Transcript – Episode 58
[Show music begins]
Michael Harle: This is Episode 58 of Alohomora! for November 23, 2013.
[Show music continues]
Michael: Hello, everyone. Welcome to the show. My name is Michael Harle.
Eric Scull: My name is Eric Scull.
Kat Miller: My name is Kat Miller. And our guest today… well, I don’t know, is he a guest? I guess. I mean, you guys might know him. Kind of.
Eric: He’s a guest and a best friend.
Kat, Michael, and Noah Fried: Aww!
Kat: I’m not going to tell you his name, so we’ll just let everybody guess as it goes on.
Noah: Wait, really?
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: Noah’s like, “This is BS!”
Kat: It’s Noah, everybody! Our guest today is Noah.
Noah: Hey, guys! Alohomora!, what’s up? Open the Dumbledore!
Eric: Noah! You’re back! Woo! Hey, I saw that trailer of you with Emma Watson in it.
Noah: You did?
Eric: It was pretty cool. Yeah, that was pretty cool.
Noah: Are you talking about the eighth Harry Potter movie? What are you…
Eric: No, no, no, the movie called Noah.
Noah: Oh yeah, yeah.
[Kat laughs]
Eric: Yeah, that. They released the trailer.
Michael: Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Eric: This works so much less when you have to explain it.
Kat: Yeah, I didn’t get it either, Eric. I’m sorry.
Eric: [laughs] It works so much less when you have to explain it. But that’s okay.
Noah: I had actually thought about auditioning for that part, one of the running boys for the arc. But I don’t think I had the genetic makeup for the role.
Eric: Do you mean, is it your beard? Because I can’t grow facial hair either.
Noah: No, no, I can do that. I just needed a longer Jewish beard.
[Michael laughs]
Eric: Oh, yeah, yeah. I guess types of beards… well, beggars can’t be choosers.
[Kat laughs]
Eric: Guys in theatre is a useful commodity.
Kat: Mhm.
Eric: I would have thought you’d get the part immediately. But whatever! What do I know?
Noah: [laughs] I should at least have it with the namesake. But that role’s already taken.
Eric: [laughs] The role of Noah, played by Noah.
strong>[Everyone laughs]
Kat: That would have been amazing.
Noah: A hell of a cover letter, right?
Eric and Kat: Yeah.
Michael: Well, we’re very glad you’re back for this particular chapter, Noah. To remind our listeners, this episode we are examining Chapter 20, “The First Task.” This is the big one! So make sure you read that before you listen to the episode.
Eric: It is the big task, isn’t it? I don’t think the other tasks are as cool.
Kat: Oh, I disagree, but we’ll get there.
Eric: Yeah, we will certainly get there. Before we do, we are going to read some comments from our discussion on the previous week when we did Chapter 19 of Goblet of Fire. Here are some comments from the Alohomora! main site, alohomora.mugglenet.com. AllWasWell says,
“I found it interesting that Kat talked about Harry’s need to learn to be on his own now that he’s fighting with Ron, which is a lesson that helps him later on in the series. But the truth is, he’s NOT alone – he has Hermione! Even those of us who love Hermione’s character can sometimes subconsciously discount what she bring to the table as Harry’s friend, and I find that really fascinating.”
Kat: Okay, well, in defense of myself, I was trying to remember when I read this comment exactly what I was talking about. Yes, I know Hermione is there.
strong>[Noah laughs]
Kat: But I think the fact that Harry internally struggles on his own and doesn’t have his best friend to talk to, regardless of Hermione, I think definitely helps him out later in the series.
Eric: Yeah, I would tend to agree. Harry is always… this isn’t quite the book where he pushes everyone away actively, that’s [Book] 5, but he is having some very internal… the fact that he’s lost his buddy. Yes, Hermione is there, but the fact that he’s lost his buddy and has to go through this whole thing, it still feels to him as if it’s on his own, I believe. Especially because she spends most of her trying to help him just blabbing on about, “La, la, la, la, la.” So he really does feel, I think, that it is … and it’s got to be him alone in the tournament. That’s the other thing. As a champion, which Hermione is not, he really is alone when it comes to the very bare bones to it.
Kat: Right. Exactly.
Eric: So I would agree with you. There was a lot of talk about Mad-Eye Moody. You guys did mention last week just something about his eye, how he was able to spy through Harry’s Invisibility Cloak. We got a lot of feedback about that. I’m just going to read a couple of things here. Olivia Underwood said,
“When you were talking about Mad Eye’s eye being able to see under invisibility cloaks and perhaps other things, I sort of thought of Umbridge having lodged it into her office door in the last book in order to spy on other people… Perhaps she’s a pervert!”
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: Okay. I just assumed it was disciplinary, to look at other people but not in any weird way.
Kat: Well, it went out into the hallway, so unless there is something frisky going on in the hallway, I don’t think she is going to be spying on anything.
Noah: Is there any indication in the book that she can actually use that eye, though? Or is it just there as intimidation?
Eric: Because it’s not in her socket, is it?
Noah: No.
Kat: No, but she has that telescope thing stuck to it, doesn’t she?
Michael: Yeah, she’s got it…
Eric: Oh.
Michael: It’s like the viewing hole in a hotel doorway, I thought was the concept, so…
Noah: Ah.
Kat: Yeah.
Eric: Well, there was a three-way discussion happening between…
Kat: Ba-da-bing. Pun intended? [laughs]
Eric: [laughs] … a number… well, hey, if you had Mad-Eye’s eye, you would have seen it.
[Michael and Noah laugh]
Eric: On… there was just… three people chimed in to this comment, which again happened actually still here on our main site. Usually we get multi-layered discussion on the forums, but this time we get it on the main site. AllWasWell, Knight GryffinPuff, and Daniel Sharp all mentioned basically about the fact that the eye should not be able to see through Harry’s Cloak because it is a Hallow. AllWasWell pointed this out. Knight GryffinPuff then said that it was probably due to the writing process, that J.K. Rowling hadn’t quite figured out that it was a Hallow just yet. And Daniel Sharp pointed out a comment that I wanted to make when I was listening to last week’s episode, guys, which I wasn’t on, which is that this story of the Hallows is still kind of a fairytale, so it doesn’t necessarily mean that Death himself is trying to find the Cloak and can’t. So it did… because Death can’t find the Cloak, people found that there was a problem with that, and I would tend to agree. Why can Mad-Eye’s eye do something that Death itself can’t?
Kat: Because it’s awesome! No, I don’t know. That’s very true.
Eric: We may never know. We may never know. But similar discussion here, still on Mad-Eye, from Subjective Unicorn. Fun name.
“Well, his eye can even see through walls. In [the] 5th book, when he is having a look in the House of Black through a few walls in a wardrobe, he could identify that there is a boggart. I wonder how the world looks to him, without walls and barriers, just people walking on air in their underwear.”
[Kat and Michael laugh]
Noah: Now, can it actually see through clothes, or is this just a running joke?
Eric: If it can see through walls, I’d like to hope that it could see through clothes. Otherwise what good is it?
Kat: Ugh. Right? I mean, that’s true. Oh. That’s really funny.
Eric: Well, not… yeah. I love the way Subjective Unicorn put that. And Knight GryffinPuff, of course, responded. This is a bit longer, so bear with me.
“This is actually a very interesting question. How does he control it? How does it work? If he can see through desks, then he can logically see through people as well, right? In that case, how can he even detect whether people are there or not if he is seeing through them?
I imagine it sort of like a hologram. He see the outline of a person, desk, whatever, so he knows that they are there, but he can also see through them at the same time to the objects that are behind them. So, if there were a crowd, he would have a lot of trouble seeing activity that is more than a couple of people deep in the crowd.
Perhaps people/objects in front could be slightly darker holograms than those behind. Perhaps he could ‘squint’ to focus a bit on a certain depth.
As far as clothing, for good or ill, I imagine that it would be a slightly darker hologram that he could see through to the person beneath… but then he would also be able to see through the skin as well to the bones and blood vessels…
Hey! I think that I am on to something! Moody would make a ridiculous doctor! I think he missed his calling!”
Kat: [laughs] Oh, Lord!
Michael: [laughs] I think that makes the most sense, actually, of the ways to explain it. Because if Moody’s constantly seeing through everything, in a way, he wouldn’t be seeing anything.
[Michael and Noah laugh]
Eric: We should also keep in mind he’s got one good eye…
Michael: Yeah. Maybe that’s what balances it out.
Eric: … which can’t see through everything, or anything, more than normal.
Kat: I…
Noah: What about ghosts? Would ghosts appear as an even lighter hologram image, or would they be the same?
Eric: Hmm. Because they’re transparent. [laughs]
Kat: He probably wouldn’t see them with a magic eye. He’d probably see them with the normal eye.
Noah: They wouldn’t even appear. Maybe they appear just as whole as humans.
Eric: Well, although I wanted to save this for Book 5, I realize it’s over a year away and maybe people will forget. I can ask it again. This thing that is brought up about him being able to see the boggart in Book 5, nobody knows what a boggart looks like when it hasn’t taken the shape of anything…
Michael: Yeah.
Eric: … but apparently Mad-Eye does. [laughs] So…
Michael: Yeah…
Eric: … that’s pretty cool because he can identify what it is.
Kat: I was thinking about this reading through the comments this week and I think that Moody’s eye can probably only see through things that are not alive…
Eric and Michael: Hmm.
Kat: … a little bit of that magic. If it has a heartbeat, he wouldn’t be able to see through it. So the Desk!Pig: he’d be able to see through it when it was a desk and not when it was a pig.
[Eric laughs]
Noah: Aha.
Michael: But he can see through the back of his own head.
Eric: Hmm.
Kat: Yeah, but it’s his own head.
[Eric, Michael, and Noah laugh]
Kat: I feel like it’s like a… because he is part of the vessel, he’s able to… because the eye is part of the vessel.
Michael: Hmm. Maybe.
Kat: I don’t know. I just… I don’t buy the fact that everything is invisible to him and he can see through everything, all the time, always.
Eric: Well, I think, Kat…
Kat: Think about all the stuff he would run into.
[Michael and Noah laugh]
Noah: Yeah.
Michael: Hmm.
Kat: Honestly. [laughs]
Eric: Kat, I think your explanation is as good as any, until J.K. Rowling herself touches on this on Pottermore, which, hey, I hope she does.
Kat: Yeah, you hear that, Jo? We’re begging.
[Michael laughs]
Eric: Jo, please? Please?
[Kat laughs]
Eric: But until that happens, it is just a theory and remains unproven. Still, very fascinating to talk about. Different subject from last week’s episode now. From Elder Bubble Wand,
“I think it is very possible that Sirius could appear in the fireplace. First we know Dumbledore can remove any blocks that have been put on Hogwarts, he did so in ‘Half-Blood Prince’ when he removed one so he and Harry could fly in on brooms. Sirius could easily have contact with Dumbledore, the Ministry is not monitoring any mail yet and they both care for the welfare of Harry so it would be easy for Sirius to ask him to let him use a fireplace messaging. As for telling the Ministry, why would he do that? He is Dumble Freakin’ Dore – he can set up a private one way fireplace ‘chat room’ if he likes without letting the Floo Network know.”
Noah: That was very well-written…
Eric: Okay.
Noah: … by Elder Bubble.
[Eric and Kat laugh]
Eric: So the question…
Kat: Elder Bubble… [laughs] sorry. It’s a great username.
[Michael laughs]
Eric: Elder Bubble Wand is what it is. It’s Bubble Wand. Elder Bubble Wand. I like it the more that I say Elder Bubble Wand.
Kat: That sounds like it should be like a remix, like [makes a beatboxing sound]. I can’t beatbox…
Noah: EldaBubbaWand.
[Kat and Michael laugh]
Kat: Exactly.
Noah: Yo.
Eric: But… yeah, that was from the question last week about how Sirius could get into Hogwarts, seemed very easy for him. And there is one thought.
[Kat and Michael laugh]
Eric: Our final comment comes from Honeydukes Empire, another great username.
Noah: [laughs] Bravo.
Eric: We should just spend a week and feature all of these really awesome usernames that our listeners have. But we do, anyway, when we read comments from them, so there’s your incentive for participating in our discussion. Honeydukes Empire says,
“Something going through my mind while listening to this podcast was this question: Why isn’t Lupin writing to Harry and expressing his concern and giving advice? I’d assume Lupin is aware that Harry is in the tournament, since it’s making the front page, and this is a life-or-death situation for Harry. Lupin must realize someone is setting Harry up by putting his name in, so he could have warned Harry about Karkaroff.”
Michael: I really liked this comment. I… because when I read the book I was… of course, as you all know, Lupin is my favorite character and not having him in this book but having occasional references to him made me sad, like when I read… I think it was A Wind in the Door which is the sequel to A Wrinkle in Time and the three witches are never mentioned again.
Kat: Mmm.
Eric: [gasps] No!
Michael: And I love those characters and they never come back. [laughs] And it’s… this seems pretty logical because a few people on the forums were wondering if it was because Lupin was with the werewolves, but he wasn’t there at that time yet.
Eric: No.
Michael: That doesn’t happen until after the Order is reformed.
Eric: Yup.
Michael: So there… yeah. There’s a bit of a gap here as far as Lupin’s participation.
Kat: I feel like he was probably letting Sirius have his day.
[Eric, Michael, and Noah laugh]
Kat: No… Lupin had a whole year with Harry, and I think that Lupin and Sirius have probably been in some sort of contact with each other. So maybe Sirius is consulting with Lupin and Lupin is just stepping back and letting Sirius take the role that James and Lily gave him.
Eric: Maybe Lupin is bitter because Harry didn’t write to him at the beginning of the year when his scar hurt, when he had that dream.
Kat: Maybe.
[Eric laughs]
Michael: Aww.
Kat: I know.
Eric: It’s Harry’s own fault. He doesn’t reach out to the people who love him.
Kat: He doesn’t come across as a bitter character to me, so…
Eric: No, no, but… oh well. Again, that comment came from the forums. There were a few other topics there that we shall not mention, including one where what would happen – or “Is the reason Ron doesn’t like Harry because he thinks that Hermione and Harry are going to get together?” Other things like that were talked about all the way on the forums, as they are every week, and this is where these comments come from. Thank you, everybody who commented on last week’s episode. We will still monitor those chat threads as we do continue in the books.
Kat: And…
Noah: Especially if you have great names.
Michael: Yes, true.
Noah: Then we will highlight that.
Kat: Especially if you’ve got great names.
Michael: Go read all of the topics that shall not be named.
Kat: Anyway, so let’s move on to our Podcast Question of the Week responses. So the question was,
“In Chapter 19, Hagrid shows the dragons for the First Task to both Harry and Madame Maxime. He shows Harry to help him succeed in the First Task, and he shows Maxime to help him with his wooing efforts, which in turn helps Fleur gain knowledge of the dragons. But we want to know – for whom is Hagrid doing this more? Is he most motivated to help Harry, or is he primarily focused on Madame Maxime and just sees a chance to also help Harry in the process?”
So not surprisingly, we got a lot of crap for this question.
[Eric, Michael, and Noah laugh]
Eric: I think it’s a valid question. I will support – not having been there when it was asked – I support this 100 percent.
Kat: Yeah, I think it’s totally valid too, but I was surprised that there was actually a lot of different answers to this. So the first one we have here is from Amanda Curry. She says,
“I think that Hagrid was doing it to help Harry primarily based on the fact that he thought that the help wouldn’t really make a difference in Fleur’s performance in the task. She tends to be more emotionally strong then physically or intellectually strong. I think that Hagrid took a calculated risk because he knew that Harry was at a disadvantage where his knowledge and experience was concerned and wanted to give him the chance to catch up to the others in a sense.”
Eric: I don’t see how Fleur comes into Hagrid’s thinking the way that this comment seems to suggest that she does.
Noah: I think Harry was an afterthought. I mean, come on, how often does someone of Hagrid’s size come around?
[Eric laughs]
Noah: Come on. He must be so desperate.
Eric: Well, we’ll see what others think, if they agree.
Kat: Well actually, suprememugwump, I think, agrees with you, Noah. You remember suprememugwump?
Noah: Of course I do.
Kat: Been around since the beginning, I think.
Noah: Yeah. Just like Hufflepuffskein.
Kat: Yes, Hufflepuffskein, exactly. So the comment says,
“Oh, Hagrid… I love the man (half-giant?), but really, I think his first thought on learning about the dragons (from Crouch Jr., as others have said) was ‘This’ll be such a great first date! Who wouldn’t be impressed by dragons?’ At some point, he probably realized that he should tell Harry as well. Throughout the dragon scene, Hagrid completely ignores Harry. He and Madame Maxime stride off, leaving Harry to jog after them, and Hagrid doesn’t even really pay attention to Harry before they go off to pick Madame Maxime up. Throughout the scene, Harry is definitely an afterthought, and I don’t see why that wouldn’t be the case when he learned about the dragons, too.”
Eric: To be fair, Hagrid… sorry. To be fair, Harry is under the Invisiblity Cloak, is he not?
Kat: He is.
Michael: Yes.
Eric: Was that just a movie-ism? I mean, come on. Because how is Hagrid supposed to acknowledge Harry if he’s hidden and invisible and not supposed to be there?
Kat: Without giving it away, yeah.
Eric: Yeah. So I wouldn’t think too negatively of Hagrid not acknowledging Harry.
Noah: Yeah, but the question is, “Which did he weigh more important in this situation?” I mean, the only person he’s had in his house maybe was Buckbeak. He hasn’t had any other companionship for years because…
[Eric laughs]
Noah: We don’t really know.
Eric: He’s lonely and Beaky went away.
Kat: Ooh, Beaky.
Michael: I think the thing that bothered me most about this is by the time this is all over and Harry leaves, Hagrid doesn’t even know that Harry left.
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: It served its purpose.
Michael: [laughs] Harry is just like, “This is ridiculous!” and he just jets. [laughs] Hagrid doesn’t even ask him later what happened.
Kat: Yeah, like, “Oh, what happened? Did I step on you?” Nothing.
Michael: “Did I step on him?”
[Eric and Michael laugh]
Eric: Harry was accidentally stepped on.
[Everyone laughs]
Kat: Or eaten by a dragon. Yeah, you’re right, that’s a super valid point. Hagrid clearly just doesn’t care.
Michael: And it’s late. It’s almost one o’clock in the morning at that point.
[Michael laughs]
Eric: Only the crazies come out there then.
Kat: Oh! He’s so irresponsible.
[Eric and Michael laugh]
Kat: Okay, so our next comment comes from ArchdukeSeverus.
[Eric laughs]
Kat: We are full of good usernames this week. Bravo to all the listeners out there, bravo. The comment says,
“I think that Hagrid wasn’t really going there with the purpose of showing Harry or Maxime as his main motivation. He is just going there for personal interest and is bringing Harry and Maxime along because he thinks that they will be interested.”
And as a follow-up, Amanda McKnight replied,
“Agreed. Hagrid’s first concern is just about the dragons. Since he doesn’t seem inclined to cheat, impressing Maxime was probably his second concern. I think Hagrid can be naive sometimes and probably didn’t consider that Maxime would tell Fleur.
Little Crouch tells Harry that he convinced Hagrid to show him the dragons after Harry comes back from the graveyard. I imagine that this is what Moody/Crouch and Hagrid were discussing in The Three Broomsticks immediately before Hagrid gives Harry the invite. Also, since Hagrid didn’t invite Harry until the day of the excursion, it seems a bit last minute. Hagrid must have known about the dragons months in advance.”
Eric: So this actually… this evidence shows quite a bit of restraint. This evidence shows quite a bit of restraint for Hagrid not to have shown Harry. Of course, now it makes sense. Hagrid must have known about the dragons.
Kat: Yeah, absolutely.
Eric: He’s Gamekeeper! So the fact that it was an after-thought though would, out of context, point to him thinking of Harry last and putting Maxime first.
Kat: Yeah. I agree with that reasoning.
Noah: I do disagree though with part of the comment that he thought that Madame Maxime wouldn’t tell Fleur. I think that would be obvious… no? Unless he thinks that…
Eric: I think he is naive. I think…
Michael: I do, too… yeah.
Eric: If you’re asking me what I think, I think this was a booty call.
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: No, that’s the wrong use of that word. It’s really a perfect date as it was pointed out in the last episode. This is for him and Maxime and now that he was convinced by Crouch to show Harry, that’s great, he can bring him along. But really he just wanted to impress Maxime.
Kat: Did they end up together?
Eric: No.
Kat: What happened?
Eric: They go on the countryside together, they travel for months and months and get the giants to cooperate, but I distinctly remember them going different ways.
Kat: Right, and we never hear from her again, right?
Eric: Right.
Kat: That’s what I meant, after the fact.
Eric: Yeah.
Kat: That’s a little sad.
Noah: Poor Hagrid.
Kat: Our last comment, which is a pretty hilarious comment actually, from Subjective Unicorn again says,
“I was wondering, why did Karkaroff follow them? If he had seen them going to the forest, all he would see is Hagrid and Madame Maxime going together to the forest. Why on earth would he follow someone who is having a date, unless he glimpsed strange fiery explosions (when the dragons woke up) from his ship? Otherwise, it would be strange just to follow two people who are having a midnight walk to the forest.”
[Michael laughs]
Kat: Which I mean… that’s a legitimate point.
Noah: Maybe he was interested in seeing the after show.
Eric: He is the creeper. He is the creeper.
Kat: He’s the creeper.
Eric: Give him Moody’s eye…
[Michael laughs]
Eric: … and he will never be seen again. But he will see you.
Kat: Ooh!
[Michael laughs]
Kat: Yeah.
Michael: Well, speaking of pretty much everybody cheating in this tournament, we’re going to move on to Chapter 20.
[Goblet of Fire Chapter 20 intro begins]
[Sound of a fly buzzing around; Harry repeatedly says “Accio!“]
Narrator: Chapter 20, “The First Task.”
[Harry says “Gotcha!”]
[Goblet of Fire Chapter 20 intro ends]
Michael: So Harry wakes up completely frazzled after all of these anxious things that have been going on in his life, and he tries to put his hat on his foot thinking that it’s his sock. So he’s pretty on edge at this time. The first thing he does is go downstairs and find Hermione to tell her everything that Sirius told him the previous evening. He seems to skip over the fact that he had thrown a button at Ron’s head. But Hermione luckily is much more interested in figuring out what to do about the dragons than about Karkaroff because as she puts it, “Let’s just try and keep you alive until Tuesday.” So…
[Everyone laughs]
Kat: Priorities.
Michael: They, of course, head to the library and we get what I realized is this odd tradition – or in a way a gag – of the trio searching, researching for really simple things. Because even in this chapter it is stated that Sirius had said to Harry that the spell that he needs is something simple, so they actively start looking for something simple. But this is something we see a lot. Despite Hermione’s excellent researching skills, they never find what they’re looking for right away.
[Eric laughs]
Noah: Very true.
Michael: In Sorcerer’s/Philosopher’s Stone we have the issue of searching for Nicholas Flamel, but it takes an entire year.
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: This is… I think you’ve uncovered something. We shouldn’t bring it up because it makes Jo look bad.
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: This is a story – this is how stories work! Okay?
[Everyone laughs]
Michael: What?
[Everyone laughs]
Noah: What are you talking about?
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: Can’t have the mysteries solved in a day. Okay, if any one of us were to show up at Hogwarts in any year of Harry’s, we could probably save some lives.
[Michael laughs]
Eric: Let’s be honest. I was like that with the books, though. If they found the right book… but you’re right, I think there is a connection to be made. I mean, Hermione… it did take them all year…
Michael: Yeah.
Eric: … to find Nicholas Flamel. She had them looking in the wrong section! How could she be so stupid?
[Everyone laughs]
Michael: Well, again when you find out about Nicholas Flamel, he seems to be a pretty major figure in wizarding history.
Kat: Right!
Michael: And he’s only in one book and it’s not even a book that he should be in.
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: Maybe he’s not as famous as he thinks…
[Everyone laughs]
Kat: Muggles know about Nicholas Flamel. He’s obviously famous.
Michael: Yeah.
Eric: He’s bigger in the other world.
Michael: Yeah, but…
Eric: But my question about this simple… the fact that it was referred to as simple and now in this chapter they’re looking for simple hexes [and] simple jinxes… simple is a matter of opinion and Harry should know that. But did we ever find out… did Sirius ever say what he was actually going to recommend?
Michael: Yes.
Eric: Before the conversation got… was it a Summoning Charm or not?
Michael: No… because the Summoning Charm comes out of Moody’s suggestion later, but…
Eric: Right.
Michael: He was going to suggest that pinkeye charm that I believe Krum uses on his dragon.
Eric: Oh, okay.
Michael: Krum… yeah, Krum is the one, I think, who uses…
Kat: Conjunctivitis.
Michael: Yeah, Conjunctivitis.
Eric: Because I remember Hermione going, “That was what Krum used!” So I figured it was found out, but I don’t know how simple it is. But regardless, not even that charm seemed to appeal to them – if they did find it in their book.
Michael: Yeah, no… and there’s really nothing that comes up for them because they keep finding charms that will actually make the dragon stronger.
[Everyone laughs]
Michael: So unfortunately their research kind of leads them nowhere and eventually Harry vocally tells Hermione to shut up and then Krum shows up. And so that research session is completely ruined. So a little while later, Harry spots Cedric and realizes that Cedric is the only champion who has no idea about the dragons. And so he tries to tell Cedric, but unfortunately Cedric is surrounded by friends who don’t like Harry. So rather than do things properly and say, “Excuse me, can I talk to you for a moment?”…
[Eric, Kat, and Noah laugh]
Michael: … Harry commits the first use that we see of the Diffindo spell – the Severing Charm – in the series. There’s two big spells that are actually presented in this particular chapter. Diffindo is one of them – and I know this is a bit of a diversion, but I thought it would be fun to go examine a little more about [the Severing Charm] because we are given a lot of information on it in Book of Spells…
Eric: Very good.
Noah: Ooh. That’s very in depth.
Michael: … the Playstation 3 video game.
Kat: I’m all about history and background, so…
[Michael laughs]
Kat: … let’s hear it!
Eric: I am so glad somebody is paying attention to that game.
[Michael and Noah laugh]
Michael: So we’re going to have a little… we’re going to have a Charms lesson here. So the first thing to know is… everybody take out your copies of Book of Spells by Miranda Goshawk…
Eric: And here we go.
Michael: And in…
Noah: I’ve already raised my wand.
Kat: I’ve got mine memorized.
[Eric laughs]
Michael: Good. Wonderful. All right.
Eric: If we just know the theory does that work, or do we need to practice this?
Michael: Well, we’ll get to that discussion in a moment.
[Eric, Kat, and Michael laugh]
Michael: But first let us learn the motion for the Severing Charm. In Book of Spells, it is basically a letter “N.” A letter “N” like you’re slicing something. It’s a little different on Pottermore. It’s a backward letter “N” or a “V” with a very fine flare to it.
Noah: Oh.
Eric: [laughs] I’m sure that’s what it is.
Michael: It is a very common spell. It’s used in many trades, but it will sectumsempra the heck out of you if you use it wrong.
[Noah laughs]
Michael: Wizards, before this spell was invented, frequently burned or shredded what they were trying to cut prior to this spell’s invention, so thank God this spell was invented, or Harry would have had to set Cedric on fire to get his attention.
[Kat, Eric, and Michael laugh]
Eric: Or his bag. Just his bag on fire.
Michael: Just his bag on fire. Oh, just another day at Hogwarts. Your backpack…
Eric: He’s got to run to the nearest tap or something.
[Michael laughs]
Eric: “No, no, you go on ahead. I’ve got to take care of this fire!”
[Michael laughs]
Kat: Flaming bag.
Michael: [laughs] But the spell actually… we are given the actual spell’s creation. Only some of the spells are revealed to have origin stories in Book of Spells, but this one was specifically created in the fifteenth century in London by Madam Delfina Crimp, a seamstress who utilized the spell for cutting cloth and thread. If you do have the opportunity, listeners, to experience the actual story through the PlayStation, it is a very enjoyable experience. You get a whole little puppet theater show that tells the story but…
[Eric laughs]
Michael: And you get to pull the little levers and make things happen, but I have given a shorter, condensed version, and what happens it Madame Crimp was nearly exposed as a witch for her use of the spell when a rival Muggle tailor named Snickerton…
Eric: Snickerton.
Michael: … posed as an employee in her shop in order to find out the secret of her clothes making and discovered her using [the Severing Charm]. The next day, Snickerton brought a mob with him to arrest Crimp, tying her up and searching the room for her wand. When Madam Crimp asked to be untied so as to scratch a wart on her face, which her capturers foolishly allowed her to do, she quickly revealed the wart to be her disguised wand. [laughs]
Kat: What?
Michael: Yup, she pulled her wand out of her face. [laughs] She then Disapparated with all of her money, supposedly leaving London, but continued to haunt Snickerton by severing all of the clothes he made to bits every single night…
[Noah laughs]
Michael: … driving Snickerton insane and causing him to think he was being stalked by a giant pair of invisible scissors.
Kat: God.
Michael: So that…
Kat: I love J.K. Rowling. Jo, I love you.
Michael: That is your epic history on the simple [Severing Charm]. Use it wisely, use it carefully, and never get between a witch seamstress and her work.
Eric: I want to feel bad for Snickerton, but I still feel [worse] for Cedric Diggory’s brand new bag.
[Michael laughs]
Kat: Aww.
Michael: Yes, it is quite sad, this little moment, but it…
Eric: This is his new bag, and there’s ink everywhere all over the…
Kat: Wait, how do you know it’s… it doesn’t say… oh yeah, it does say, “brand new and all.”
Noah: He says, “It’s a new bag.”
Eric: He says, “It’s my new bag. This is so weird that this has just happened to me. It’s my new bag.” [laughs]
Kat: Brand new and all, yup. Right there.
Eric: If this were a Weasley, you would have set this kid back a year’s allowance, okay?
[Michael and Noah laugh]
Eric: You can’t do that to people!
Kat: Eric, that is an awful thing to say!
[Michael laughs]
Eric: You just can’t do that to people, Harry! You just can’t [sever] his bag!
Michael: [laughs] There perhaps had been a more polite way of going about… again, approaching him and maybe saying, “Excuse me, can I talk to you for a minute?”
Kat: It’s the Gryffindor move.
Michael: Yes, it definitely is.
Eric: We do live in a world where you can just wave your wand and say, “Reparo.”
Michael: We sure do except I wonder… well, there is the cleaning spell, isn’t it? Tergeo. To get rid of the ink off of all of his stuff. [laughs] So oddly enough, Harry tells Cedric about the dragons, and oddly enough after splitting his bag open and just approaching him for really the first time ever, Cedric finds this to be quite suspicious. Harry, though, is shocked that Cedric does not believe him and goes into the whole mode of “Gee, this Hufflepuff is kind of dumb. How could he not believe me?” And… but when you look at it, it’s pretty reasonable that Cedric has no idea whether he should trust Harry or not at this point. Because Harry basically says, “You’re the odd one out. You don’t know what we all know, so now you know.” [laughs]
Noah: Did anyone else find this interesting that Harry talked about being fair – and that was why he did it – and then come to the conclusion that he must be a Hufflepuff?
Michael: Mmm.
Noah: Or was I the only one [who] decided that?
Eric: Can you repeat that? Just because Harry was fair he should be a Hufflepuff?
Noah: Well, when Cedric confronts him about why he was telling him, he’s just like, “Oh, I just thought it would be the fair thing to do.”
Eric: Yeah.
Noah: And Hufflepuffs are all about fairness, so he is showing some Hufflepuff traits.
Eric: Yeah. Cedric is rubbing off on him.
Kat: Or somebody’s rubbing off on him.
[Michael and Noah laugh]
Eric: There’s an invisibility cloak that only Moody can see. Ooh.
Kat:I promised that Kat’s dirty moment of the show wasn’t going to happen this week, but it did.
[Michael laughs]
Eric: I don’t get it, but I don’t like to get it.
Noah: I think it’s my favorite new section.
[Eric and Michael laugh]
Kat: Oh okay, is it? It’s not going to happen next week. I promise this time. It will not happen next week.
Michael: So of course Moody witnesses all of this because Crouch Jr. just knows when to lurk at just the right times.
Kat: Little Crouch.
Michael: Little Crouch. Yeah, I’m enjoying all of these names everybody’s coming up with: Moody Crouch, Little Crouch… I like all these names we’re getting.
Eric: I call him BCJR. That’s what I’m going to do.
Michael: Oh, goodness.
Kat: BC?
Michael: Barty Crouch…
Noah: See, that sounds like another dirty something. Not really. It’s gone…
[Michael and Noah laugh]
Michael: Moody pulls Harry aside, even though Harry is already grossly late for Herbology, and takes him to his office, and Harry recollects all of the previous Defense Against the Dark Arts teachers and how their offices looked and how this particular one characterizes Moody, and he notices that there’s a lot of weird instruments just sitting all around. And as Moody explains, they are his Dark Detectors, and he’s basically had to switch all of them off because they’re giving him away.
[Eric and Michael laugh]
Eric: No, no, it’s because students are so sneaky, and they lie all the time, and students are totally throwing those instruments off. It can’t be that Moody himself is doing any kind of deceiving thing.
Kat: It’s the beauty of misdirection right here is what this is.
Eric: Yes. Beautiful, beautiful, gorgeous misdirection.
Kat: It is the OGM.
Noah: But that was weird because if he purchased them… I assume he stole it from Moody, but shouldn’t they work in his favor? Or do they just respond to all darkness.
Eric: Mhm.
Michael: Well, that’s the interesting thing because Moody specifically points out the Foe-Glass, and as we find out later the Foe-Glass actually shows Crouch Jr.’s enemies approaching to warn him. Which would be… in the case of the book it ends up being McGonagall, Dumbledore, and Snape. So the Foe-Glass does seem to work for Moody – or for Crouch Jr., rather – but everything else in the room doesn’t. And the Foe-Glass is something we really don’t get much more explanation on. Moody gives a very, very vague explanation for what it is. He says that he’s not in trouble until he sees “the whites of their eyes.” So it’s a very strange device, and again, yeah, it seems to work for him. I don’t know if he’s re-enchanted that one specifically or not.
Kat: I’m betting that we’re going to get more info on this on Pottermore. It seems like it’s a big deal.
Michael: Mhm.
Kat: You know what I mean? Fingers crossed.
Eric: Mirrors are crazy, guys. They can do a lot of cool stuff.
Kat: They can.
Noah: And they’re all over this book. There’re so many mirrors that do things.
Kat: It’s true.
Noah: The mirror in the very beginning, the two way mirror…
Michael: Yeah, definitely. The Mirror of Erised? Yeah, we’ve got some pretty important mirrors in the series. So hopefully, again, asking questions for Rowling to answer on Pottermore.
Kat: Hopefully she’s taking notes.
Michael: Yes, of course.
Kat: Are you writing these down, Jo?
[Michael and Noah laugh]
Eric: Something that struck me…
[Sound of a train]
Eric: While a train comes by. It wasn’t a train, pardon me.
Michael: It’s your train of thought.
Noah: It’s the Hogwarts Express. [laughs]
Eric: Something that struck me while reading this part in this chapter was that Moody really does seem to care and seem to try, and the fact that he brings Harry in… Harry feels like he’s going to be disciplined, and then he says, “That was a darn decent thing you did, Harry.” I really feel that Barty Crouch – who we know to be Moody in disguise – is really making an effort at teaching – at caring – about student affairs. The fact that he observes, “Hey, that was a nice thing you did.” Who does that if he’s really just all about Harry’s death?
Kat: Yeah, I think a lot of it is that he’s in awe of Harry. And I think that just being in his presence whenever he possibly can be – whether he has to be nice or dastardly when he is – I think that that’s the most important thing to him is just to figure out how he works.
Noah: Yeah, I never thought about that, but Harry must be a thing of legend for Barty Crouch.
Kat: Mhm.
Eric: Especially for being the one who killed his master.
Kat: Right, exactly.
Noah: Yes.
Eric: That’s a good point.
Michael: So in that respect, Moody attempts to not tell Harry what to do, but he basically tells Harry what to do.
[Everyone laughs]
Kat: “Put two and two together.” He’s like, “C’mon kid, it’s not difficult.”
Michael: And you can almost see his mounting frustration with Harry’s cluelessness at this point.
[Noah laughs]
Michael: But he holds it together, and eventually Harry hits on what he needs to do. He rushes to Herbology and tells Hermione, “You need to help me.” And she goes, “I’ve been trying to help you this whole time.” And then they decide that Harry needs to learn [the] Summoning Charm by tomorrow. So with Harry and Hermione being in a very intense training session on the Summoning Charm – Harry even practices outside of class – I just had to highlight this passage just because I thought it was really funny. “During Divinination, Harry and Ron spot each other… ” – because Harry makes quite a loud, rude comment, and Harry and Ron make eye contact but don’t say anything to each other -“… and Harry spends the rest of the lesson trying to attract small objects toward him under the table with his wand. He managed to make a fly zoom straight into his hand, though he wasn’t entirely sure that that was his prowess at Summoning Charms. Perhaps the fly was just stupid.”
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: Yeah, that’s good. I mean it’s all the confidence Harry ever needs, right? Slipping away.
[Kat and Michael laugh]
Eric: He’s like, “I got it! Or did he just fly into my hand because flies do that?”
Kat: Right.
Eric: Oh, gosh.
Michael: Interestingly enough, as we open up our copies of Book of Spells once again.
[Kat gasps]
[Eric and Michael laugh]
Eric: Again? I was going to ask because this is not explained: the fact that Harry and Hermione are up all night, and she says something about him having to concentrate. And we find that his mistakes are causing these objects to fly. It’s described as being “half-heartedly.” They get about halfway across the room and stop. But unlike the Patronus, which, granted, took a lot more time to learn – it was always very clear what he had to do: oh, happy thought – it’s still not really explained how the Summoning Charm… what you’ve got to do with your mind. Are you just focusing on the object? That sort of thing.
Noah: Well, I thought about that because when he’s summoning the Firebolt. We haven’t got[ten] there, yet, but he has to really concentrate on the image of the Firebolt. So it seems to be that the magic pulls on your image in your mind.
Kat: Yeah, I’m curious to hear about it. Michael, what does it say?
Michael: Well, I’m fearful that we won’t quite get the answers that we’re looking for from this information.
Noah: Aww.
Michael: But again, open your books to the section on…
Eric and Kat: [as Snape] 394.
Michael: … the Summoning Charm chapter, and repeat after me because this is an important one. You may have heard a lot of misinformation across the wizarding world, and as we know, pronunciation of a spell is extremely…
Noah: It’s AH-kee-o.
Michael: It is not!
Noah: Of course it is! What are you talking about?
Michael: It is not. And this actually caused quite a fervor on the forums because in the Book of Spells game, which is officially sanctioned by Rowling… and there is still debate about this, but in [the game], the narrator asks you to pronounce it, or you can’t keep going with the game… is ACKS-ee-o.
Noah: What?
Michael: [laughs] ACKS-ee-o.
Eric: I don’t buy it. I don’t buy it. It’s a conspiracy. This is like the guy who invented gifs.
[Michael laughs]
Eric: Saying that they’re supposed to be pronounced jiffs.
[Michael laughs]
Eric: No, it’s “graphic image format”! “Guh”! “Guh”! Giff! Giff!
Michael: Well, in… granted…
Kat:[laughs] There’s… sorry. That’s another reason… “guh.” “Guh.” Giff. Giff.
Eric: I’m still angry about this! It’s “guh”! It’s AE-kee-o!
Michael: Well, and this goes along, too, with the pronunciation of Voldemort, which Rowling always intended to be VOL-de-mor, but nobody said it that way.
Eric: Yes.
Kat: I say VOL-de-mor!
Eric: That’s true.
Michael: I know you do. I noticed you doing that in some other episodes. And she has even relented to saying VOL-de-mort herself now.
Eric: Oh.
Noah: They say VOL-de-mort in the movies.
Michael: Mhm. So…
Eric: She’s become Americanized, guys!
Kat: ACKS-ee-o. I mean, that’s pretty close. I guess I say AE-kee-o. I mean, that’s pretty close.
Noah: AE-kee-o.
Michael: So we will leave it up to you listeners, but remember, you may end up with a buffalo on your chest if you do it wrong.
[Eric and Michael laugh]
Michael: But the…
Eric: Like that guy in that thing!
Noah: Unless that’s your intention.
Michael: [laughs] Honestly, yes, unless that’s what you want. But the movement for your wand is just an arc. It is an arc, like you’re moving something from one point to another. [The Summoning Charm] is considered to be one of the oldest and most useful spells in wizarding history. Most magical objects have an anti-theft device on them now to prevent them from being Summoned by anyone but their owner.
Eric: Clever.
Michael: So you can’t just go taking things from other magical people. But it must not be used where Muggles might see the object being Summoned. That, of course, would be a direct breach of the International Statute of Secrecy. It is, interestingly enough – and this goes along with the idea of Harry Summoning a fly, and this may answer his question – ineffective on most living creatures, except useless ones, like Flobberworms.
Eric: [laughs] Does Book of Spells say “useless” to describe Flobberworms?
Michael It does, indeed.
Noah: That’s a…
Kat: Wow.
[Michael laughs]
Noah: Lame.
Kat: So does…
Eric: This high and mighty Book of Spells passing judgement on my favorite creature.
Michael: Hey.
Kat: Do flies fall in the useless category?
Michael: I feel that they would, especially because, other than their wings, I don’t think they have any magical properties.
Eric: That alone would really answer the question as to whether or not it was the fly or Harry Summoning it.
[Eric and Michael laugh]
Kat: The fly or the spell. Which came first?
Noah: “Perhaps it was just stupid.”
Eric: We need to know!
[Eric, Kat, and Michael laugh]
Michael: But yes, Eric, if you wish to argue the point further, I think you need to take it up with Miranda Goshawk. Unfortuately, I believe she has passed away, but she may have some descendants who you can talk to about this because they are still publishing her books in mass at Flourish and Blotts.
Eric: There we go.
Michael: And while we do not get an origin story on the Summoning Charm, presumably because it is so old, we do get a cautionary tale from Book of Spells. The Summoning Charm was first proven to be extremely dangerous by a man named Gideon Flatworthy who was an anti-Muggle extremist who formed the Accionites, a group that declared war on Muggle ways of living, in 1743 and enacted their beliefs by utilizing magic to do nearly everything. They notably favored the Summoning Charm for its convenience in fetching things, one of the many tasks they found demeaning. After attempting to steal gold utilizing the Summoning Charm, [since] the Accionites thought it was foolish to waste energy to go to Gringotts and get the money, and nearly being caught multiple times by the band of angry goblin goldsmiths who they’d stolen from, Flatworthy and his followers ended up Apparating to a cave in Pembrokeshire, [Wales,] where all of the Accionite followers became disillusioned and abandoned Flatworthy. And it should be noted that in Book of Spells, he is only depicted as having two followers. [laughs]
Eric: Oh. [laughs]
Michael: So they leave pretty quickly. On September 18, 1743…
Eric: That’s oddly specific. I wonder what time of day it is.
[Kat and Michael laugh]
Michael: It is noted specifically by wizard historians that this was the day this occurred.
[Noah laughs]
Michael: In a last stitch effort, that was either brought on my stubbornness or delirium, Flatworthy attempted to summon an entire farm. While he’s…
[Everyone laughs]
Michael: He in fact…
Eric: Because…
Michael: … did try…
Eric: … making things for yourself is just not good enough.
[Michael laughs]
Eric: That’s the hard way.
Michael: And while he failed to move the cottage or farmhouse he was after – because unfortunately the Summoning Charm cannot do that – he did manage to summon quite a bit of livestock – including a few cows, as well as a few hay bails – which arrived in the cave and promptly crushed him to death.
Kat: Wow!
[Michael laughs]
Kat: Can I just…
Eric: In the cave? Did a cow come through a cave wall? Just boom! Moo!
[Michael laughs]
Kat: Probably through the opening, Eric, I would imagine.
Noah: Through the opening of the cave.
Michael: Either way, yes. He was landed on by a cow, and that was the end of him. And he was found by the Muggle farmer, who owned all of this livestock. [laughs]
Kat: And you know what is funny? And this has nothing to do with anything, but Pembrokeshire – that’s where Dobby’s beach is. That’s where he’s buried.
Michael: Oh, really? I did not know that.
Kat: Well, that area of Wales. Yeah.
Noah: Hey guys, this story sounds kind of “far-fetched.”
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: Oh, Noah is back, everybody!
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: And I was going to suggest, this is 1743 when this happened. It would be funny if she tied it into the Wizard of Oz by putting it in the 1920s [laughs] and saying that Henry Gale’s farm was…
Kat: Oh my God! That would be so funny.
Eric: … summoned all the way there. Yeah, but it’s a missed opportunity.
Kat: Jo, rewrite it.
Eric: No, but it still… I like the way it is.
Kat: Yeah.
Eric: That’s very, very clever.
Michael: And the only theory we really get in the book is from Hermione – as you previously noted – where she says, “You’ve just got to concentrate really hard,” and also, “It does not matter how far away the object is. As long as you’re concentrating really, really hard.”
[Noah laughs]
Eric: See, I would tend to be like… I think it’s important how far the object is just because it would take longer to get where it needs to go.
Michael: Mhm.
Eric: I was suggesting, why wouldn’t Harry… or I was going to suggest, why wouldn’t Harry just already put his Firebolt at the edge of some trees or something in the forest so that it would get to him quicker? Because… obviously it builds tension, but during the task in this chapter, he’s waiting for it and he isn’t sure if it worked because it is coming from presumably his trunk in his bedroom in his common room in its tower in the castle.
Michael: I thought… is it ever… and it must be and I might be forgetting it, but remind me. Is it ever stipulated that the champions can’t bring anything? Is it required that they can only use their wands?
Kat: It says they can only use their wands. It definitely doesn’t say they couldn’t bring anything.
Michael: Mhm. Because that’s…
Eric: “Oh, guys, it’s my lucky Firebolt! I take it with me to all of my Triwizard Tasks.”
[Everyone laughs]
Michael: So Harry…
Eric: “Don’t mind the Firebolt in the corner of the room.”
Michael: [laughs] So Harry and Hermione stay up quite late into the night practicing this spell. and eventually around 2 a.m., they quit. And Harry has finally mastered the spell to at least get a lot of objects across the room, but he’s still anxious that this isn’t going to work. But the next day, he goes to breakfast and is summoned by McGonagall to head down to the tournament. McGonagall does her best to keep her composure but doesn’t do it very well…
Noah: Not at all.
Michael: … [laughs] and sends him off on his way. Harry goes into the tent and sees the champions there, and he gets a nice smile from Cedric, so at least Cedric acknowledges, “Oh hey, I believe you now because there [are] definitely dragons over on the other side of the wall.” And Rowling, I just had to note, builds some really impressive tension in this scene because I’ve read this scene multiple times and I still found myself rereading it getting nervous for Harry, which is kind of silly because I know exactly what’s going to happen. But there are some really great descriptions of Harry’s nerves, how he… his perception is getting a little foggy and how he… when he eventually gets out there, all the sound gets tuned out. A lot of great writing moments here.
Eric: Yeah, that was great.
Michael: Yeah.
Eric: Well, I remember specifically from this chapter, him wanting to say good luck to Cedric but only a hoarse grunt comes out.
[Michael laughs and grunts]
Noah: What does that sound like?
Eric: [laughs] A hoarse grunt out of Harry’s 14-year-old boy mouth.
[Michael laughs]
Eric: [grunts] Or whatever a horse sounds like when it grunts.
Noah: At which Cedric stops, just for a moment.
[Eric laughs]
Michael: And immediately, him and Cedric are not friends anymore.
[Eric and Michael laugh]
Noah: “No one hoarse grunts at me.”
[Michael laughs]
Eric: “Should have used Preparation H…” no, that’s wrong.
[Michael laughs]
Kat: What? Wrong body part, dude.
Eric: No, should have used… what is it? For your word vomit? Oh well, anyway…
Michael: [laughs] But as this is all going on, Bagman attempts to… after briefly explaining what’s going to happen, and with really not that much summary but giving them a bag of dragons and having them pull them out, Bagman pulls Harry aside and asks him if he needs any help, if he needs anything, like a glass of water or maybe some…
[Eric laughs]
Michael: … techniques for cheating. And Harry…
Eric: “How about a score of ten, Bagman?”
Michael: Yeah. [laughs]
Eric: “Wouldn’t that be cool? Wouldn’t that be cool if you gave me a score of ten?”
Michael: [laughs] But Harry, being honest and also having no idea what’s going on, tells Bagman, “No, thank you.” And then they are asked to pick out their dragons, and I’m actually really glad Noah is here for this because…
Noah: Oh yes, I’m in.
Michael: … once again, we must ask…
Noah: Oh, yes.
Michael: … “Is it alive?” [laughs]
Kat: And it’s funny because this literally hasn’t come up in, like, three months or something.
Noah: No way.
[Eric laughs]
Kat: It’s serendipitous here.
[Eric sings]
Noah: It’s so great. I made the note in my book. I was going to bring it up.
[Michael laughs]
Noah: Of course I was, but someone already has.
Michael: And what are your thoughts on this, Noah?
Noah: I mean, to think logically, they’re probably just transfigured something-or-others. They’ll probably change soon. They’re not alive, of course – it’s magic. We shouldn’t get hung up on such a topic.
Kat: Somebody check his temperature.
Michael: Such trivial things.
Eric: Wow, you’ve changed, Noah. I don’t know if I like the new you.
Michael: Yeah, you’ve been away…
Noah: No, no…
Michael: You’ve been away too long.
Eric: Because I was ready to jump on the bandwagon of complaining that Bagman, who is the man with the bag… [laughs]
Noah: He’s got dragons.
Eric: … with these dragons…
Kat: The bag man!
[Michael laughs]
Eric: … was suffocating these poor little creatures.
Kat: Oh my God.
Noah: No, I think it’s magic here. They’re probably fine. [laughs]
Eric: Fire needs oxygen to survive and these dragons were deprived of it! They’re just laying in a bag, waiting to be picked like some toy soldier.
Noah: What’s he going to do with them after they’re picked?
Eric: Well, I was surprised no champion just took the little replica out, and then if there was a really narcissistic breed of dragon that’s just like, “Oh, look at the little baby me! It’s a little baby…” and then it got distracted and got the…
[Michael laughs]
Kat: But what if they squished them?
Eric: [gasps] Yeah, what if they accidentally got stepped on or something?
Kat: Oh no!
Noah: What if Krum in some very prideful, forceful gesture just squashed the dragon against his shirt?
Kat: Oh, that’s sad!
[Michael laughs]
Noah: Just the sort of thing Krum would do.
Eric: It’s not really alive, don’t worry.
Noah: It’s not alive.
Eric: Noah said… hey! Hey, Kat! Kat! Noah said it wasn’t alive. You can relax. It’s okay, it’s okay…
Kat: But I think…
Eric: … it wasn’t alive.
Kat: They’re little dragons.
Michael: Yeah, Harry keeps his and puts it on his nightstand.
Kat: I know! And it curls up and goes to sleep.
[Eric and Michael laugh]
Noah: Maybe it is alive.
Kat: Come on, it has to be.
Michael: Well, it…
Kat: It has to have some sort of sentience.
Michael: And we see similar magic to this earlier on when Ron buys his little Krum figure.
Kat: I think it’s an animation spell.
Michael: Hmm.
Kat: Like something that gives life to an inanimate object. Maybe it has a short life span, like a bumblebee or something.
Eric: Well, I was just going to say, it’s a good thing that Scabbers isn’t around because that little dragon would probably get pretty hungry in Harry’s trunk over the course of…
Kat: Well, they can probably blow fire.
Eric: I think it does…
Noah: Little firebursts.
Michael: Well, and remember too…
Noah: In a cutesy way.
Michael: … Ron will eventually disassemble his Krum model, so…
Kat: Whoops.
[Eric and Michael laugh]
Kat: Murderer!
Eric: Murder!
Michael: So yes, there could be some indictments on Ron for miniature murder going on there.
Kat: [laughs] Miniature murder.
Michael: Miniature murder. Little tiny murder.
[Everyone laughs]
Michael: So after the dragons are picked, Harry essentially spends the rest of the time having to ever-so-agonizingly listen to Bagman go “Ooh! OOH! Ooh!” for about an hour or so. And then eventually he gets to go out into the enclosure and face the Hungarian Horntail. And really, the only thing I could really think to point out here is that this… and of course we’ll get to this when we eventually watch the movie, but this is a pretty drastically changed… this got pretty drastically changed in the film. Because here in the book, this is all very tactical based on Harry’s part. Once he summons the broom, he uses some pretty impressive smarts to get the egg from the dragon…
Eric: Yeah.
Michael: … versus the movie where he just runs away as far as he can.
Kat: Yeah, and that… I mean, again we’ll get there, but that made me so mad because there’s so much they cut out of that movie. And I get it, it’s a fantastical action sequence.
Michael: Mhm.
Kat: Come on, that’s five minutes of film that you could have put into something else.
Eric: Well, I think that in the movie specifically it would have been difficult to shoot a huge dragon in a small, enclosed space and make it look real or make it look interesting. I mean, I think… I particularly do like the chase sequence…
Noah: Yeah, me too.
Eric: … because it shows us more of Hogwarts than just the darn courtyard.
[Michael laughs]
Eric: I get so tired of seeing them in [it] every time I watch the movie. I’m like, “Okay, they’re in a courtyard now.” But it shows a little more of Hogwarts; I like that. I agree, though, that in the book it is very tactical, and Harry has got to slowly rise a couple of feet each time on his broom to get the dragon to really… I mean, he hypnotizes… he basically puts it in a trance to really want him so much that it lifts up and then he swoops down and gets it. It is brilliant, but I don’t hate the moment in the film. I will say that it occured to me that really the whole fourth movie – which, again, we’ll get to – is really just one thing chasing Harry after another.
[Michael laughs]
Eric: So the fact that the dragon broke completely free and is chasing him, it’s just like, “Oh great, it’s just getting worse and worse and worse.”
Michael: Well, and I love too that earlier on, when McGonagall brings Harry to the tent, she specifically states, “We have wizards standing by in case anything happens,” and I’m like, “What are they going to do if it eats him?” [laughs]
Kat: Right!
[Everyone laughs]
Michael: What do you do then? There really isn’t much, I don’t think, of…
Kat: They’re going to pull a Tauntaun and [whistles] slice it right down the middle.
Eric: Ooh.
Kat: Pull him out.
Michael: Yeah, no… is there a regurgitation spell? [laughs]
Kat: Oh God, I hope not.
Eric: Maybe if it eats his hands, they’ll give him a hook to replace it.
[Michael laughs]
Kat: God.
Michael: Replacement for your troubles. Yeah, no, it’s… this seems… and this really is the… I feel this is kind of the riskiest task of the three.
Eric: Oh, very much.
Michael: Because there really is no way that, really, you could save somebody if they were seriously injured in this situation. But luckily, Harry gets through this pretty quickly. I should also note too…
Eric: He’s the fastest.
Michael: … just because I did think it was funny: The dragon’s description is nothing like we see in the movie. It actually looks more like a giant version of Toothless from How to Train Your Dragon but with spikes on the end of its tail.
Eric: Oh, yeah. Yeah, I could see that.
Michael: According to the description in the book. We get more of a giant lizard in the book, but in the movie we get a horned face tail thing. But it’s a great set piece, so why waste it on the five minutes that would have taken if they had done it exactly like the book? But, after it’s over, there [are] some interesting things that happen. One is that Ron and Harry make up in a very awkward, very teenage boy way, and Hermione bursts into tears at the whole thing.
Kat: That… I just… I…
Noah: Classic Hermione.
Kat: I love those six or seven lines. It just… I absolutely love it. I think it’s adorable.
Eric: I would have liked to have heard Ron say, “I’m sorry. I was an arse.” But Harry…
Michael: I felt the same way.
Eric: It’s not about gloating though and that’s why what Harry does is the right move. He’s like, “Don’t bother. It doesn’t matter. It’s fine. Really, it’s fine. Really!” Doesn’t make Ron actually apologize. I think he’s letting him off a little easy, but that’s just Harry’s character.
Michael: Well, and he gives him a little jib before and, “Caught on, have you? Took you long enough.”
Eric: Yeah, right. He gets that…
Kat: That is my favorite line of the entire movie because of the way he says it. “Took you long enough.” I don’t know. Just something about it.
Eric: “Took you long enough!”
[Eric and Michael laugh]
Eric: Yeah.
Kat: I have weird favorites. Ravenclaw.
Eric: Indeed.
Michael: [laughs] So after they make up, Ron gives Harry a quick play-by-play of what happened for all of the other champions and he brings up some interesting things about the… what happened and the scoring reflects that. And raised quite a few questions for me about, really, how this tournament’s dumb. Krum, [laughs] Ron notes, causes some of his dragon eggs to be destroyed because he uses the Conjunctivitus Curse and the dragon stumbles around and steps on its own eggs. Now, points are taken away for this, at least, Ron assumes so. How would you know that? As you’re actually… how would you know the things that are going to deduct points from you? Because there’s no explanation going into this even once you’ve picked your dragon about what you’re suppose to do.
Eric: Yes, that’s the problem I have with this task because with the Second Task, they at least have the egg, which has a clue inside it.
Michael: Mhm.
Eric: And they are told this. But even when getting… they don’t know, and I was reading very carefully, okay? If it weren’t for Hagrid and the big domino effect that happened with everybody finding out about dragons, they would have quite possibly – or they could have – quite possibly would have had no indication it was dragons until they reached their hand out of the bag because what Bagman specifically says is, “Your goal is to retrieve the egg,” when they’re in the tent. So, even then, until they actually pull the miniature dragons out, none of them should know that it’s dragons.
Michael: Mhm.
Eric: And that is severely mistaken and furthermore, as you mentioned, Michael, none of the rules are given. If the goal is to reach the Golden Egg, who cares what happens to the other eggs?
Michael: Yeah.
Eric: Is it to do it sensitively, so as not to offend?
[Michael laughs]
Eric: So as not to kill baby dragons? Because that’s a thing?
Noah: Well, that’s another ethical concern here because all these dragons, I presume, are mothers protecting their egg.
Michael: They are. [laughs]
Kat: They are.
Noah: There’s a huge ethical issue going on here in the wizarding world with creatures that I don’t think is being brought up enough, if I might go in to that a little bit. That’s all I had about it.
Kat: Is that what your new job is? You’re working for Hermione at the Ministry? It makes so much sense.
Noah: No.
Eric: Well, I think if they’re testing a dragon’s maternal instinct, come on!
[Michael laughs]
Eric: That is way above their age level…
Kat: Asking for trouble.
Eric: … even for seventeen-year-olds.
Kat: Asking for trouble.
Eric: Even for seventeen-year-olds, that’s way above anybody and not telling them about it. Even if they had told them about it months and months and months ago, it’s still, I think, wrong.
Michael: Yeah. No, it’s basically saying, “Go into that arena and take that mother’s baby.” [laughs] “See what happens to you!” And it’s… again, that’s why I do believe this is the most dangerous of the three tasks and also, really, again, the scoring because yet another interesting thing happens with the scoring that we turn our eyes to Karkaroff and Harry’s been getting excellent scores, eights and nines. He’s doing really well on Dancing with the Stars.
[Noah laughs]
Michael And suddenly, Karkaroff throws up, of all things, a four. Now, this I have to bring up. Why on earth are the Headmasters and Headmistresses whose students are participating allowed to be judges for this tournament?
Eric: Well, isn’t Dumbledore a judge? Is he not a judge?
Michael and Noah: He is a judge.
Eric: Okay, he is a judge. See, it doesn’t matter so much that there are Headmasters present as judges. It matters that Karkaroff specifically is a judge because Maxime gives him an eight. It’s the first score that he gets and he’s like, “Well, I did get poked in the arm there, so I can see that.” A four is completely, completely out of line. Completely. You should have to, as a judge, be able to justify your score. There is no way Harry sucked it up that badly and we know that Krum screwed up by smashing some eggs and Karkaroff gave him a ten. That blatant favoritism should actually be – or have the ability to be – vetoed.
Noah: Well, Bagman gave him a ten.
Michael: Mhm.
Kat: Right.
Eric: It should be allowed to be vetoed when it’s such an obviously biased answer because Karkaroff gave Krum a ten and gave Harry a four just to even the score out. That is complete BS.
Michael: Well, and again, that’s my concern for why all Headmasters and Headmistresses are allowed to participate because there is a… even though Karkaroff is the only one who blatantly gives a – shows favoritism here, there is the concern that all of them could because their student is the one competing and there is just a…
Eric: Indeed.
Michael: … bizarre assumption here that there’s going to be no favoritism on the part of the teachers.
Kat: But if they all did, then the scores would be more equal.
Michael: If they all… oh, if…
Kat: If they all showed favoritism. Yeah.
[Eric and Michael laugh]
Kat: I mean, it’s true.
Eric: Yeah, they would probably all average out, wouldn’t they?
Kat: Right. They would.
Eric: But not everybody…
Kat: But I agree. I think it’s pretty…
Michael: Especially when you have people like… if you’re Apparating in people like Bagman and Crouch, officials from the Ministry, couldn’t you get a few more people from the Ministry to judge this? From the Sports and Games Department? [laughs]
Kat: Yeah. Just use them, right?
Eric and Michael: Yeah.
Michael: That seems more logical to me, but nobody takes any qualms with Karkaroff’s score, except the audience, who can’t do anything about it, and Ron, which Harry really loves, and their friendship is re-cemented, and they walk off together heading back to Hogwarts with Ron giving a more detailed account of what occurred. But to conclude the chapter, out from behind a tree jumps Rita Skeeter with her Quick Quotes Quill at the ready and in a lovely show of his trademark snakiness, Harry has a perfect response for her when she asks, “I wonder if you could give me a quick word? How did you feel facing the dragon? How do you feel now about the fairness of the scoring?” And Harry replies savagely, “Yeah, you can have a word. Goodbye!” And they walk off to the castle.
Noah: So much attitude.
Eric: [laughs] He’s playing hard to get.
[Michael laughs]
Kat: Very in that moment, huh?
Michael: Which, of course, will lead to the first of many offenses towards Rita Skeeter and she will get him back. We have no doubt. But that is how this chapter ends.
Kat: It’s a good ending. I like the… I like sassy Harry. So…
Noah: It’s better than angry Harry or angsty Harry.
Kat: No, I disagree on that…
[Michael laughs]
Kat: … but that’s a [unintelligible].
[Michael laughs]
Eric: [laughs] Wow! Wow. Okay.
Michael: That was strong.
Noah: We all have our favorite Harry.
Eric: We should start compiling points and really have them battle. Sassy Harry versus Angry… or was it Emo Harry? Every time he’s Emo we write it down. Every time he’s sassy we write it down. Compare the two.
[Michael laughs]
Kat: Yeah, somebody out there get on it, okay?
[Michael laughs]
Eric: Okay.
Noah: [in a high pitched voice] Okay!
Kat: Okay, so the Podcast Question of the Week falls to me this time and I’ve come up with a simple, but I think, fairly fun question to throw out there. So, we see Harry and he’s really struggling after he finds out the First Task is dragons. He just has no idea what to do, no idea, until Moody cheats – kind of cheats – and gives him an idea. Let’s pretend that cheating… that nobody cheated. What would Harry do? When he got into that arena and saw the dragon, what do we think his first instinct would have been?
Eric: Ooh.
Michael: That’s a good question.
Kat: I want everybody to get really creative and dig deep into Harry’s character on this. I think some of the answers are going to be really good.
Michael: Open up your Book of Spells!
Kat: Yeah.
Michael: And start studying. [laughs]
Kat: Honestly, I think it could be a number of answers and I’m really excited to hear what you guys think. So it should be good.
Eric: Michael, your check is in the mail.
Michael: [laughs] Let me say it again, Book of Spells.
[Noah laughs]
Michael: Wonderbook!
Eric: Woo!
Michael: Playstation 3. Sony.
Eric: Oh.
[Michael laughs]
Noah: Someone’s got to play that game.
[Michael laughs]
Eric: It’s true. I do want it, but I do not want the accessories that I will never use for any other game.
Michael: Except Book of Potions.
Kat: Right.
Eric: Mmm.
[Everyone laughs]
Eric: I don’t need a book of Potions. I need an old chemistry set.
[Michael laughs]
Kat: Yeah.
Eric: What was it, Creepy Crawlers? Or there was this one where it was a mad scientist and you could eat his food and there was an oven.
Michael: I think Mattel made something like that with Harry Potter once. They had a little Harry Potter… they had a few Harry Potter silly, little chemistry set things.
Kat: But you guys know where to answer the question. Go to alohomora.mugglenet.com, leave your comment, we’ll read it on the show next week.
Eric: We want to thank Noah for his triumphant return to this episode. Thank you, Noah, for joining us.
Noah: You’re most welcome. It was very fun.
Michael: And if you want to be on the show, listeners, just like Noah, there’s a few ways that we need – the few things we need to know. To find out how you can be on the show, head over to our website and check – check out, rather – the “Be on the Show” page at alohomora.mugglenet.com. Please make sure to have appropriate audio equipment and in the meantime, while you’re waiting to find out if you could be on the show or not, subscribe and leave us a review on iTunes so we can know how we’re doing and what we need to fix and what you like that we’re already doing correctly.
Kat: No negative feedback though, we don’t like that.
Michael: Positive criticism.
Kat: Pos… yeah, there you go.
[Michael laughs]
Kat: And in the meantime, if you just want to keep in touch with us, follow us on Twitter at @AlohomoraMN, facebook.com/openthedumbledore. You can leave us a voicemail at 206-GO-ALBUS – that’s 206-462-5287. And our ever growing, popular Audioboo channel. Head over to alohomora.mugglenet.com and there’s a little widget on the right side there, you click the little green record button. All you need is an Internet connection and a microphone, and you can leave us a message and we’ll play it on the show like we have many times before.
Eric: We have an Alohomora! podcast store, which we would love for you to check out. We are now offering T-shirts – short and now long sleeve varieties – tote bags, sweatshirts, flip-flops, water bottles, travel mugs, and more coming soon. Also, we have a few new designs including MLF – the Mandrake Liberation Front – and Desk!Pig is now available. You remember Desk!Pig!
[Noah snorts like a pig]
[Michael laughs]
Eric: Everybody loves the Desk!Pig.
[Michael laughs]
Noah: Creak, creak. Oink.
Eric: It’s true. [laughs] There are actually over 80 products to choose from with the Alohomora! logo on them. And there are also ringtones available as well and you can find out all of this stuff, browse what we’ve got available, by going to alohomora.mugglenet.com and clicking “Store” at the top of the page.
Michael: We also have an app for those of you with smartphones. It is available seemingly worldwide, pretty much all over the place. Prices vary depending on your location, but our app does include transcripts, bloopers, alternate endings, host vlogs, and more. So please make sure [to] check that out.
Kat: Yeah!
Michael: [laughs] So that wraps up this episode. All of you listeners, make sure to go and study the Sony Wonderbook Book of Spells.
[Show music begins]
Michael: And with that, I’m Michael Harle.
Eric: I’m Eric Scull.
Kat: And I’m Kat Miller. Thank you for listening to Episode 58 of Alohomora!
Eric: Open ze Dumbly-dore!
[Show music continues]
Kat: Elder Bubble Wand, Elder Bubble Wand.
[Eric and Michael laugh]
Kat: Somebody beatbox. No?
[Noah starts to beatbox]
Kat: Wow, that was good. Elder Bubble Wand. I can’t rap either, so…
[Michael laughs]
[Prolonged silence]
Michael: So…
Eric: Oh, gosh. Cue the Rocky music, right?
[Eric and Michael laugh]
[Kat starts to sing the Rocky theme song]
Michael: That is exactly what happened. So they start an intense training session and Harry even… [laughs]
Kat: Sorry.
[Eric and Kat continue singing the Rocky theme song]
Michael: Keep it going. Keep it going for the whole thing.
[Noah starts to beatbox and then joins the singing]
Kat: We’re kind of like the Hogwarts choir here. Nobody is doing it at the same time.
Eric: [sings] “Double, double, toil and…”
[Michael laughs]
Eric: Okay.
Michael: So with…
Eric: I am a book too late? Not that it was ever in the book.
Kat: No.
Michael: No, no.
Kat: You know someone tweeted at us the other day – and shout-out to whoever that was – but Goyle is apparently in that choir in that movie.
Eric: Really?
Noah: No!
Kat: Yeah!
Michael: I never noticed that. I’m going to go [and] check that.
Kat: Is it Goyle? Josh Herdman, was he Goyle?
Michael: Mhm.
Kat: Yeah, okay. Goyle then.
Michael: Oh, that’s [unintelligible].
Kat: Yeah.
Noah: Was he the one who went to prison?
Eric: No, that’s the other one.
Kat: No.
Michael: No, that’s the other one.
Noah: Ah.
Kat: But yeah, apparently he’s in the choir, so everybody look out for that little Easter egg. And thanks to whoever sent it on Twitter. I don’t know who you are. Sorry.
[Michael laughs]
