Transcript – Episode 126

[Show music begins]

Kat Miller: This is Episode 126 of Alohomora! for February 28, 2015.

[Show music continues]

Kat: Hello, everyone, and welcome to another fabulous episode of Alohomora! I’m Kat Miller.

Alison Siggard: I’m Alison Siggard.

Kristen Keys: And I’m Kristen Keys. And this week’s special guest is Lauren, or Loony Lauren on the forums. How are you doing, Lauren?

Lauren Bisgard: I’m doing good. Thanks for having me.

Kristen: Oh, we’re so excited to have you here. A question we like to ask is: Which House are you in?

Lauren: I am a very proud Ravenclaw.

Kat: Caw!

Kristen: Nice. Awesome, awesome.

Kat: Nice.

Kristen: Me too, me too.

Kat: That’s what I like to hear.

Alison: Oh, I’m the outlier today.

[Kristen laughs]

Kat: Yeah, you’re outnumbered. That’s rare! Tell us how you came to Harry Potter.

Lauren: Well, I was really young when it started, but my brother was pretty big into it, and he was watching the movie one night – the first movie – so I watched it with him. And then I just started from there. I don’t really remember exactly what age I was, but I was pretty young.

Kat: You were hooked.

Kristen: That’s awesome.

Kat: That’s how it happens for most people, I think. It takes the movie or one of the books, and it’s like, whoosh!

Lauren: Yeah, definitely.

Kat: Done. Sold for life. Good! Well, thanks for joining us.

Lauren: Yeah, thanks for having me.

Kristen: So this week, I wanted to remind everybody that we are going to be doing Chapter 8: “Snape Victorious.”

Kat: Ooh. That’s a very ominous title.

[Kristen laughs]

Kat: But of course, before we jump into this week’s chapter, we are going to go over some recap comments from last week, which was Chapter 7 of Half-Blood Prince. Our first one here comes from – this is so cute – Hollywobbles!

[Kat and Kristen laugh]

Kat: Okay. This was a conversation about Stan Shunpike that happened [the] last episode. Yeah. I’m just going to read it. It says,

“Stan’s a death eater. We assume [that] he was sent to Azkaban wrongly bec[au]se that[‘]s what Har[r]y and Dumbledor[e] think throughout HBP, but at the beginning of DH he is part of the party of [D]eath [E]aters that attack the Order while they are moving Harry from Privet Drive. Harry thinks that he is under the Imperius Curse for that, but I’ve got another theory. The [M]inistry arrested him for bragging about being a [D]eath [E]ater, and even when it was clear he was just an idiot, they still wouldn’t let him go. They held him in Azkaban for over a year, just to make it look like they were doing something. I think that after Voldy and his supporters broke him out, he joined up. If we assume this to be correct, then we can look at this as another political comment from Jo, and I like that bec[au]se it adds some depth to [a] charact[e]r who is otherwise just comic relief. OGM?”

Alison: How interesting.

Kat: I really liked the twist on this character. I thought it was great, actually.

Alison: Yeah. Man, I never even thought of that.

Lauren: That’s like Wormtail, when he just is joining up with people [who] can protect him.

Alison: Very much so. But is Stan the type to do that?

Kat: I don’t know. We know so absolutely nothing about Stan.

[Alison laughs]

Lauren: Yeah. I don’t really know Stan…

Alison: That is true.

Lauren: … for that much.

[Kat laughs]

Kat: I mean, he’s – what? – tall, gangly, and has pimples?

Lauren: I was going to say, “just oily, oily man.”

[Alison and Kristen laugh]

Kat: But is that [a] movieism? No, that’s true. Right?

Alison: No, that’s book.

Kat: Yeah, okay. I don’t know. Maybe he doesn’t have the brains for this, but I think it’s very intriguing. And I like the fact that there’s another political comment from Jo in there, because the books are fraught with them.

Alison: I’m sure she’ll tell us soon on Pottermore. It’s fine.

[Kristen laughs]

Kat: Well, she’s going to listen to the episode, and then she’ll have to tell us.

Lauren: Yeah, exactly. Maybe she’ll tweet it out.

Alison: Exactly!

[Kristen laughs]

Kat: Yeah. Right, right. Maybe she’ll tweet about it. Right, exactly. [laughs] Oh, wouldn’t that be lovely?

[Kristen laughs]

Kat: Our next comment here is from ScarletGhost:

“One thing I wanted to ask was, ‘why does Voldemort brand Draco?’ It is made clear that Voldemort doesn’t expect Draco to actually succeed in his mission to kill; he essentially gives the task to Draco expecting him to fail, and the only reason he does it is to punish Lucius for his insolence. It is shown [that] the Dark Mark is reserved for his inner circle of Death Eaters, and it is actually an honour to have the mark. We know Draco isn’t that honoured (at least later on), but I don’t know why Voldemort would’ve done something like that in the first place if he just wanted to hurt the Malfoys. On top of that, it just isn’t that smart; […] sure, Draco can wear long sleeve shirts during the day, but he eventually has to change or shower (we assume) and why would they take such a risk of others seeing it, even if it was just other Slytherins? We also know the Dark Lord has spies in the [M]inistry who don’t have the [M]ark. The only possible reason for him to have it would be for him to summon Draco, but if that was the case couldn’t he just summon Snape if Draco was at Hogwarts or any other Death Eater if he wasn’t? Unless there’s another purpose the [M]ark provides.”

Alison: I think, to some extent, it makes the humiliation of him failing even worse. If Voldemort makes this big show of him being part of the inner circle of Death Eaters, and he has the Dark Mark, and then he fails so horribly, then the Malfoys fall even further.

Kat: That’s a good point.

Kristen: And also, Draco is so young that if he ends up changing his mind someday, then he’ll always have that Mark on him, and others will always see that and everything.

Kat: Does it fade eventually? Because it was fading…

Kristen: I thought it would.

Kat: Yeah, it was fading before Voldemort came back, right?

Alison: Yeah.

Kat: Because didn’t Karkaroff say, “It’s getting darker”?

Alison and Kristen: Yeah.

Kat: Yeah. Some of the listeners were talking in the comments about how one of the possible reasons could be that the spells that are used at the end of the book, you have to have the Dark Mark in order to get through them? After Dumbledore is killed?

Alison: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Kat: But that is very preemptive. That is thinking ahead, if that’s the reason. And also, I mean, if that was the case, then Voldemort would have had to know that Draco would fail, but I guess he does know that Draco is going to fail.

Kristen: Yeah, I assumed that he knows that Draco is not going to be able to go through with it.

Kat: I don’t know. It actually makes no sense to me whatsoever, and I never thought about it until right now.

[Kat, Kristen, and Lauren laugh]

Kat: About why he would be branded with the Dark Mark. Well, I guess we’ll see what the listeners have to say. See what they think about it, go from there. Our last recap comment here comes from RoseLumos. She says,

“Assuming Dumbledore knew Draco was a Death Eater, why would he allow him back at school? I get that he is the puppet master and […] has a plan for everything but really, why would he allow someone who is actively trying to kill him into Hogwarts? The hosts previously discussed how Draco is responsible for almost killing Katie and Ron, but what if he actually succeeded? Would that make Dumbledore responsible for the death of two of his students because he knowingly allowed a dangerous student in?”

Kristen: Geez, I would hope if he had have killed Katie first or whatever that then Dumbledore would put a stop to it. He’d be like, “All right.”

Lauren: Yeah, I think right now Dumbledore is just trying to help Draco out and is hoping that he’ll change his mind about everything.

Alison: Yeah, I would agree with that.

Kat: Putting his faith in the good side. But there’s an argument to be made that Draco doesn’t have a good side.

Alison: Yeah… that’s so risky, though, as well, to be risking the lives of your students. Just for…

Kristen: That’s true.

Lauren: Hogwarts teachers are all really risky, though.

[Everyone laughs]

Kat: That’s true. I do think that if he had succeeded, it would be on Dumbledore’s shoulders, and I think that… I mean, what’s he going to do? How’s Dumbledore not going to allow Draco back to school?

Alison: Yeah, no, that’s a good point.

Kat: I mean, that’s the other side of the coin. I mean, Lucius is on the board of governors, right? Still, right?

Alison: No, not anymore.

Alison and Lauren: Not anymore.

Kristen: Oh yeah, yeah.

Kat: Oh, he’s in Azkaban, right? [laughs]

Alison: Yeah, I think he got kicked off after Book 2 or something.

Kat: Okay, that makes sense. Use your brain, Kat.

[Alison laughs]

Kat: Okay, but still.

Kristen: Are you saying him going back in after he killed the two students?

Kat: No, I’m saying “How could have Dumbledore ever gotten Draco out of school in the first place?” There’s no way he could have just kicked him out.

Alison: Gotcha.

Kat: Because he’s Draco Malfoy. I mean, maybe there’s a way. I don’t know. We’ll see. I guess, listeners, give us your input. Let us know what you think about these and all of the other comments. There were over 200 comments on the main site this week.

Alison: Holy cow.

Kat: And yeah, it took me, like, two hours to read them all. I read every single one. They were brilliant. So many good discussions, so definitely head over there, join in the conversation… alohomora.mugglenet.com. Y’all know what to do by now, so go do it. Okay?

Alison: All right. And to follow up with that, we want to go over our Podcast Question of the Week responses for last week. And our question was, “Molly said in a previous chapter that Arthur was passed up for the Slug Club; which other characters might have been overlooked by Slughorn’s selection process? Has having the Slug Club ever backfired on Professor Slughorn?” So we had lots of good comments. A lot of different characters got thrown out, so I thought I would just list some of the most common ones that came out. So a lot of people talked about Fred and George, for one that they believe Slughorn would have loved to have had he been around.

Kat: Huh. Really?

Alison: Yeah, a lot of people were saying because just their innovative magic and their ability to come up with all these crazy business schemes and magical tricks that would put them in line for that, which makes sense. I mean, he picks up Ginny, and Ginny is a lot like Fred and George, so…

Kat: Yeah, but her magic is flashier than theirs.

Alison: Really?

Kat: Yeah, their magic is pretty subtle.

Kristen: I think their magic is pretty flashy. I love all the stuff that they do.

Kat: No, but think about it: They’re more charmers. They’re more charming, Transfiguration, or whatever, and Ginny is curses and hexes and more of the dueling type.

Alison: That’s true. Okay.

Lauren: Yeah, I bet Slughorn would have liked the business connection, though, with them with the [unintelligible] products and everything.

Kat: Yeah. I could see that. Sorry, you can finish your list now.

Alison: No, it’s good. We can talk about these as we go. Lupin was another one [who] got mentioned a lot. A lot of people were questioning whether he would be passed up because he’s a werewolf or because he was so poor.

Kat: Both.

Alison: So there’s a lot of back-and-forth on that, though, because a lot of people said, “He would get invited just because he’s so smart.”

Kat: I don’t think so. I mean, I love Lupin – Lupin love – but I think he’s a little too broken and poor for…

Kristen: No real connections.

Lauren: Yeah, I agree.

Alison: Yeah. That makes sense. Another one we got a lot of was Lockhart. A lot of people said he could have mistakenly thought that he had a lot of skill. I believe that was on Pottermore that he was able to charm his way through a lot.

Kat: Yep, I completely agree with that one.

Alison: All right. Ludo Bagman was another one [who] got brought up, with his Quidditch skill, his Ministry connections…

Kat: They’re probably already friends.

[Kristen laughs]

Alison: Yeah, I’d say that one. More Weasleys: Bill and Charlie this time, and Percy was also brought up for their ambition [in] their different sectors – Bill at Gringotts, Charlie with the dragons, Percy at the Ministry. In fact, a couple [of] people said, “Percy working at the Ministry and not speaking to the rest of the Weasleys could be the reason that Ron wasn’t included in the Slug Club.” Luna and Xenophilius Lovegood were both mentioned by different listeners for their outside-the-box thinking, Xenophilius for the Quibbler maybe. Bellatrix Lestrange was also brought up, which was an interesting one. People were questioning whether she was always that crazy, and would [Slughorn have] picked up on the craziness and avoided her?

Kristen: Yeah, I imagine her being one of those crazy girls in high school.

[Lauren laughs]

Kat: Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Alison: Snape was mentioned. People weren’t sure if he was in the Club or passed up or not, especially with connection to Lily.

Kat: Too greasy.

[Kristen and Lauren laugh]

Alison: But he’s a brilliant potionmaker!

Kat: Yeah, but I mean, they were in school at the same time together, so I feel like we would’ve heard if Snape were in the Slug Club.

Kristen: I bet that Slughorn stayed away from people [who] were supporters of Voldemort also.

Alison: Barty Crouch, Jr. was brought up. I believe we learn at one point he got 12 OWLs? So people were saying he was probably brilliant enough that Slughorn would’ve tried to collect him. Cornelius Fudge was an interesting one [who] was discussed, whether he showed any talent or any ambition at school that would’ve indicated that he could’ve been the Minister of Magic or if that was one Slughorn missed and missed a connection there.

Kat: I bet that’s another one who’s friends with him already.

Alison: Yeah, I can see it. And another one was Rita Skeeter. People were saying, “She was probably just as nosey at school and Slughorn would’ve wanted some connection to the news.” So those were the missed-out members [who] were…

Kat: I could see Rita being the little waiter like Neville is in the movie.

[Everyone laughs]

Alison: She’s just there to get the scoop on everyone, though.

Kat: Yeah, yeah, exactly, to be the little spy. Oh, poor Neville, that part. He’s like, “Oh, yeah, look, I’m here too. Haha.” So sad.

[Kristen and Lauren laugh]

Kat: So sad.

Alison: Anyway, on to our second part of the question – whether the Slug Club has ever backfired. So there were a couple [of] different threads really going with most of these, so I just picked two that went on each of these. And the first one is about [the] Marauder era, and it’s from Blameitonthenargles, who says,

“I would guess that if Lily was a definite part of the club, and hypothetical[l]y by extension, James/Sirius/maybe Lupin (werewolf status being a deterrent) maybe getting at least an invite (think James being Head Boy, Lupin being bookish and [a prefect], and Sirius[‘s] dashing good looks), the only person not included in the gang? Pettigrew. And while it never really backfired in Slughorn[‘]s face directly, still we get so much information by Rowling that he was always so overshadowed by everyone, I’m guessing that it’s just another one of those many things James/Sirius/Lupin were able to do and there’s Peter… Alone again on a Saturday night just desperately waiting in the dark for the next full moon when he can be useful to his friends again, who were undoubtedly the more powerful of the students at Hogwarts [at] that time. Ruminating on ways he would be able to match them in glory, [get] his shining moment blah, blah, blah.”

Which I think is fascinating that Pettigrew [would] be left out. And this could be where the fuel for his eventual betrayal starts coming from.

Kat: I think that’s a valid point. I mean, there’s no way Pettigrew would’ve ever made it into the Slug Club, although, I mean, Slughorn is a little skeezy, right? He’s a little dirty, a little back alley-type guy. He’d get along with Mundungus.

[Kristen and Lauren laugh]

Kat: So I don’t think it’s totally out of the question. I don’t know. I mean, [there’s a] 10% chance for Pettigrew.

Kristen: I just don’t think he’s smart enough. I don’t know. I mean, he has the connections of James, Sirius, and maybe Lupin, but I mean, beyond that, that’s as far as his connections go.

Kat: In all honesty, though, I don’t think any of the Marauders were in the Slug Club.

Lauren: Me neither.

Alison: [laughs] All right. And our next comment on the other most popular backfire, I chose ScarletGhost’s, who says,

“Slughorn has probably looked over some good people for the Slug Club, but I think the biggest backfire we’ve seen would’ve been Tom Riddle. We see that giving Tom the chance to get close to Slughorn gave him the opportunity to manipulate him. We see Slughorn is very upset and embarrassed about this (which we see through the memory[).] By the term ‘backfire’ I believe this would be the worst. The Slug Club is created for Slughorn to get potentially great students to like him and to manipulate them later (even just for little things like tickets to a Quidditch match), and instead Slughorn got played, at his own game, by Tom Marvolo R[i]ddle, and that blunder pretty much made it possible for Lord Voldemort to come to be.”

Kat: Okay. So this comment puts a lot of blame on Slughorn when, quite honestly, I think that Slughorn was just a vehicle. I think that Tom would have found out the information he needed to find out from anywhere. Yes, Slughorn was manipulated and used by Tom Riddle, but I mean, again, I think this puts a little too much blame on Slughorn for Tom ending up as Lord Voldemort, quite honestly.

Kristen: It probably just… I feel like it started the process a little bit earlier.

Alison: Well, wasn’t the only reason he knew that he could make multiple Horcruxes because he talked to Slughorn? He knew how to make one by the time he talked to him.

Lauren: He probably would have figured that out anyway, though.

Kat: Yeah, no, he didn’t even ask if it [were] possible. He said, “What would the consequences be?” if I remember correctly.

Kristen: So he already had that idea in his mind that you could do it.

Alison: Well, thank you, everyone, for your fabulous comments, and make sure you go check out the rest of the conversation. There were some really good conversations on these different ideas and different people who could’ve gotten passed up on our main site.

Kristen: All right, let’s get started on our Chapter 8 discussion.

[Half-Blood Prince Chapter 8 intro begins]

[Sound of rain]

Tonks: Chapter 8. Expecto Patronum!

[Sound of a spell being cast]

Tonks: “Snape Victorious.”

[Sound of an owl hooting]

[Half-Blood Prince Chapter 8 intro ends]

Kristen: All right, let’s go over a little summary about what Chapter 8 was all about. Harry is still frozen in place and stuck on the Hogwarts Express, but luckily, Tonks comes and saves the day. Tonks then sends a Patronus message for someone to collect Harry, and Snape is the one who, unfortunately, receives it. Snape leads Harry up to Hogwarts, commenting on how Harry loves the dramatic entrances. Once in the Great Hall, Harry unfortunately isn’t able to eat, and Dumbledore begins his end-of-the-feast speech, where we hear the biggest news of all: that Snape will be teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts this year. We then end the chapter with Harry and Ron talking to Hagrid and them both realizing that they won’t be taking Hagrid’s class anymore. So let’s go ahead and jump into our first point, which is Harry stuck on that darn train with blood pouring all over his face, and nobody knows he is missing, but thankfully, Tonks does show up and save him, and they both have to physically jump off the train to make it off, which I just found very comical. [laughs]

Kat: Bee-tee-dubs, Harry totally could have died.

Alison and Kristen: Yeah.

Kristen: I mean, he could have choked on his blood just pouring all into his mouth. I’ve gotten… somebody hit me in the nose before; it is the… pouring everywhere. I almost gagged and choked on my own blood, so I can only imagine him laying on the floor, choking to death on his own blood.

Alison and Lauren: Yeah.

Kat: And it says that it’s…

Kristen: It’s all in his mouth and everything. [laughs]

Laura: “Disgustingly dripping into his mouth.”

Kristen: Yeah. [laughs]

Alison: And not to mention, then Tonks is just like, “Oh, yeah, no big deal. We’re just going to jump off a moving train. Come on.” Okay.

Kristen: Yeah. Exactly.

Laura: Why didn’t she just ask the conductor to wait a few minutes before they got off? [laughs]

Kristen: Exactly. “Can you slow down? Wait?”

Kat: I mean, that puts the assumption out there that there’s a conductor.

Kristen: Oh. [laughs]

Kat: There was a lot of discussion about that, actually, on the main site this week about who drives the train.

Alison: Well, we know there is a conductor because Lupin goes to talk to him.

Kristen: Yeah. I thought so.

Laura: Yeah, in the third book. Mhm.

Kat: That’s true. Although… yeah, that’s true.

Alison: And I think the snack trolley witch…

Kristen: Lady, yeah.

Alison: … mentions him at one point, yeah.

Kat: That’s true. Well, there you go.

Kristen: Wizards need a job somewhere.

Kat: Everybody on the main site: Alison, she… yeah. Exactly.

[Alison laughs]

Kat: But yeah, I love that very Dauntless moment that they have there when they jump off the train.

Kristen: That’s exactly what I thought of when rereading it again. I was like, “Ahh, this Dauntless… they’re so brave.” [laughs]

Kat: So brave. Gryffindors.

Laura: Just imagine the movie scene when they’re jumping off and doing flips off the train.

[Everyone laughs]

Kristen: If only it was in the movie.

Kat: Yeah, and I mean, Tonks is a Hufflepuff, so extra credit to her for being so brave. Extra credit.

Alison: Oh, yeah. There you go.

Kristen: Harry also takes notice in how unhappy Tonks is and how miserable she is and that she still has that mousy hair. Poor Tonks.

Alison: So sad.

Kat: And it’s so sad that he doesn’t feel like he can be like, “Hey, man, Sirius… it wasn’t your fault that he died. It’s cool. You can be fun again.”

Alison and Kristen: Yeah.

Kristen: Because then he could really get down…

Alison: Even though that’s not what she’s really upset about.

Kristen: I know, but then he’d be able to find out what the real reason is, if he could just open up some.

Alison: That’s true.

Kat: Poor girl.

Alison: It just makes me sad that we have such a happy book, and then Tonks, who was just our happy, bright character from the last dark book, doesn’t get to enjoy the happiness.

Kristen: She’s not the bubblegum hair girl anymore. [laughs]

Alison: No.

Kat: I’m telling you: Men. Barely worth it.

Alison: Girl power episode!

Lauren: Amen! [laughs]

Kat: That’s right, that’s right. Yeah!

Alison: Tonks, you don’t need him!

Kat: That’s right. And the male-bashing begins at 25 minutes in. Cool.

[Everyone laughs]

Kat: We’ve done pretty good so far. Pretty good. We’ve been pretty good so far.

Kristen: And then we see Tonks send a Patronus message and Harry has to ask her about that. But I thought that was pretty cool; that we get to see that again. Tonks sends a Patronus and here we have an audioBoom about that.

[Audio]: Hi, Toast of the Phoenix here, and I was wondering: In the next chapter of The Half-Blood Prince, Tonks send a Patronus to Hagrid but Snape receives it. I was wondering why that was. What are the criteria when you send a Patronus message? Do you have to know who they are or where they are? Just wondering your thoughts. Thank you. Love the show! Bye.

Kristen: I mean, I don’t think there really is a criteria. I just felt like she sent it up that way and assumed Hagrid was the one outside to see it, but in reality Snape was the one who saw it because Hagrid was late, but I don’t know.

Kat: Yeah, there has to be a way to send it because Kingsley’s talks in the next book.

Kristen: That’s true. Mhm.

Alison: Yeah, I was going to say I feel like you can send it to where you think they’ll be…

Kristen: Mhm, but I don’t think it’s like…

Alison: … just based off Kingsley’s but you don’t really have any direction on… it can only go to this one specific person.

Kristen: Mhm.

Lauren: So did everybody in the Great Hall see it? Because it said that it came during the feast, so Snape must have seen it right there, then.

Alison: Well, I don’t think Snape was at the feast yet, was he?

Kristen: Yeah, I don’t think…

Lauren: I thought he said that Hagrid was late, so that’s why he couldn’t receive it.

Kristen: I just assumed he was outside the feast but you could be right.

Alison: Being all Snape-y.

Kat: Yeah, he just says, “Hagrid was late for the start-of-term feast, just like Potter here, so I took it instead.” So who knows where it was? Maybe they have some secret place to send all the Patroni.

Lauren: Mhm.

Kristen: It’s a little tiny miniature one and it comes up on the desk.

Alison: Like an answering machine.

Kat and Kristen: Yeah.

Alison: It waits in a room until you get there.

[Kristen laughs]

Kat: Maybe the teachers’ lounge? Maybe that’s where it went. Maybe?

Kristen: Oh, maybe, yeah. I don’t see Hagrid in the teachers’ lounge, though.

[Alison and Lauren laugh]

Kat: No, well, because Hagrid is the one who shepherds the first years over on the boats.

Kristen: Mhm. Yeah.

Alison: So maybe it came to the grounds and Snape saw it through the window or something.

Kristen: I just imagine it coming up to the front door and… [knocks three times] and whoever is out there…

Kat: Yeah. [laughs]

Kristen: … I mean, she assumes Hagrid is out there, chilling, but it’s really Snape.

Kat: Yeah. Hmm. Ugh.

Kristen: It’s a great question, though. Great question. So then Harry and Tonks make their way up to the locked gate and of course Harry tries our favorite spell, Alohomora, and realizes that doesn’t work and… [laughs]

Alison: Good on Harry for thinking of that, though.

Kristen: Yeah, very much.

[Alison and Kristen laugh]

Kat: I love how it says, “‘Alohomora!‘ he pointed confidently.”

Alison: Yeah. [laughs]

Lauren: I laughed at that, too.

Kat: He was so proud.

Alison: He’s like, “I’ve got this, guys. I’ve got this.”

Kristen: Yeah, like, “Watch me do this; I can open up this giant gate. It’s not going to be protected at all.” [laughs]

Kat: This is so a male moment, where he’s like, “Oh, yeah.”

Kristen: [laughs] Yes.

Lauren: “I could climb a wall.”

Kristen: Cocky.

Alison: Yeah. “I could climb a wall.”

Kat: He’s like, “Oh, yeah. Look at me, Tonks. I’m going to open this gate. Oh, yeah.”

Kristen: I’ll make your hair turn bubblegum.

[Everyone laughs]

Kristen: But then Tonks mentions to him that Hogwarts has all-new protections that Dumbledore has done himself, which is great; obviously they need it now. [laughs]

Kat: Yeah. More than ever, right? More than ever.

Alison and Lauren: Yeah.

Kristen: Then the little light comes, and we find out that Snape is the one who ends up getting the Patronus message. And he – got to love Snape – makes a comment, saying that he likes Tonks’s old Patronus better because the one she has now makes her look weak, which leaves her looking shocked and angry. And that pissed me off; makes me hate Snape even more.

Lauren: Yeah.

[Kristen and Lauren laugh]

Alison: Yeah, even just… aw, man, because it’s a wolf. Is Snape saying, “Because you’re in love with someone that makes you weak”?

Kristen: Mhm. Yep.

Kat: It’s ironic, isn’t it?

Kristen: I know, right? Let’s talk about that doe. Come on. [laughs]

Kat: And I don’t… and it’s funny, too, because his wording is very specific. It doesn’t say that, “It makes you look weak.” It says, “The new one is weak.”

Alison: Ahh, it’s a dig at Lupin. Got you.

Kat: Right. It’s saying that, “You’re not weak, but the person that you are…”

Alison: In love with.

Kat: … well, in hindsight, “The person that this Patronus is for is weak, but you are better off without him,” is what he is telling her right now, which… the wording of it is very important: “The new one looks weak.”

Alison: Mhm. What was Tonks’s old Patronus? I feel like we found out on Pottermore but I don’t remember.

Lauren: A beaver?

Kat: A jack rabbit?

Lauren: Oh.

Alison: Isn’t that Luna’s? No, Luna’s is a hare.

Kat: Yeah, it’s a jack rabbit, and it was released on Pottermore when we learned about the Patronus Charm, so…

Alison: Okay. Got it.

Kat: That is so much more fitting for her.

Lauren: Yeah, definitely.

Kat: And I get it. I get it. You’re in love with Lupin, that’s cool…

Kristen: You’re sad.

Kat: … and your Patronus is a werewolf, and that’s fine.

Kristen: As Snape and Harry are walking back up to Hogwarts, Snape docks points from Gryffindor house and puts them in negative numbers.

Alison: Which is a jerk move.

Kristen: There he goes again, being that stand-up man. And then when entering the Great Hall, Harry thinks about putting on his Invisibility Cloak and trying to just sneak his way in, but Snape automatically says that he can’t. “Don’t even think about putting it on.” And I mean, there goes Snape reading people’s minds again.

Alison and Kat: Ugh.

Kat: He knows Harry so well that it’s like…

Alison: Mhm.

Kat: … it’s one of those things that you never really think about: how well Snape knows Harry. But in hindsight, he knows him really well. I guess he’s been doing his job of keeping an eye on him, but that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s been nice to him all this time. He’s watching him…

Alison: That’s true.

Kat: … and he’s learning about him and what he’s like and what he does.

Alison: It just sounds really creepy.

Kat: Yeah.

[Kristen laughs]

Lauren: It’s also kind of impressive that he hates him so much but he’s going to … watch him.

Alison: “But I’m still going to watch you.”

[Alison and Lauren laugh]

Kat: Yeah. Also, Harry is carrying the Invisibility Cloak in his hand…

Kristen: Yeah, that’s true.

Lauren: Mhm. Yeah.

Kat: … technically at this moment. So Snape could have just been like, “You’re not putting that on.”

Kristen: Mhm.

Lauren: Yeah.

Kat: Maybe he doesn’t know him at all.

[Alison laughs]

Kat: I think it’s the opposite. I actually think Snape knows Harry incredibly well. They could be best friends if they didn’t hate each other.

[Kristen laughs]

Kat: I’m just kidding, they would never be friends.

Lauren: No, no. [laughs]

Alison: So Harry goes in – everybody can see him – sits down, tries to get some food but can’t…

Kat: Aww, that is so sad.

[Kristen laughs]

Lauren: Oh yeah, that just…

Alison: And then it just disappears as he reaches for it.

Kat: I feel so bad for him. So I was reading the chapter twenty minutes before I ate dinner and I was kind of hungry. And so I totally had a moment with Harry where I was like, “Ooh, chicken legs and a handful of chips… mmm… oh, oh, aww!”

[Alison, Kristen, and Laura laugh]

Kat: That would be the most depressing thing.

Kristen: Really, though.

Alison: And when you’ve been on the train all day, you don’t want to eat just the desserts. You actually want to have some protein in your body.

Lauren: Yeah.

Alison: Too bad Slughorn didn’t give him any of his pheasant.

[Kristen and Lauren laugh]

Lauren: Oh man, yeah.

Kat: That would’ve been nice, huh? Yeah, he only gave that to Belby.

[Kristen laughs]

Kat: How random.

Lauren: I don’t know, could Harry call Dobby and be like, “Hey Dobby, I’m hungry. Bring me some leftovers”? [laughs]

Kat: Probably, but he’s fine with his Treacle tart.

Alison: “Let me send you a Patronus message: Give me food.”

Kat: But no, then Winky’s going to get it and she’ll just send a butterbeer instead.

[Kristen and Lauren laugh]

Alison: So on an empty stomach, Dumbledore gives his end of the feast speech and everybody seems to notice that his hand is blackened and dead-looking. But he just plays it off as nothing and tells the students not to worry about it.

Lauren: Can we talk about the rumor mill that must have started though amongst everyone? There must have been some crazy stories going on about how that happened.

Alison: Oh, I’m sure. I mean, everybody murmured and started talking just a little bit before he started talking again, so you know there were so many things flying out.

Lauren: Oh, yeah. I’d love to hear some of those.

Kat: I wanted to talk about how… Hermione says it looks like it’s died. Is that equivalent to when you get frostbite on something? But he can move it and everything and use his hand, right? Seemingly.

Lauren: Yeah.

Alison: Yeah. It doesn’t seem like full motion… it’s not full motion, I don’t believe.

Kristen: Doesn’t it kind of hurt him though? Like he’s still in pain about it.

Alison: I think so.

Kristen: Mhm.

Kat: Does it?

Alison: Maybe a little bit.

Lauren: I don’t remember exactly… at the end…

Alison: I know.

Lauren: … at the caves, I thought that…

Aison: Yeah.

Lauren: … Harry grabbed on to it by accident, I think, and he flinched.

Alison: But I know there’s a moment where he’s trying to open a bottle of memories and he can’t get the stopper out without his hand.

[Kat laughs]

Kristen: Yeah.

Kat: They’re not dead-hand proofed?

[Alison and Kristen laughs]

Kat: Child-proof. Sorry, that was a really lame joke.

[Alison and Kristen laughs]

Kat: Hmm… I guess I was just wondering about how one body part can die and not…

Alison: Frostbite sounds…

Lauren: It’s the same thing that…

Kristen: It’s like the same as frostbite because people can just get a little bit.

Kat: But okay. I’ve always wondered this too about George’s ear. Like how can Avada Kedavra hit your ear?

Alison: Well, it wasn’t Avada Kedavra, it was Sectumsempra – I can never say that word. It’s the Severing one, and it just hits him in the ear – that’s what happens with George. It hits him in the ear area and takes the ear off.

Kat: You sure it’s Sectumsempra?

Alison: Uh-huh!

Lauren: Wouldn’t Malfoy just be mutilated then?

Kat: Yeah.

Alison: Well, you can sew it up. I think that’s what Molly does is she ends up sewing up…

Kat: No, he has a hole in his head!

Alison: Well…

Kristen: That’s where he sticks his toothbrush.

[Everyone laughs]

Kat: No, but… I guess I just don’t know. Maybe it’s about the power of the spell or the power…

Alison: Maybe.

Kat: … of the potion or whatever, or the witch or wizard that makes it. Because I feel like… it just seems odd that sometimes the spell can chop your ear off or kill your hand, but other times it kills you or rips your chest open.

Alison: Mhm. Maybe, yeah.

Kristen: But I mean, that’s why your body kind of works because not everybody has full mobility of every part of their body. There’s some people have some problems with their tendons and muscles in their hand but they can still move it slightly; they just don’t have full range of motion. So that’s what I assume that Dumbledore’s hand… it’s kind of like some of it’s deadened, you know…

Alison: It’s almost like poison too, isn’t it? Because don’t we learn that Snape just kept it in the hand?

Kat: Well, it’s a curse.

Alison: He’s contained it in… yeah, he’s contained the curse in the hand, but he says it’ll spread eventually.

Lauren: So he can move his arm right now. He just can’t move his hand and fingers.

Alison: Yeah.

Kat: Mhm.

Lauren: So maybe… it slowly works up into his…

Alison: Yeah.

Lauren: … heart and in the bloodstream.

Alison: But most of it is in the hand but…

Lauren: Mhm.

Alison: … got the whole shock of it once and it… That’s why it’s dead.

Kat: I guess because the curse was in the ring and he put the ring on, then I guess it makes sense that it would start… I mean, obviously, it starts in the hand. I guess I don’t have to say that.

Kristen: Yeah.

Kat: But I did also like here the little point how it says, “There are poisons without antidotes.”

Alison: Ahh!

Kat: And then Mr. Weasley, Ronald, gets poisoned. Whoops! Obviously, that one has an antidote but…

Alison: The poison in the cave, too.

Kat: Oh, right.

Kristen: Yeah. And then Dumbledore goes and announces that Slughorn is the new Potions Master while Snape will be the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher

[Kat gasps]

Kristen: Gasp now.

Kat: Oh my God!

Kristen: I just remember from the first time I read this, I was so shocked and then when Harry goes into the part and was like, “Well, actually he didn’t really say.” And I was like, “Oh yeah, that’s right, but still, how could he?”

Lauren: Yeah.

Kat: You just assume it after so many years that is what it is going to be.

Lauren: Exactly. I think the first time that I read this I was pretty young and I thought that it was just a typo until I kept reading.

[Alison and Lauren laugh]

Kat: Oh, nice. Whoops.

[Lauren laughs]

Alison: Yeah, I had Harry’s reaction, “What?!” screaming and…

Kristen: Yeah. No, I did too, definitely.

Kat: I was older when I read it, so I remember the first thing I was like, well, I guess he’ll be gone after this year.

[Kristen and Lauren laugh]

Kat: And then it’s funny that ten lines later that’s…

Kristen: What they say.

Kat: Harry says, “Oh, he’ll be gone at the end of this year.” Ironically, he’s not gone at the end of the year. He is, but he’s not.

Alison: Yeah.

Kristen: Just a different position.

Kat: It’s just weird how that works out.

Kristen: Mhm.

Kat: I wonder… Dumbledore and Snape must have had a conversation. I guess I just wonder how it…

Kristen: Like a good sit-down talk about the Dark Arts.

Alison: I think it might have come… because Dumbledore hired Slughorn so late. I always assumed everything went into motion after everything happened with his hand and he knew he was going to die by the end of the year. So he knew he had to keep Snape around, but he also knew he had to… it would be easier if Snape could get bumped out of a teaching position somehow in the next year. That made more sense in my head.

Kristen: Or he was going to die and it’s like… yeah, he’s going to be the new DADA teacher. Who cares what happens?

Alison: YOLO.

[Kat and Kristen laugh]

Kat: YOLO. I think that the conversation probably happened after the Unbreakable Vow.

Alison: Yeah, it could have.

Kat: It’s probably when a lot of the pieces of the plan…

Kristen: That’s true

Kat: … kind of came together.

Kristen: Mhm.

Kat: Because we don’t truly know how much Snape knew about what Lord Voldemort had planned for Draco. We don’t know how much he knew about it before that day. So I always imagined that the Unbreakable Vow happened, and then Snape somehow got back to Dumbledore, told him what happened and then they were like, “Okay. Well, I guess it’s time to get you out of here. We’ll get Slughorn in, and that is very fortuitous and perfect because the Death Eaters want him. So let’s bring him to Hogwarts under the pretense of protecting him, and that’ll put you in the DADA job, and then you can peace out after you kill me.”

[Kristen laughs]

Kat: “Cool, right? Good plan?”

Kristen: “Let’s do it.”

Kat: “Boom, let’s do this. Let’s do it. Break!” Yeah.

[Kristen laughs]

Kat: So I don’t know. That’s how I always pictured it. It was shocking, though. I remember reading it and being like, “Oh. Yeah. Okay. Well, Snape is gone.” I actually thought this was a clue that Snape was going to die, so…

Kristen: I just thought it was going to go back into the dark ways. I didn’t think he would die. I wish, but no. [laughs]

Kat: Ohh. Ooh, listeners aren’t going to like you for that one.

Kristen: [laughs] Sorry.

Kat: No, but because I always read into circle theories, so I mean, obviously, I imagine something equivalent to Lockhart was going to happen to him in this book.

Lauren: That’s true. Yeah.

Kristen: So then we are left off with Harry and Ron early exiting the feast, and they run into the beloved Hagrid, and Hagrid tells them all about how Grawp is doing and how he has a new home in the mountains. So it was great that we have found out how well he is doing. As the boys depart Hagrid, he talks about how he will see them tomorrow in class, and that’s when both Harry and Ron realize that they aren’t taking Care of Magical Creatures this year, and neither is Hermione, which Hagrid does not know, and that makes me sad for poor, little Hagrid.

Lauren: That is sad.

Kat: “Poor, little Hagrid”?

Kristen: Yeah.

[Alison, Kristen, and Lauren laugh]

Kat: I don’t think we have to worry about “poor, little Hagrid.”

Alison: Little on the inside.

[Kristen and Lauren laugh]

Kat: Little on the inside? Nice.

[Alison laughs]

Kat: I actually want to go back into the Great Hall for a moment, or outside of it, as they’re leaving. When Harry tells Ron about what Malfoy did to him. And I really like that line, how it says, “It was a mark of the strength of their friendship that Ron didn’t laugh.”

Alison: Oh, yes.

Lauren: Yeah, then a line later, Harry calls him “pig head.”

[Kat and Kristen laugh]

Lauren: [unintelligible] about Malfoy?

Kat: Yeah, he does. No, it’s true.

Lauren: I noticed that. BFFs!

Kat: Right.

Alison: What are you going to do?

Kat: But it was mentioned last week… I think it was Michael [who] mentioned how in this book we are getting 100% of the mystery. We’re getting all of the answers right up front. She’s telling us the story, the plot, everything, all the little hidden bits, and here’s another one, where it says, “How do you know Voldemort doesn’t need someone at Hogwarts? It wouldn’t be the first…” And I think he was going to say, “first time,” and it’s just another hint that Harry has his junk together this book, which is just…

Lauren: Surprising.

Kat: And it’s nice. I don’t know…

Alison: It is nice.

Kat: I wish I had picked up on all these and believed in Harry the first time.

[Kristen laughs]

Alison: But that’s what makes it so great, is that we don’t believe Harry, and even Ron and Hermione don’t believe Harry, and then Harry is right. And we’re all shocked.

Kat: Which is ridiculous that Ron and Hermione don’t at least indulge him because… I mean, I get it that his…

Kristen: They follow him a lot.

Kat: Yeah, and I understand that everything that happened in Order of the Phoenix was tragic, tragic. But I mean, somebody I remember when I was reading through the comments today pointed out that they are so proud of the fact that Dumbledore eventually gives them this mission and has told them about the prophecy. And they’re only 16, yet somehow they find it odd that Voldemort would put a 16-year-old in the exact same position just on the Dark side of things instead of the light? They’re in the same situation as Draco, and somehow, they’re closed off and being a little dumb about it.

Lauren: Yeah, I didn’t think about that. That makes sense.

Kat: Yeah, our listeners are pretty brilliant. I didn’t come up with that. I wish I did.

Kristen: I like seeing how much in this book – how we’ve seen so much already, too – just how much of a friendship they really do have, and those little lines… I think there’s one a couple [of] chapters ago when he was telling them about everything. I just felt so…

Kat: Yeah, there’s a lot of that in this book.

Alison: Maybe this is just me, though, but it makes me sad that Harry thought he would laugh when he’s talking about having his best friend’s face stamped on. Did he really think Ron was going to laugh at that? Because I don’t think I would assume my friends would laugh at that.

Kat: I don’t think he assumed that Ron was going to laugh. I think that it was just, Ron didn’t do anything. He was just like, Ugh, what a prat. He didn’t say that, but he could’ve said that. I mean, that’s a Ron line.

Alison: I was like, “Is this just my Hufflepuff side coming out, or…?”

Kat: I mean, it is. It’s definitely your Hufflepuff side coming out. I don’t think Harry thought that Ron was going to laugh at him. Because that’s a crappy friend, if you laugh at that. I mean, we’ve all laughed when our friends fall down, let’s be real.

[Everyone laughs]

Kat: If you trip on something, you laugh about it, but getting your face stamped on [is] a different story, especially by your “archenemy.” But yeah, poor Hagrid. That’s all. That’s all I’ll say about that. Boo-hoo.

Kristen: So that wraps up our discussion for this week.

Alison: All right, and now at the end of the chapter, like every chapter, we will be going into our Podcast Question of the Week. So we talked a little bit in this chapter – but not a lot – about Tonks coming to Harry’s rescue. Girl power!

Kat: So Dauntless. Hmm. Sorry.

Alison: [laughs] But we didn’t talk a lot about it, so that’s our Question of the Week this week. It is: What if Tonks hadn’t come to Harry’s rescue? Does Hogwarts take attendance, and would anyone notice he wasn’t there and come looking for him? Or would Harry really have gone back to London, dripping blood? So tell us what you think by going to alohomora.mugglenet.com.

Kat: Such an interesting question. I’m really excited to see what everybody’s going to come up with for this one. Get creative! No, I don’t have to tell you all that. I know you’re going to anyway. Oh, and thank you, Lauren, so much for joining us this episode. We hope you had fun on this very short little chapter.

Lauren: I did. Thanks for having me.

Kat: Absolutely. Now, you are a transcriber for the show, yes?

Lauren: Yep, I am.

Kat: You are, and you have something very cool going on at your school, right?

Lauren: Yeah…

Kat: Concerning J.K. Rowling.

Lauren: I’m going to the University of Iowa next year, and my aunt works down there, and she’s a big Harry Potter fan also, so she texted me and asked if I wanted to write a letter because they’re starting a letter writing campaign to try to get J.K. Rowling to come speak at the University of Iowa next spring.

Kat: Awesome. So how can people participate in this if they want to?

Lauren: You can email the letter to lecture-committee at uiowa dot edu.

Kat: Perfect. So anyone out there who wants to get J.K. Rowling to Iowa, let’s send a letter!

Lauren: Yep. It’s definitely a long shot, but it’s still pretty fun. I wrote my letter on my Harry Potter stationery.

Kat: Awesome. Well, she’s going to get them regardless, so I mean, why not? You might as well go for it.

Lauren: Yeah, exactly.

Kat: You never ever ever know. It’s Jo! She might surprise you like she does with people on Twitter all the time.

Lauren: [unintelligible] really exciting.

Kat: And she’s going to give us the Stan Shunpike backstory.

[Kristen laughs]

Kat: Right, Jo? Right. Right. Well, thank you again, Lauren, so much for joining us.

Lauren: Yeah, thank you for having me. I had a lot of fun.

Kat: Good.

Kristen: And if you would like to be on the show like Lauren, just check out the “Be on the Show” page at alohomora.mugglenet.com. If you have a set of Apple headphones, you’re all set. You don’t need any fancy equipment, and while you’re over there on the website, don’t forget to download a free ringtone. They are amazing.

Kat: I jam out to mine every time my phone rings.

[Kristen laughs]

Kat: I mean, our closing song is just so catchy.

Kristen: Mine’s my alarm, so…

Kat: Wait, the song is your alarm?

Kristen: Yes, it is.

Alison: That’s great.

[Kristen laughs]

Kat: That’s a really good idea!

Alison: That’s a good idea.

Kristen: You’re welcome, everybody.

Kat: Okay, I’m going to do that right now. But in the mean time, if you want to thank Kristen for that amazing idea, you can find us on Twitter at @AlohomoraMN, facebook.com/openthedumbledore, [and] on Tumblr at mnalohomorapodcast. Of course, our phone number is 206-GO-ALBUS – that’s 206-462-5287. I can say that phone number in my sleep. And don’t forget, you can leave us an audioBoom just like the one you heard on the show today. It’s free; all you need is an Internet connection and a microphone. You can do it right at alohomora.mugglenet.com in the right-hand menu sidebar thing on the website. There’s a little button that says “Send us a hoot!” Haha, it’s very punny. So click on that little button, record it. Do keep it under 60 seconds, please. That way we can play it on the show, and yeah, there you go. It could be a comment, a question, a song. We love songs. Songs are fun. So send us anything.

Kristen: And don’t forget to check out our store, where we have House shirts, Desk!Pig shirts, Mandrake Liberation Front, “Minerva is my homegirl,” and so many more things. And we have a discount running now. Use the coupon code PARTY15 for $5 off [laughs] a $30 purchase through March 4.

Alison: [laughs] Dubstep optional.

[Alison and Kristen laugh]

Alison: And if you want to get all of the great things that go on behind the scenes of this show, make sure to check out our smartphone app, which is available on this side of the pond and the other, as we have been directed by Eric to say. Prices vary. It includes things like transcripts, bloopers, alternate endings, host vlogs, and more. There’s been some really good stuff on there lately, so go check it out.

[Kristen laughs]

Kat: Yeah, all of the lovely dancing, not dueling… oh, God.

Kristen: Yeah, water dancing!

[Alison and Kristen laugh]

Kat: Sorry, Eric. Muah. I love you. I think my dueling video is going up this week because we’ve had some outtakes on the last couple of episodes, so this will be a funny one, kids. And with that, we are going to wrap up this episode. I am Kat Miller.

Alison: I’m Alison Siggard.

[Show music begins]

Kristen: And I’m Kristen Keys. Thank you for listening to Episode 126 of Alohomora!

Alison: Open the Dumbledore. And we’ll have to jump off the train to get you to Hogwarts, Harry.

[Show music continues]

Kristen: And talks sends a Patronus, and we actually have an audioBoom about that.

Kat: Do you want to say that again since you said “talks” and not “Tonks”?

Kristen: Oh. Tonk-y tonk tonk the honk-a-tonk…

[Alison, Kat, and Kristen laugh]