and Hermione says that the instructor ‘noticed.’ This implies that Ron couldn’t have been stuck and unable to move, because then the Splinch would have been so obvious that the instructor didn’t need to ‘notice.’ Anyone can survive without half an eyebrow, so Ron could have passed if the instructor wasn’t paying full attention. This is why Ron is not stuck when he loses a chunk of flesh in ‘Deathly Hallows’. […] This next part is purely my theory, but I think the immobility when you leave a large part of yourself behind (like a limb) is caused because you’re not fully present at your destination. It’s not like you’ve been ripped in half. You’re still somehow connected to the limb you’ve left behind (hence no bleeding); but the fact that you’re connected across a long distance means that you have no control over that limb.”

Caleb: That just makes me feel really queasy. [laughs]

Laura: Yeah.

Kat: Yes. [laughs]

Caleb: All these forgotten limbs and stuff. [laughs]

Laura: I mean, I feel better about this theory than the idea of how I always thought of splinching, thanks to the movie, in Deathly Hallows, which was gushing blood and like, “Oh my God, I lost my arm!” and now it’s Braveheart style, their arm is totally off.

Kat: I never thought of it that way. I always thought of it just… I don’t know, just exactly how it’s described in the books I guess…

Caleb: Yeah.

Kat: … where it’s just half a person standing there like, “Uh-oh! Now what do I do? Uh-oh!”

Laura: Yeah, that’s what I thought at this point, but then I was saying in the last week’s episode, that’s where my confusion came in, was why Ron was so injured in Deathly Hallows

Kat: Right.

Laura: … if they are making splinching in this book seem more like an inconvenience than actual tragedy.

Kat: And I think I agree when I listen to that episode – I forget who said it – that it was the fact that Yaxley was holding on to them and Hermione had to curse him off. She probably hit Ron or something.

Laura: Right.

Dana: If you were Splinched, would you have to Apparate back and put your body back together? Would that be a thing?

Caleb: That’s actually something I always thought about.

Dana: Yeah.

Caleb: How do they rectify that?

Dana: Well, I think…

Laura: The problem is that they need the Ministry to come and fix it because the whole idea is they can’t Apparate back because they’re stuck, which is why I said if the Ministry doesn’t act fast enough and then the Muggles…

[Kat laughs]

Laura: … see a limb in the middle of the street and what if they take the limb away because they think it’s murder? A whole lot of problems now. [laughs]

Kat: Well, no police department moves that quick, so…

Laura: Right.

Caleb: Oh, God. So real.

Kat: I was just picturing happily taking a walk down the street or through the woods and there’s a leg laying there. I would not be happy.

Laura: Pleasant.

Caleb: Oh, God.

Kat: Nope. A non-bloody one none the less, just like… nevermind. Okay, move on.

[Laura laughs]

Kat: Go to the next comment.

Caleb: Yeah.

[Laura and Kat laugh]

Laura: Okay, so this next comment is broadly about the idea of Percy from the forums from Bravenclaw, which I like that username. It says,

“Listening to the rebuttal discussion on Percy, a thought popped into my head on Percy’s character from a literary standpoint. Do you think his actions are an allegory for the Christian faith? He faces tons of grief for striving after what he believes in, but stands strong and doesn’t relent.”

Caleb: Hmm. I would say no because I think… well, Jo has talked countless times in interviews about how her own faith and the ideas behind religion are very much present in the story, and I think it’s really easy to pick those out. So I think she intentionally integrated that in some places, but I don’t think it’s the case with Percy.

Kat: There are some really interesting parallels though, definitely between his story about how in the end he finally does relent and realizes that he was wrong. I don’t know.

Laura: But I agree with Caleb in that I think it’s an allegory maybe to something about actions, but I don’t see it as faith, whatever faith that may be. I just don’t see it as being… it’s apples and oranges to me.

Kat: Sure.

Caleb: Mhm.

Kat: Dana, what were you going to say?

Dana: Yeah, I was just going to say I agree with Caleb. Just the whole… if Percy was deeming himself, becoming not a Christian anymore, I don’t see how that would relate to the whole Christianity thing. I think he would just… yeah. [laughs] I agree with that…

[Kat laughs]

Dana: … very much. [laughs]

Kat: Fair enough.

Caleb: But still a cool parallel, the question.

Kat: Yeah, I think so.

Dana: Definitely.

Laura: Good thinking. Right, and this last comment comes from cassandra1447 in response to Eric’s joke that Hogwarts students at this point have only reached a fourth grade reading level. It says,

“4th grade reading level? Hogwarts may not have English classes, but I wouldn’t say that prevents the students from reaching more than a 4th grade reading level. The students are always complaining about how much they have to read and write. The ability to analyze texts and craft coherent essays can be cultivated through non-fiction as well as fiction. And, in my personal experience, your reading level is determined as much, or more, by your personal pursuit of the written word than it is by your actual classes.”

Laura: Truth.

“I imagine Hermione, and similar students, would have a quite high reading level, well beyond 4th grade. […] We see very little fiction writing in the series – ‘Beedle the Bard’ is the only one I remember ever being mentioned. Surely there must be more fiction than this? And do wizards have the equivalent of ‘fantasy’ books and, if so, what would ‘Wizarding fantasy’ be?”

There [are] quite a few questions in there. [laughs]

Kat: Yeah. So the first part I mostly agree with, I think. I think that there are some things that you aren’t just going to pick up by reading and writing that you need to be taught.

Caleb: Hmm.

Kat: You need to be taught how to analyze things…

Laura: Mhm.

Kat: … in a non… in an objective way, and I don’t think that’s something…

Caleb: How to properly identify and use grammar, that’s something you don’t just pick up.

Kat: Right. Yeah, exactly.

Laura: It’s certainly something that’s enhanced through your own personal pursuits. I think that’s what separates people that maybe have… are good at English and have really a prowess at the English language, that your personal pursuits maybe determines that, but a lot of it does depend on your schooling.

Caleb: I just think that a lot of these things, it’s not at the forefront of Hogwarts. I think it’s just that Jo had things about the school she definitely wanted to focus on, namely the more magical things.

Laura: Right.

Caleb: And it’s the thing like we don’t see them go to the bathroom or things like that. We only see a prefects’ bathroom. Obviously this is happening.

Laura: They shower. [laughs]

Caleb: So… yeah, exactly. They bathe, they clean themselves. I think it’s just what Jo wanted to focus on with her story.

Laura: Right. It’s like no one wants to read about, “And then they went to algebra.” It’s… [laughs] yeah.

Caleb: And then everyone shuts the book.

Kat: Yeah. [laughs] Pretty much.

Dana: I don’t think Hermione would have a fourth grade reading level at the age of eleven, though…

Caleb: [laughs] Right.

Dana: … because I know for me personally, I was at a sixth grade reading level when I was Year 3. So she could technically be at a seventh grade reading level even though she’s only eleven or twelve or however old she is.

Caleb: Mhm.

Laura: Yeah, I definitely agree. While the second part of this comment – which I feel like we brought up however many books back, I feel like in Chamber of Secrets – about wizarding Fiction, that we never really see them read Fantasy books or really any reading that’s just for enjoyment, that’s not biographical… is that a word? Yeah. [laughs]

Kat: Or news. Yeah, biographical.

Laura: Or… yeah, news. So, would they… do they have fantasy books? Is it about Muggle escapades? Or is it… it’s not fantasy because all that stuff to them actually exists.

Kat: Well, they definitely have fantasy books, but I mean, the only one I can think of that we see is Martin Miggs, the Mad Muggle. That’s a comic book.

Caleb: Yeah.

Kat: I don’t know if you would call that fantasy, but it’s definitely fiction.

Dana: Mhm.

Laura: Right, and I feel like… I remember saying this whenever the last time we talked about this was, that fantasy doesn’t owe – or any type of fiction – doesn’t have to be a totally separate world…

Kat: Yeah.

Laura: … like going to a totally different place. It could just be the world that’s currently existing and just what you’re doing in it, just normal narrative.

Kat: True.

Laura: So…

Kat: Well, if any of you out there actually think that there is some sort of wizarding fantasy book, write a chapter [laughs] or synopsis or something and send it in because that could be really interesting, I think.

Laura: That’d be awesome. [laughs]

Kat: Yeah.

Caleb: We’d get MinaLima to create it.

Kat: Nice. Perfect. Okay, done.

Laura: Just going to green light it, publish it.

Kat: Yeah. We won’t even talk to them about it. They’ll do it. They’re cool.

[Kat and Laura laugh]

Kat: Okay, so, we’re going to move on to the Podcast Question of the Week responses and the question last week got a lot – a lot! – of responses and I think it’s a really great question. So here it is: It says, “The Portkeys obviously play a massive role in the end of this book, but my question this week is why do wizards need so many different types of transport? Why don’t they all Apparate or take the Floo Network, as they seem so proficient in getting magical people from place to place so quickly? Why the preference for uncomfortable brooms?”

Laura: Valid.

[Dana laughs]

Kat: And our first comment comes from MudBloodandProud1996. It says,

“To me it seems there are so many types of transport to accommodate for wizards needs. I think Apparation and Floo Powder would be used the majority of the time, but the other types of transport would be for those who need different modes of travel to get where they need to go.”

Caleb: Yeah. I mean, it’s a pretty basic but pretty solid response.

[Kat laughs]

Caleb: My initial response. There’s just so many factors that can come up that those two mention in the question that seem to be preferred don’t always fit for.

Kat: Yeah, exactly. And that was pretty much the consensus in there, that just like Muggles, we have buses and trains and bicycles and skateboards and…

Caleb: And airplanes.

Kat: And airplanes. Of course I’m missing the obvious one.

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: Hot air balloons.

Kat: Ravenclaw. Okay…

Dana: I have to agree with this comment because I was the one who wrote it. [laughs]

Caleb: Oh, is that you?

Dana: Yeah, it’s me.

[Everyone laughs]

Kat: Oh!

Caleb: Oh, that’s awesome! I love when this happens!

[Everyone laughs]

Kat: I had no idea, that’s great.

Caleb: Because this is totally sporadic but it happens all the time!

Dana: Yeah.

Kat: It does. It’s because our listeners are the bomb!

[Caleb laughs]

Dana: I commented on it. I was like, “Wouldn’t it be crazy if it came up on the show when I was on?” And it did! [laughs]

Kat: [laughs] That’s rad.

Dana: Yeah.

Kat: Good job. Claps.

Laura: Claps for the guest.

[Dana and Kat laugh]

Kat: So, our next comment comes from MrMagic24 and he actually has two opinions on the matter. It says,

“One is that not every form of transportation is for all people. Some Muggles get sick in cars or planes, some have difficulty walking, Perhaps wizards are the same, some get sick using Portkeys, Floo Powder, flying, etc. Remember that not everyone can Apparate, it’s supposedly difficult and some prefer brooms because they are ‘slower but safer.’ Thus variety is important. Another reason is that wizards need to travel in ways that avoid detection. Instantaneous travel seems to be a theme, as it’s a great means of doing so. Brooms and cars are perhaps the sole exceptions to methods of travel that avoid detection, but these two attempt to fit into Muggle society instead. So the need for secrecy presents another reason for various methods of travel.”

Caleb: Very good point. Because we obviously… that’s how we get exposed to so many transportation methods through the series, is having to get around things.

Kat: Oh, that’s true.

Dana: Mhm.

Laura: Oh, yeah.

Kat: I’m trying to think of other ones besides this Portkey.

Laura: I like the analogy that they make to just matters of preference as far as people getting sick and using certain types of things because I would imagine Apparating… because I feel like when Harry Apparates, he feels nauseous, right? That’s a thing?

Kat: Yes.

Caleb: Yeah.

Laura: Yeah. So I don’t like feeling nauseous when I travel, so I would probably want to do something that doesn’t cause that.

Kat: Yeah.

Caleb: This actually makes me think of other methods of transportation that are introduced. We get… this won’t begin until the next book, but it does make me think about Thestrals and it makes me wonder if Jo thought about the Thestrals as a means of transportation or for the point of illustrating seeing death first. Which one she came up with first and then was like, “Oh, then I can just use this for this also.”

Kat: I would hope the death stigma.

Caleb: Yeah. I would agree.

Kat: I would hope.

Caleb: But…

Kat: Yeah.

Laura: Definitely. I agree that it could go both ways there. Because she could have truly thought in the beginning, like, “Yeah, the horses, the carts are truly being pulled by magic, how cool is that.” But I doubt it.

Caleb: Yeah.

Laura: I think she had that planned.

Kat: Right.

Dana: Could also go both ways, she could have thought what a Thestral would look like, and it would have wings, which would also be a transportation method, but also have the death part to it as well.

Caleb: Hmm.

Dana: That could go hand-in-hand.

Kat: That’s true.

Laura: Well, add that to the list of questions we’ll ask her.

[Dana laughs]

Kat: Yeah.

Laura: When we have her over for dinner.

Kat: Exactly. In five years from now or however many years when we finish. Okay.

[Laura laughs]

Kat: So our next comment comes from ILoveGingers, which… great username. Just saying. It says,

“I just found a nice quote in ‘Quidditch Through the Ages’ (Chapter 9) that says that before brooms were good enough to cross the Atlantic Ocean wizards actually crossed it via ship. That shows that magical transport evolves just like Muggle transport. And it also made me wonder whether there is another kind of transportation (except brooms), that could take you to another continent, Floo Powder seems to be limited to Britain and as we discussed, Apparating such a distance would be too dangerous.”

Caleb: Yeah, well, actually in this chapter – I don’t have it in my shownotes but it made me think of it – they bring up the discussion of flying carpets, so that’s… and it’s outlawed in Britain now, but it was certainly used in wizarding history a long time ago. So that would be something that would probably be used for greater travel.

Laura: See, I always kind of thought in my head… this is going to sound super nerdy. [laughs] Thinking of, like, “Oh, how… what would be a really easy way of magically transporting myself from here to England, because obviously I can’t Apparate because that’s too dangerous.” And I was thinking there should be some sort of device that’s specifically geared toward the oceans of… almost like a super-ski or something, like a magical ski almost that…

[Kat laughs]

Laura: … goes right through it…

Kat: A powerboat?

Laura: Almost, yeah. Just something for magical… that is meant for going from coast to coast in bodies of water.

Kat: Ships? [laughs]

Laura: But ships go super slow. I want something that… like Apparating, but for water.

Kat: Sure.

Dana: Like an Apparating ship.

Kat: Oh.

Laura: Sure.

Dana: A little ship [unintelligible].

Laura: A submarine that just goes and disappears and reappears somewhere else.

Kat: See, I don’t see why anybody personally wastes their time with anything other than Apparation.

Laura: Right.

Kat: Because…

Caleb: It’s difficult.

Kat: I don’t care. I would figure it out. I would make it work because…

Caleb: Okay, spoken like a true Ravenclaw, but…

Kat: [laughs] I mean, I would.

Laura: No, I said that on the last episode. That’s the number one thing in magic that I say on a daily basis. “I wish I could Apparate.” [laughs]

Kat: It’s beyond true.

Laura: To have the ability and just be like, “Nah.”

Kat: Because then I could just go anywhere and…

Laura: Right. That’s… plane travel tickets is what…

[Kat sighs]

Laura: … stops me from going places.

Kat: Stupid, stupid. Okay, our last comment on this topic is from Leah McCurdy. It says,

“I also think the emphasis on transport/travel and its abundance in the series comes from the great literary element of adventure… In a lot of ways, JKR wrote adventure stories, or her plots focus around adventure events. Naturally, adventure stories will include lots of details on transportation. With such variety in transportation, the adventure seems all the more unique and spectacular. Not to mention the fact that each different kind of transportation seems to involve a different kind of magic.”

Kat: I just want to say that is the most times I’ve ever said “adventure” or “transportation” in one thing. [laughs]

Caleb: I can tell. You were struggling to get through, though.

Kat: I was. Leah, that’s a tongue twister, but it’s a good comment.

Caleb: It’s a good comment though because… actually, the previous comment I was starting – when we were talking about ships – I was thinking about the Percy Jackson series and how they’re constantly using different types of transportation and this comment is speaking to that, how it always is involving a different type of magic and that’s definitely what’s happening here in the Harry Potter series.

Kat: It’s fleshing out the world, basically.

Caleb: Yeah.

Kat: Is what it is. She’s a genius, that’s all.

Caleb: She is.

Kat: Sorry. I haven’t said it in four weeks, so I had to throw it out there. But yeah, great comment, very good. Very, very good.

Caleb: Sweet. So I think we have quite a few more of those great comments on the main site, so definitely go check those out.

Kat: Absolutely.

Caleb: All right, it is now time for this week’s chapter discussion.

[Goblet of Fire Chapter 7 intro begins]

Announcer: Chapter 7.

[Sounds of fanfare and cheering]

Announcer: “Bagman and Crouch.”

[Goblet of Fire intro ends]

Caleb: So when this chapter begins, we see everyone showing up at the Quidditch World site, having just used the Portkeys successfully, which the movie completely distorts how they appear by Portkey and is the most awkward thing in the whole film.

Laura: I said last week, “descending like angels from the sky.”

Kat: Yeah, it’s pretty amazing.

Caleb: Prancing more like, but…

Kat: [laughs] That’s true. Their legs are like…

Caleb: … they’re cycling on an invisible bike. Crazy.

Caleb: Pulling Santa’s reindeer.

[Kat and Laura laugh]

Kat: Nice.

Caleb: All right, so we’re at the Quidditch World Cup site. How convenient for the series that it’s in England this year?

Kat: [laughs] How convenient?

Caleb: Who would’ve thought? But that actually did make me think because I’m really obsessed with the FIFA World Cup over in the Muggle world, and it’s always a big deal where it gets… where it’s located, so it made me wonder how the bidding process works and if it’s similar to how we do in the real world. Same thing with the Olympics.

Kat: Mhm.

Caleb: There’s always… it’s a big deal who gets to host because it obviously… actually, that makes me think about it more because in the real world, it’s really awesome to get to host it. There’s a lot of work that goes into it building new arenas, especially for the Olympics. But here, in the book, for the World Cup, they’re always talking about how challenging it is to get everything situated, like it’s such… almost like a burden to have it there.

Laura: Well, I think it’s kind of… if you were to talk to the people that were actually managing and trying to organize the FIFA World Cup, or the Olympics for that matter, I don’t think they’re necessarily in the moment jazzed about it. I think they’re exhausted. Whereas if you were asking residents of Brazil, for example, for the next World Cup, if they’re excited for the World Cup, they’d be like, “Yeah, this is the most awesome thing to ever happen.” But if you ask people organizing it…

Caleb: That’s true.

Laura: … I’m sure they’re really stressed out about it. So in this case, they’re talking to Ministry officials who are just burnt out.

Caleb: That’s fair.

Kat: And also, I don’t know… how exactly does it work for…

Laura: Money?

Kat: I don’t know.

Caleb: Well, with the Olympics it’s the presentation.

Kat: Of course.

Caleb: Like, do you have the space, do you have the capacity to get everything together, everything on time, accommodations.

Kat: Transportation.

Caleb: And there’s so much. The World Cup is, I would expect, very similar, just on a smaller scale because there’s only one sport happening, so…

Laura: Right.

Caleb: … just a couple stadiums.

Kat: So I would think that wizards would only have to find a place that they can build an invisible stadium – invisible to Muggles – and that’s it because what other obstacles do they have?

Laura: Well, they still have to build the stadium. I think I remember them saying in the next chapter perhaps that people have been working on building it for a while. They didn’t just magic it up.

Kat: Yeah, I’m sure, but once they find a place…

Laura: It’s like a million stories tall.

Kat: Yeah, but once they find a place to put it that’s not a big deal. It’s not like they have to buy the supplies. They don’t need…

Laura: Yeah.

Kat: They probably don’t have to go buy lumber to make it.

Laura: Right. But also how Arthur said the organizing all the transportation, making sure all the Statue of Secrecy business is all taken care of. I’m sure there’s quite a lot of tasks not to the degree where the Olympic host and the World Cup host are chosen years and years in advanced so that they can properly prepare for it. I’m sure this was probably not the case.

Kat: Yeah. I just see it as being a lot easier.

Laura: Yeah. Definitely.

Kat: So it’s surprising…

Caleb: They must have not faced too stiff of a competition because if they had to prove the competency of the government to execute things, we all know how good the British Ministry is.

Kat: Yeah.

Caleb: So…

Kat: Although doesn’t Molly say that it’s been like a hundred-something years since… she says it in the letter she writes to the Dursleys.

Caleb: Yeah, I can’t remember.

Laura: Yeah, I don’t remember how many years.

Caleb: It’s been a while.

Kat: I’m looking because I’m obsessed with knowing.

Caleb: Shocking.

Kat: Hmm. It says, “Hasn’t hosted the cup for thirty years.” Oh.

Caleb and Laura: Oh.

Kat: So it’s not as many as I thought!

Caleb: That’s a little recent.

[Everyone laughs]

Kat: Okay, moving on. [laughs]

Laura: So, do they have it every year?

Caleb: I’ve also thought about that because it can’t be every four years because thirty is not a multiple of four, so…

Kat: So yeah, I would assume every year.

Laura: I would never have thought of that.

Dana: Maybe it’s every five years because we didn’t see…

Caleb: Yeah. That’s possible.

Dana: They wouldn’t have had it in the first book. They would have had it the book before but there wasn’t a book before.

Caleb: Oh, yeah.

Dana: So… and Harry was only…

Caleb: Good call.

Dana: … introduced to the wizarding world then, so…

Kat: Fair point.

Caleb: Jo planning things out perfectly.

[Dana laughs]

Kat: Ah, per the usual.

Laura: Or picked a number out of her math hat.

[Caleb laughs]

Kat: Every five years. That makes sense though.

Caleb: We get another quote of how the wizards are trying to fit in as Muggles, failing miserably. It says, “Both were dressed as Muggles, though very inexpertly. The man with the watch wore a tweed suit with thigh-length galoshes. His colleague, a kilt and a poncho.”

[Kat and Laura laugh]

Caleb: And, of course, imagining that is hilarious.

Kat: I just picture the kilt very traditional, like green and white tartan or whatever. And then the poncho is rainbow and big and it just…

Laura: Like the Ugly Betty… I don’t know if anyone watched that show. [laughs] When she has the poncho in Guadalajara. No?

Kat: I did not watch that show.

Caleb: No.

Laura: [laughs] Okay.

Kat: But if this had said with sombrero, that would have…

Caleb: Oh my God.

Kat: … put the icing on the cake for me.

Caleb: I have a sombrero. That would be awesome.

Kat: It would have been amazing.

[Laura laughs]

Kat: Wait, really? Well, you’re in Texas. That makes sense.

Caleb: Yeah, totally. Well, actually, my friend… I got it the first year I moved to DC. My friends got it for a birthday because it was Texas themed.

Kat: Oh. Fair enough.

Laura: Sombrero follows where he goes?

Kat: Clearly.

Caleb: Yeah. So Arthur gets up to where he gets their lodging stuff, and he pays for their tents and the space. And it’s just… I don’t get their whole setup. Why is there a Muggle who’s in charge of this? Why are they paying him Muggle money?†I get they have to use some sort of space that’s associated with Muggles because there’s not just a huge space like that. But couldn’t they have figured something out? I can’t get over that they’re using Muggle money to pay for it.

Kat: Yeah, I find it really funny that this is a legitimate Muggle campground that they’re at right now. Couldn’t they just… I mean, where is the Quidditch World Cup stadium? Do we ever know? Is that ever mentioned?

Caleb: I can’t remember.

Laura: Not specifically.

Kat: Okay, I’m going to assume that it’s like Hogwarts, it’s out in the middle of nowhere in the Scottish highlands. There’s no camp…

Laura: Well, no, because it would have to be in England, isn’t that the point?

Caleb: Yeah, it’s in England.

Kat: Hmm. Fine. There are still parts of England that probably don’t have Muggle campgrounds. Yeah, I agree, this is kind of ridiculous.

Laura: Don’t quote me on this, but don’t the trio Apparate there in Deathly Hallows at some point?

Kat: They do. They do. That’s true.

Laura: So yeah, it has to be within Apparating distance of wherever they were, which is…

Kat: Right, which they really only stay in England, so I don’t think they leave anywhere else.

Laura: Right.

Caleb: Yeah. Just found it weird. And then we see that the Muggle who’s in charge of giving them all their lodging, Mr. Roberts, gets Obliviated a lot of times, but I’m going to hold off on that because that’s going to come up a little later. And then we find out about these tents. So I think when I read the first time, way, way back, I was thinking like, “Two tents?” Having gone camping a lot when I was growing up, two tents for all these people, how in the world is this going to work? And, I think, Harry starts to think about that as they get closer, but these tents are pretty baller because, as they are going around, they see some pretty extravagant ones. Obviously, the Weasleys’ are not super-awesome because in that Arthur borrows it from a co-worker, but this is really awesome magic. I want to go camping in these tents.

Kat: Yeah, and I… on the point that there’s only two tents – there’s… let’s see, there’s Fred, George, Harry, Ron, and Arthur. Five boys and two girls. How did the girls get lucky and get to have their own tent?

Laura: And then Bill, Percy, and Charlie.

Kat: Oh, right! Eight boys and the two girls. How does that happen?

Caleb: I mean, probably Percy is forced to sleep outside.

Laura: Boys and girls aren’t allowed to be friends. Haven’t we determined that from Harry Potter? Girls don’t exist.

Kat: [laughs] Yeah, but the Weasleys are progressive, I would think.

[Kat and Laura laugh]

Kat: It just seems a little old fashioned and a little crazy to cram eight people in a tent and two in the other.

Laura: Well, maybe they’re relative size tents.

Caleb: Well, yeah, they do mention that the girls have a much smaller one, when they leave to go get water, so…

Kat: Yeah, but still. How does that work? How does that…

Laura: This scene is the one that brought us the iconic “I love magic” scene from the movie.

Kat: Ah, I love magic.

Caleb: Yeah.

Laura: Don’t we all, Harry? Don’t we all?

Kat: Don’t we all?

[Everyone laughs]

Kat: Okay, Laura’s sobbing. It’s okay, dear, you’ll be okay. [taps microphone five times] I’ll pat you on the back. No, but I legitimately want to know how this charm works, this extension charm, or whatever.

Laura: I think it’s an extension of the extension charm that Hermione uses on the pink bag, I think it’s almost that on a larger scale.

Kat: Yeah, but that doesn’t tell me how it works.

Laura: Do you want the chemistry behind it?

Kat: Yeah, spell it out! No, I don’t know.

Caleb: I get it! “Spell it out!”

[Everyone laughs]

Kat: That pun not intended, but thank you for thinking I am clever.

Dana: My question was how did they even set it up without going inside the tent and seeing it was massive inside because if you set up the tent before, you have to go inside there sometimes when you hold it up as people bang in the pegs and you can’t just stay outside the whole time.

Caleb: Yeah, she really brushes through the whole how Harry and Hermione sort of, kind of figure out how to set it up and then oh, all of a sudden everything’s just kind of set up inside.

Dana: I know.

Laura: No, that’s a totally valid plot hole that you need to go inside a tent to set it up.

Caleb: Yeah. That’s one of those things that, as a writer, I thought about that, too. It’s one of those things where you just want to rush over that to get to what you actually want to write about. That’s the kind of thing that an editor is supposed to pick out, but sometimes it doesn’t happen.

Kat: Wait, so you’re saying that this is a plot hole? Maybe it’s not, maybe…

Caleb: I don’t think it’s a plot hole, it’s something that didn’t get described in depth.

Kat: I think it’s like one of those kick-ass pop-up books where when you open it, it’s like, WING!, and everything is open. That is what I imagine the tent is like.

Caleb: Yeah, that’s probable

Dana: Like a 30-second tent.

Caleb: It’s one of those things that Jo could easily explain if she was given the question and she answered it, but just didn’t take a lot of time to explain it in-depth in the book.

Dana: She does that a lot.

Caleb: Yeah, of course.

Kat: Yes, she does.

[Everyone laughs]

Laura: Just comes up with something on the top of her head and we accept it as…

Dana: It just is.

Laura: … our gospel.

Dana: Could have this explained to us in the book.

Kat: The best part is, you’re right though, if we asked her that question, she would know the answer.

Caleb: Yeah.

Kat: In a heartbeat. Oh! If I could read minds, hers would be the first one I would go to.

Caleb: [laughs] She would probably be a skilled Occlumency, so you wouldn’t be able to get in.

Kat: Hmm, that’s probably true.

[Caleb and Dana laugh]

Kat: I’ll get Voldemort to do it for me.

Caleb: Oh, so… whoops. [laughs]

Dana: Can’t he’s dead. Spoiler alert.

Kat: Oh, damn. Oh, and Snape. Oh, no!

Dana: No!

Kat: Aww, sad face.

[Laura laughs]

Kat: Sorry, Caleb.

[Dana laughs]

Caleb: So the trio head off to get some water for everyone, and this is really awesome part of the chapter because they see tons of tents and hear a lot of languages, and it’s just one huge international tailgate party. I just would want to be there to experience that explosion of culture in that one space.

Laura: And this is what I was talking about, of this just being one of my favorite sections in the book. I got so excited just reading through this, of wanting to just hear about everything and of all the different… the way the different people were interacting. I liked the mention of the American wizards because that was the only time I felt validated, really.

[Kat laughs]

Caleb: It was a little cliche that she uses Salem, though. I’m like, “Come on, Jo.”

Kat: Oh, totally.

Laura: Oh, I know but I mean validating that they exist.

Kat: Yeah.

Laura: Because at first, I was like, “Do American wizards not exist?” But yeah, no, American wizards are cool.

Kat: There’s a whole thread in my forum, Kat’s Keep, about all of the other international schools that we come upon in this part and it’s really quite an interesting thread, so if you’re interested in this you should definitely head over there and check it out.

Dana: I’m just sad there weren’t any Australian wizards there.

Caleb: Aww.

Dana: I would have loved to see some Aussies there. That would have been so cool.

Laura: What cliche Australian things would they be doing? Since the Americans are with the red, white, and blue, and the Salem witches.

Dana: Oh, I don’t know. They’d probably be playing cricket or something like that. Having a beer?

[Caleb and Dana laugh]

Kat: I happen to know that you guys never say this, but they’d be like, [in an Australian accent] “Grillin’ on the barbie.” [laughs]

Dana: No, they’d be…

Caleb: Yeah, they don’t actually say that.

Dana: … cooking steaks probably. [laughs]

Kat: Yeah.

Dana: They’d probably be grilling some chops and some steaks and whatnot.

Kat: Nice.

Caleb: So this… I really, really love this part of the book because as they are going through this they see all the green obviously because Ireland is playing, and I’m Irish so I get such a swell of pride seeing all this.

[Kat laughs]

Caleb: I want to be there even more. It’s also really cool because that all these English are really coming out for Ireland because they are separate countries and if you study history there’s some… there’s a bloody history there. So obviously because of proximity, it makes sense that they’re going to pull for them. But I was curious who we would… obviously I just said who I would support, but between Ireland and Bulgaria, if you were in this setting, who would you pull for?

Laura: All right, let’s think one second about my last name and I’m going to say Ireland, with my 85% heritage.

Kat: Like a true Ravenclaw, I tend to go against the grain, so just for argument’s sake I’d say probably Bulgaria.

Dana: Yeah, I’d go for Bulgaria too.

Kat: Although it’s probably Ireland, I’m just going to say Bulgaria.

Dana: Yeah, I like Bulgaria too. I’ve always been supporting for them.

Kat: Nice.

Caleb: So we’re spilt, good.

Dana: Yeah.

Kat: Yeah.

Laura: Yeah.

Kat: I just want to say I like this little bit here. It’s on page 81. It says, “They saw two little witches barely older than Kevin,” the boy who was poking the slug in the eye, “who where riding toy broomsticks.” And it makes me smile and makes me think about the picture in Deathly Hallows where Harry is riding the little broomstick, that’s all.

Caleb: Oh, yeah. I didn’t think about that.

Dana: Made me think of it.

Laura: I thought about that, too.

Dana: Yeah.

Kat: It just made me smile. That was little Harry once. It’s just cute.

Caleb: Hmm.

Dana: And he never knew it.

Caleb: And also, as they’re going through, they run into Seamus and Dean, and of course Seamus and his mom are super behind Ireland. Mom is pretty serious about her Irish team, wanting to know if Harry, Ron, and Hermione are also pulling for the Irish, which I think is really funny.

Kat: You know what I love – and this has nothing to do with the book, this has to do from LeakyCon Portland – is that after meeting Devon, I cannot separate him from his character anymore.

Caleb: I know, it’s so hard.

Kat: … because they’re the same freaking person.

Caleb: Yeah.

[Dana laughs]

Kat: So I read Seamus now, and I think Devon, and I can’t help it. In this part in particular, it made me laugh while I was reading it. I had to read it four times because I couldn’t…

Caleb: Yeah. I literally like rereading it this time now, also experienced this because Seamus here being all pumped about Ireland, I just envision Devon begin really excited about Ireland playing.

Kat: Yeah! Exactly, exactly.

Caleb: There’s also this really interesting and amusing part for obvious reasons where they see a poster… they start to see more of the Bulgaria support and they see a poster of Krum, and Hermione criticizes the poster about how some of Krum’s features in the poster, but Ron defends him saying, “Who cares what he looks like? He’s freaking amazing,” which, that sort of gets flipped a little later.

Kat: [laughs] A little bit, yeah. [laughs] I like how she picks “he looks grumpy,” of all the things to complain about.

Caleb: Yeah, but obviously very clever writing by Jo, showing how teenagers change so easily.

Kat: Yep, flip of a coin.

Caleb: Yup. And then we get to this really wonderful part.

[Caleb, Dana, and Kat laugh]

Caleb: Actually I don’t have my hard copy on me.

Kat: I’ll happily read it out loud.

Caleb: So you should read it, where we get to meet Archie…

Kat: Okay.

Caleb: … who’s one of the best characters.

Kat: So they’re standing in line waiting to get water, and there’s four little paragraphs here I’m just going to read them because it’s so great. It says, “There was already a small queue for the tap in the corner of the field. Harry, Ron, and Hermione joined it, right behind a pair of men who were having a heated argument. One of them was a very old wizard who was wearing a long flowery nightgown. The other was clearly a Ministry wizard; he was holding out a pair pinstriped trousers and almost crying with exasperation. ‘Just put them on, Archie, there’s a good chap. You can’t walk around like that, the Muggle at the gate’s already getting suspicious -‘ ‘I bought this in a Muggle shop,’ said the old wizard stubbornly. ‘Muggles wear them.’ ‘Muggle women wear them, Archie, not the men, they wear these,’ said the Ministry wizard, and he brandished the pinstriped trousers. ‘I’m not putting them on,’ said old Archie in indignation. ‘I like a healthy breeze ’round my privates, thanks.'”

[Everyone laughs]

Caleb: Archie, you tell him. You fight for your rights.

Laura: Now we need to clap for Archie. [claps]

Kat: And then Hermione, of course, has her fit of giggles like a true… what is she now, fourteen at this point?

Caleb: Yeah.

Kat: And has to leave the line…

[Laura laughs]

Kat: … and it’s just amazing.

Dana: That would be me.

Laura: Which is maybe the only time we’ve ever seen Hermione do that, been just very immature kind of, about something, and I liked it a lot.

Kat: And [laughs] just the fact that Jo wrote this…

Caleb: Yeah.

Kat: … I think is just even better.

Laura: Right. Yeah, definitely when I read this the second time I was a little bit older, I cracked up laughing because I was just like, that’s hilarious that she said that.

Kat: Yeah. It makes me wonder where her mind was the day that she wrote this because it’s just… I mean, it’s slightly uncharacteristic, right? At this point, to be making jokes like this? I know it’s just funny.

Dana: She probably saw someone in the street.

Caleb: Yeah. I also think it just adds to the celebratory, high energy excitement. Everyone’s all over the place before the Quidditch World Cup.

Kat: Yeah. I wonder if anybody out there cosplays as Archie.

Caleb: Oh my God.

[Dana laughs]

Kat: If they don’t, they should. They should. That would be amazing.

Caleb: Here is our challenge for listeners of the show who show up to Orlando LeakyCon next year. Someone has to cosplay as Archie.

Kat: Yes! Please, that would be amazing.

Caleb: Yeah. So we get this – I’ve actually never paid attention to this really before but – a mention of how when Bill Weasley was in school, he had a penfriend from Brazil. I never really thought twice about it until now, but obviously he did it while he was at Hogwarts. Why do we not have this Hogwarts program show up for Harry? Why doesn’t Harry get a penpal from some other random country?

Kat: Because they probably don’t have any Horcruxes hiding in their house, so…

[Laura laughs]

Caleb: Right, but the point being, is this just a random detail Jo throws in just for the sake of it?

Kat: Yeah.

Laura: The whole idea was also not just a penpal, but that he also had the opportunity to go on an exchange program…

Caleb: Right, yeah.

Laura: … and the whole thing was that he didn’t have the money for it. So they have a study abroad program…

Caleb: Yeah.

Laura: … which is awesome!

Dana: Maybe Bill did a different subject to Harry. Because I know at my school if you do a language, you can go on exchange and have pen pals and stuff like that overseas for whatever language you’re studying. Maybe he just did a different subject to what Harry did, so we never got to see that side of things.

Caleb: If you got to go on a magical… like we’re going to a magical school on exchange program – study abroad – where would it be? Would it be different than if you got the choice to do it now, just without magic?

Dana: Yeah.

Kat: Do I live in the US still?

Caleb: Let’s say we go to Hogwarts.

Kat: Okay. Australia.

Dana: Yes, come here!

[Laura laughs]

Kat: No, actually, that is the one… that’s at the top of the list of places to visit now.

Laura: I’ve still got my answer. Okay. I’m obsessed with Middle Eastern – places like Morocco and Turkey – and I’m planning a trip to Morocco. And I think, especially since they’re mentioning all the flying carpets and everything like that, I can imagine all the stuff with potions and everything that’s going on in a Moroccan wizarding world. That’s my choice.

Kat: Nice.

Dana: I think I’d probably go to America. Just because that’s the top of my list, to go there.

Kat: If you went to Hogwarts?

Dana: Yeah. Yeah, I’d want to discover America – Salem and stuff like that.

Kat: We’re boring. Salem’s boring. No, don’t shoot me, Americans! It’s fine.

Laura: My family spent… unknowingly of how little there was to do in Salem, we spent five days there. [laughs]

Kat: Yeah.

Caleb: Wow.

Laura: We ran out of things to do in a half hour.

Kat: Yeah, Salem is little, folks.

Dana: A day trip.

Kat: Very much a day trip. Yup.

Caleb: I think that I would choose Greece because Greece has a lot of ancient history, and if we’re living in a magical world, ancient history would be accompanied with a lot of magic. So I think there would be a lot of cool things to explore there.

Kat: That’s a good choice.

Laura: That’s a good one.

Kat: I want to change my answer! No, I don’t.

[Everyone laughs]

Caleb: No! Can’t happen.

Kat: Does Lord of the Rings exist in the wizarding world? Because if so…

Caleb: Oh my God.

Kat: … then I’m still going down under.

Caleb: Well then, I’m going to New Zealand.

Kat: Nope. You can’t. You already said Greece. Sorry.

Caleb: So, when the trio finally get back with their water, we shortly meet Ludo Bagman, who for me is the ultimate aged frat boy.

Kat: Basically.

Caleb: Just a hilariously bad character. Not badly written, but…

Kat: Isn’t he described just like that, too? They say he looks like an overgrown schoolboy.

Caleb: Yeah, yeah. Exactly.

Laura: Mhm. One of the more major characters to never make it to the film.

Caleb: Oh yeah, that’s true. I forget he’s not in the movie. It’s a shame.

Dana: He would have been good in the movie.

Caleb: Summing up this scene, we find out that, shockingly, Percy is annoying; that Fred and George make a bet with Bagman; and Bagman doesn’t make a big deal of meeting Harry. That’s another thing that I picked up here that I did not really pay attention to before, is that when Arthur is introducing them it mentions that Ludo does the typical look at Harry’s scar, but he doesn’t make a big deal of it. And that’s one of the first major… one of the first newer characters up to this point in the series that doesn’t do something about meeting the Harry Potter. So I think that’s really interesting.

Kat: Yeah, he doesn’t try and shake his hand or anything.

Caleb: Yeah.

Kat: I think it’s because Ludo has a bigger ego than Harry.

Caleb: Yeah, but… that’s true.

Kat: Lockhart makes a big deal out of it only because he’s trying to benefit from it.

Caleb: Mhm. Ludo carries this very self-important, above-you, almost condescending air about him… with some people.

Kat: Very much. Yeah.

Laura: And we know further into the book, Bagman gets very… I don’t even know what the word would be. Not protective – because that’s giving him too much credit – to Harry, but… I don’t know.

Kat: Defensive.

Laura: I don’t know what word to say. Not even… just annoying.

Kat: Sure.

Laura: But showing him preference.

Kat: Yeah.

Caleb: So Bagman also makes this bet with the twins, and it’s a really ballsy bet for Fred and George to go out on. They say that Ireland will win but Krum will catch the Snitch. We’ll see what happens next chapter, but at the onset that’s a really big gamble to say that the person who catches the Snitch is not going to win the match.

Dana: That’s almost impossible. Even Bagman was like, “That’s really impossible odds, but okay.”

Caleb: Yeah.

Laura: And to bet every single thing that they had.

Dana: It’s crazy.

Caleb: Yeah, I wish… I want to get inside their head. As a big sports fan like myself, I can’t imagine betting everything. And they don’t miss a beat on it. They are ready right then; they don’t have a second guess.

Kat: And I just did the conversion. It’s about $380.

Laura: Thank God for that calculator. [laughs]

Kat: Yes, thank you, HP Lexicon. Thank you.

Laura: [laughs] I use it so often.

Kat: Yeah.

Laura: But yeah, I think also… I think it’s interesting that it says… when they all buy their souvenirs and stuff, Fred and George had no souvenirs. They had spent every dime they had because that was stuff that was more important to them, making their investment in the shop rather than having these souvenirs. But that being said, it’s a pretty risky thing to do.

Kat: Mhm.

Laura: But that’s why I love them.

Kat: I just wanted to say this just for fun because this translator is amazing. So it would be 190 Pounds, 380 [US] Dollars, 280 Euro, 550 Bulgarian Lev, 428 Australian Dollars…

Laura: Wow.

Kat: … and zero in leprechaun gold. [laughs] Leprechaun gold. So…

[Laura laughs]

Caleb: All right.

Dana: I spent like half of that when I went to Comic-Con… not Comic-Con, Supernova this year.

Kat: Oh, nice.

Dana: I spent like half of that, so that’s a lot of money.

Kat: It’s a lot of money.

Caleb: It is.

Dana: Yup.

Kat: The twins have been saving up for a while for that. Which is odd, but…

Caleb: Mhm.

Kat: Ballsy. You’re right. Ballsy.

Laura: Good on you, boys. No guts, no glory.

Caleb: And so shortly after that, we meet Barty Crouch, who… one of the first things… well actually, right before we meet him we find out that he, like Dumbledore, can speak a ton of languages. And it made me sort of wonder, where do they learn all these languages from? Because it seems like this is obviously a very rare thing – especially over 200. So it’s something like… I don’t think it’s in Hogwarts because I don’t think there’s anyone in Hogwarts to teach them that.

Kat: No, I don’t think so.

Laura: I feel like it’s almost in practice. I’m sure there [are] books written on it, like how there are for any language. But I feel like it’s probably something that it’s more to do with in practice.

Kat: I did know Elvish at one point and I learned it out of a book, so…

Caleb: Same.

[Laura laughs]

Kat: I could not mutter a word of it now, but…

Dana: Maybe they’re just like books in the Hogwarts library that say How to Speak Elvish…

Caleb: Yeah.

Dana: How to Speak Troll. How to Speak, you know, Mermish.

Kat: Well, anyone can speak troll.

Dana and Kat: You just point and grunt. [laughs]

Laura: [unintelligible]

Kat: I mean, I had to do it. You set me up.

Dana: Yeah, I’m sorry. [laughs]

Caleb: And then we actually do meet Crouch and of course Percy pops up, like he’s going to get a souvenir or something. [He] goes nuts over Crouch, [laughs] who doesn’t call him by his correct name, and that is…

Kat: Weatherby.

Caleb: … so funny. I’m like so with Fred and George here just cracking up. Because I hate Percy.

Laura: I like the description that they give of Crouch when they introduce him, that he was dressed like a hundred percent the Muggle standards.

Caleb: Yeah. He actually compares him to Vernon, which is very interesting that Jo uses that juxtaposition considering they really aren’t that different… that similar. I guess just apples and oranges.

Kat: But are they not that similar? I think…

Caleb: I don’t think so. I thought about this earlier.

Laura: Well actually, they don’t really compare them, right? They’re saying he looks like a banker and that Vernon wouldn’t have guessed.

Caleb: Yeah. I mean, she doesn’t compare him, that’s what I’m saying. The juxtaposition though is just really interesting.

Kat: I think that there are a lot of things that they share – a lot of qualities that they share, actually.

Caleb: I think Crouch is more similar to Petunia between the two, but…

Laura: Mhm.

Caleb: Like having crap with their family and stuff, but…

Kat: I could see that. I think the part that stuck out for me at this point – in this little bit here – is that this is our fourth mention of Bertha Jorkins.

Caleb: Yeah.

Kat: And it’s only seven chapters in.

Caleb: Yeah, and I still think at this point when I first read it, I still glossed over it like, “Eh. Who cares?” But clearly, I should have realized, okay, something’s going to be going on here.

Kat: Yeah. So…

Caleb: And as I mentioned earlier, this is actually where they bring up the topic of flying carpets because Crouch and Arthur talk about the issue of it. And I think Crouch, if I remember correctly, brings up his grandfather having one at some point – I think it’s his grandfather. But the quote from the book is really interesting because it says, “He spoke as though he wanted to leave nobody in any doubt that all his ancestors had abided strictly by the law,” which is really interesting because we find a lot out about not necessarily his ancestors but his descendents, one in particular that is far from that. So it’s really ironic that she chooses to put it that way.

Kat: It’s funny because it’s a throw away line. It’s not one of those lines that you understand or pick up or even think about until after you’ve read the book.

Caleb: Yup.

Kat: And it’s brilliant. It’s brilliant. But I wanted to give a little commentary on the flying carpets.

Caleb: Yeah.

Kat: No effing way would you ever get me on a flying carpet!

[Caleb and Kat laugh]

Kat: That seems like the most ludicrious way to travel anywhere.

Laura: Have you not seen Aladdin? It’s every girl’s dream!

Caleb: Yeah, I grew up wanting to be Aladdin, so…

Kat: I mean that’s all well and great, but are you going to take that over the Atlantic? Nope.

Caleb: Probably not that far.

Kat: Nope. Not going to happen. If you want to fly me through a cavern of gold and stuff on a flying carpet, I’m down with that, but yeah, that would never happen.

Dana: I don’t even think I’d get on one. There'[re] no edges. You could just roll off and fall and die.

Kat: That’s my issue. Exactly.

Laura: I’m all for them.

Dana: Nah.

Kat: No.

Laura: Want one for Christmas.

[Dana and Kat laugh]

Dana: Maybe only one that hovers an inch above the ground. That’d be mine.

[Caleb laughs]

Kat: Like the toy broomstick. Perfect.

Caleb and Dana: Yeah.

Caleb: There you go.

Kat: Perfect. I’m down with that. I’m down with that.

Caleb: So as meet Bagman right after Crouch – and I think this has to be has to be purposeful on Jo’s part – we immediately get this very stark contrast between the two characters. They are, for the most part, polar opposites. And it made me think, “Was this a stereotype that Jo sort of did?” Was it really easy for her to write these characters this way because when you think about it we’ve got Bagman, who is in charge of sports at the Ministry, and he’s reckless and cool and all those sorts of things, and then we’ve got Crouch, who is the government relations guy which – when you’re thinking about government, when it’s entrenched in a lot of things – people kind of think it’s boring, and Crouch comes across as kind of boring here and follows guidelines really strictly. And it just seems like she’s very much typecasting the two roles there.

Laura: Yeah, I think that plays a lot into why Bagman might have not been a priority in the films. As interesting, arguably, as a character that he is, he doesn’t necessarily serve much of a purpose other than to fill that foil to Crouch.

Kat: Yeah, I was just looking to see if we knew the house for either of them…

Caleb: I’m thinking that Bagman…

Kat: … but we don’t.

Caleb: … was a Hufflepuff.

Laura: Bagman was a Hufflepuff.

Caleb: Yeah.

Dana: That makes sense.

Caleb: I don’t think we know Crouch, but if I had to guess I would say Ravenclaw.

Laura: Bets on Crouch being Ravenclaw. Yeah.

Kat: What? Where are you getting that from?

Caleb: Well, Crouch I’m guessing. Bagman, I’m pretty sure it was somewhere. I feel like…

Kat: Bagman says “Unknown.”

Caleb: Hmm.

Laura: I could have swore it was Hufflepuff.

Kat: Probably because he’s wearing yellow.

Dana: Yeah.

Laura: Maybe. [laughs]

Dana: But isn’t that for the Quidditch robes? The team that he supports?

Kat: Yeah, the team that he used to…

Caleb: The Wimbourne Wasps, yeah.

Kat: … beat for.

Dana: Yeah.

Laura: Right, yeah. I think it might have just been subconscious…

Kat: Yeah, exactly.

Laura: … on both of our parts.

Caleb: Yeah, okay. So maybe I just made that up in my head.

Dana: He’d be a good Hufflepuff.

Kat: Yeah, I mean, Hufflepuff suits him.

Caleb: Yeah.

Kat: I mean, I agree with that, but yeah, I was just trying to see if that maybe was a correlation, but since we don’t know, I don’t know. But yeah, I definitely… Jo has a lot of commentary in all of her writing even with these two new books about government and all of that, so I do think that part of their description and how they’re written is very conscious.

Caleb: And as we get close to the end of the chapter and the start of the match, Harry, Ron, and Hermione go to check out all of the vendors – which also would be so cool to check out all these different vendors outside the match – and they come across these Omnioculars, which from the description says, “You can replay action, slow everything down, and they flash up a play by play breakdown if you need it.” Which is every sports fan’s dream toy. I cannot imagine having something that incredible. Such a cool invention by Jo.

Dana: It would be so cool to have when I was watching a footie. That would be just perfect.

Kat: I would rather have the little small figure. And I was trying to think of whose figure I would want to buy.

Caleb: Hmm.

[Dana laughs]

Kat: Sports figures, I mean. There [are] plenty of people that I would like to buy.

[Dana laughs]

Kat: But…

Caleb: Be careful, Kat.

Kat: [laughs] I don’t mean… okay, I didn’t mean it like that. Yeah, but I’m not sure I could settle.

Laura: Are you talking about magical sports figures?

Kat: Oh, yes, because I know so many magical sports figures.

[Caleb and Laura laugh]

Laura: That’s what I was thinking. Is it really that hard of a decision?

Kat: I know Viktor Krum and Gewnog Jones and Ludo Bagman and…

Laura: Okay.

Kat: Oliver Wood. And that’s it.

Laura: I can’t really think of a favorite athlete particularly. I love Apolo Anton Ohno. I’ll go with him.

Kat: Nice. Okay.

Laura: But then he’d be ice skating on my palm, and that can’t be right.

Kat: Yeah, I’m going to go with Beckham and be really clichÈ and say it’s only because he’s attractive.

[Dana laughs]

Kat: Hey, I’m being honest.

Dana: Well, in the book, Ron’s Krum figurine… he can walk around in the palm of his hand. So it’s like a little actual walking…

Kat: I know. That’s exactly what I’m saying.

Dana: That’d be so cool to have. Just a little Viktor Krum walking around your room. Just be like, “Yup, walking around.”

Kat: Yeah, that’d be pretty cool.

Dana: What’s over there? Oh, it’s just Viktor Krum.

[Kat laughs]

Laura: I want that in an animal form. I want that technology in a little mini. Unless they’re how dragons are when we get to the Hungarian Horntail. I love the idea of having mini animals. Wasn’t that the plot of Spy Kids 2?

Dana: Yeah. I was about to say, “That’s Spy Kids.”

Kat: I don’t know. That’s…

Laura: It’s a pretty terrible movie.

Kat: Okay, is that the one with Taylor Lautner?

Caleb: Sounds like it.

Dana: No, that was…

Caleb: Ouch.

Laura: No, he’s not in them.

Dana: That was the shark… that was the shark and Lava Girl one that…

Laura: Shark Boy and Lava Girl.

Kat: Oh, okay. I have no idea.

Dana: That’s the one he’s in. Same company but different.

Kat: I’m too old for that stuff.

[Dana laughs]

Caleb: So Harry – I mean Ron – can’t afford the Omnioculars, of course. But Harry is rich – how convenient! – and buys [them] for everyone.

[Kat laughs]

Caleb: So everyone is happy. You get Omniocular[s]! You get one! Everybody gets Omnioculars!

Laura: [Laughs] Ahh!

Kat: Yeah. It’s every exciting. How Oprah of him.

Caleb: Right.

Dana: Harry’s favorite things.

[Laura laughs]

Kat: [laughs] Nice!

Caleb: Oh my God. Please let me be there for that show.

[Kat Laughs]

Laura: Yes.

Caleb: Now I’m just running clips in my head of seeing scenes of “Oprah’s Favorites Things.” I don’t watch Oprah, but they would always play it on the news because people – when they find out they’re on that show – start sobbing profusely.

Laura: I would… do you realize the things that we’d get? I don’t watch Oprah [either], but if I [were] on “Oprah’s Favorite Things,” I would sob like there’s no tomorrow. Because you get cars and a cruise and plane tickets and diamond jewelry and marshmallows.

Kat: Marshmallows? That’s on your list?

Laura: She gives away random food that’s really great. It’s my dream.

Kat: Okay.

Caleb: Well, too bad she doesn’t have a show anymore! So that doesn’t happen.

Kat: Well, doesn’t she have one on the O Network?

Caleb: Yeah, she has her own network, but she doesn’t do the talk show anymore. It’s a struggling network. Okay! We’ve spent way too many minutes talking about Oprah, so…

Dana: She gave away something the other day on someone else’s talk show. Can’t remember what it was, but she gave away something like a car.

Caleb: She interviewed Lindsay Lohan. Maybe she gave her some dignity back.

Kat and Laura: Oh!

Kat: And there it is folks. There it is.

Laura: Now we’re going to a place.

Caleb: And like that, we get a gong sound at the end of the chapter, which lets everyone know that the match is about to start.

Kat: Awesome.

Caleb: That’s where we end.

Kat: So let’s move on to the Podcast Question of the Week. And I think this is actually the first time I’ve ever done it, oddly enough. But I think I have a pretty good one for you guys, so here we go. So that Muggle we were talking about before – the one who was taking the Muggle money and minding the campground – Mr. Roberts… we learn that he needs a Memory Charm – and this is a quote – “ten times a day to be happy.” And that really made me start to wonder “What effects do we think that the repeated Obliviation has on him. And is it more or less severe because he is a Muggle as opposed to a wizard? And why does he continually need them? Why… his memory keeps creeping back in? How does that happen?” I thought that they were permanent. So I’m really excited to hear the listeners’ thoughts on this one.

Caleb: That’s a good question.

Kat: Thanks, man.

Laura: Yeah, definitely.

Kat: Ravenclaw. Caw!

[Dana laughs]

Laura: All right. Well, now that we’re wrapping up, we want to thank Dana very much for joining us all the way from Australia.

Dana: Thanks for letting me on. It’s been one of the best days of my life.

Kat: Aww!

Laura: Oh, wow. Thank you!

Dana: That’s all right. I can tick this off the bucket list. This is one of my things to do.

Laura: And we read her comment.

Dana: Yeah!

Kat: Wait, we were on your bucket list?

Dana: Yeah!

Kat: You’re way too kind.

Dana: [laughs] Aww. You’re way too kind for letting me on the show.

Laura: You get a high-five!

[Dana laughs]

Kat: Yeah, you get a high-five! And you get… yeah.

Dana: Everyone gets a high-five!

Kat: [laughs] Well, thank you.

Caleb: Totally.

Kat: Glad you had fun.

Caleb: And if you would like to be on Alohomora! like Dana, you should totally try it out. And to do that, you should head over to our website,, or email us at alohomorapodcast at gmail dot com. Just make sure you have really great recording equipment and a recording program. In the meantime, you should subscribe to our show on iTunes and leave us some comments and reviews because we love to read those.

Kat: And in the meantime, if you just want to get a hold of us for any reason, you can find us on Twitter at @AlohomoraMN,, or leave us a voicemail at 206-GO-ALBUS – that’s 206-462-5287.

Laura: And as always, be sure to check out the Alohomora! store where you can find [a whole] bunch of goodies. We’re having new T-shirt designs coming out soon, so yeah.

Kat: Plus there’s going to be a European store, which is really exciting, so you UK people won’t have to pay $17 to get a shirt shipped anymore. So enjoy that.

Caleb: That’s baller.

Kat: Yeah.

Laura: Woo!

Caleb: Also, you should check out our smartphone app, which is available in the US and the UK for the iPhone, iPad, and the Android Kindle. I said those things like they were one item…

[Caleb and Kat laugh]

Caleb: … but I think you guys know what I’m talking about. It’s $1.99 in the US and £1.29 in the UK. It is also now available for Windows 8 phone users – it’s the same price but only right now in the US. And on this awesome smartphone app, you will find things like transcripts, bloopers, alternate endings, host vlogs, and more.

Kat: There’s a lot of stuff coming up from the road trip that Caleb and I did in the UK.

Caleb: Oh my God. [laughs]

Kat: So you will definitely want to be checking it out because there [are] some…

Caleb: We went so crazy! [laughs]

Kat: There [are] some amazing, amazing videos coming out, so definitely purchase that app and… yeah, you’ll see. You’ll see. [laughs]

Caleb: What happens when you put two Americans and an Australian in the car, drive through the countryside of England, Wales, and Scotland.

Kat: Pretty much. Yup. Mhm. That’s it. Let your imaginations go. But buy the app.

[Kat and Laura laugh]

Laura: Okay.

[Show music begins]

Laura: Well, I guess that does it for this week. I’m Laura.

Caleb: I’m Caleb.

Kat: And I’m Kat. Thank you for listening to Episode 45 of Alohomora!

Caleb: Open the Dumbledore.

[Show music continues]

Kat: “I like a healthy breeze ’round my privates, thanks.”