Transcript – Episode 213

[Show music begins]

Kristen Keys: This is Episode 213 of Alohomora! for February 18, 2017.

[Show music continues]

Kristen: Hello, fans, how are you? I’m Kristen Keys.

Alison Siggard: I’m Alison Siggard.

Kat Miller: And I’m Kat Miller. And our guest today is somebody [whom] I actually just met for the first time in person – and Kristen too – this past December. She is on the MuggleNet Content Team, and she’s awesome. It’s Aurelia. Hello!

Aurelia Lieb: Hi!

Kat: Hi. Thank you so much for joining us today.

Aurelia: Aww, it’s good to be here.

Kat: Good. Tell our listeners a bit about yourself.

Aurelia: Well, I’m Aurelia. I live in Germany. I’m a Gryffindor and a Horned Serpent. I work in marketing in my Muggle job. And I’ve seen Cursed Child twice now, the second time with Kat and Kristen, so… [laughs]

Kat: It’s true. Yep. And you loved it just as much, right? Obviously.

Aurelia: Yeah. Especially when Jamie Parker was on, so…

[Aurelia and Kristen laugh]

Kat: I haven’t been on the show since I’ve seen Cursed Child and… yeah. Jamie Parker is my favorite.

[Aurelia, Kat, and Kristen laugh]

Kat: [laughs] I love him. But how did you get into Harry Potter? I don’t know if I know your story.

Aurelia: Actually, it’s a bit weird. Because I got the audiobook for the third book first. Well, only the first couple of chapters. [laughs] I listened to it, and I was like, “Oh, the story doesn’t have a finish thing. It’s ending in the middle.” Then I was told that this is not the first book at all, and then I got the first book. [laughs] So in a way, I started with Prisoner of Azkaban, but…

Kat: Oh, Book 3!

Aurelia: Yeah, I backtracked to Philosopher’s Stone and… yeah. But it was good because I knew how to pronounce stuff, because obviously, I read it in German first. And a lot of people my age, like nine years old, pronounced stuff wrong because it was in English, but they didn’t change it in German, so they just pronounced the words wrong, like “Hagrid” is “Hagrid” [pronounces as “HAK-rid”] and “Dumbledore” is “Dumbledore” [pronounces as “DOOM-bleh-door-ay”], which sounds really weird.

[Aurelia and Kat laugh]

Kat: I don’t know if it sounds weird to me. It sounds cool at the same time. Say “Dumbledore” again.

Aurelia: “Dumbledore” [pronounces as “DOOM-bleh-door-ay”].

[Everyone laughs]

Kat: That’s cool, actually. I like it. I like it. Okay, so you did read them in German first, so are there any interesting translations between the languages?

Aurelia: Most names stay the same, yeah. I think even most of the magic [incantations] just stay the same. So they lose the meaning of it. I think I’ve told you before: “Fluffy” is “Fluffy” in German, and obviously, no one gets the joke about it. The lines are still there, like, “Why would you name a dog with three heads Fluffy?” And you’ll be like, “Yeah, why would…?” I mean, you don’t get it. [laughs] Yeah, the Houses are the same. It’s pretty much all the same.

Kat: Oh. That is funny, though, how the jokes don’t cross the cultural lines, I suppose, so to say.

Aurelia: Yeah, I mean, if you don’t know what “Fluffy” means, because it’s just literally “Fluffy,” you’re not going to get the joke.

[Aurelia and Kristen laugh]

Kat: Right, exactly. Cool. Well, I’m definitely looking forward to talking about our subject today. I think it’s going to be a really fun topic.

Alison: Yeah, it’s an interesting one that I actually seem to always forget about. And that’s the 800-word prequel. So we’re going to talk about that today.

Kat: Oh yeah, the James and Sirius one. I say that like I don’t know what we’re going to talk about, like, “Yeah, the James and Sirius one? That one. Wow.”

[Alison laughs]

Kat: But before we do jump into that literally 800-word prequel, we want to take a quick moment and thank our sponsor this episode, and that is Andrew Hill, over on Patreon. So thank you, Andrew. He has been a longtime sponsor of the show. And we cannot thank you enough. And if any of you out there want to become a sponsor for as little as $1 a month, you can do that over on or you can head over to our website,, and click on the little Patreon tab. We are going to continue to release exclusive tidbits for sponsors and stuff, and we are very close…. Michael and Rosie finally have the software up and running for the video game [for Let’s Play]. So that’s going to be a big thing coming out on Patreon. And guys, Michael will literally read Harry Potter to you.

Kristen: It’s the best.

Kat: I know. It’s amazing! If you choose a certain sponsor level each month. And last month, we had one sponsor since it was a new perk, and that person got a private reading of Harry Potter on Skype from Michael, so that’s a pretty cool thing. So please head over there and sponsor us again for as little as $1 a month, and Andrew, thank you for being such a longtime amazing sponsor…

Kristen: Woo-hoo!

Alison: [claps] Yay!

Kat: We couldn’t do this without you. Yay, you’re the best.

Alison: So I guess we’ll just jump right in, then. As we’ve been doing on these topic episodes, as you all know, we just started out with our overall impressions and some focus questions we want to think about as we are going through our topic. So I’ll start out this week. We’re doing this 800-word prequel, which, like I said, I always seem to forget exists. [laughs] And then I’m like, “Oh yeah, there was a thing.” Rereading it, though, the first thing that popped into my head was “this is a fun little thing,” but it brings up more questions than it answers. So maybe we’ll be able to speculate a little bit [on] some of those answers today.

Kat: For me, I always just wondered, why James and Sirius? Why did she pick these two? Because she has said before – and don’t forget she was in the middle of… No, wait, this was 2008. Yeah, so she still was in the middle of writing Harry Potter, so I wonder if they just happened to be on her mind or what? I guess we’ll get there. But I’m really curious to find out or I guess debate why James and Sirius out of anybody.

[Alison and Kristen laugh]

Kristen: My overall impression: [I’m] just happy to read it, but it left me wanting more information about them, and I guess the thing that was always on my mind is “What exactly is on their shirt? Could it really be a rock band?” I don’t know.

Aurelia: Yeah, I always pick up the fighting scene between the Death Eaters and Sirius and James. Because the Death Eaters follow them on broomsticks, which is cool, for all the whole chase scene, but we never see them later in the books that Death Eaters go fighting on broomsticks. So I’d like to debate about that.

Kat: Okay, if they’re actually Death Eaters and not… right. I suppose we’ll get to that. Yeah. Interesting.

Alison: Well, I guess we’ll just get to talking, then. I considered reading this whole thing out loud, but then I was like, “I don’t know if that’s technically legal,” so we’ll just put a link in for you all to go read it on MuggleNet. It’s really short, 800 words…

Kat: It’s under the “Harry Potter” tab. So if you go to [and] click on the “Harry Potter” tab, you’ll see it. It says “James & Sirius Prequel.” We have a picture of the actual handwritten note and then the text printed out underneath, so it’ll be easier to read because Jo’s handwriting is minute.

Alison: It’s terrible. [laughs]

Kat: It is minute, and it is scrawly, and it is very cursivy. Scripty? Whatever. Joined together. There you go.

Alison: [laughs] It is. But before we talk about the actual story itself, just a little bit of background on what was going on here. It was written in 2008 for a Waterstone’s charity event for English PEN and Dyslexia Action. There was a handwritten copy. The original copy is on what’s called A5 paper, which I had to look up.

Aurelia: You don’t have that? [laughs]

Alison: Because it’s something that only the US doesn’t have. [laughs] So if you’re a US or I think Canadian listener, that’s about 5.8 x 8.3 inches. [laughs]

Kat: What a weird size. I’m sorry, but…

Aurelia: Yeah, it makes more sense in centimeters, so…

[Alison and Aurelia laugh]

Alison: It looks like it would. I did not realize we used different paper kinds [laughs] but okay. I feel like I should know that, but I didn’t. And it sold for £25,000, which seems low [to] me for something handwritten by Jo that’s Potter related.

Kat: Well, that was back in 2008.

Alison: It was. That’s true.

Kat: So almost ten years ago. It’d probably sell for four or five times that now.

Alison: Good point.

Kat: That’s probably – what? – £40,000 in today’s money? Which seems slightly better. I don’t know. But you’re right; it’s low.

Alison: And it is one piece of paper. It’s not The [Tales of] Beedle the Bard, [which was] a whole book that was handwritten and illustrated.

Kristen: It’s only 800 words.

[Kat laughs]

Kristen: I don’t know if I could justify that much money.

[Alison and Kristen laugh]

Kat: I don’t know. It would be hard to say no if I had the cash. Not to bid on that, it’d be hard. But who am I kidding? If I had the money, I would own so much crap.

[Everyone laughs]

Aurelia: All the MinaLima posters.

Alison: Luckily for the rest of us, it was published online on June 11, 2008. So we don’t have to spend £25,000.

Kat: Yay!

Alison: Yay! So it’s [out] there in the world for us to read. It’s set three years before Harry was born, [in] 1977, which makes James 17 and Sirius 18. And [here’s] a little quote from JKR about writing it: She said, “Although I did feel a bit like a relapsing addict as I sat down to write – the words poured from my pen with frightening ease – I am NOT working on a prequel. Indeed, I’ve written that clearly at the bottom of the card itself. I just thought that this was the best way to make money for two extremely worthwhile charities.” So there is no Marauders prequel coming!

[Kristen laughs]

Alison: Everybody hold off. [laughs]

Kat: Which is fine. I don’t need it; it’s fine.

Alison: Yeah. I’m okay.

Kat: I need it like I needed Cursed Child, which is not at all. So I don’t; it’s fine. [laughs] I’m happy that she’s not writing that stuff – or letting anybody else write it; let’s put it that way. [laughs]

Aurelia: I’m always scared when it comes to the Marauders that it would make me hate them because the glimpse we see in Order of the Phoenix is not the best.

Kat: Yeah, exactly!

Alison: It’s just, I’ve never felt the need for a Marauders [story] because we know how it ends. We know basically how they got there, and we know how it ends.

Aurelia: Everyone dies.

Alison: Right, and it’s not going to be fun, so… exactly.

Kat: Right. So this was after [Deathly] Hallows came out but before the films were done actually.

Alison: Yes. So it’s about a year after Hallows came out.

Kat: Right. And I was just reading it again, even though I read it before. We don’t actually have a date or a time of year that this took place at all, right?

Alison: No.

Aurelia: We can only assume, because they’re wearing shirts, that it’s still warm outside.

Kat: Right. Although does it say “short sleeve”?

Aurelia: Not sure.

Alison: Well, even in some parts of Britain in the summer you can wear light longer sleeves and you’re fine. Depends on the day.

Kat: Right, that’s what I was saying. Because you put how old they are, and I don’t think we know exactly how old they are.

Alison: Oh. Yeah, I went off information from MuggleNet that said it was three years before Harry was born.

Kat: Right, but we don’t know what time of year.

Aurelia: It only says “T-shirts.”

Kat: T-shirts, okay. Just curious. Because we do know, according to the Lexicon, that 1977 is when Sirius, Lily, Remus, Pettigrew, James, and Snape all started their seventh year at Hogwarts. So hopefully, Sirius wouldn’t be 18 quite yet, but maybe. Maybe he was 18 for his last year? I don’t know.

Alison: When is his birthday again?

Aurelia: November 3, so he would probably turn 18.

Kat: Yeah, all right. So he’s 17.

Alison: Turning 18. Okay.

Kat: Sure. This is also the year – again, according to the Lexicon – that Cedric and Angelina Johnson were born. Which is cool and fun.

Alison: That’s weird to think about. [laughs]

Kat: It is weird to think about. As they’re marauding about. Hahaha!

[Alison, Kat, and Kristen laugh]

Aurelia: Yeah, that would also mean that Oliver Wood has already been born.

Alison: Oh yeah. Two years, isn’t he? No, a year.

Kristen: He’s flying on his baby broomstick.

[Everyone laughs]

Alison: Yes, he probably is. He’s probably so happy.

Kat: Is he a year older?

Aurelia: He’s a year above Cedric, at least.

Alison: Yeah, he’s a year older.

Kristen: Because he left [Harry’s] third year. Or the end of third year.

Alison: It’s third year because he’s so excited they won the Cup his last year. And Cedric would have had to be 17 to be in the Tournament.

Kat: Oh yeah, probably born in 1976. Right.

Alison: But Angelina is a year younger than him, isn’t she?

Aurelia: No, Angelina is putting her name into the Goblet as well, [isn’t] she?

Kat: Yep, she does.

Aurelia: Because Harry is like, “Oh, I’m all for Angelina.”

Alison: She must be later in the year, though, because she’s a school year younger than Cedric. She’s Quidditch captain in Order, so she’s still there.

Aurelia: So her birthday is after September 1, basically.

Kat: Well, it would have to be before September 1 if she started…

Alison: No, because they get there after Halloween. So I think she says right before she puts her name into the Goblet, “My birthday was last week.”

Aurelia: Oh, you’re right!

Kat: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That’s right.

Alison: So she’s along the Hermione age/year meetup.

Kat: Age/year meetup. I know what you mean.

Alison: Yeah, I don’t know. Whatever. [laughs] However it works.

Kat: Use your words.

Alison: Well, Hermione’s birthday is September 19…

Kat: Right. Very soon after the year starts. Cool. Just reading it again this time, I realized that I haven’t read this thing in years.

Alison: I haven’t either.

Aurelia: Yeah. I read it when it came out, and then I just forgot about it again.

Kat: I always hesitate to bring this up, but this isn’t an officially published piece of work, but it is written by Jo. So is it canon? Would we consider it to be?

Alison, Aurelia, and Kristen: Yes.

Kristen: I do.

Kat: Yeah, but you guys also consider Cursed Child canon, so I don’t know if I trust your opinions on the matter.

[Alison, Aurelia, and Kristen laugh]

Kat: But I actually agree that it’s canon.

Kristen: But this one was specifically written by her.

Kat: It is.

Alison: Yeah. And it’s so… I don’t understand why anyone would have a problem with it, because it’s so general. [laughs] If that makes sense.

Kat: It has nothing to do with literally anything.

Alison: No. It could have happened for any reason at any point. She gives us none of that information. It’s just so typical of James and Sirius.

Kat: You could actually switch out the names and it could be any two people. I don’t find it to be very…

Alison: Really?

Kat: Yeah, I don’t find it to be very specific to these two characters at all, actually.

Alison: I find parts of it to be [specific]. I think it is. But we can get there; we’ll get there.

Kat: Yeah, we’ll get there.

Alison: So the first thing is, interestingly enough, it is actually from the point of view of two Muggle police officers. It is not from any wizard’s point of view, which makes it a little fun to try [to] put some pieces together. For example, they think their wands are drumsticks.

[Everyone laughs]

Kat: Which is really funny.

Alison: It makes me laugh too because there’s the whole story of Dan Radcliffe on set using his wand as drumsticks too.

Kat: Oh yeah, that’s right!

Alison: [laughs] Putting those things together, maybe that’s where she got the idea.

Kat: Maybe Jo saw that and she was like, “That’s a perfect analogy.”

Aurelia: Yeah, I know. Also, they think the shirts they’re wearing [are from] a rock band or something. So it’s an easy step to think of those as drumsticks.

Kat: Oh, that’s true! I had never connected the two of those before. What is on the shirts, though?

Alison: It just says a golden bird. Which brings up my question, is it…?

Aurelia: I mean, it would be like James and Sirius to be like, “This is a secret organization against Voldemort. Let’s make T-shirts.”

[Everyone laughs]

Kat: I don’t know.

Alison: I can see them being like, “Why not?” Because I feel like they were younger than a lot of other people in the Order, that whole group.

Kristen: I don’t think they’re that dumb, though.

Kat: And I also don’t necessarily think they’re quite in the Order yet. They’re still in school.

Kristen: I don’t think they’d be in the Order either.

Alison: Yeah, good point.

Kat: It actually… The large golden bird reminded me of a Thunderbird, actually, like a lot.

Aurelia: But 1977, isn’t Voldemort pretty much in a raging war already?

Kat: Yes.

Aurelia: Yeah, so maybe people were invited into the Order earlier. They were like, “Okay, we desperately need people. We don’t care if you’re still in school.”

Kat: Maybe, but doesn’t Sirius say that the Order was significantly smaller the first time around?

Alison: Yeah, but maybe because they were of age. I mean, [sighs] because what reason would Dumbledore [have] had to invite them at that point into the Order early?

Kristen: None.

Alison: Unless they knew somehow… but they didn’t. They didn’t know about them being Animagi, so…

Kristen: Didn’t Dumbledore know?

Alison: No. I don’t think so.

Kristen: Or suspect? Or something?

Kat: Dumbledore somehow knew, I feel.

Alison: He might have suspected, but I don’t think he knew for sure until Prisoner.

Aurelia: But if he knew, then he could’ve guessed earlier that Sirius has been imprisoned wrongly. I mean, he was in Azkaban for 12 years.

Alison: And also how Sirius is getting in and out of the castle.

Aurelia: Yeah. I don’t think he actually knew that one.

Kat: Right. No you’re right. That’s right.

Alison: But I mean, maybe they just volunteered to be spies or running errands or maybe…

Kat: Then they are the worst effing spies ever.

Alison: [laughs] Are we surprised, though?

Kat: No, not at all. Back to the Muggle police officers for a minute, I did just a quick little search on one of the names, P.C. Anderson. And I understand that P.C. stands for something in the UK – Police Constable or whatever – but P.C. Anderson… Like I said, I googled it, and there’s a Wikipedia page, and this person is an influential educator who is Scottish born, which I thought was kind of funny too. So…

Alison: Interesting.

Kat: I’m sure it has nothing to do with anything, but it’s Jo so maybe. I mean…

Alison: [laughs] It’s probably a Mark Evans thing.

[Alison, Kat, and Kristen laugh]

Kat: Yes, it’s probably a Mark Evans thing. Yeah, you’re right. My goodness.

Alison: So I thought it was funny. I don’t know if you guys picked up on this, but JKR’s favorite way to describe Sirius always seems to be something about his insolent good looks.

[Kat laughs]

Alison: Is it just me? I feel like she uses that phrase over and over again when she’s describing Sirius. [laughs]

Kat: I don’t know. Did you look in the other books to see if she uses those words?

Alison: I didn’t. I should have.

Kat: I’m going to look right now.

Alison: But I didn’t. Okay.

[Kat laughs]

Alison: I didn’t actually look it up. But I seem to remember there being something about that.

Aurelia: I mean, over and over, it’s just once that we get this. I mean, it’s in “Snape’s Worst Memory,” isn’t it? Because the time we actually meet Sirius after Azkaban, he doesn’t look like that anymore. The only really description we have is “Snape’s Worst Memory,” so…

Alison: I feel like, though, Harry might have said something about seeing him in the photo album or…

Kat: Yeah, okay, so first off, “insolent” is used three times in Prisoner of Azkaban. It’s not speaking about Sirius at all.

Alison: Oh, never mind.

Kat: The time that it’s used in Order of the Phoenix, they’re talking about people in a newspaper. And I can’t find it… I have to continue looking in the other books, but I haven’t found it anywhere else, so… Because Sirius is already dead in the other books, so…

[Alison, Aurelia, and Kat laugh]

Kristen: Oh, Sirius.

Kat: I’m going to look at Hallows right now.

[Alison laughs]

Kat: No, it’s only in those two books, so…

Alison: Weird. I thought I remembered that phrase, okay. Never mind.

Kat: Well, she definitely uses the word a lot, so you’re not remembering incorrectly, at least.

Alison: Speaking of Sirius, too, he’s already enhanced his bike, which is interesting to think about: How did he do it? Why did he do it? Where did he get this motorcycle? But it can drive faster than normal, and it can fly.

Kat: Well, if he’s in the Order, then he’s met Arthur Weasley.

Aurelia: No, Arthur Weasley isn’t in the Order. He isn’t. The Weasleys joined the second time around.

Kat: Right. Bummer, there goes my awesome theory.

[Kristen laughs]

Aurelia: Well, we can assume that it’s a Muggle motorbike that he just tinkered with and made it fly and go faster, right? So I mean, if he’s 17-18, I’m pretty sure he could buy it legally in a Muggle shop.

Alison: So did he just go down to Gringotts and was like, “Here'[re] some Galleons. Can I get some Muggle money?”

[Aurelia laughs]

Kristen: Yeah, he’s not with his family anymore. He’s got to do something with his time.

Kat: Right. He’s an emancipated major.

[Alison and Kat laugh]

Kat: Since he’s not a minor.

Kristen: He needs to find his way how to get around town.

[Alison laughs]

Kat: Got to pick up those ladies.

[Alison laughs]

Kristen: With his insolent good looks.

[Alison laughs]

Kat: Right. His insolent good looks. Yeah. I don’t know. I find “insolent” to be an odd word to describe Sirius, actually, do you not?

Alison: Why?

Kat: Because I mean, it means a lack of respect. So disrespectful good looks? I mean, I guess the long hair, but again, I guess if it’s coming from a Muggle’s point of view. Vernon Dursley would call it that, but…

Alison: Yeah, I guess I always took that to mean just the expression he wore because especially when he was younger, I always got the feeling Sirius looked down on everybody in a lot of ways.

Kat: Gee, where did you get that from?

[Alison laughs]

Kristen: I thought of it more as almost like a bad boy rep/look to…

Aurelia: I’m not sure if it’s just because we got it from the description of the policeman, and I mean, he would probably not be very kindly describing someone when you’ve been chasing them for 15 minutes. I mean, he’s just slightly bitter.

Alison: Yeah. He does say he looks like the policeman’s daughter’s boyfriend he doesn’t like too. [laughs] So…

Kat: So he’s bias[ed]. Oh, man.

[Alison and Kristen laugh]

Kat: Look at all these cultural things J.K. Rowling is bringing up. Just kidding.

[Alison and Kristen laugh]

Kat: We won’t go there. We won’t go there.

Alison: Oh, do we think Sirius, though, could have been dating this Muggle girl? [laughs] Is it actually him?

Kristen: He learned the guitar, yeah.

Kat: That would be so funny.

Alison: [laughs] He’s just pretending to be a rock star.

Kristen: I mean, yeah, true rock star. He’s got the motorcycle.

[Alison laughs]

Kat: The long hair.

Kristen: The golden bird T. I mean…

Alison: [laughs] He’s really trying to piss his parents off by going out with Muggle girls.

Kristen: That would really make them mad.

Kat: Wow. Yeah. No, that’s fun. That’s a beautiful fan fiction, and I’m sure there is one out there of Sirius dating a Muggle girl. Girls, probably. And boys too, I’m sure.

[Alison laughs]

Kat: I’m sure it’s out there. I don’t know. I did always see Sirius as mechanically inclined, though. I don’t know quite why. I guess I saw him as the tinkering type à la Arthur Weasley but in a different type of way. Less in a curious kind of way and [more in] a “well, I may as well just do it myself because no one else is going to do it as good as me” type of way. I can see him tinkering with the bike, fixing it, trying to do x, y, and z to it. And yeah, I just think about Sirius riding it, and then I think about Hagrid riding it later, and it just makes me giggle.

[Alison and Kristen laugh]

Kat: They’re total opposites. They’re so funny.

Alison: Big question, though, that comes up next. So what do we think they were trying to do? Because James gets cut off before he can say anything, so I guess that goes into more of “Are they in the Order yet? Are they not? Are they just getting into trouble because it’s the holidays?” Most likely.

Kat: I tend to think that they are not in the Order and that they are out doing something fun and reckless, and I don’t know exactly who is chasing them on the brooms. I don’t think it’s Death Eaters because I feel like it doesn’t say “robed men,” right? What’s the exact description here?

“Three men were flying – actually FLYING – up the alley on broomsticks…”

I feel like if it were Death Eaters and they were wearing robes, they would have said “hooded” or “robed men” or something, perhaps as a hint. Jo would want us to know it [were] Death Eaters.

Don’t you guys think so?

Alison and Kat: I don’t know.

Kat: I think maybe they were just out having a fun time, and somebody was chasing them because they were being exposed to the Muggle life.

Aurelia: Yeah, but whoever is chasing them is exposing themselves, so I don’t think it’s like authorities or something.

Kat: Who do you think it is?

Aurelia: Well, I was inclined to think it was Death Eaters, considering fellow students now, but I don’t feel like anyone else would be [as] reckless as James and Sirius.

Alison: And the way James and Sirius react to them makes it seem like it’s more serious than…

Kat: James? Ha! I’m just kidding.

[Everyone laughs]

Aurelia: Yeah, it’s as if they’re suddenly all focused and paying attention, so I mean, it’s safe to assume they’ve not been chased by the policemen for 15 minutes – I mean, yes, as well – but they’ve mostly been running away from whoever’s been chasing them on the brooms. I don’t think they really care [about] the policemen.

Kristen: Could it be Snape chasing them? Prank gone wrong?

Kat: Perhaps.

Aurelia: Yeah, but who’s with Snape?

Kristen: Just some S-s-s-Slytherin cronies.

Kat: His stupid little friends.

Aurelia: Since when does he have Slytherin cronies? [laughs]

Alison: I feel like by this point, though, they’ve distanced themselves from each other. I don’t think James would go picking a fight with Snape at this point.

Aurelia: Well, it depends. If it’s still before Year 7, then maybe he hasn’t turned around yet.

Kat: Well, Lily and James are Head Boy [and Head Girl] already, so that is something to consider.

Aurelia: Yeah, in Year 7. But if it’s just August and not September yet…

Kristen: So are they in their seventh year?

Kat: We don’t know because we don’t know what time of year it is, but 1977 is the year that they started their seventh year.

Kristen: But they wouldn’t be Head Boy or Head Girl until they got… If it was in the fall…

Aurelia: Yeah. Because there'[re] nine months of 1977 where they are not in Year 7 yet.

Kristen: Yeah. So he still might not be ready.

Kat: Although when did they start dating?

Aurelia: End of last year.

Alison: Wait, wasn’t it the end of their sixth year? Oh my gosh, I’d have to reread that whole section.

Aurelia: Well, I’m fairly sure they’ve distanced themselves from Snape because the whole Sirius luring Snape into the Whomping Willow incident has happened with Snape almost dying, so they probably distanced themselves from Snape already. I can’t see Snape being on [a broom], really.

Alison: And I feel like at this point Snape would be doing more Death Eater-y stuff.

Kat: Okay, the Lexicon says that they didn’t start dating until their seventh year, so they are not dating yet. Yeah, this is fully… See, I feel like… Who dragged who[m] into this escapade? Was it Sirius dragging James or James dragging Sirius?

Alison: I’m thinking because Sirius is driving, it’s probably Sirius.

Kat: I don’t know. Sometimes the person driving the getaway car isn’t the brains behind the operation.

Kristen: Yeah, it’d be James doing it.

[Everyone laughs]

Aurelia: Well, if we just assume it is summer for Hogwarts and Sirius is living with the Potters – so they’ve been living together – maybe they’ve just been out and about on the motorbike every single night just because they could, and for some reason someone’s trying to chase them this time. I mean, what else could they do all summer?

Kat: Besides get into trouble, yeah.

[Aurelia laughs]

Kristen: I feel like it was [maybe] a prank gone wrong.

Alison: Yeah. Maybe it went wrong because it was actually Death Eaters, not who[m] they thought they were pranking. I don’t know. [laughs] Let’s combine theories.

Kat: Wouldn’t the Death Eaters have done something to the Muggles?

Kristen: Yeah. I’d have assumed them to be…

Alison: Well, whoever crashes gets up, so we really don’t know what happens after that. Because it ends with… They lift up the car, the people on the brooms crash, and then James and Sirius ride away.

Aurelia: Without considering what to do with the Muggles. In light of Fantastic Beasts with all the Obliviation going on, they just take off. They’re like, “Who cares?”

[Everyone laughs]

Aurelia: And they fly off on their motorbike.

Alison: Bye!

Kat: Yeah, pretty much. I’m sure a listener out there will have a wonderful idea or thought as to why these are or are not Death Eaters. I’m just not convinced that they are. I feel like this is too lighthearted and fun to be something really serious. I don’t know. I’m still not sold on it.

Alison: But I feel like Jo does that a lot.

Kat: Sure, she does.

Alison: She’ll throw in these lighthearted moments in really dire situations because that’s part of life.

Aurelia: The thing that’s putting me off is just what could they have done to Death Eaters? Could they be following them, [or] could [they] be chasing them? I mean, it’s James and Sirius; they could have done something really stupid, but…

Kat: [laughs] I’m sure they did something really stupid no matter who is chasing them.

Alison: Probably. [laughs]

Kat: That’s kind of my thought, anyway.

Kristen: And it just depends on if we think they’re already in the Order, then it could be something related, [like] secret information, and they’re coming after them for that. But if we don’t think they’re in the Order, then it’s a stupid prank they got up into and it’s not Death Eaters.

Aurelia: But if we just entertain the thought that it could be Death Eaters, just in general, I am surprised that brooms have not been more into later fights – more into fighting style – because the Death Eaters basically fight guerrilla style because they’re not so many people. They normally just Apparate into a scene, fight, and then Apparate out of it. So brooms would actually be…

Alison: But they use them in “The Seven Potters.”

Kat: Yeah, but that’s only because everybody else is flying.

Aurelia: Yeah. So brooms would have been cool to use.

Kristen: So we’re assuming that since they’re using brooms, they’re under 17 because they can’t Disapparate legally?

Aurelia: Ah, that’s a good point. Also, if you think about places where you can’t Apparate in and out, brooms would have been quite useful to have – just in general.

Alison: And it might be easier to chase someone on a broom than trying to Apparate because…

Kat: Tell that to Newt.

[Alison and Aurelia laugh]

Kristen: I was about to say, “Yeah, I saw this in a movie recently.”

Alison: He runs for part of it; he’s just going in the general direction. But if someone knows you’re chasing them and you think they’re going one spot so you Apparate there, they could have just changed direction and got away. So I guess chasing on brooms might be better for that activity.

Kat: Yeah, there are two possible scenarios as to what’s going on here, and it depends on if they’re in the Order or if they’re not. Really, because if they’re not in the Order, it’s something totally different. If they are, it’s something in the other direction. It’s hard to say.

Aurelia: I’m wondering if the T-shirts are a hint for us that they are in the Order or if it’s just nonsense.

Kat: Are they both wearing that T-shirt?

Alison: Yeah, they’re wearing matching T-shirts, which is… [laughs]

Kat: That’s really adorable, yeah. That’s really adorable.

Aurelia: So maybe that’s Jo’s way of hinting to us that it’s an Order mission.

Kristen: Or they’re on some Quidditch summer league team together. That’s why they have the same shirts. [laughs]

Kat: Right, a Quidditch rec team.

Kristen: A summer rec team.

[Alison and Kat laugh]

Alison: And that’s why the guys are on brooms, because they got mad that they lost.

Kat: Right, they’re in the middle of the game. They’re just looking for the Snitch, that’s all.

Kristen: Or Sirius and James cheated somehow and pranked them. They got on the motorcycle and ran away while the other Quidditch players are on their broomsticks coming to get them.

Kat: Okay, so now I just want to come up with other totally ridiculous scenarios for what’s happening here.

[Alison and Kristen laugh]

Kat: Because I feel like it’s almost more fun than trying to figure out what’s actually happening.

Alison: Yeah! [laughs] Well, because it’s so general. I mean, literally anything could be happening.

Kristen: That’s mine: summer Quidditch rec league. [laughs]

Kat: Okay, perfect. I feel like somebody’s going to clutch onto that and be like, “That’s it, that’s my headcanon. That’s the one.”

[Alison and Kristen laugh]

Kat: I mean, it’s mine; I’m adopting it. That’s mine.

[Alison laughs]

Kat: It’s perfect.

Kristen: “Large golden bird.” I just think of Legends of the Hidden Temple. They’re matching golden…

Kat: Oh, gosh!

Kristen: Do you think they’re wearing that shirt?

Kat: Yes! Maybe they’re in The Amazing Race, and they’re just…

[Alison and Kristen laugh]

Alison: Yes! That’s it!

Kat: Amazing Race. Oh, that’s perfect. Aurelia is like, “What are these things you’re talking about?”

[Aurelia laughs]

Kat: I’m sure they didn’t have Legends of the Hidden Temple in Germany.

Kristen: Legends of the Hidden Temple. YouTube it. It’s this amazing show when I was a kid. You’ll love it. [laughs]

Kat: Yeah, it’s a really corny old game show, basically.

[Aurelia laughs]

Kat: For those [who] don’t know.

Kristen: It [was] my Halloween costume one year.

[Alison laughs]

Kat: Wow, I’m impressed.

Kristen: Yeah, I had the shirt, the helmet, and the mouthguard – me and a woman at Barnes & Noble. That’s who we dressed up as.

Kat: That’s dedication.

Kristen: Silver snakes.

Kat: I was a cheerleader for five years in a row because I was too cheap to make anything else.

[Alison and Kristen laugh]

Kat: Still too cheap. I wear my Harry Potter stuff almost every Halloween.

[Alison and Kristen laugh]

Kat: But anyway…

Aurelia: If it’s just running away prank style, it’s a bit harsh to let people fly into a car, isn’t it?

Alison: A little bit, yeah.

Aurelia: I mean, they’ve got to be seriously injured.

Kat: But this is the wizarding world; they don’t care about that.

[Alison laughs]

Kristen: They don’t care about other people?

Kat: No. They let kids play with giant spiders – although they don’t let them, I suppose. Blast-Ended Skrewts, for goodness’ sake!

Aurelia: Yeah, but that’s Hagrid. [laughs]

Kat: That just makes it okay. It’s Hagrid; it’s fine.

Aurelia: Yeah, Hagrid introduced Buckbeak to 13-year-olds and then was like, “Hey, you can go ride on it. I’m not going to tell you anything else about the magical beast you’re interacting with. Go!” [laughs]

Kat: I would have been happy to go for a ride on Buckbeak, but that’s just me.

Kristen: Yeah, me too.

Aurelia: [laughs] I mean, safety-wise it’s not really good.

Kat: No, it’s not. You’re right.

[Alison laughs]

Kat: Not even remotely.

Alison: Safety’s not a thing in the wizarding world, though.

Kristen: Safety is a lie.

[Kat laughs]

Alison: Just Quidditch in general.

Kat: I realize, too, we don’t have a location. We don’t know where we are either, right?

Aurelia: Oh no, we don’t.

Alison: Yeah. It sounds, though… I mean, it could be anywhere.

Kat: Anywhere.

Aurelia: Well, I’d say England.

[Aurelia and Kristen laugh]

Kat: Yeah, I’m sure it’s in England. Very good guess! So then why did Jo make it so general? What’s the point and the purpose of making it so nonspecific, even? It’s not even just general; it is so specific in its nonspecificity.

Kristen: So people wouldn’t ask her about it.

[Everyone laughs]

Kat: Probably. So they wouldn’t have one-hour podcasts about it?

[Everyone laughs]

Kat: Whoops! Sorry, Jo.

Alison: Maybe she just didn’t want to fact-check herself. Where were they at this point? She’s just like, “I’ll just write it. Whatever, it’s fine.”

Kat: It was her idea to write it too as well. If I remember correctly, she just said that she wrote it because she thought it would be the best way to raise a bunch of money for a couple [of] charities that she wanted to help raise money for. But why did she pick them, James and Sirius?

Aurelia: Maybe because people were asking for a Marauders prequel?

Kat: Maybe, but then wouldn’t that…? Personally, if people were asking for it, that’d be the last reason to give it to them because you’re giving them hope. In my opinion.

Kristen: Yeah. It would be an easy shenanigans story about these two. We knew they were always getting in trouble, so these are other little things maybe she already had thought up while she was writing those memory scenes or whatever. I could see them doing this or something like that.

Alison: Maybe she was trying to… because so many people backlashed against especially James after “Snape’s Worst Memory,” and then people got into a whole flap about it after “[The] Prince’s Tale” and everything. So maybe she was trying to be like, “Look, they were stupid kids, and here’s a story about these generally good kids. But they were stupid kids.”

Kat: But does that help their cause?

Aurelia: Yeah, that doesn’t help them at all.

Alison: I think so. Because compare the things that they do with the things that Snape did for fun. I’m going to make this into about Snape versus James, aren’t I? [laughs]

Kat: Sounds like it, yeah. It does. [laughs]

Alison: Sorry, not meaning to. Maybe it’s what Snape was doing around this age for fun, and then look what Sirius and James were…

Kat: But we don’t know, because we don’t know when Snape was officially recruited. Granted, he had really crappy friends at this moment – he had crappy friends and all that jazz – but James has pretty crappy friends too. We all know how I feel about Sirius: He’s a poo-poo. He is not a nice guy.

[Kat’s stamp of approval sound plays]

Alison: But we know that [Snape] was doing Dark magic stuff because Lily calls him out on it in “Snape’s Worst Memory.” She says, “You’re doing crazy, creepy, dark stuff.” And then Snape says, “Look what Potter and his friends get up to.” And she’s like, “You’re missing the point! The point is you’re doing dark stuff, whereas Sirius and James are going for joyrides on flying motorcycles.”

Kat: But she didn’t say that.

Alison: No, she didn’t. But maybe that’s what Jo’s saying.

Kat: Perhaps. I don’t know. Obviously, Dark magic is significantly worse than whatever is happening in this nonspecific, very specific little 800 words here. But I don’t think that they’re innocent of any wrongdoing.

Alison: Oh, no, they definitely did some stuff they shouldn’t have done.

Kat: I don’t know. I guess I just still am not… She has said – and this is why we have Cursed Child – that Albus is one of the characters that she’s always been the most interested in. So why didn’t we get a story about Albus? And on another side of the coin, who[m] else would we want one of these little short stories about? If she had written about somebody else, who[m] would we hope for?

Aurelia: I think it’s probably a logistical reason because she pretty much would have decided it has to be a short story. And what else to tell in a really short story in a world that is basically so complicated? You can’t really set up…

Kristen: Molly’s day-to-day life with…

Kat: Yeah, something at the Burrow.

Aurelia: Well, that would be really boring.

Alison: Yeah. Well, I think she didn’t do one she was so interested in because I’m sure she knew it would spiral out into something huge.

Aurelia: Yeah, I mean, especially with Albus.

Kat: But didn’t this? Yeah.

Alison: But I think these are characters we’re already somewhat familiar with, but they were also both dead. [laughs]

Kat: Indeed, they are. [laughs]

Alison: And decided on. I feel like they’re not very controversial. Well, I guess they are a little controversial characters, but I don’t know. I would have liked to see something of Lily where she’s not being put on a pedestal like she is after she dies. I would have liked to see Lily living.

Aurelia: Oh, in Deathly Hallows, is that it? Oh, no, she’s definitely put on a pedestal.

Kat: Maybe it’s because she just saw them as popular characters who would help sell for the charity or whatever? But also, I mean, okay, so she obviously couldn’t do one on Dumbledore, but what about McGonagall? Or Lupin? Or Dean Thomas? Dean Thomas. Why? Dean Thomas would have been perfect. Because his big story was cut from the books, he would’ve been perfect.

Alison: But she’d already put that on her website. We knew that, right? By this point?

Kat: When did that come out?

Alison: I have no idea.

[Alison and Kristen laugh]

Alison: But I think it would have been. And I mean, she can do Lupin and McGonagall. I think she already had their backstories, and they were tragic enough that it was… If you don’t get the whole thing, just taking a little quip of it isn’t going to be…

Kristen: And was she already in talks with Sony?

Alison: No, because that didn’t happen for another four years.

Kat: Right? So let’s see. It looks like… I’m looking to see. Yep, there is no date. So August of 2011 is when Dean’s background came out on Jo’s website. So it was after this. Several years after. 2011. Yeah. Section: “Extra Stuff.” Dean Thomas’s background, Chamber of Secrets. There it is, August 27, 2011, according to the Wayback Machine.

Alison: I feel like it was early, but I mean, I guess…

Aurelia: Well, that’s maybe five years.

Kat: I guess you’re wrong. [laughs]

Alison: I have no sense of time. It’s okay. [laughs]

Kat: That’s okay. I have no sense of direction, so we’d be a great pair.

[Alison and Kristen laugh]

Kat: Yeah, so I mean, that’s what I would have wanted. That’s what I would have paid a lot of money for, is Dean. I also really love Dean, and I really don’t like Sirius, so personally…

Aurelia: [laughs] Another suggestion: Just something that I would have found funny would be an Oliver Wood story about him playing pro or something.

Kat: Oh, people would have loved that.

Kristen: Yeah. People would’ve gone nuts.

Kat: Yeah, they would have. Wood has such a weird, underground/aboveground fan base. It’s very…

Alison: I love him.

[Alison and Kristen laugh]

Kat: We know.

[Kat and Kristen laugh]

Aurelia: That’s just because he’s all Quidditch and doesn’t give a crap about anything else.

Alison: He’s just so passionate! It’s amazing.

[Kristen laughs]

Aurelia: He’s like, “We have to play Quidditch! I don’t care if this broom is hexed. I need it.”

Kat: So we haven’t touched on the funniest part of this whole thing, which is that ridiculous name, Elvendork.

Alison: [laughs] Which, at some point, James suggested naming Harry that, and Sirius was like, “Yeah, yeah!” And Lily was like, “No. End of conversation.”

[Kristen laughs]

Kat: Yeah. And just… what?

[Alison and Kat laugh]

Alison: I love that bit, though, because I think it connects Harry to them. That feels like something sassmaster Harry Potter would say.

Kat: Sure, this is a “[There’s no] need to call me a ‘sir,’ Professor” moment.

[Alison, Aurelia, and Kristen laugh]

Alison: It is a sassmaster or “We know what you’re saying, but we’re not going to tell you what you really want to know.”

Kat: What’s funny about the other names is, if you say “Wilberforce,” it’s pretty close to a combination of “Aberforth” and “Dumbledore.” Wilberforce. I don’t know. And then “Bathsheba” obviously reminded me of “Bathilda.” But “Elvendork” reminds me of nothing, so…

Aurelia: [laughs] It’s just the three most ridiculous names ever. And then they name their kid Harry.

[Alison and Aurelia laugh]

Alison: That’s because Lily actually had some forethought, and James does not. [laughs]

Kristen: The names sound like some nerdy D&D crazy names.

[Kat laughs]

Kristen: That’s really what they were running from.

Kat: Yeah, and that’s the thing with the wizarding world, is that you either have a really regular name, like Harry or Ron or James, or you have a ridiculous name like Hepzibah or Xenophilius.

[Alison and Aurelia laugh]

Kat: And there’s no happy middle ground where you have a quirky name. Well, I suppose there’s “Lavender” or… Let’s see, what are some other middle-ground names? I guess “Luna” is fairly… It’s not really quirky because it’s a real word. I don’t know. “Minerva,” obviously. I don’t know. It’s weird, and where’d they come up with these? Do they know people with these names? Are these famous witches and wizards? Are they school people? Did he just pull them out of his butt? Where’d they come from?

Alison: [laughs] I’m thinking the latter.

Kristen: Yeah, me too.

Aurelia: Are they even names? Did they just make words up?

Kat: They may have. I don’t know. I’m going to google the names [to] see if anything fun comes up, just because why not. Why not? Oh! Interesting. Okay, so this is according to the Lexicon. I couldn’t find this page earlier, but now here it is. So it says, “[Of] the [three] names mentioned, Elvendork is the only one that Rowling invented. Wilberforce is the last name of a famous British politician and opponent of the slave trade. Bathsheba was one of the wives of King David of Israel and the mother of Solomon.” So there you go.

Kristen: Can’t believe that last one’s not real.

[Everyone laughs]

Kristen: Who knew?

Alison: Dang it! I was going to name a child that.

Aurelia: But at least now that we know that the name Rowling came up with is unisex. So take it, people!

[Kristen laughs]

Kat: God, please, I hope there’s nobody who used that name as a legit name for somebody. If your name is Elvendork, I am sorry for offending you.

[Alison, Aurelia, and Kristen laugh]

Aurelia: And it’s probably going to be “Elvendork Sirius” and then last name.

[Alison, Aurelia, and Kristen laugh]

Kat: Right. Okay, so I am totally googling right now to see if it shows up on any baby name list.

[Alison and Aurelia laugh]

Kristen: The first name should be Sirius, the middle name Elvendork: Sirius Elvendork.

[Alison, Aurelia, and Kristen laugh]

Kat: Right. Okay, so out of 5.7 records in the US Social Security public database, “Elvendork” is not present. So that’s in the US, at least. “It is possible that the name you’re searching for has less than five occurrences per year,” so there may be four people out there…

[Alison and Kristen laugh]

Kat: … who are named Elvendork and just the SSA has no idea.

Kristen: Come forward. Come forward, Elvendorks.

Alison: [laughs] Please. We really want to know.

Aurelia: [Unintelligible] in Britain. We don’t know.

Kat: Oh, there’s a Google Answers page that says, “Do you like the name ‘Elvendork’ for a baby?” And the comment under it says, “It’s unisex.”

[Alison, Aurelia, and Kristen laugh]

Kristen: Oh, that was funny.

Kat: That’s funny. Oh, somebody else says it’s not as goofy as “Jayden” or “Bryleigh.” So that’s just that person’s opinion.

[Alison, Aurelia, and Kristen laugh]

Kat: That person’s name is “Rita,” so I guess that makes sense. That’s just one rude person. So yeah, hopefully, I mean, if you’ve used it and you love it, that’s great. That’s awesome. Name your snake or something Elvendork. I wonder if it’s an anagram.

Alison: Oh, I don’t know.

Kat: Yeah, I am going to punch “Elvendork” into an anagram generator and see if anything fun comes up. I feel like somebody may have figured out if this was a thing before. Ah, there are no nine-letter words that can be made out of “Elvendork.”

[Alison and Aurelia laugh]

Kat: No nine-letter words. There are 236 words, but none of them [is] nine letters. So it would have to be a combination of smaller words but no. “Overlend” and “revoked” and “lovered” are the biggest. But those all leave out the… Well, no. Either way, I don’t think it’s an anagram.

Aurelia: Would it be rude to call your house-elf “Elvendork”?

[Kristen laughs]

Kat: No, I think that’s probably the only species on the planet that that would probably fit.

Alison: I wonder if it was a Tolkien shout-out.

Kat: Maybe. We know that she has borrowed from a lot of those. How could she not be so inspired by the classics? That would be funny. [Do] you think James has read Lord of the Rings? Do you think they read classics?

Alison: Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Aurelia: I just can’t picture them reading.

Alison: [laughs] Those boys are dorks. No, they’re total nerds. They’re total nerds.

Kat: I don’t know. I’m with Aurelia on this one. I can’t see James reading anything in his spare time.

Aurelia: Yeah. I mean, Lupin, maybe.

Kristen: I can see Lupin reading it, but that’s…

Alison: They made a map of their school. [laughs]

Kat: Yeah, Lupin, maybe. Yeah, so what they made a map? That doesn’t mean that they’ve read classic fiction.

Alison: No, but they’re dorks! [laughs] Of course they…

Aurelia: Yeah, but I mean, Lupin could have read them and came up with the idea for the map.

Alison: Maybe. Or maybe Sirius read them because he was delving into all things Muggle and he was like, “This is what they think of us.”

Kat: Maybe. And don’t forget there are different kinds of dork[s].

Alison: No, no, no. That’s what I’m saying. That’s what I’m saying, is… yeah.

Kat: I mean, there'[re] literary dorks. There'[re] gamer dorks. There'[re] Elvendorks. [laughs] So just saying.

[Alison, Aurelia, and Kristen laugh]

Kat: Literally everything. Wow. I think we’ve done real [well]. Somehow we’ve managed to stretch an hour show out of 800 words.

[Alison, Aurelia, and Kristen laugh]

Kat: I’m impressed here. Is there anything we haven’t touched on? I’m sure the listeners will tell us if we missed something major or important.

Alison: Yeah. Where do you think they went? I think that’s the only…

Kat: Into the sunset.

[Alison and Kristen laugh]

Kristen: Back to practice.

[Everyone laughs]

Kat: Yeah. Back to practice. Got to get that Snitch.

Alison: But I guess it would depend on how old they are because… I mean, I guess if they’re of age, it wouldn’t matter, but they used magic in front of Muggles.

Aurelia: Oh yeah.

Kat: But there were adult wizards there quite possibly as well.

Aurelia: They’re both definitely 17, and Sirius [is] probably about to turn 18, so…

Kat: Right. Yeah, so that doesn’t matter. No trace or anything anyway.

Alison: Okay. Never mind.

Kat: Yeah. We keep forgetting that if they’re in school, they can still be of age.

Alison: Yeah. Well, and I keep forgetting everybody’s not Harry, who had everything coming after him anyway, so…

Kat: I don’t know. We’ll see. I’m sure the listeners will have some really amazing theories for us out there, so…

Kristen: Yeah. I can’t wait to read them.

Kat: Oh, the recap next episode is going to be fun. That’s going to be a fun one, kids. It’s going to be a fun one.

[Alison and Kristen laugh]

Kat: So I guess since we’re done, we’ll just take a quick moment [to] thank Aurelia again for joining us today. Thank you so much.

Aurelia: Oh, it was amazing. I had the best time ever.

Kat: You got a really quirky little episode.

[Alison, Aurelia, and Kristen laugh]

Kat: Good. Well, thank you. She works on the Content Team, so she makes the site all pretty and organized and stuff. So go to MuggleNet and read the James and Sirius prequel. It’s, like I said, under the “Harry Potter” tab, and you can admire all of her wonderful work. [laughs]

Kristen: And then our next topic will be about life lessons and themes within the series.

Alison: I’m excited for that because I’m a literary dork.

[Alison and Kristen laugh]

Alison: So that’s what I do.

Kat: You’re not an Elvendork?

Alison: [laughs] Probably I’m one of those too. It’s okay. And if you want to join us on that next episode, or on any of our upcoming episodes, go to our “Be on the Show!” page on the main site. You can also go submit topics that you want to hear us talk about. If you want to hear us make more jokes Elvendorks or something else – I don’t know – or other weird wizarding names… I don’t know. [laughs] Could we do a show on weird wizarding names?

Kat: I’m sure we could.

Alison: [laughs] I’m sure we could. You can go suggest [a topic] also on our main site, If you have a basic set of headphones with a microphone, you are all set. You don’t need anything fancy, and all of the instructions are on our “Be on the Show!” page.

Kat: And in the meantime, you can keep in touch with us over on Twitter @AlohomoraMN, [on Facebook at], [or] our website – you know it, you love it, you visit it all the time – And guys, don’t forget to keep sending us those audioBooms. Obviously, since the reread has ended, they’ve gone down in frequency, but we still listen to them, we still moderate them, and we still really want to get your questions and comments and answers and lyrics and everything. So keep sending them in [at] There’s a little green button in the right-hand bar there. You can just hit “record.” Keep your message under 60 seconds and we’ll play it on the show.

Kristen: And please don’t forget to check out our Patreon. You can just go to and sponsor us for as low as $1 a month.

Kat: And thank you again, Andrew. Yay! Claps for Andrew.

Alison and Kristen: Yay! [clap]

Kat: Thank you so much. We bow to you, sir.

[Show music begins]

Kristen: Well, that’s the end for these Elvendorks here.

[Kat laughs]

Kristen: I’m Kristen Keys.

Alison: I’m Alison Siggard.

Kat: And I’m Kat Miller. Thank you for listening to Episode 213 of Alohomora!

Alison: Open the Elvendork!

[Alison and Kat laugh]

Kat: Perfect.

[Show music continues]

Kristen: This is Episode 213 of Alohoamorha! for… goodness gracious. I can’t talk.

Alison: And a little quote from JKR about writing it: She said, “Although I did feel like a…” Sorry. “Although I did feel like a bit…” That should not say that. What is that? [Under her breath] “It did feel like a bit like a…” I don’t think that’s supposed to be there.

Kristen: She said it.

[Alison, Kat, and Kristen laugh]

Kat: Did you copy it from MuggleNet, Alison?

Alison: Yeah.

Kat: Yeah. We may have just mistyped it. So obviously, Patrick, cut this out.

[Kristen laughs]

Kat: Or leave it in because we sound like stupid fools, but…

[Alison and Kristen laugh]

Alison: “Although I did feel like a bit…” Wait.

[Kristen laughs]

Kat: Just read the thing, dang it.

Alison: Okay, here we go. [laughs] I’m trying! All right, here we go.

Kat: He’s poo-poo.